


Kill Our Way to Heaven

by juuvio



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dancer Kuroo, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Build, basically the journey through a kurodai lovestory, bit of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2018-12-30 14:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 91,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12110961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juuvio/pseuds/juuvio
Summary: Sawamura Daichi is your typical suffering university student; battling the horrors of a post break-up, acing those tedious essays and maintaining a decent social life. What wasn’t part of his expected equation however was a certain bed head waltzing, almost quite literally, into his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We've all seen that one video of Kuroo dancing to Wiggle, am I right? If not, [go do yourself a favour.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYk9zZ549h0)
> 
> Anyway, I always find myself just going back to watch it just for comfort because damn it looks so good, but this time round I craved a dancing Kuroo AU and ta-da, this crap was born! Oh and also the title was inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpvHPVjD074), in which the lyrics will most certainly come into play sometime later. (Plus it's an amazing song and you guys should give it a listen!) 
> 
> I warn you, rating, warning and tags will change further into the story and it will be dealing with some pretty dark subjects, however I don't want to spoil anything for now so I'll give this brief warning here if you're not up for heavy angst. There will be a happy ending though I'll promise that!

The club venue oozed with class with its blend of sophisticated style and sumptuous velvet furniture, combined with contrasting fluorescent lighting flashing from above; the classic color changing dance floor brought life to the party that raged on each night.

The dark haired man fumbled in his pockets for his wallet as he sat on a stall at the bar counter, watching the dance floor flare with vivid colors to dance with the people on top of it. Daichi wasn’t one to dance himself, but he often liked watching others give it their all while they were wasted. Amusing at the very least. A bulkier man, muscles protruding through his form-fitting shirt and wild, spiked up silver hair scooted up next to Daichi, throwing an arm around him. The guy sure didn’t have boundaries, and Daichi often wondered how he managed to get along with someone so touchy-feely. In all honesty, they wouldn’t be friends in the first place if they didn’t happen to sit by each other in class. But Daichi couldn’t deny he was glad they did, Bokuto was a good friend even in the short amount of time they got to know each other. 

“Daichi, man! So I want you to meet my boyfriend.” His raised voice was barely heard over the blaring music, which was a surprise considering Bokuto is _very_ loud. He nodded towards the bartender who sported a striking icy gaze, pretty much perfectly proportioned features and messy, dark wavy hair. Good looking was an understatement. He gave Daichi a soft smile as he held a towel and a glass in his hands. 

“Hey, I’m Akaashi Keiji. Bokuto mentions you a lot.” 

“Sawamura Daichi… But just Daichi is fine. Nice to meet you.” 

He nodded and briefly glanced away to place the glass down, directing his attention back on the two men. “Fancy drinking anything? It’s on the house.” 

“Oh, I’ve already drank quite a bit before coming out—” 

“Oh come you had like half a glass!” Bokuto whined beside his face, Daichi feeling his intrusive breath on his cheek. Bokuto was always so close, his touchy habits training Daichi to not be so bothered if he ever felt someone jump on him in the middle of the street. That wasn’t an entirely a good thing, what if he was getting mugged and he assumed it was Bokuto?

“If you don’t remember correctly, I didn’t even want to come out.” Daichi groaned. This whole night had been unplanned. All he wanted to do was sleep, but Bokuto was ever so persistent and basically dragged Daichi out of his apartment. Although, perhaps it was a good thing. That apartment had been feeling increasingly suffocating in the recent weeks, following a break up with Yui. He still loved her, the same as he always did when they were friends, and even now after all they went through. But Daichi needed time to heal before anything got back to normal again.

“But you _never_ come out.” The owl like man turned away from the bar and his almost golden gaze widened at the dancefloor. “So about that other friend I wanted you to meet…” His eyes were unmoving from the area and Daichi furrowed his brows before sliding himself around on the stool to face the dance floor. There was some sort of commotion, and it was hard to make out what was going on until he focussed properly. A song Daichi hadn’t heard before rang in the background, the lyrics English and hard to understand, yet from his frequent exposure to various musical artists being young and all, he managed translate a few words.

The figure in the centre of the attention moved gracefully yet firmly along with the tune, his hips moving erotically against the low vibrations left by the bass, head thrown back in a dramatic motion for the rest of his unruly hair to follow, the look in his eyes fierce and deadly as he ran a jewelled tongue along his parted lips. His face was mesmerizing, those dark long eyelashes that stretched out for days on end, elongated by the casted shadow under the harsh lighting that occasionally crossed him, the subtle perkiness of his nose, the way his skin was as golden as the sun and echoed back the vivid colors of the strobes. The deep obsidian hair fell over half of the dancer’s face, and the rest of it reaching out in every other direction. Chaotic may have been an understatement, it looked like the guy just rolled out of bed and got on with the day.

His movements however, were not so lazy and disorderly. It felt free yet organized into this perfect sequence that flowed in perfect timing to the tune that surrounded him.

Daichi was totally and utterly captivated by this alluring creature, and that’s not something that happened every day. In fact, recently he had been numb of emotions that run along with being attracted to another person, fear settling in the depths of the cracks in his character, but this performance unfolding before him washed away the clawing at the corners of his mind. It drew him in, embraced him, trapped him in a world detached from reality. The surreal feline glare landed on him many moments ago before Daichi tore himself out of the daze, realizing only when the otherworldly beauty ran a warm touch down the side of his face, amber gaze locked onto him viciously. His skin shon with the sweat sheened upon it, gleaming off the unnatural lighting surrounding them.

 _“Wow,”_ Daichi breathed, releasing that breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. The mischievous smirk that crossed the dancer’s face sent skin crawling chills down his spine.

“Aw~ Bo, this your friend? He’s adorable!” Daichi was startled by his blissful laugh that followed his words, shooting a look at Bokuto.

A cackle sounded beside Daichi, this time coming from the his two-toned hair friend. “Next time, don’t watch him so intently. He’s a witch, or somethin’. Puts a spell over you and once you start looking you can’t look away!”

Daichi felt the sheepish heat crawl across his face, raising his hand to hide himself away some how with a groan. “Sorry.”

“What? Don’t apologize man, I love it when I get stared at.” He patted Daichi on the shoulder and dropped himself down on the stool next to him, leaning over the counter to speak close to Akaashi so he could hear him. 

“That’s Kuroo. Fucking awesome dancer, right?” Bokuto spoke in Daichi’s ear, whose face was pulled into a sloppy grin and cheeks warmed to a pink shade from the alcohol. 

“Pretty impressive...” Daichi agreed, side glancing this _Kuroo_ person who turned back to face them as Akaashi passed him his drink. 

“So, who’s handsome?” He asked, Daichi being too dense to realize he was referring to _him._  

“Bro, meet Sawamura Daichi! Daichi, Kuroo Tetsurou.” Bokuto gestured between the two men as he dragged his stool over to sit more in a circle like form with the other two. “Daichi here is in my class!” 

“Oh sick, first time I’ve seen you though. Surprising you’re Bo’s friend and he’s only just dragged you out now.” A short snicker left him and he took a sip from his drink. 

Before Daichi could fit a word in, the conversation was yet again overpowered by Bokuto. “Couldn’t scare him away as soon as I meet him! Now he’s warmed up a little I’m totally bringing him out all the time.” 

“Are you now?” Daichi challenged the owl, hearing Kuroo crack up. “Good luck.” 

“Ooooh, man he’s putting up a fight. Someone doesn’t want to go out partying with Bokuto?” Kuroo’s tone was laced with playfulness and taunts, earning that much wanted reaction out of Bokuto when he blew up in his face and demanded Daichi to come out with him every weekend starting from now. 

Kuroo excused himself to head out to the smoking area, Daichi accepting his request to join him to leave Bokuto and Akaashi to have some time to themselves. He still didn’t really know this Kuroo, but his entire being intrigued him. So far he gathered he was an _amazing_ dancer, Bokuto’s best friend, and insanely attractive. What was Daichi thinking, was he having a crush 10 minutes into meeting someone? He felt like a schoolgirl. And on top of it all, he was crushing on another _guy._ He knew it was okay, Bokuto and Akaashi are perfect together. But Daichi never imagined _himself_ to be attracted to guys, this was most certainly a first. Or maybe he had the feelings deep down the whole time, but buried desperately in denial. 

Daichi caught the flick of the lighter ignite the end of the cigarette, the smoke curling upwards and danced with itself, very much like how Kuroo did. “So that dance earlier… You practiced that for a while or something?” 

“Huh? Oh, nah I improvised. I was being sloppy as hell, I’m too drunk to dance properly.” Daichi had lost count of the times the laugh that left the taller male made his heart stutter on a beat and the way it made his stomach fill with wings. 

“What? That seriously wasn’t you dancing _properly?”_ Daichi gaped his mouth in disbelief, pretty convinced that his performance was something the gods themselves choreographed. 

“Oh god, I’m embarrassed!” He raised a hand to cover his face, tips of his ears growing warmer. “I can’t even see straight! My footing was all wrong and I was totally out of time with the music.” 

Daichi had always heard of performers of all sorts to be self-critical, but seeing it in the action truly shocked him. “Well, for what it’s worth… I thought it was perfect.” _Did I really just say that?_ He swallowed back his tongue and nervously rubbed the back of his head while he mused over what to say next to make Kuroo forget he ever said anything. 

“Really? That actually means a lot.” Kuroo gave him a soft smile— or a smile that was at least softer and more innocent than his recent devious smirks and grins. Even those sharp, amber eyes softened which made him look significantly younger. _Cute._ Daichi mentally shook himself, was he already drunk to start thinking these things? Not a chance, he wasn’t so much of a lightweight regardless that he didn’t tend to drink a lot. “Hey, Daichi?” 

“Yeah?” Daichi thought he might have responded too quick, but Kuroo continued on as normal. 

“Well, forgive me if I’m wrong but, you kinda seem upset,” Kuroo stated honestly, cocking an eyebrow up at Daichi’s stretched out silence. “Sorry—” 

“Ah no, no it’s okay. Was just thinking.” He trailed his eyes around the small outside smoking area surrounded by this wooden fencing and some overhead wooden shelter rimmed with festive wired lights that hung down loosely on some areas. He took a large gulp of his drink before speaking again. “Few weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up, guess I’m still not over it…” He didn’t understand why he was sharing this with a guy he just met, he could have lied and said he was fine. But he didn’t. It was only now that it was clear he desperately needed to lift that weight bearing down on his chest that he would willingly tell anyone nearby. 

Kuroo gave him a sympathetic smile and lightly tapped Daichi’s shoulder with his fist. “Where there’s love there’s no getting over that crap. There’s just moving past it.” He spoke as though from experience, and Daichi drew his eyes to look at the brief sullen expression that masked Kuroo’s features. He turned his head to look at Daichi again, holding up his glass towards him. “Cheers to failed love.” 

What a dark way to put it, but Daichi found himself chuckle anyway. Maybe because it was painfully true. “Yeah, cheers.” 

The glasses left a ringing aftermath from the _clink,_ the two men proceeding to drown themselves in the rest of their drinks and pulling away with a gasp for fresh air. Daichi pulled a strained face at the burning down his throat, not remembering the last time he drank that quickly before. Kuroo crushed the end of the cigarette butt on a nearby table and motioned his head towards the door. “I’m hearing some tunes going off in there, let’s go.” 

Daichi was taken aback when the bed head took his hand, pulling him by the arm through the heavy door and weaving past various clubbers. He watched Kuroo’s nape as though he was in a trance, unable to tear his eyes away from the man guiding him. He only just noticed, but it seemed like Kuroo had an undercut, though only noticeable and visible from behind. _Little details._  

Kuroo swirled back around to face Daichi, his lips slowly pulled in a grin before leaning in closer to the slightly shorter man, soft lips brushing against the other’s ear. Daichi felt _chills_ in this heated environment. “I’m gonna go grab us some more drinks.” 

He nodded and watched Kuroo make his way towards the bar, Bokuto throwing his arms up in one of his over exaggerated motions upon seeing Kuroo again. Daichi finally mustered the energy to force his legs to follow on, joining the others at the counter. When Akaashi lined up several shot glasses in front of them and filled them with a clear liquid, Daichi could feel already tell he wasn’t going to make it out alive tonight. 

“Ready?” Bokuto asked, pushing over an even amount of shot glasses between him, Kuroo and Daichi. On the count of 3, they threw back the shots one after another, pushing past hesitation on the following shots they had to come while their throats and chests felt like they were on fire. This time, Daichi wasn’t the only one pulling a face. Bokuto let out a victory howl of some sort, while Kuroo groaned dramatically as he scrunched his eyes shut, tears threatening to spill over the corners. 

“Fucking sambuca. I’m gonna throw up.” Kuroo rasped, cupping his mouth following up an unnerving gag. 

“Please not over the counter, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi said, concern curving his brows from the fear of having to clean up vomit. 

“Ugh, man you got soft. You could take way worse than that!” Bokuto’s laugh boomed, turning on his chair to face Daichi. “See, even newbie here is fine!” 

“I’m not.” Daichi held back a burp in case a cup full of vomit came up instead of air. “I’m never doing that again.” 

Another presence made itself known when unknown arms wrapped around Kuroo’s hunched over torso from behind, a ball of cinnamon hair briefly made out under the dim lighting. “Assholes doing shots without us.” His voice was whiny and almost child-like, bringing his head up to rest his chin on top of Kuroo’s nest. “Akaaaashi, give me and Iwa-chan the strongest shit here. We gotta catch up.” 

“Oh shit, you two losers.” Kuroo chuckled from under his arms, raising his head up from the sticky counter. “Man get off you’re breaking my neck.” 

“Are you calling me fat?” 

“Fucking obese.” 

Daichi found himself laughing at their little bickering, the previous burning now morphed into a warm buzz lingering in his chest. He watched another man whom he recognized from University as Iwaizumi Hajime, pry doe-eyed man off Kuroo and the dancer raised from his seat and took confident steps towards him. He stopped before him and looked down at Daichi, expression completely unreadable. “Yes?” 

“Let’s dance.” 

“I don’t think I could keep up with you, Mr. Professional Dancer,” Daichi remarked, watching Kuroo’s signature smirk make another appearance. 

“I’ll lead the way, just trust me.” 

“Trust is a strong word you know.” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall and break your neck or anything crazy.” 

“Maybe I could trust that much, or should I be worried?” 

Kuroo’s toothy grin beamed at him, feeling as though he could melt under that smile all night. “Depends, do you deem me to be _dangerous?”_  

The way the word rolled off his tongue raised the hairs all over Daichi’s body, the slight glimmer of his tongue bar gleaming through his rosy lips and pearly teeth as he spoke. That was enough to prompt him to grab onto Kuroo’s plain black T-shirt and pull him in close, their sheened skins almost touching. “You _reek_ of danger.” 

Kuroo’s hands locked around Daichi’s arms, pulling and tugging him wobbily onto the luminous dance floor and spun around with added drama to the effect. His stray strands fallen on his face made the most movement, swinging across his entire face and small pieces matted his to glowing face. Daichi felt the other’s hands travel past his waist, brushing up to his back to gain leverage. He didn’t know what Kuroo had in mind, but if it was anything like what he pulled off earlier that night, Daichi would most definitely be left with broken bones. 

Daichi’s body was forced backwards, but before he could register he was about to fall or completely lose his footing, a firm grip was planted on his arms, twisting him into a twirl then landed him in Kuroo’s _‘X’_ positioned arms across his chest, his lips barely glazing across his skin and breath sending waves of ice across his body from ghosting upon it. It wasn’t long until Kuroo had pushed him out again and held only one arm securely to twirl him out. Daichi felt his vision flash when Kuroo suddenly disappeared from his field of vision, realizing moments later he was down below, crouched down with his slender legs parted outwards and his expression directed upwards towards him sultry and bone-tingling. _Fuck._ That tongue piercing again, Daichi could never get bored of seeing it run along those dreamy lips of his. 

Kuroo planted each of his hands on Daichi’s thighs, _oh those thick, toned to death thighs._ Kuroo had to hold back his request of having Daichi choke him up to hell’s door with them to avoid looking too crazy. He felt all the bumps and curves that shaped his legs through his jeans, only leaving his imagination to run wild about what monsters could be hidden underneath. He stumbled a bit on way up, the alcohol finally taking it’s toll on his coordination, but Daichi’s strong arms held each side of Kuroo’s, his warm, dark eyes staring intently at the antique gaze. They continued on with their semi-graceful movements, likely not to be due to intoxication hindering their balance, but Daichi still felt like he was on clouds when Kuroo pulled him around like a marionette. He felt _alive,_ as though those movements were his own. He felt free and serene, surrounded by the blaring music and blinding colors that felt like anything but wild like they were suppose to be. This dreamlike state he was lost in consumed his mind, intoxicated him as the alcohol did, dragged him into an untouched world where it was only him and Kuroo.   

When warmth grew against his lips, Daichi never expected it would be Kuroo’s lips crushed against his own. They moulded and fitted perfectly, the movement smooth and flowed in with each other. It felt so right, or at least right for now. Tomorrow when he was sober and hungover he could regret this, but for this very moment he let himself go. They eventually pulled away, but in no hurry. They left a small space between their faces, and it was rather disorientating to begin with, seeing Kuroo so up close like this. Kuroo literally looked _flawless_ even at point-blank. 

“You’re beautiful,” Daichi breathed out, his warm breath brushing against Kuroo’s skin. 

“You’re undeniably hot,” Kuroo responded, his lazy grin crossing his features. “Thought you were straight?” 

“I’m not sure anymore,” Daichi answered honestly, mentally questioning his lack of bewilderment at this moment. He was kissing Kuroo, a guy, a guy he just met, a guy who he finds insanely attractive. “I suppose this answers all my sexuality questions…” 

Kuroo giggled at Daichi’s confusion. “Guess so, am I seriously your first gay kiss?” 

“Uh-huh.” Daichi admitted, their faces pulled further apart now as they shuffled off the dance floor without tearing their eyes away from one another. A few whistles and hoots sounded from the bar counter, the two drawing their attention towards Bokuto, Oikawa, Iwaizumi and some other newly joined students Daichi recognized from University. _Right, everyone just witnessed me make out with Kuroo._ The burning under his skin made itself more prominent in the short space of 5 seconds and he whipped his head away sheepishly. “Oh god.” 

“Whoops, can’t hide now.” Kuroo snickered close to his face. 

Daichi stole a glance towards Kuroo, noting that he was right. “Fuck it then.” He clutched the back of Kuroo head, intertwining his fingers through his silky locks and pulled him down for a second make out session. _I don’t regret this now, but later is a different story._  

**.**

 

The soft quilts were not his own, but Daichi still felt right at home. The surroundings were not familiar, but he felt comfortable. Or better put it, he felt too lost in the depths of lust to care where the hell he was. The increasingly large gaps in his memory and awareness was not concerning, he was drunk, it was expected. Now what was worth caring about was the immensely seductive devil beneath his weight, his sinful lips dancing with Daichi’s, wandering hands trailing in those regions Daichi wouldn’t think another man would venture in. Daichi held the other’s heavily decorated wrist above his head, feeling the ropey texture of the many cord bracelets lined up on his wrist. He pulled away to take in the marvelling sight before him. Kuroo was beautiful. But so was _Yui._ So why did he never feel this way towards her? Why did he not feel this intense, mind consuming light when laying his eyes upon her beautiful body? _Why?_  

Daichi hadn’t noticed the drowsy voice from below him speak multiple times until a warmth spread across his cheek. It was Kuroo’s hand, his thumb soothingly tracing circles along his skin and his eyes glazed with concern. “Daichi?” 

“I— I’m sorry. I’m not sure…” _What I’m doing._ He couldn’t force the words out, and he was scared to look back at Kuroo’s face. Afraid to see the look of disappointment. “I’m just—” 

“Daichi. Relax. We don’t have to do anything.” He gave a soft chuckle, but it sounded more sincere rather than humorous. “I mean I wasn’t gonna let anything further than this happen, I’m too drunk to see what I’m doing.” 

“Fuck, I’m really sorry.” 

“Honestly, don’t worry about it!” When Daichi rolled off Kuroo he sat up with a groan, running a hand down his weary face. “You can still crash here if you want.” 

Daichi glanced around the room, noting the sophistication and modernism to it yet with a little added personality. Book shelves were organized neatly, almost too neat to be considered simple need for tidiness, the desk home to a Macbook, surrounded by a few action figures from whatever series Daichi couldn’t make out, his sight gravely hindered by his intoxication. He snickered briefly to himself, _this guy’s a bit of a dork…_ “I— uh… This your place?” 

“Yeah, live alone so don’t worry about running into anyone else here,” Kuroo assured, leaning his head back on the leather headboard. His voice was slightly slurred and drawled out, as expected. “There’s spare room round the corner, come I’ll show you.” Kuroo hopped off the bed in a stumble and almost lost his footing, but thankfully regained his balance. Sort of. He shot out a sloppy grin to the rather terrified looking Daichi who thought he’d have to look after someone with a concussion for the rest of the night. He held out a hand towards Daichi, who took it gratefully and in which it aided him in not falling over like Kuroo almost did. 

Their fingers remained interlinked as Kuroo led Daichi down the dark hallway, the only light source coming from Kuroo’s supposedly bedroom behind them. They stopped at another door and entered, the room looking less personal and more guest roomy. “Ta-da! Make yourself at home, I need to go pass out or somethin’.” Daichi didn’t have time to question anything; before he knew it Kuroo was stumbling back down the hall and was soon followed by the sickening sound of him hurling his guts out in the bathroom, the _splashing_ against the toilet bowl causing Daichi’s stomach to turn. 

“Eugh,” Daichi expressed with a chuckle, looking ahead in the dark room. He dragged his feet and let himself drop on the bed like a pile of rocks, feeling the room shift and spin uncontrollably as soon as his feet left the firm ground. The spinning was almost enough to make Daichi throw up himself, but he thankfully had a strong stomach. 

His eyelids grew heavier with each passing second, the spinning becoming more intense as the darkness began to engulf him but his entire body had already shut down, leaving him incapable of moving now regardless if the spinning threw his brain out the window. Eventually, _finally,_ he was lost in the bizarre and wonderful world of dreaming.

* * *

The luminous, mid-morning gleam peeked past the wooden blinds, the fluid light creeping through even the tiniest cracks to intrude on the peaceful darkness. Daichi’s eyes had not yet met with the waking world, but his mind cried at the persistent ache brewing behind his eyes and in the depths of his temples. His mouth and throat felt like the desert, and his body ached like the after-workout curse. In other words, Daichi felt like shit.

Minutes passed by too quick for Daichi to process, the crippling hangover preventing him from making a move out of this unbelievably comfy bed… A bed that wasn’t his. He pushed himself up and looked around the room, perplexity settling in his mind as he mulled over if he booked out a hotel or something, or maybe he broke into somebody’s house, or _something_ that could explain where the hell he was. 

Ignoring the pain behind his eyes that only grew with movement, Daichi pushed himself off the bed and took a few unsteady steps towards the door, opening it as gentle as possible. He glanced up and down the hall before following the sound of maybe the television playing distantly in the background. The short hallway opened up to what seemed to be the living room, a large television playing Tom & Jerry with a certain bed head huddled up on the sofa, knees raised to his chest and a cigarette between his fingers. Now it started to come back to Daichi, he crashed at _Kuroo’s._ After doing nothing with him. He wasn’t sure if he should be disappointed or thankful, and he was rather surprised he was still painfully attracted to the memory of that gorgeous dancer. The same gorgeous dancer watching cartoons in the morning. _Adorable._  

“Tom and Jerry, really?” Daichi asked, his sudden voice clearly scaring the crap out of Kuroo who reacted faster than a spooked cat. 

“Fuck, Daichi. And yes I will never grow out of Tom and Jerry.” He held a hand over his chest to calm his nerves and relaxed back into the sofa while still sat to face Daichi, a tired smile stretching his lips. “Had a good sleep?” 

“I think so, but I feel shit now.” 

“Same man,” he groaned, turning back to face the television. He seemed genuinely interested in the episode. “Grab yourself a drink or something, there isn’t much food unless you fancy pocky for breakfast.” 

Daichi followed his outstretched arm towards the kitchen and laughed. “I’ll stick with just water. Hey uh, thanks for letting me crash here.” 

“Don't mention it.” 

The kitchen held the undertones of something freshly furnished or just very modern, the entire apartment looking on the high-end spectrum of living areas. Bokuto had mentioned his friend, now known to be Kuroo, was the same age as them. How did a 20 year old afford something so nice? “So, you always lived alone?” 

“Yeah, surprisingly this place isn’t so expensive. But still a bit pricey to handle alone. Actually looking for a roomie so we could split, it’s kinda a struggle to pay it all myself.” 

Daichi felt his eyebrows raise at the _roomie_ part. “Looking for a roommate?”

Kuroo turned his amber gaze towards him, an idea sparking the light behind them. “You know anyone? Or like, are _you_ looking by any chance?” 

“Actually…” Daichi hesitated, musing whether or not this was a good idea. Kuroo was acting normal as ever about the night before, so Daichi should too. It meant nothing. Yet he couldn’t rid that clawing feeling at the back of his mind about what he felt when he watched Kuroo last night, and why he lacked that with someone he thought he was in love with. “I mean I still live with my ex. So I guess I am kind of looking. How much is it?” 

“Oh ouch, you need to get out of there,” Kuroo smirked playfully, “well if it’s split between us two then it’s ¥30 thousand a month. Kinda pricey but then again it’s Tokyo… And this place isn’t rat infested!” 

Daichi wasn’t even surprised at the price, he was more surprised Kuroo was able to pay the full ¥60 thousand on his own up until now. “Oh that’s actually okay…” _This isn’t a good idea._ “But I’ll probably have to think about it a little, I mean moving is a big deal.” Moving _is_ a big deal, that wasn’t a lie. But it’s an especially big deal when moving in with someone that confused the hell out of your sexuality, and the fact they get stupidly drunk and semi-hooked up.

Kuroo gave a shrug and smiled, looking back towards the screen and drawing in a long drag from his cigarette, the end flaring brightly between the cracks in the dull ash. “Sure, if you make up your mind and all just call me.” He tossed his unlocked phone at the end of the sofa closest to Daichi, who walked over to pick it up. He added his contact information onto Kuroo’s list and shot himself a gibberish text to get Kuroo’s number, the buzz felt faintly in the jeans pocket. He stepped over to Kuroo to hand him his phone back, their hands lingering on the slight touch for a moment too long before they pulled away. 

“Nice meeting you, Daichi.” He smiled, that lazy, taunting smile which screamed out to Daichi ‘ _I know I’ll see you again.’_  

“You too, Kuroo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a slow start... I apologize!  
> P.S: The song that plays when Kuroo dances is called [Madness - Ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnSkt6V3qF0)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sawamura Daichi makes a decision that could make or break his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER SUCKS SO BAD, I couldn't write properly for shit and I didn't want to leave this for like 5 months for it to collect dust because I've got the plan... Literally right here. Set out right in front of me, and I'm struggling like shit. I'm sorry for this low quality, I hope I'll get the future chapters out better because maybe this was just one of those parts where it's like... the middle struggle. WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. Anyway, welcome fluff. Kinda. And too much dialogue.

“Suga, I don’t know what to do.” 

Round, hazel eyes watched his pacing friend intently, a smirk curling the corner of his lips ever so vaguely. He thought it may be a bit insensitive to do so much as snort while Daichi was legitimately suffering here, but he couldn’t help but find it at least a little amusing. “First of all, you need to sit down and tell me, in _our_ language, what’s got you so bothered!” 

“I already told you,” Daichi started, catching the raised brow from the ash blond. “I want to move in with him, like damn I’d do anything to just get away from Yui right now but, but… I can’t!” 

“And why can’t you again?” 

“Please don’t make me repeat it.” He downcasted his eyes, avoiding Sugawara’s burning gaze like the plague. “I think he’s fucking hot, okay? It’s not normal, I can’t.” 

“Oh Jesus, please. It’s completely normal—” 

“Really, Suga? Is it normal to realize me and Yui never had a fucking thing because I was never attracted to her that way? For 3 whole years it was all wasted? And in a space of 10 minutes I felt everything I was suppose to feel for _Yui_ but for another damn guy!”

Sugawara fell silent for a short while, curving his brows in concern over the situation. Daichi had been getting increasingly more stressed over the last couple of weeks, and nothing Sugawara did seemed to ease him up even a little. This new added _problem_ was not helping. “It’s okay. These things happen. You need to accept you did love her but you weren’t even fully aware of yourself.” Daichi listened to Sugawara’s soft steps brush against the carpet as he made his way towards him, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder. “This Kuroo person… You like him?” 

“I can’t even think about that right now,” Daichi muttered under his breath before he released a sigh. “No not like, like. I mean he’s nice and all that but we just met. I just found him…” _Godlike._ “You know, just confirmed I’m fucking gay.” 

A hearty laugh left Sugawara. “Right! Well if you feel comfortable enough, I’d say go for it. If all else fails, me and Kiyoko would be more than willing to have you here.” 

“Thanks Suga,” Daichi smiled briefly, “but you guys need your space. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

* * *

 When Daichi had finished class, he wanted his bed more than anything. However, where that bed was located is the one place he dreaded going to. He couldn’t bare to face Yui, he couldn’t bare to accept the trivial greetings the two traded when passing by each other briefly, after 3 years of what he thought was love. _Yui didn’t deserve that._ His heart dropped routinely every time he listened to the _clank_ of the door lock being twisted, fearing to see that sullenly expression that rested upon Yui’s face even on the brightest of days. Daichi hurt her, and he couldn’t go back to fix it now. Years of friendship down the drain, because he made the mistake of forcing his true feelings underground and weighing it upon someone else. Maybe it was human nature to be selfish, but it was also human nature to feel that pained regret upon carrying out those acts. He couldn’t bare this dread and fear everyday anymore, and his only option left was the green call button resting under his thumb.

 _“The person you are trying to reach is unavailable right now…”_  

 _Voicemail._ Daichi groaned, running a hand through his short, chocolate hair. He let himself gaze at the bland ceiling for a while before his eyelids began to slide shut. _I’ll just call later…_ The annoyingly loud vibrations from his phone rattled his fading mind straight back into the waking world, sitting up promptly to grab his phone. However, it wasn’t who he expected, or somewhat hoped.

“Bokuto?” Daichi asked into his phone, restraining a lengthy sigh from escaping.

 _“Yo! So I was gonna go grab takeaway or somethin’ with Kuroo soon and wondered if you wanna come?”_  

Kuroo’s name was enough to make Daichi’s heart flutter, even just briefly. “I— Uh… With Kuroo?” 

_“Yeah! I’m gonna go grab him from the studio so you should come with.”_

_Studio, meaning Kuroo is dancing?_ Watching Kuroo’s movements honestly felt comparable to a drug, or at least Daichi assumed that's what drugs felt like. _Elevated, euphoric, blissful._  He flicked his dark eyes towards the shut door, hearing Yui’s soft footsteps sounding in the kitchen up the hall in the otherwise silent apartment. “Oh, yeah. Yeah sounds good. Where should we meet?”

 _“Great! ‘Cause I’m outside your building.”_  

 _Seriously._ “The hell, Bokuto. What if I said no?”

 _“Oh come on, like you’d say no to seeing Kuroo again.”_ Bokuto drawled out Kuroo’s name as though in mockery. _“Heard you’re considering moving in with him and everything… Hmmm Daichi, are you not telling me something?”_

Daichi could practically _hear_ the brow wiggle Bokuto must have been doing that moment. “He’s renting out a room and I happened to be looking for a place, so why not.”

 _“Oya, oya, that’s all?”_  

“Bokuto—”

_“Okay I’m shutting up! Come on already, it’s fucking cold out here.”_

**.**

 

The building was large, large enough to make Daichi feel small and lost if he wasn’t accompanied by Bokuto. It was funny, considering Daichi’s broad build would lead others on to feel intimidated by him. However on the inside, Daichi felt the opposite of intimidating. The place appeared to stick with a black and white theme throughout the entire premises, retaining that look of sophistication and sleekness. Distant music could be heard drumming through the walls, sending subtle ripples through the ground beneath Daichi’s feet. They passed by multiple dance rooms, the rooms separated for different choreographies taking place; the walls being lined with speckless glass windows for the students to watch the magic unfold before them. The dancers enclosed in the glass were _incredible,_ their passion and dedication to something they loved showing clearly in their fluid motions. Daichi wondered to himself what it would be like to love something to that extent you became the definition of amazing at it. That was living the dream.

After a short walk through the hallways, they stopped at another dance room, the room that instantly put a grin to Bokuto’s face. “Holy shit, look at him go.”

Daichi followed the golden-like gaze past the heads, his legs subconsciously stepping forward to get a clearer vision of the dancers. That one song no one could understood the lyrics to other than the word _‘Panda’_ was blaring dully through the glass, two dancers moving in sync yet their own personal differences separating them into their own worlds while remaining harmonized with each other.

Kuroo wore a loose-fitting washed out grey jumper with black skinnies; somehow durable under his intense movements. They were rolled up his ankles, the white trainers contrasting against the red of his rolled down socks. Daichi couldn’t force his eyes away from how his legs moved, the way his body rolled gracefully yet the sudden, strong movements so precise it could slice something clean in half. The girl diagonally behind him that followed his movements next to perfectly was absolutely stunning. Her long, ashy locks tied into a high ponytail and her brilliant, emerald eyes shaded by those fluffy, pale eyelashes. Daichi was convinced she must have been an angel, carrying that divine appearance with all the grace possible. Her all black attire contrasted strongly against her porcelain skin, the subtle gold underneath shining through faintly. She couldn’t have been Japanese, or at least full Japanese.

“Haiba Alisa, she’s gorgeous. Perfect dance partner for Kuroo. She’s actually half Russian!”

A similar looking figure to her glanced back at Bokuto’s voice, his height towering over the both of them. “Bokuto! My big sister’s amazing, right?” 

“Hey Lev!” Bokuto shot him a toothy grin. “She sure is,” he confirmed, flicking his gaze back towards the glass.

“Alisa and Kuroo are so amazing together… I wish I could dance like Kuroo one day.” His nature touched gaze glimmered as he watched the duo choreography in awe, placing a hand up on the glass. “Like it’s as though he was born to bring every song to life, and he makes it look easy!”

“When you think about it, Kuroo has been dancing since he basically knew how to walk,” Bokuto comforted. “But what the hell, you’re already amazing.”

“Not like him though,” Lev sulked, pressing his forehead against the glass. “His choreography is always so amazing but it’s too hard to follow for me.” 

“Kuroo’s a choreographer?” Daichi chipped in with surprise laced in his tone.

“Yep! Recently so, but he’s already right in the game,” Bokuto clarified.

“Wow,” Daichi mumbled past his lips. Kuroo was a little beyond impressive now, already having worked up to his career through his sheer dedication and hardwork. It was inspirational.

Eventually, all good things came to an end. In this case, Kuroo’s and Alisa’s entrancing performance came to an end. He leaned down on his knees panting out his exhaustion, Alisa dropping herself to the ground and grabbing Kuroo’s legs playfully. Their skins were luminous with sweat, loose strands of hair matting to their faces. Even after dancing for who knew how many hours, they still looked beautiful.

Kuroo exited through the door and walked around, his face lighting up upon spotting Daichi and Bokuto. “Sa-wa-mu-raaa~” He sang, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. He took a quick glance at his phone as he walked towards them, whiskey orbs widening soon after. “Oh shit, did you call?”

“Oh yeah don’t worry, I presumed you were busy and was gonna call you again later… Until, well.” Daichi side glanced Bokuto who was grinning inches away from his own face.

Kuroo looked like he short-circuited for a moment flicking his eyes between Bokuto and Daichi. “Oh! Wait is this about…” His eyes lingered on Bokuto, as though to non-verbally check if it was okay to mention it in front of Bokuto, regardless if he would find out later anyway. 

“Wait, you actually wanna move in with him?!” Bokuto gawked. _Mind reader or what._ “Duuuude—”

“God, Bo shut up,” Kuroo snapped, a smirk creeping across his lips to lighten his words.

“Actually, yes I was calling about that,” Daichi admitted, raising a hand to run along his nape in his nervous habit. “If the offer’s still up of course.” 

“Duh, I was saving it for you!” Kuroo winked and brushed passed Daichi, who in turn heated up to that shade of red that was starting to become his natural complexion. He couldn’t possibly be falling for Kuroo already, and while sober? He watched the bedhead exchange a few words with the tall Russian, Lev, before parting, ushering Daichi over to follow him and Bokuto out of the building. 

The three made their way into the town centre, popping into a _‘Sushi & Bento Box’ _ fast food restaurant to grab a few bentos filled with katsu chicken curry and prawn sticks on the side. Daichi usually avoided fast food restaurants, but right now he could use a bit of stress eating. He noticed the hushed bickering between Bokuto and Kuroo while ordering the food however, seemingly along the lines of getting Kuroo to grab more food. It could have been lighthearted, but Bokuto’s tone was strangely firm. 

They set themselves down on the outside seating area, only the heat steaming off their fresh food to warm themselves. Daichi couldn’t help but steal a few glances towards Kuroo, who was doing more poking around his food rather than eating it. Bokuto’s almost terrifying glare however was unmissable. 

“Kuroo—” 

“Guys, I have something to say,” Kuroo announced suddenly, likely to cut Bokuto off. “Or like this is more to you Daichi. We need to make a deal if you’re gonna move in.” 

“Oh yeah?” Daichi questioned, awaiting Kuroo to carry on. As he did so, he allowed his eyes to wander fleetingly towards his equally gauged ear lobes, neither too large to fit a hand or something crazy in but large enough for a pinky to fit through at least. He also had a couple of black barbell jewelry through his forward helix. Kuroo definitely held that _delinquent_ look, and Daichi wondered if he may have found a type. _Not a chance._

“...Can you do the laundry?” 

Daichi felt his brows pull together, Bokuto’s boisterous laugh filling the air between them. He had almost forgotten what they were even talking about before losing himself in Kuroo’s aura. “Kuroo can’t work washing machines for shit, he gets Kenma to do it,” Bokuto stated, his laugh still lingering in his speech. 

Kuroo chewed on his chopstick bashfully. “It’s basically a fucking spaceship, okay?” 

“Sure it is, bro. You’re just hopeless.” 

Daichi was next to snicker, nodding in agreement. “I’ll try get my head around it. But if I figure that washing machine out you better watch me do it everyday until you understand it.” He watched Kuroo shrink under his stern glare, nodding slight enough to miss it. 

“Or what if I promise to do everything else if I don’t have to touch the laundry?”

Daichi rolled his eyes and chuckled, humming past the food filling his mouth. He chewed a little more hurriedly to get a certain question in. “Oh, what’s with the action figures?” 

Kuroo looked baffled for a moment before light came back to his features. “Oh! Star wars.” 

Star wars. That one franchise people rave about but Daichi couldn’t get past the first 10 minutes before falling asleep. “One of those people huh—” 

“And Dragon Ball Z, and Marvel and—” 

“Daichi, Kuroo here is the biggest dork you will ever meet,” Bokuto mumbled close to Daichi’s face.

“You haven’t even seen my Pokémon card collection, or my comic collection,” Kuroo continued on as though no one was around to interrupt him. Daichi assumed he was joking to begin with, but the passion in his expression and voice said otherwise. Was this really the flirty, seductive beast controlling Daichi’s mind the other night? He let a soft smile cross his face, deciding this side to Kuroo only drew him in more. 

Kuroo’s sly smirk shaped his lips and his gaze locked on with Daichi’s. “Just sayin’, if you hate any of that shit we’re gonna have a bad time together.” 

“Run while you can!” Bokuto hissed loud enough for Kuroo to hear intentionally, who stuck his tongue out at him. A tenuous _clank_ sounded from the metal hitting his teeth. “Nah, that’s not even the worst of it. He’s a massive chemistry nerd.” 

“Science is life,” Kuroo said matter-of-factly. 

“Oh yeah? Did you study it?” Daichi asked out of curiosity. 

“I wanted to, but didn’t go to uni in the end,” Kuroo mumbled past the chopsticks lodged between his teeth. It was slight, but there was a hint of sadness glazed over his words.  

Daichi noticed Bokuto’s uncomfortable shifting from the corner of his eye before he spoke. “Hey guys! So you’re definitely gonna be roomies yeah?” Kuroo exchanged a glance with Daichi, who gave a singular nod to prompt Bokuto to continue. “Then how about a house warming party!” 

“Great idea! You’re buying the alcohol.” Kuroo’s excitement sounded rather sarcastic, and Daichi’s expression ranged along horrified. 

“Uh, well there’s no need—” 

“Shh, we’re havin’ one.” Kuroo decided, shifting his honeyed gaze down towards his watch. “I’ll be right back, have to go grab something.” 

He stood from the seat, the metal legs scraping noisily against the concrete ground. “Wait you’re leaving?” Daichi asked, the realization only just hitting him Kuroo was walking away. 

“He’s coming back,” Bokuto reassured, Kuroo giving a brief wave in the distance. 

Daichi nodded, glancing towards Kuroo’s still full bento box. “Not a big eater?” 

“It’s ‘cause he always smokes before eating then makes a ton of excuses about it being gross,” the owl groaned, stabbing his chopsticks into a piece of breaded chicken from Kuroo’s box to eat it himself. “Whatever, more for me.”

* * *

 Kuroo had offered to help Daichi gather his belongings, but he had to turn down that offer. He didn’t have much to move over anyway. No more than a singular large suitcase worth of clothes, and a backpack worth of University study materials. However, it was less to do with his little amount of personal belongings and more to do with running into Yui. As expected, her face pulled into something along the lines of dejected. 

“Daichi… You didn’t mention you were leaving,” she said, her voice close to a whisper. 

“Oh— Yeah, sorry I was going to mention it but thought I’d best leave you alone… I think it’s best for both of us if we had some time away from each other.” 

She smiled sadly, nodding before turning her back on him. “I hope one day we can grow close again, but take as much time as you need to heal.” 

Understanding as ever, that soft spoken voice calming even the stormiest nerves that ran through Daichi at times. “Thank you, Yui. I’m sorry for everything.”

* * *

Excited was too weak of a word to describe Kuroo, the grown man pouncing around showing Daichi every object ranging from his Pokémon cards to specks of dust collecting on his figurines. A rather eccentric young man to say the very least, but his demeanor did a good job at making Daichi feel right at home. 

They say you learn a lot about a person from living with them, and Daichi had already learnt in the first 5 minutes that Kuroo could not stay still, not even for a moment. He might be tapping his fingers on the table, or stretching up his legs into one of those scarily flexible positions up on various pieces of furniture, or maybe jumping up and down on his tiptoes and what not. Every movement Kuroo took was part of a dance, and it was fascinating to witness _._ He was effortlessly lithe and graceful, in contrast to his unruly appearance.     

“Kuroo, for real now you’re making me dizzy,” Daichi laughed, his eyes barely able to keep up with Kuroo circling the room. 

“You have no idea how happy I am, seriously! I’ve been so lonely it’s unreal,” Kuroo exclaimed, leaping over to sofa to stand before Daichi. “Bokuto is always too occupied with pretty boy to bother with me.” A pout mixed with a smirk formed on his lips. 

“You seem genuinely bothered by that,” Daichi commented, a sneery hint glazing his words. 

“Ugh, I am! I need attention, I’m a needy cat.” Kuroo flopped backwards back onto the sofa, doing some sort of backwards roly-poly that Daichi felt his heart drop at. This was genuinely comparable to watching a hyperactive kid and making sure they don’t die from doing stupid shit. 

“Jesus, Kuroo. Try not to get yourself killed when I only just moved in,” he groaned, running a hand through his short hair. 

Kuroo’s warm gaze lingered on Daichi, trailing past his broad shoulders and hanging onto those rock solid biceps, and then finally to _those thighs._ “I’m surprised, you seem totally fine with the other night.” 

Daichi had to stop himself from questioning what Kuroo meant by that, because he knew before he even spoke a word. “I— Well I mean we didn’t really do much.” 

“I’m so hurt, did our smooching mean nothing?” The hurt in Kuroo’s tone sparked a pang of guilt in Daichi’s chest, that guilt clearly spreading to his features as Kuroo cracked out into a howling laugh. “I’m kidding! Don’t cry please.” 

“You asshole.” 

Kuroo opened his mouth before his words got caught in his throat, shutting it again. He snickered again before sitting the right way round on the sofa, facing away from Daichi. “Was fun though.” 

He should have created an internal barrier against Kuroo’s flirting, but Daichi couldn’t help but let it bypass all his defenses. “Definitely.” Daichi could have sworn he heard Kuroo’s breath hitch, but it was likely to be his imagination. “So have you filled up your fridge since last time?”

Kuroo turned his head slowly, the expression on his face flat and blank. “Totally.” His voice dripped with sarcasm; Daichi could practically feel it run down his skin. “Wanna get takeaway?”

“Kuroo, do you ever eat normal— _healthy_ food?”

“Of course not!”

“You’re a dancer, you need to take care of you body if you don’t want to retire before 25,” Daichi said with a sigh, heading over towards the door. “Get up, we’re going grocery shopping.” 

“Oh come on—” Kuroo’s voice was cut off with Daichi’s intimidating glare alone, pushing him further into his seat. “Fuck, okay.”  

**.**

 

Supermarkets felt like a maze, endless strolling through about 100 aisles and Kuroo rejecting anything that wasn’t junk only added to the stress. As per usual, Daichi was the babysitter. Except the child was a fully grown man. Fussy eaters were safe to say, the absolute worst. “What _do_ you like?” Daichi asked with a distant groan lingering in the back of his throat. 

“Pizza, mozzarella sticks… Fried chicken wings… Fish! Loads of fish. Fish is great. Gives you all the docosahexaenoic acid needed to stay smart!” 

“Doco— what now?” Kuroo was _definitely_ a nerd, hidden under all that seductive glory he seemed to flaunt constantly. 

“DHA, improves functioning in the brain. Y’know how some people take those fish oil tablets? Yeah, fuck that. Just eat a shit load of fish.” 

“I’m not even going to ask how you know that—” 

“People who eat fish at least once a week are 68% less likely to have any acne!” Kuroo gestured towards his own face as though making himself a prime example. It was true, his face was clearer than summer skies, but was it just amazing genetics or actually the fish? “Not like _you_ need fish for that, but incase you have one of those crazy break out days… Fish is the answer.” 

Daichi’s cinnamon orbs grew wider as Kuroo rambled on about random scientific facts about eating fish, a guffaw ripping from the depths of his chest and convulsing his doubled over form. Multiple people glanced over briefly to search for the source of the laughter, subtle smirks crossing several lips. Kuroo however, was stunned to silence. His sly features softening up to that youthful appearance that warmed Daichi’s chest. Once he regained his senses from Daichi’s outburst, he beamed brightly. “Come on, what’s funny about health advice?” 

“Health advice from _you?_ ” He snorted. “Oh no, it’s not that. It’s just how adorably passionate you are… about fish.” _Fish,_ out of everything. _Wait, shit—_

Before Daichi could fix his sentence, Kuroo had already morphed to bright shade of pink, his laugh soon floating between them like a melody. “Aw, you think I’m cute?” 

If he couldn’t fix it, maybe he should just roll with it. “The cutest.” _Am I flirting?_ Daichi couldn’t tell who was the deeper shade, he assumed it was himself. 

“Careful, Sa-wa-mu-raa~,” Kuroo as usual sang each syllable of Daichi’s family name, “you’ll make me think you like me.” 

 _But I do— what the fuck?_ “I—” 

“Oh my god, you’re actually gonna blow a few vessels in your head with how red you’re going!” 

“S—shut up! Let’s just grab some pizza,” Daichi stammered, the ring in his ears growing significantly from the overflowing blood pressure. He relied heavily on the shopping cart to hold his weight as he dragged himself away from Kuroo, incoherent mutterings leaving his mouth below hearing level.

“Seriously, after all my fish preaching you’re going for the thing you said no to 10 minutes ago?”

“Are you complaining about pizza now?” 

“Never in a million years,” Kuroo chuckled, the sound muffled around his thumb as he chewed off some dead skin. “No veg or weird crap on it though.” 

In the end, they returned with a week's worth of various meals, unfortunate for Kuroo not all pizza or all fish. Daichi had made it a personal quest to ensure they _both_ ate well balanced meals starting from now. He honestly couldn’t work his mind around Kuroo’s terrible diet, how could he possibly eat the same junk every day without getting bored? 

Daichi headed over to the kitchen, putting away the food into the neglected fridge and cupboards. Ghost town would be how Daichi would explain to someone how empty Kuroo’s fridge was before this day. After everything was in place, Daichi slipped the pizza into the oven and leaned back onto the counter, taking a moment to gather his surroundings. The perks of Kuroo not paying too much attention to his kitchen was that it was rather clean, the lack of food dotted around leaving it to look like a show-room. His eyes finally fell on the calendar, each day being filled in neatly with colored markers consisting of green on most days, yellow on a fair few, and red occasionally. He furrowed his brows as he attempted to work his head around what the colors could mean. 

“Hey, Kuroo?” Daichi called through the door, Kuroo appearing not moments later with his eyebrows raised in question. “What’s the colors mean?” 

Kuroo followed Daichi’s outstretched finger towards the calendar, his gaze glassing over and breath faltering for a short moment before he smiled. “I just think it’s pretty!” 

“So… some days you just think red, yellow or green?” Disbelief shaped his tone, but Kuroo nodded anyway. “Weird, I would have thought you liked red more… Considering your room is red. And your socks.” 

Kuroo began to snicker before pulling the calendar off the wall, flipping back a few months. He turned it to face Daichi, the entire May page colored in red, including the borders. “Trust me, I _loved_ red.” 

“Jesus,” Daichi snorted, turning to glance at the clock. “15 minutes, don’t forget.” 

“Pizza?” 

“Uh-huh.” He watched the taller man reach over the table to hang the calendar up again, his eyes falling to the pale ash table, the wood appearing smooth as skin. However, it was the tenuous red lingering between the fine lines of texture that caught his attention. “Scribble that red pen on the table too?” 

“I hate wood,” Kuroo paused to chuckle, Daichi taking a moment too long to realize what he found funny. “No really, if you get anything on it, it stains like a bitch.” 

“I can agree on that,” Daichi said, his eyes fixated onto Kuroo’s. He couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, as though he was put under a spell. Those pools of amber warmth did a little thing with Daichi’s chest; that fluttery, light, feathery feel. 

“What do you fancy watching?” 

“Not star wars.” 

“Shut up.” 

**.**

 

The two men were 47 minutes into Star Wars and Daichi had surprisingly not even nodded off once. He knew he wasn’t interested, he didn’t understand from the moment the title screen blared at him and even up into this far into this movie. In fact, he was glancing towards Kuroo more often than not, settling why he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. Kuroo was so into it. To the level of not blinking for 10 minutes straight and leaving his food in his mouth from forgetting to chew it, and Daichi couldn’t bare it any longer. 

Kuroo’s feline glare whipped towards Daichi’s trembling form, the snickers muffled under his hand as he attempted to hold himself back a little. “Man, you missed any sense of comedy by like 20 minutes.” 

“The comedy is you, you’re so obsessed with this!” 

Kuroo was about to snap back but only tripped on his words, his face becoming flustered. “You’re meaner than I thought.” 

“No you’re just super dorky.” 

“You look like one of those assholes in school that picks on people like me,” Kuroo smirked, seeing Daichi’s expression morph into something genuinely insulted. 

“Oh come on, I’m not a bully,” Daichi said as more of a question than a statement. “I don’t actually look like one right?” 

Kuroo pushed his bottom lip out and pulled a puppy-face. “Please don’t hurt me, I’m sorry—” 

Daichi cut him off with a pillow, forcing a choked laugh out of the bed head. “Wait, you got picked on at school?” The hint of amusement was not missed in Daichi’s tone, finding it hard to believe Kuroo would ever get bullied. Even if he was… Like _this._  

“Hell no, in fact I literally had no friends because everyone thought I was a fucking delinquent and didn’t come near me,” Kuroo whined, his voice telling Daichi he was being deadly serious. “I mean I had a small group of friends and that was enough, but it was just the looks I got. Ugh. And girls always expected me to be great at sex but it’s like… I didn’t know shit about vaginas, dicks, nipples, whatever the fuck is involved with sex!” 

Daichi’s chest began to hurt with his restrained cackles, the sound soon turning into howling. “So you were virgin?” He managed to breath out finally. 

“Well, I didn’t say that. I said I was clueless,” Kuroo corrected. “So, when did you lose _you_ virginity?” 

“Straight to the personal questions huh?” 

“You started it, go go.” 

“I— uh like near the end of school. Was 18, and in a… School closet.” 

Kuroo’s face remained blank for a little while too long, as though his reaction was hitting him in slow motion. The corners of his mouth were first to lose their bearings, curling upwards slightly and then eventually stretched widely into a toothy grin. His brows began to curve, the crease forming between them as though he was half going to laugh his ass off and half concerned. “In _school?!”_   

“I know! But Yui was pretty determined on doing it then and there and so… Yeah. Fuck.” 

His unholy howl was sure ear rattling. “Imagine if you got caught! Jesus, the nightmares that would bring.” 

“I remember so clearly feeling like I went for a fucking swim with how sweaty I was getting. Like every footstep that came too close I lost my boner because I panicked so hard.” 

Kuroo had to recover from another wave of chuckles, taking a deep breath before trying to force any words out. “Well, on the bright side you got to live everyone’s school closet fucking fantasy. That shit only happens in porn.” 

“The world needs to be informed that it’s a rather horrific experience,” Daichi sighed, letting his gaze run along Kuroo’s ears. “Had those piercings since school?” 

“Yep, guess I can’t blame people for not coming near me,” he laughed, poking a finger through his ear stretcher. “You got any body mods?” 

“Nope… Total blank canvas.” 

“How edge,” Kuroo chuckled before pulling his sweater over his head, leaving him with a basic T-shirt underneath. He lifted his right sleeve to reveal his upper arm, an exquisitely precise piece of work of black panther mid roar. The details were outstanding, time and patience shining clearly through with each blade of fur inked on, the emotion screaming out in those fierce eyes. Daichi was surprised at himself he didn’t notice it before, probably because he was drunk to the point of total blindness. 

“Wow, that looks pretty amazing,” Daichi awed, running a finger down his warm skin, tracing the outline of the panther head. “Did it hurt?” 

“Not so much, actually,” Kuroo replied, dropping his sleeve again. “But you should totally get one, I’ll even come with you!” 

Daich laughed nervously as he tried to picture himself with a tattoo. He wasn’t sure what he would even get. “I doubt they’d suit me.” 

“Nah. I mean you got that businessman kinda look going on but like you’d be one of those people who look clean and professional as fuck dressed in a suit then suddenly… in the bedroom the art is revealed. The skin and body alike,” he smirked. “I think it’d look hot.” 

Daichi had gotten a little better and taking Kuroo’s flirty comments and not nearing a cardiac arrest anymore, however that was still that profoundly distracting stammering of his heart. “Oh yeah? Sounds like you’re playing dress up with me so I’d be just your type.” 

Kuroo laughed heartfully, his gaze softening. “You’re already my type.” 

 _Stay calm, stay calm, he’s just messing around._ “So your plan all along was to kidnap me and tie me to your bed?”

“Technically the kidnapping plan is out the window, since I got you to stay here willingly,” Kuroo’s grin was slow approaching, but gradually stretched out in that usual shit-eater look he always seemed to carry. 

“I think I may have to consider moving out.”

“Aw, now where’s the fun in that!” 

“Day one and you’re already harassing me, perfect,”  Daichi huffed, putting up some fake exasperated expression, but his lips curled underneath the mask. 

“Better get used to it Daichi~” he sang, pushing himself up off the sofa. “Anyway I’m tired as hell, fuck this movie.” 

“I only caught the title scene.”

“You will watch the whole thing one day whether you like it or not. Fuck tying you to my bed, I’m _chaining_ you to the sofa.”

“So the sofa’s your sweet spot?”

“Totally.” 

“Pffff.” Daichi threw his head back and released a breathy laugh. “Night Kuroo.” 

“You can call me Tetsurou you know. Or Tetsu. Or whatever.” 

“I’m too used to Kuroo now.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll just expect to hear my given name _in bed.”_

Daichi didn’t need to look up to see that sly smirk plastered on his stupidly attractive face. He simply waved his hand as a signal to tell Kuroo to get lost already, and his snickering soon faded behind the walls to his room. What had Daichi got himself into? _Absolute shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh by the way, I made a [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/) like a couple of days ago (lmao I don't know how to use it but I found the whole page making fun) but I'd love for some of you to join me there! And like, make me less lonely *sobs*. 
> 
> hope you ~~enjoyed~~ survived this chapter, I promise I'll try harder with the next one! Thanks for reading  <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The roommates get to know a little more about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, quick update or what? At least for me, I'm usually terribly slow. But anyway I enjoyed writing this chapter far more than the last and I think my crippling case of writers block is almost out of the way. Hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> P.S: ...There's a bit of smut at the end.

The tapping of the water droplets hitting the pale laminate flooring gently travelled through the apartment as Kuroo ruffled his wet hair, strands slicked against his damp face. His dampened shirt clinged to his skin and the click of Kuroo’s tongue could be heard. It probably would have been a better idea to dry himself completely before rushing to get changed, but now with an extra person on the premises he couldn’t just run out naked as he usually did in his regular morning routines. 

Daichi glanced up from the newspaper, having to take a double take to check if it was really Kuroo just strolling around aimlessly. His usual wild and unruly style he seemed to work with on a daily basis was now flat— or at least flatter than normal. The hair that wasn’t shaved reached mid-way past his jewelled ears and just past his eyes. “Almost didn’t recognise you,” Daichi commented, taking a noisy sip from his steaming cup. 

“No one ever does like this,” he laughed in response. “It’s my life struggle to get it stay flat, it’ll just fluff up again in like 10 minutes.” 

“Wait, you don’t intentionally style it like that?” 

“Of course not! If my hair didn’t naturally defy gravity I wouldn’t have the motivation or effort to get it to stay up like that,” Kuroo chuckled. “Like some people legit sacrifice hours doing crazy shit to their hair.” 

“And this whole time I assumed you were one of those people,” he said before motioning his head towards the counter. “Made you tea by the way. If you’re a tea person, I just figured judging by your apocalypse level of tea bags stock up. I dunno how much sugar you have though.” 

Kuroo giggled briefly as he made his way towards the counter. “Oh shit, thanks man. And yeah I fucking love tea. And for future reference… 1 sugar.” 

“Already assuming I’m going to be making your tea every morning?” 

“Definitely, because damn this is brewed perfectly.” 

“Thank you, I appreciate compliments towards my tea making.” 

“You’re welcome. Lack of compliments on tea making would be a serious insult. Making tea is a necessity in life.” 

Daichi felt his eyes roll hard enough to lose them in the process. “Why the hell are we talking about tea.” 

“You started it,” Kuroo laughed. “You’re up earlier than usual, what time did you wake up?” 

“Around 06:30, had a call from my friend Azumane about some interview he was freaking out over. And if I’m woken up I can’t usually fall back asleep… It’s annoying, ‘cause my classes are at 12:00.” 

“Aw shit, what you gonna do for all that time then?” 

“Probably watch a bit of T.V, maybe go out for a jog. What you doing?” 

“Eugh, you jog? Actually wait I’ll come with, if you’re going near the shopping centre.” 

“Gotta keep myself fit, and yeah up to the park which is close by,” Daichi confirmed. “What you shopping for?” He was beginning to notice Kuroo leaving to the ‘ _shops’_ in the morning, then again in the afternoon daily. 

“Just—” Kuroo appeared to stumble on whatever he was about to say, taking a moment to regain himself. “Lookin’ around I guess.” 

“Ah I see,” Daichi mumbled past his cup. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to know what Kuroo was up to, but he didn’t want to be too intrusive and make him think he was a total nosy creep or anything. His attention focussed back into Kuroo blowing bubbles in his tea. _Weird guy._ “If you’re coming for a jog, eat breakfast. I’m not stopping for you if you pass out or anything.” 

“I dance on an empty stomach, I’ll totally handle jogging,” he gloated. 

“Yeah, no. Eat. And get into the habit of eating before you dance too, I was serious about retiring early.” 

“Geez, fine dad.” Kuroo’s eyes began to widen in amusement with another comment lingering on the tip of his tongue. 

“Don’t—” 

_“Daddy~”_  

“Jesus, please stop.” 

“Aw please, it’s totally fitting!” 

“Shut up before I cut out your tongue.” 

“Before you get to feel me use it _properly?”_  

That ravishing smirk on the raven’s lips left Daichi with chills. However, his almost now three week stay with him and his damn comments had trained Daichi to be next to immune. On the outside at least, no more blatant tomato. “Confident aren’t we?” 

“Definitely, it’s gonna happen.” 

“I’m definitely cutting it out now—” 

“Okay, okay!” Kuroo raised his arms up in surrender, the curl on his lips remaining. 

“Eat, now. Or we’re staying right here.” 

“On it, d—” Kuroo watched Daichi raise an eyebrow and grinned widely at him. “Daichi.” 

**.**

 

The cool September air fogged up their breaths, the clouded streams following behind them as they kept a steady pace. Kuroo hadn’t a problem keeping up in the first several minutes, but he gradually fell behind as his lungs began to burn. 

“See, even on a full stomach you’re struggling!” Daichi called out ahead of Kuroo, who shot up the middle finger towards him. 

“The added weight is totally the culprit of slowing me down,” he called back, drawing back greedy breaths between his words. “1 v 1 me in short distance!” 

Daichi snorted at Kuroo’s excuses and slowed his pace to stay in line with Kuroo. “Feeling okay? Not gonna die or anything right?” 

“This… Is too easy…” He panted. 

“I’m surprised you’re so durable in dancing, that seems a lot more physically demanding.” 

“I’m actually not, I feel like a lump of shit after one dance through,” Kuroo admitted, wiping running sweat away from his dampened features. 

“Someone needs to work on their diet,” Daichi mumbled, giving Kuroo a stern look. 

Kuroo snorted out a laugh. “Well I’m not dead yet, so I can’t be doing too bad.” 

“Terrible attitude,” Daichi huffed. 

They slowed to a stop by a bench outside the park’s fencing, Kuroo practically diving into it at first sight. Daichi controlled his breaths steadily in contrast to Kuroo’s borderline wheezing. “Never mind, I think I’m gonna die now.” 

Daichi’s laugh rang the cool air around them. “Here, have a drink,” he said as he passed Kuroo’s his bottle, the other taking it from him gratefully and nodding out a thank you. He received the bottle back moments later feeling considerably lighter. “Feel better?” 

“Less like death at least,” he groaned. “You looping back round to go home?” 

“Yeah guess so,” Daichi answered, flicking his eyes around nervously at the second half of his sentence, “unless you want some company?” 

His antique gaze widened up at Daichi before shifting downwards again. Kuroo chewed on his worried lower lip before he looked back up to smile. “Sure.” 

Daichi honestly expected him to reject his offer, but was undeniably grateful when he didn’t. He outstretched an arm to haul Kuroo back up from the bench and they made their way towards the shops, silence hovering between them. 

“So,” Kuroo finally spoke up, “not to be nosy or anything… Or actually yeah, I’m being totally nosy. What actually happened with you and your girlfriend?” 

Boundless like Bokuto, Daichi smiled inwardly. When Kuroo looked like he was going to call off the question he hurried to answer. “To be honest, nothing dramatic. I mean we were best friends all throughout school and I’ve always had a thing for her.” Daichi downcasted his gaze as he ventured through those memories of Yui again. “We were pretty convinced we were meant for each other you know? Like we had so many common likes and interests… Both loved volleyball and stuff, it was like we were made for each other. Maybe we were, but just as friends.” 

Kuroo tightened his lips as Daichi’s expression grew somber, but his barely attempted interruption was cut off by Daichi. 

“So anyway, fast forward a couple of years, things were going okay— no, great actually. The kind of great where someone would look at us in the middle of the street and think _‘awww’_ ,” Daichi expressed with a nostalgic smile. “No one would have guessed we’d have problems in the future, not even us. Well there was already a problem… The sex.” 

“The sex?” 

“Yeah, I guess that was the spark that ignited our fire raging downfall. It wasn’t her, it was literally all me. I just couldn’t… look at her and feel anything. At all. Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful. But I still couldn’t really— you know… Stay on.” 

It was something Kuroo would normally chuckle at, but the hurt expression that masked Daichi’s features blocked any sense of humor being felt from the situation. “Always had a thing for guys then, huh?” 

“I guess. I mean it didn’t even cross my mind then. I was in so much denial probably, I wouldn’t dare think about my problems with Yui was because I liked guys not girls. I think I literally only found out when… Uh yeah—” 

“You have no idea how honored I am to confirm your inner gay!” Kuroo exclaimed, succeeding in lightening the heavy aura pressuring them as Daichi began to snicker. 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it go straight to your head,” Daichi shot back. “So anyway, on top of the sex issue came frustration. From both ends. We went from soft cuddly bears with each other to rivalling primates. We’d claw and snap at each other with any given provocation— even nothing at all to provoke us. Eventually it all fell to silence. And if I’m honest, that felt worse than screaming at each other. It felt like we were strangers or something.” 

“Oh shit…” Kuroo mumbled, side glancing Daichi warily. 

“Yeah, and then… well she got fed up with me I guess. She ended up talking to someone else who gave her the _attention_ she needed,” Daichi’s tone darkened on the word attention. 

“She cheated?” 

“Something like that.” 

“Fuck, dude. You don’t even seem that mad.” 

“I can’t entirely blame her. If I was just—” Daichi paused to stop himself from unintentionally insulting his own sexuality. “If I just felt something for her I could have given her what she needed, what _we_ needed between us to keep us going strong. But I couldn’t do that, so it’s on me.” Daichi suddenly realized he wasn’t even this open with Sugawara, questioning internally why he felt so free talking to Kuroo.   

A deep crease formed between Kuroo’s brows and he stepped ahead of Daichi, obstructing his path and halting them both in their tracks. “Don’t tell me you actually blame yourself for someone else cheating.” 

“I should have realized I wasn’t straight, but I wanted to bury it like no tomorrow and used Yui to cover it up. I deserved it—” 

Kuroo held a finger to hush Daichi’s speech. “Nah. Shut up, no one deserves that.” 

They shared an intense glare for a few moments before Daichi let his eyes slide shut and exhaled a deep sigh. “Because I couldn’t admit it I made us both waste 3 years.” 

“Still not your fault, so stop thinking it is.” Kuroo’s tone was uncharacteristically firm and demanding, finally prying out a hesitant nod from Daichi before they continued their slow pace, surrounding voices filling the space between them. 

A nagging voice urged Daichi to question Kuroo’s mystery love life, vaguely remembering his _experienced_ words on the night they met. “So, you ever had a love life?” 

Kuroo ran a hand along the back of his head, lingering on the shaved area. “I guess so.” He stole a glance at Daichi’s not so subtle shifting eyes towards him. “Okay, okay. Only fair since I asked about yours.” 

Daichi felt a grin creep across his face at Kuroo’s effortless reading. “I didn’t say a thing, but yes please go on.” 

“Mind reader,” he said while motioning to his own head. “So I guess it started… Uh, like when I was 17? Somewhere around that time, I can’t even remember now… She made my life a waking dream, vague and vivid at the same time, everything feeling light and fluffy and serene. Like reaching that uttermost peace that’s unreachable for us dirty and tainted humans.” 

“Damn, someone caught your heart good.” 

“Tell me about it,” he laughed. “It was beautiful during the first year or so, but I still fell pretty hard for her at her first touch. But I wasn’t blinded to oblivion. She was something like… a one night stand, just about every week at most. Slowly onto twice a week, maybe up to three times a week pretty soon after. Then finally, I craved her constantly, I needed more of her all the time. We were together every day from there, but it was fine. It was great. Because _I_ was in control then.” 

_In control?_ Daichi furrowed his brows at Kuroo’s words, suddenly feeling a dark blanket being cast over them. 

“I could see her before school and long to see her again straight after. A daily routine that made me look forward to every single day. I loved it, she made me feel so free and tranquil, I would give her the world if I could,” he paused to take a breath, his eyes glazed over in thought. “I don’t know when exactly… when I started to lose control like a spiralling helicopter. Probably a lot sooner than I thought, because I didn’t realize her thorny vines were twisted so far into my head until I was basically her puppet.” 

Daichi could tell far beforehand it wasn’t going to be a light story, but his chest tightened the more Kuroo spoke. “What happened?” 

“I was obsessed with her, I couldn’t live without her basically. The shit I’d do just to— see her again, to have her engulf me in that fake fantasy that dulled my senses and make me forget about reality all together. She stole my friends away, including Bokuto, my little amount of family that gave a shit about me who probably no longer do, my entire life. Or maybe I just threw all that in the bin myself just for _her._ I don’t know, I didn’t even dare to think she was controlling everything. I convinced myself I was still pulling the strings, but I was far from it.” Kuroo’s gaze didn’t leave the ground for a long amount of time, and Daichi bit down on his lip. “So up until like 5 months ago Bokuto finally got it in my head I fucked up. Real bad. So I left— tried to. Still trying actually. Those colors on the calendar? Red is when I _need_ her and believe I can’t live without her. Yellow is when I think about her but not to the extent of red, green is when… I know I _can_ live without her.” 

_Was this actually a person or a monster?_ Daichi’s voice was still caught at the back of his throat, still getting his head around how one person could be so poisonous and destroy someone like that. It made him feel sick to his stomach. “What’s her name?” 

Their pace came to a halt and Kuroo remained silent for a stretched out moment. Daichi kept his concern gaze fixed on him. “Heroin.” 

The icy film that washed over Daichi’s body travelled down to the bone, his eyes shifting towards the pharmacy beside Kuroo. “What—” 

“Yeah, don’t judge. I never loved a person as much as I loved that fucking devil. So yeah, I’m now uh… _attempting_ to stay clean? Was in rehab for a month now carrying on with a methadone programme.” His usually confident voice was reduced to a quiet waver. 

Daichi gave Kuroo a reassuring smile and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing down lightly. “I’m proud of you, seriously. I’ve heard literal horror stories of people trying to kick that shit. You’re doing well and actually making an effort by the looks of things. I know you’ll be able to put _her_ behind you eventually.” 

Kuroo’s face lit up like Daichi’s words meant the world to him; as they likely did so. “I should have labelled it a he, since I’m gay as hell.” 

There was the Kuroo Daichi recognized, the one pulling a joke out his ass in even the worst situations. “For sure! Let the _she_ specification turn you off her for good.” 

“If only that’d work,” he laughed, turning on the heel of his foot to head into the pharmacy. “I’ll be right back.” 

Daichi nodded before he stopped Kuroo moments later, grabbing onto his elbow. “Hey, just so you know, I’m here for you. If you know… Like you feel like you’re having a shit day or something. I’ll be here, for anything.” 

His honeyed gaze glimmered with the light behind them, Kuroo’s genuine thankfulness showing before he even needed to say anything. “Thanks, that means a lot.” 

Daichi smiled and watched Kuroo turn away to walk into the pharmacy, eventually turning away himself to proceed into people watching the various figures going on about their daily shopping. _Heroin._ The word repeated itself over and over again, loud and clear in Daichi’s otherwise quiet mind. He couldn’t imagine Kuroo being crippled down and turned into a desperate fiend for his next fix, but then again he didn’t really know Kuroo all that well after all. He was sure a mystery, but their now shared struggles made Daichi feel that one huge step closer to him. He knew right then and there he’d support Kuroo no matter what, despite their short amount of getting to know each other time.

* * *

 Daichi had almost made the daily horrendous mistake of making his way to his old home, frequently forgetting he now rooms with a different person. When he made his way through the door, he didn’t expect Kuroo to still be lingering around. At this time he was usually still at the studio. 

“Not dancing today?” Daichi asked as he shut the door behind him, keys rattling noisily in his hand. 

“Today my my lazy day!” Kuroo said with a grin, raising his arms above his head. 

“What are you do—” 

Daichi was cut off with Kuroo stepping forwards and diving into a handstand that swiftly transitioned into a forward roll, landing him directly in front of Daichi with his arms swinging back down onto Daichi’s shoulders strategically. “Hey handsome.”   

The second thing Daichi had to get used to, Kuroo showing off his amazing— _scary_ stunts. Daichi being Daichi, he felt like a worried parent constantly biting his nails over what crazy shit their kid was doing, in this case Kuroo’s excessive rolling around and random handstands and a cluster of acrobatic movements that caused Daichi’s heart to falter, regardless if Kuroo was a professional. “Please do that in a more spacious area before you hurt yourself.” 

“Is daddy worried?” 

“Kuroo—” 

“How weird, you don’t freak out when we’re this close anymore… what have you done with my cute Daichi?” 

It didn’t cross Daichi’s mind they were practically nose to nose. “Gone and forgotten. Here lies Sawamura Daichi…” 

“May he rest in peace… Now we shall fuck over his grave to pay our respects—” 

“Kuroo you’re terrible.” 

“I’ve literally never had someone reject me this many times, I think my heart is breaking a little,” he whined, a subtle pout forming over his lips. 

“Oh yeah?” _Don’t do it—_ Daichi ignored any form of logic or thought process when he closed the tiny space between their faces, holding himself against Kuroo into a deep kiss before pulling away. “Feel rejected now?” 

Now it was Kuroo’s turn to be a red vegetable, eyes blank and lights gone out behind them before a flame finally ignited in the depths of his bewildered stare. “Holy shit, really. Where is Daichi?” His lips began to curl into a playful smirk. 

“A little more than dead now,” he grumbled under his breath, ducking under Kuroo’s arm as he finally felt the bashfulness settle in the pit of his stomach. “That’s the last time that’s happening!” Daichi called from the kitchen which he made a desperate escape to, but Kuroo’s boisterous howl travelled through the hallway. 

“Sawamura kissed me! Oh shit, and while _soooober,”_ Kuroo drawled in the distance, his voice growing in volume as he made his way towards the kitchen. Daichi was sure to avoid all form of eye contact with Kuroo and fixated his gaze on the calendar, spotting the yellow in today’s date. The sudden heaviness of his heart threw him off guard, and Kuroo’s gleeful mocking was dulled out into nothingness as his ears filled with imaginary water. 

Kuroo took notice to Daichi’s distraction and looked towards the calendar. He fumbled around the table for the green pen and reached over to color half the the already yellow box in green. “Y’know, I actually totally forgot about it with you here to be honest. So half yellow at most.” 

Daichi felt his warm breath falter and his heart rate pick up in pace. “W-what? Seriously?” 

“I like you. A lot. You make me forget shit! So... thanks.” He patted Daichi on the shoulder and almost waltz out the room, his far away voice heard and Daichi made it out be something about where the remote was. A smile began to stretch across his features unintentionally, Daichi’s ability to control his facial expressions completely gone out the window. He would have never thought he’d find this level of happiness in doing another person some good, or maybe it was specific to Kuroo. _Kuroo, I think I like you too. A little bit more than like._  

“Remote's on the bookshelf,” Daichi finally managed to call out, hearing a muffled thank you. 

_What do I do?_

* * *

 “You and Kuroo decided when that already planned out housewarming is gonna happen?” Bokuto pried besides Daichi, leaning over his unorganized notes and shutting Daichi’s laptop to gain his attention. 

“Ask Kuroo.” 

“Kuroo said ask you.” 

“Well—” _Wait what?_ “It’s Kuroo’s place, he should decide.” 

“Well he said it’s both of your place’s now and he said ask the more responsible one!” 

Daichi shot dead daggers towards Bokuto. “If I were responsible I wouldn’t be agreeing to the.. _Housewarming,_ in the first place.” 

“Aw dude come on, everyone has relatively calm housewarmings!” 

“Bokuto, with you there it would be a crazier than a frat party, the only _housewarming_ trait present would be a freaking fire.” 

Bokuto’s build shook under his cackles, hiding his face under his arms on the table. “Your roomie is worse than me.” 

“No I’m pretty certain you are, Kuroo has even the slightest idea what calm means.” 

“Uh so do I, duh. If Kuroo knows then I totally know!” 

Cinnamon orbs went off like marbles running off the table and Daichi raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Sure, whatever.” 

“Oh yeah I forgot to ask,” Bokuto started, leaning in closer to Daichi, “Kuroo was freaking out the other day about—” 

“Shit, did he tell you I kissed him?!” 

If Daichi hadn’t already seen the widest Bokuto eyes could go, he sure did now. His bewildered gawk answered Daichi’s question already. “You kissed him?! Holy shit he didn’t mention that oh my god that’s awesome dude, were you drunk? Were you feeling okay? What—” 

“Okay you can shut up now, what were you going to say?” 

“You kissed?!” 

“Shhh! Yes I fucking did as a uh— as a joke. Nothing serious. What were you going to say?” 

His previously googly eyes narrowed into a sly expression, corners of his mouth curling upwards. “Sure, sure. A joke. Oh my god why didn’t Kuroo tell me—” 

“Bokuto.” 

“Okay yeah anyway… So he mentioned about his… uhm,” Bokuto’s gaze wavered and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “You know, his problem.” 

Daichi nodded and raised a brow. “Oh yeah… I would have never guessed.” 

“Wouldn’t now at least, he’s so much better! But like just to clarify you’re not judging him or something dumb— Like duh course you’re not you’re Daichi but whatever just need to hear you say it so I can tell Kuroo to relax. He doesn’t really want you thinking bad of him or anything.” 

“What— No, no. I’d never think bad of him for that. I’m just happy he’s getting better.” 

“Awesome! Oh but between you and me… If you even get the slightest hint that he’s being weird, or off… or y’know, anything not Kuroo like, tell me. Like don’t even hesitate just tell me. Promise?” 

“Well sure—” 

“No I’m serious. I can’t watch him 24/7 and like I’m super happy you’re with him because if I’m totally honest I don’t trust him for shit. He would sell his fucking soul for that shit in the past and it’s so fucking easy for him to slip up… I totally get it’s not your responsibility and all and I know he can do it and that he’s serious about getting clean right now but please, just keep an eye out? And like make sure he doesn’t skip his NA meetings and his therapy and all that...” 

Daichi had never heard Bokuto’s voice so intently somber and _scared_ in his entire time of knowing the guy. Even his usually gleaming eyes was dulled down to fit the dark mood, bringing a sense of uneasiness to Daichi. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him.” 

“And not just… if he relapses. Just him in general.” 

“Was planning on it anyway, honestly. Relax, I’ll definitely look out for him,” he reassured, punching Bokuto lightly on the shoulder. He was finally lifted out the mud and shined like the sun again, toothy grin on full display. 

“Knew I could count on you! You’re the best,” he said exuberantly. “But about you guys… kissing—” 

“Shut up.”

* * *

 The coffee shop was filled with various students, likely because the place was close to campus and the food was pretty amazing, but Daichi and Bokuto mainly went there to study when the deathly silence of the library became too maddening. They say silence is well needed while studying, but not to the point in hearing your own heartbeat and breathing for several hours.

They were soon joined by Akaashi and Kuroo, the two having run into each other somewhere along on the street on the way there. Of course it’d be hard to miss each other, Kuroo’s hair being a big _‘hi I’m Kuroo’_ sign and Akaashi’s prettiness gleaming like a diamond in the bland rocks. 

“I’ve never seen Bo so focussed,” Kuroo smirked, leaning in towards him lovingly and resting his head on his shoulder. Bokuto quickly reaching his hand over to ruffle Kuroo’s hair before returning to typing up his essay. 

“I’m fucked, I left this too late and now I have two days ‘till the deadline,” Bokuto groaned, his fingers not pausing in their typing frenzy. 

“Two days is loads of time,” Kuroo said. 

“Not for this guy,” Akaashi chuckled as he dragged another chair to the cluttered table. 

Daichi breathed out a laugh. “This is why you do the essay the moment it gets set… Look at me, I’m free for two weeks.” 

“Ha-ha, Daichi’s hobby is writing essays,” Bokuto growled, sweat rolling past his temples. “Oh my god, I can’t. Daichi help please.” 

“What you guys studying again? Criminology?” Kuroo asked. 

“Criminal Justice— Criminology, same shit,” Bokuto mumbled past his hand which was cupped over his mouth. The man literally trembled the longer he left his eyes fixed to the laptop screen. Akaashi finally sighed and closed it, holding a finger up towards Bokuto before he could protest. 

“You know you can’t do anything when you’re stressed like that, just chill for a bit and drink your coffee,” he spoke levelly, his voice alone enough to sooth Bokuto’s nerves. 

“What you guys planning on doing after uni then?” Kuroo questioned, ignoring Bokuto’s mid-meltdown. 

“Police officer, same as Bokuto,” Daichi nodded his head towards the owl. 

“Oh shit, how scary. Daichi in a police uniform though… Men in uniform are so my thing,” Kuroo said with a wry smirk.   

“Hey! What about me?” Bokuto complained, the genuine hurt in his tone. 

“I don’t need to tell you you’re hot Bo, you know that,” Kuroo reassured, receiving a cheesy grin off the other and a subtle head shake from Akaashi. Meanwhile, Daichi was still stunned. “So wait, you do some martial arts like Bo then?” 

“Yeah, it’s a requirement to learn some form of martial arts to get in,” Daichi clarified, scratching his temple. 

“Careful Kuroo, Daichi can beat you up easy,” Bokuto warned with a smirk. 

Kuroo raised his eyebrows, eyes unmoving from Daichi. “Law enforcement violence is a big thing these days,” he chuckled. “I’d like to experience some of it for myself.” 

“Masochist or what,” Akaashi groaned. 

“Akaashi totally loves a bit of banging around too—” Bokuto was swiftly cut off with a jab to the ribs from his boyfriend before to breathed out a nervous laugh. 

Daichi felt himself sink into his seat, further and further to escape from these lunatics. “I’m deeply concerned.” 

“Oh wait— I don’t full on deck ‘Kaashi in the face don’t worry,” Bokuto reassured in a hurry. “Just those restraining techniqu—” 

“Bokuto!” 

“No fair, I want someone to rough me up too,” Kuroo whined, blatantly looking towards Daichi. “Please?” 

“No.”    

“I promise I’m more durable than a girl~” Kuroo said, grinning ear to ear at Daichi’s clear discomfort. “I mean… What could those thighs do?” 

Bokuto’s rambunctious cackle was a sure way to get unwanted attention towards their table, Daichi and Akaashi equally as embarrassed and hid behind their hands. 

Akaashi leaned closer towards Daichi. “So, how’s life with the pain in the ass?” 

“It’s… a pain in the ass.” 

“Not yet,” Kuroo winked and Daichi had to stop himself from throwing his cup at him. 

“Oh my god—” 

“Wait, for me or you though?” Kuroo asked with genuine curiosity. 

“Kuroo if you don’t shut up…” Daichi felt any form of threat evaporate as Kuroo’s face softened and lit up into a hearty laugh, he looked perfect, beautiful, endearing as hell. “Ugh.” 

“You’re so fun to tease~”

* * *

 Blaring music was a common occurrence, as was feeling like walking into the wrong apartment when all the furniture was pushed to the walls and causing the place to look unusually spacious. Daichi dropped his gym bag by the door upon walking in, rolling his strained shoulders from his intense workout session with Bokuto along with MMA training. Sore all over was an understatement, the large darkened patches on his sleeveless shirt was evidence of his near death experience. 

He took long strides along the short hallway until he reached the lounge area where the music boomed from, seeing Kuroo moving splendidly against the tune, challenging it aggressively as though the music and Kuroo was fighting over who took control.  

Daichi wasn’t sure if Kuroo noticed him walk in, he hoped not so he could carry on watching Kuroo dance like no one was watching. At least to him, no one was. Kuroo was all about control and dominance in whatever routine he was carrying out, even in the club and in the studio, with all those eyes on him, he was in control of them. Now he was technically alone, the power and ferocity shone through blindingly. There were no boundaries, nothing to shy away from, Kuroo was _free._

Even when Kuroo spun around and spotted Daichi hovering, he didn’t once falter his movements. To Daichi’s surprise, he reached out towards him, and instead of retreating away he took Kuroo’s hand gratefully. He couldn’t help but let a grin stretch across his face as Kuroo played puppeteer again with him, that otherworldly feeling of freedom consuming his mind like it did that night. Daichi couldn’t dance, he had never done much dancing past the embarrassing Christmas time dancing that everyone did, or the drunken old man dance Daichi seemed to execute perfectly at house parties, but Kuroo sure make Daichi feel like a damn professional. 

They finally came to sudden halt with Kuroo cradelling Daichi in his arms, leaned down far enough to Daichi to feel like if he didn’t trust Kuroo he would terrified of falling. But he wasn’t scared, he knew Kuroo would hold onto him.    

“Had a nice day?” Kuroo panted between his words, sweat clinging to the end of his perky nose. 

“Better now,” he answered honestly, watching that much wanted grin stretch across Kuroo’s face. 

“It’s my lovely face isn’t it?” 

“Changed my mind, my day just got worse.” 

“Meanie,” Kuroo loosened his grip on Daichi and let him slip shortly before securing his grip onto him again. Daichi’s heart had successfully travelled through his digestive system. 

“You fucking ass.” He squirmed out of Kuroo’s arms and lifted himself up to avoid being dropped again, Kuroo’s hyena snickering heard close to his face. “So Bokuto keeps asking about that housewarming… We actually going through with it?” 

“Shit I forgot about that…” Kuroo hummed and walking over towards the table where his phone laid. “This Friday good for you?” 

“Oh wait, we’re actually having one?” 

“Duh! Any excuse to get shit-faced!” 

“Just like Bokuto…” Daichi groaned into his hand. “But yeah Friday sounds good.” 

“Sick, can’t wait,” Kuroo said with a ring to his tone, skipping over to the kitchen in his upped mood. “That’s tomorrow by the way!” 

Daichi furrowed his brows and whipped his phone out of his pocket, noting it was already Thursday. Where had the week gone? “Fuck, this week flew by.” 

“Uh-huh,” Kuroo mumbled from the kitchen, Daichi soon to join him. He glanced towards the calendar and smiled to himself softly. Only one yellow day so far this week, a significant improvement from averaging 3 yellow days a week. Just 3 more days left of the week, and Daichi was determined to get them _all_ green. 

“So uh— I… what you doing tonight?” 

Kuroo cocked an eyebrow up and turned to face Daichi. “Nothing much, why?” 

“Was wondering like… um,” Daichi _physically_ couldn’t speak, his nerves rattling like rattlesnakes under his skin. He took a deep breath and pushed forwards. “Want to go out to maybe eat somewhere?” 

He expected Kuroo to laugh at him, to snort that ever so mocking snort of his, to roll his eyes, but he smiled. _Genuinely,_ smiled. “I’d love to.” 

**.**

 

The two settled on going to a steakhouse after a much heated debate. Kuroo’s wandering gaze gathered the opulent furnishing and overall surroundings, only one word coming to mind; pricey. 

“I’m paying half by the way,” Kuroo stated, not meeting Daichi’s hard gaze trained on him. 

“No, I’m treating _you,”_ Daichi responded firmly, Kuroo chuckling in response. He knew Kuroo would ignore him, so he’d just have to pay behind his back. He let his eyes travel down Kuroo’s exquisite body, his figure hugging outfit drawing attention to his beautifully slim form. Kuroo was definitely somewhat concerningly on the skinnier side, but he was relatively toned due to his dancing. 

He wore an earl grey crew neck jumper that ruffled and creased over his waist and forearms, matched with with a pair of ripped black skinnies. Kuroo definitely had a thing for skinnies and long sleeved shirts, not that Daichi was complaining. The way it shapes Kuroo’s form silently drew Daichi crazy, and it only brought out his inner curiosity of what kind of golden treasure he’d find underneath. His attention fell down to Kuroo’s normally decorated wrists, various rope jewelry and leather wax cord bracelets tied around them and peeking out from under his sleeves. It seemed Kuroo never took off his bracelets, Daichi always saw them on him, the worn and breaking material supporting this theory. 

“Uhm—” Kuroo cleared his throat, snapping Daichi out of his thoughts. “I really like that shirt on you,” he said quickly, turning his head away nervously. When was Kuroo _ever_ nervous? He only flirted all day everyday. 

Daichi glanced down at his basic black v-neck shirt, his toned muscles beneath rippling through the thin material. “Oh thanks— you look nice too.” 

“Stop, you’re making me nervous,” he breathed a shaky laugh. “Dude, is this a date?” 

The question caught Daichi off guard, but he recovered with a smile. “Definitely, you can’t just flirt like that with me and not expect me to fall a little.” 

“A little,” Kuroo smirked. “Unfair, I fell hard.” 

“You’re going to need to clarify if you’re joking beca—” 

“No seriously. I kinda fancy you,” he admitted, smiling past the thumb his was chewing half to death. 

Daichi was convinced his eyes were going to fall out from the little about of leverage his eyelids had on them at that moment. Was Kuroo messing with him? No, he’d be able to tell if he was, Kuroo was practically shaking with nerves. “That’s… such a relief,” Daichi managed after a long pause. “I didn’t want to suffer alone.” 

Kuroo seemed to finally exhale the breath he was holding, dropping his head into his hand. The waitress came around and delivered their starters which Daichi didn’t waste any time dive right in to swallow down his raging nerves. 

“Damn, so that two way confession went decently,” Daichi said. 

“Oh man, did that just happen?” 

“I think so.”

“Nice,” Kuroo chuckled. “Now we need more dates~” 

“We’ll see if we still like each other by the end of this one,” Daichi said with a grin. Who was he kidding, if anything he’d fall harder for that cat-like dancer by the end of tonight. The way he nibbled around his food was adorable, the way he occasionally glanced back up towards Daichi with that soft honeyed gaze that glinted under the yellow tinged lighting above them. 

“So, a question,” Kuroo started, his voice muffled with the food in his mouth. He quickly finished chewing and continued. “Why you wanna be a police officer?” 

“I guess… I just feel like I have a sense of duty. Like I want to help people, protect those who can’t protect themselves. I want to make a difference even if it's something tiny and meaningless to the rest of the world, if I could just make a small difference in someone’s life that would be all I need to be happy.” 

“You’d be happy… Just by doing someone else good?” Kuroo eyebrows furrowed at Daichi’s selfless ideals. 

“Yeah, I feel like I’m needed that way you know?”

“I was convinced all humans are selfish to be honest,” Kuroo flicked his eyes away from Daichi. “You’re different. And for what it’s worth, you’ve definitely made a difference in my life.” 

“But— I’ve only moved in barely even a month ago…” 

“And that was plenty of time to make a difference!” Kuroo exclaimed. “I was kinda lonely, kinda moody. You’ve actually made me loads happier just being around, I just wanted a roomie and I got something better.” 

Daichi let a laugh escape before he had time to contain it, the sincerity echoing through the sound. “I’m glad… Hey what’s better than a roomie?” 

“A Sawamura Daichi,” he gestured towards him proudly, causing Daichi to start chucking again. “Hey Daichi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I please touch your biceps?” 

Daichi choked on his water and ended up spraying himself and the table. He quickly glanced around to realize they were in a pretty reserved area of the restaurant. He propped his elbow on the table towards Kuroo. “Knock yourself out.” 

Kuroo’s eyes widened upon pressing his fingers down onto his arm, his entire hand soon to join. “Dude, are you tensing?” 

Daichi smirked and tensed his arm, the muscles gaining a fair amount of size and firmness that almost blew Kuroo away. “Impressed?” 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, prying his hand away after clinging onto Daichi’s bicep greedily. “You’re probably on Bokuto’s level of ripped.” 

“No one’s as beefy as that damn owl,” Daichi said. “He goes to the gym twice as much as I do, and I go almost every day.” 

“Well I can already tell whose _thighs_ are more brutal,” Kuroo snorted and flicked his eyes down before back towards Daichi’s gaze. “I want to touch those too.” 

“You’re gonna have to work for those ones,” Daichi said as he raised a brow, one side of his lips curling upwards. 

Kuroo began to pout and leaned forwards on the table, resting on his elbows. “How can you say no to this face?” 

“Easy, no.” 

… 

Daichi didn’t know if the wine went straight to his head or his frustration of staring at Kuroo for a month and restraining all his feelings for him that led up to this heated moment of lip crushing each other. Kuroo’s teeth bit down not so gently on Daichi’s bottom lip, sometimes almost thinking he’d rip it right off like a feral animal. Well, they were acting like feral animals at this very moment. Clawing, grabbing, biting, glaring predatorily. They barely managed to get through the door without causing serious bodily harm to each other. 

Kuroo’s tongue bar clinked repeatedly against both sets of teeth, bringing in a foreign yet interesting sensation to Daichi’s mouth. They pulled away briefly to catch their breaths. “Hey is this okay with you?” Kuroo asked heavy breathed, lips still brushing against Daichi’s. 

“Yes, yes definitely, of course— I want this,” Daichi found his words hard to control past his desperation for Kuroo, fingers intertwined with his raven hair and teeth bared against his face. He let his hands slide down to explore the rest of Kuroo, feeling the sharp jut to his hip bones protruding through his thin shirt, the firmness to his stomach and the heat radiating off his back. 

Kuroo dropped down into a crouch and curled his slender fingers around Daichi’s thighs, lingering his hands on them for a moment before running them up towards his crotch. If Daichi was honest with himself, he was _nervous._ Kuroo’s occasional glance up towards him was reassuring enough as he began to tug and pull at the button and zip on his jeans, finally succeeding in opening the gates to what he was looking for. “Now you get to feel me use my tongue properly,” Kuroo smirked, his gaze intense and fierce burning with lust and desire. It controlled Daichi, sent him into another world or dimension, banished him from earth all together. 

Daichi’s member sprung free from it’s den, Kuroo’s orbs widening at the solid length inches away from his own face. 

“Fuck, you’re massive what the hell,” he said with a wary voice, nervously laughing before pressing his lips against the tip. Before Daichi could comment, he already felt the rippling waves of sensation creep up his stomach from his lower region. Was this extra sensitivity from his lack of sexual activity lately or the fact it was _Kuroo_ touching him? 

Kuroo wrapped his warm hand around Daichi’s cock, working into a steady tossing before engulfing the tip completely between his lips. Soon Daichi felt Kuroo’s teeth lightly brush against the top, and then that _tongue bar_ gave a whole new added sensation to the mix; the metal ball rubbed, rolled and worked into Daichi’s slit on the mushroom head, the wave of arousing sensations causing his hips to buck. Kuroo hummed a laugh around Daichi’s cock when he felt the twitch and trembling in the other’s legs, the length slowly disappearing into Kuroo’s upstairs cave. It turned out Kuroo knew how to use his tongue well, _too well._ Daichi involuntarily grinded his hips against Kuroo’s face as the tingling grew with the way Kuroo’s smooth tongue danced along his cock. 

Kuroo’s head bobbed on his cock, the slick, wet sound growing in volume in the dark, silent apartment, the only other sounds being Daichi’s groaning and moaning that were desperately being restrained. Kuroo pulled off him briefly and looked up, lips sheened and glowing with saliva. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be shy with me~” 

“F—fuck Tetsurou… Please carry on,” he stammered back, Kuroo getting straight back to work with the help of Daichi pulling on his hair towards his lower region again. The hair tugging grew more rough and Daichi’s awareness if he was pulling too hard was lost in the lust filled daze. Kuroo cheeks hollowed as he sucked harder, feeling each tiny detail and bump on the log being thrusted into his mouth, the subtle twitching appearing soon after. Daichi’s back arched back into the wall behind him, hips thrusting forwards into Kuroo who gagged a little at the sudden huge shove down his throat. “I’m g—gonna cum— shit—!” 

Kuroo was given such a short warning he didn’t have the time to pull away, not like he could anyway with Daichi holding his head onto him. The hot liquid pooled and shot at the back of his throat, the salty taste to it overpowering. Kuroo’s groans were muffled and he tapped on Daichi’s legs to remind him to let him back up for air, who hastily released his grip on him. “Damn you have no chill,” he laughed, the cloudy substance dripping from his now much redder lips. _So fucking hot._  

“Fuck, sorry,” Daichi mumbled sheepishly. “That felt… _so_ good.” 

“I’m actually rather confident in my head skills, wanna kiss?” 

“Eugh,” Daichi expressed, helping Kuroo up off the floor. “I just came so hard my dick— my whole fucking body feels dead.” 

“Holy shit, someone was deprived,” Kuroo grinned. “Don’t worry, we’ll save the good stuff for another time…” 

“Good… stuff?” 

Kuroo was already down the hall when he shot him a cheeky grin, waving a hand briefly before disappearing into the bathroom. Daichi had to use the wall to support him and his trembling legs, his stomach still filled with buzzing and fluttering sensations from the blinding orgasm. He finally made it to the bathroom where Kuroo was washing his face and mouth, glancing over towards Daichi. 

“So, I must have been great to pull my given name out of that pretty mouth of yours.” 

“Great… No, _incredible.”_  

“Good,” Kuroo smiled and splashed some more water onto his face before reaching for a towel to dry himself. “Because that’s not the last time that’s happening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've always had a story planned in mind about drug addiction but never had to guts to try and write about something dark like that. So now I've finally mustered the courage to share something like this but this is likely in no way a perfectly accurate portrayal how addiction affects someone's life, this is only based off research and first hand witnessing of the downfall of it. I hope as the story continues I manage to execute it at least decently!  
> The song Kuroo dances to in the living room is called [Easy - HYYDE & Matan KG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6B3fnznp3w)  
> Also, join me on [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Housewarmings', alcohol, and a bit of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week flew by, I almost forgot to update even though this chapter was done for a while! ~~whoops~~ The angst is starting to creep in, bit by bit. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> OH AND, so I got a comment on the last chapter by an amazing artist [sapchi] who I'd never expect to read my stuff BUT HEY THEY DIDN'T JUST READ IT [THEY DREW FOR IT](https://sapchi.deviantart.com/art/Kurodai-706546790). I'm actually shook. It's so beautiful. And like JUST how I imagined those two in this fic?! Had to add a scene that matched up to what was going on in the picture because it's so perfect.

It was safe to say after that… _experience,_ Daichi was knocked out into a blissful, undisturbed dream, separated far away from the solid reality. That was at least until the horrific, blood-curdling scream ripped through his flesh and bones, leaving tremors within the depths of his chest where his heart fought to pound free out of it’s cage. Was he screaming? He was certain he wasn’t, although the deafening sound felt like it was right beside his face at least. Then, it hit him. _Kuroo_ was screaming, and the wall between them didn’t succeed in even dulling down the horrendous, chilling sound.

Daichi’s still waking body hadn’t yet caught up with his alarmed mind, and throwing himself out the bed briskly wasn’t an easy task. Tripping, stumbling, anything to hinder his tangled legs on his hurried way to Kuroo’s room. As usual, his head was wedged between two pillows, but not even that muffled his screams. His body was almost curled into a ball on his side if it wasn’t for the violent thrashing and kicking. Daichi almost reconsidered trying to wake him to avoid getting kicked in the face, but he couldn’t leave Kuroo like that and pushed past his own concerns. 

“Hey— Kuroo! Kuroo?!” He hovered his hands over the trembling and thrashing body, feeling his chest clench up at the sound of pure horror. His fists were clenched onto the pillows, knuckles bleached a paper white. “Kuroo wake up!” He had heard shaking someone out of nightmare was a bad idea, so he tried to set his wavering hands down gently enough to not scare him even more but firm enough to somehow wake him. Maybe he leaned more on the firm side he thought, as Kuroo recoiled violently at his touch. He shot up out of his head-centric pillow fort going on and glared at Daichi wide eyed, an ashy pallor to his skin, streaming tears and drenched in sweat. His mouth was still ajar where the screaming died out in his throat, and although his eyes were directed towards Daichi, it was as though he didn’t even see him. “Kuroo… You okay?” 

His only response was a hitch in his posture, soon to push past Daichi and heave everything out he ate. The chunks of food blended with a dark chyme spilled over himself, the side of the bed and the floor. Daichi could only watch in horror as he was barely able to keep his own heart rate in check, settling on the thought that touching Kuroo right now wouldn’t be a bright idea. Daichi leaned forwards to get a better look at Kuroo, his watery eyes appearing to survey the mess before him. “—Fuck...” 

“...You awake now?” 

“Probably,” Kuroo mumbled under his breath, shakily pulling his weight from leaning over the side of the bed to sit up straight. “Sorry…” 

“What you saying sorry?” He snorted, shuffling closer to Kuroo. “I mean yeah there is a bit of vomit on me but that’s no big deal—” 

“I woke you up.” 

“It’s not like you intended to just start screaming your heart out in the middle of the night, don’t worry about it,” Daichi assured, giving a soft smile. “What did you dream about?” 

Kuroo’s glassy gaze didn’t raise from floor, and he remained silent for awhile. “Can’t remember.” 

Daichi felt a deep crease form between his furrowed brows, attempting to get his head around what could possibly scare Kuroo into screaming and crying like that then throwing up all over himself. Dreams are sure powerful occurrences. “I’ll get something to clean this, before your room really starts to stink up.” 

“No it’s fine, I’ll do it—” 

“Kuroo. Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up, I got this,” Daichi practically ordered him. Kuroo was clearly taken aback by his sternness but finally nodded and headed towards the bathroom. “Hey, you okay though?” 

He paused by the door but didn’t turn back to face Daichi. “I’m fine.” 

**.**

 

As much as Daichi wanted to believe Kuroo’s unconvincing words, he simply couldn’t after watching him float around all morning like he just wasn’t with it. 

“Come on _Dad,_ you don’t need to glare at me so scarily,” he said with a sleepy smirk barely gracing across his lips. 

“You sure you’re okay?” 

“Completely, was just a dream.” 

“Uh-huh… Then explain how you grabbed the coke bottle and not the milk.” Daichi raised his eyebrows at Kuroo very nearly pouring coke into their tea cups. 

He clicked his tongue and groaned, dragging himself back over to the fridge to grab the milk carton. “Shut up, I’m tired.”

“We can call off that house pa— housewarming if you’re not feeling up for it.” 

“Too late, I already told Bo so there’s no stopping him from showing up with half of Tokyo,” Kuroo chuckled, placing a steaming cup on the table for Daichi. “Nah, I wanna get drunk… And carry on from last night.” 

Daichi almost choked on his tea, wiping away the seeping liquid from the corners of his mouth. “We are _not_ doing anything with people here!” 

“Implying you’d happily do something if it’s just me and you,” he laughed. “Better hurry up while we’re still alone.” 

A soft humming sounded behind Daichi’s smile as he brought the cup back up to his lips. He watched Kuroo rub his eyes for an extended period of time before feeling his heart melt at how adorable he looked. “Nah, I want you at your best. Can’t have you falling asleep.” 

Kuroo visibly perked up, eyes widened as he wondered whether or not it was actually Daichi speaking to him or not. “Have I won you over yet?” 

“Mmmmm, perhaps,” Daichi let his eyes wander around the grey tinged kitchen, the dull skies having an influence over the lighting. “What even are we?” 

Kuroo propped a knee up to rest his elbow on. “The… processing stage?” 

“That’s a good way to put it,” Daichi hummed. If he was honest with himself, he wasn’t too aware of the stages before a relationship is more or less official. With him and Yui it was from step friends to step couple in one sitting. Or so he thought it was, there was likely the so called processing stage somewhere in the middle. “And if we don’t work out?” 

“Well fuck, we’re stuck together anyway.” 

“Not going to kick me out?” 

“Nope I’m totally mature, I’ll probably just play revenge games for the rest of your time staying here.” 

“Mature,” Daichi echoed with a snort. “What’ll the revenge be for?”

“Stealing my heart to break it,” he answered with an angsty tone, holding his hands up to his chest. “I’m not gonna lie I have no idea how to relationship.” 

There was the second time Daichi’s tea attempted to exit out of his mouth. “So then who the hell did you practice lolly sucking on?!” 

Kuroo’s dumb cackle erupted from his chest and shook his whole form. “A lolly, perhaps?” 

“Gross, Kuroo.” 

“Say my name again.” 

“Kuroo?” 

“No! My actual name,” he said, a determined glint glazing over his warm stare. 

“Te—” Daichi could only associate Kuroo’s mouth around his cock with his actual name, and he had to suppress himself from brightening up into those warm hues of the color spectrum. “Tetsurou…” 

“My god, that gives me such a boner.”

“Ugh okay I’m never saying that again,” Daichi groaned into his hand, listening to Kuroo’s annoying chuckling sound before him. “I’ve got to go to class soon…” 

“Now that sounded enthusiastic.” 

“Kind of want to stay with you.” 

Daichi could see at the edge of his vision Kuroo raising his brows and his droopy eyes widen slightly. “That’s cute, I want to stay with you too. But… You only wanna stay to babysit me.” 

“Yes and no. Class is boring, and quite frankly I’m still scared shitless from last night.” 

Kuroo snorted into his cup and looked towards the ceiling. “Plenty of people scream themselves awake, geez... I have no idea what I was even dreaming about. I promise I’m all good.” 

A dull ache brewed in the depths of Daichi’s temples, the typical _‘I’m tired as hell’_ trait. He finally sighed and raised his hands up in defeat. “Fine, okay. If I find out you’re lying I’m going to be mad.” 

“Boo~”

* * *

 The constant clicking of Bokuto’s pen was infuriating, the surrounding tappings of everyone’s keyboards was maddening, any single voice that dared to exhale a breath that tad too heavy led Daichi onto fantasizing about biting their heads off. He was just so, _so_ tired. However, he was only mad that he was tired and not at the reason for it. Even when Kuroo finally shooed him out of his room he still couldn’t keep his eyes shut for longer than a blink. He knew Kuroo didn’t fall back asleep either, the light footsteps pacing for hours on end until the sun woke up. Like hell he was _fine._

“Sawamura?” A voice snapped Daichi back to reality, following the trail to meet with Iwaizumi’s terrifyingly sharp glare. The poor guy wasn’t even looking scary on purpose, it was just his face. 

Daichi finally cleared his throat and found his voice to respond. “Sorry, yes?”

“Literally said your name like 10 times,” he frowned. 

A snicker came from the other side of Daichi, glancing over to see it was Bokuto. “Someone went out partying last night or something?” 

“No— Just had trouble sleeping,” he said. It wasn’t totally a lie. 

“So we’re all cool with coming over tonight?” Iwaizumi continued, holding the end of his pen between his teeth as he spoke. 

“Apparently.” 

“Yes and bring everyone,” Bokuto cut in, receiving a glare off Daichi. “Or like just the normal lot.” 

Daichi narrowly avoided groaning loudly, hitting the submit button on his assignment. He let himself deflate with a heavy sigh, stretching himself out in his seat the relieve some of the pressure building up in his joints. He glanced around the bleak room, the previously irritating distractions now faded and dulled out behind Daichi’s buzzing mind. Bokuto and Iwaizumi continued their conversation over him, the words only briefly caught but enough so that he could nod occasionally to a question directed at him. He wanted to go home, he wanted to check on Kuroo. _He said he’s fine, so he’s fine, stop parenting him—_  

His phone rattled the table noisily and he dragged it along the smooth surface before picking it up. The screen was lit up with a new text notification. A text from Kuroo.

 

**< < < From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

**Fri. 11:56 AM**

_How’s learning gooooiinn buddddyy_

_btw hope my contact isnt some boring shit like kuroo tetsurou_

 

**> > > To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

**Fri. 11:58 AM**

_It’s not kuroo tetsurou. It’s Kuroo Tetsurou._

 

**< < < From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

**Fri. 12:04 PM**

_Dude dont even wrong me like that._

_Omg pls i didn’t give you heaven last night just to have A NORMAL FUCKING CONTACT NAME_

_Put some hearts at least._

_Or “Tetsu my love”_

_Or maybe “my cute kitty”_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:09 PM**

_Done, happy?_

_[IMG. ATTACHMENT]_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Fri. 12:14 PM**

_awwwwww babe! Thats so cute._

_wyd im bored_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:17 PM**

_Contemplating life what about you_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Fri. 12:19 PM**

_Same. as usual_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:22 PM**

_Aren’t you at the studio?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Fri. 12:25 PM**

_Yaaaaaa but couldnt be fked so left_

_So do i get any treats 2night <3 _

 

Bokuto raised a brow at Daichi’s unrestrained chuckling, leaning over to get a glimpse of his phone screen. A cheeky grin stretched across his lips as he realized who he was speaking to.

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:29 PM**  

_Yeah, my foot in your face._

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Fri. 12:31 PM**  

_Oohoho so kinky…_

_Man come home already I’m lonely. And bored._

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:32 PM**  

_Classes finishes at 14:30_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Fri. 12:33 PM**  

_Cant happen to leave a bit earlier?_

 

Daichi furrowed his brows at Kuroo’s subtle begging for him to come home, his gut twisting up uncomfortably.

 

_Please?_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin **

**Fri. 12:35 PM**  

_I’ll try._

 

The funny looks Daichi received off his lecturer and classmates alike didn’t slow him down from making a desperate exit, his notes not even all the way in his folder or bag. He wouldn’t be surprised if he lost a few pages during the process, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that right now. Maybe it was just him overreacting, but the lingering darkness constricting his insides barely went unnoticed, and Kuroo now asking him to come home early shot Daichi’s senses into fight mode. Maybe Kuroo was just being Kuroo, whining and begging for Daichi’s attention and just wants him home to make fun of him. But Daichi couldn’t take that chance today. 

The crisp air felt nice on his burning skin, his alarmed state turning the temperate up a few notches. He weaved and dodged various people on his way off the campus and only dreaded the midday human traffic jam on his way back to the apartment complex. The usual was present, market stalls and buskers dotted around calming one’s nerves with their beautiful music in the hectic crowd. What caught Daichi’s attention however, was the stall of feathers. Upon closer inspection, they wasn’t just feathers. They were dreamcatchers. He deliberated ignoring them and just going straight to Kuroo, but a small voice in the back of his mind urged he should get one. A quick glance at his wallet confirmed he should be able to afford one, at least one of medium size. They varied in colors, some remaining their original tan traits, others holding a more modern twist of black and whites. Daichi always prefered the more natural looking ones, and opted for the webbed sinew and large fluffy feathers. There were tiny black gemstones within the webbing that Daichi didn’t notice at first, but thought it was a night touch. 

“Lovely choice, the hematite stone has calming properties that will put your anxiety driven mind at rest while you sleep!” Her voice was thick with an accent Daichi couldn’t quite pinpoint, but the sound seeped with soothingness and kindness that felt like a soft, warm blanket being wrapped around Daichi. She held a soft smile and the fine wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth deepened with it. 

“Ah not for me, for a friend. But thank you,” Daichi said as he bowed his head and smiled at the much shorter woman, she nodded in acknowledgment as Daichi made his way to Kuroo.

**.**

 

The apartment was eerily and strangely silent. If Kuroo was home before Daichi, there was usually always music playing. Because he was always dancing, even while just cleaning the place. But there was no life to the normally lively apartment, and Kuroo was motionless face down on the sofa. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you so still,” Daichi commented, controlling the concern that threatened to invade his tone. “You okay?” 

Silence. Daichi stepped warily closer to Kuroo, seeing his face completely stuffed into a pillow his was hugging. He wasn’t even waving a foot around, or even a toe. It was unnerving to see Kuroo deathly still like this, and Daichi was half tempted to check if the guy was even breathing. However, Kuroo finally exhaled a lengthy sigh and Daichi felt his heart slow to a normal pace. He knelt beside the sofa where Kuroo was, lightly tapping Kuroo’s head to get his attention. 

“Anyone alive in there?” 

“I’m dead, please try again later,” he mumbled into the pillow, his words heavily muffled. 

Daichi snorted and pulled on the pillow. “Come on, what’s up. I came all the way back for you.” 

He finally turned his head to face Daichi, eyes puffy and bloodshot like he’d been crying— no, he had _definitely_ been crying. Daichi was certain even the neighbours heard his breath catch and his words get strangled at the back of his throat. 

“Oh fuck— Shit, what happened?” Daichi internally questioned why Kuroo wasn’t a professional actor or something of the sort, his masking texts sure fooled him into thinking Kuroo was no where near the state of actually crying. 

“Nothing, I didn’t expect you to actually come early.” 

Daichi bit down on his lower lip, hearing Kuroo sound so blunt and listless felt like a punch to the gut. “Well… I wanted to see you. Glad I did, want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” 

“Want tea?” 

Kuroo was most definitely about to say no, like he set his responses to auto-pilot, however he could never deny tea. “Yes please.” 

Daichi gave a tight smile and stood up with a groan to head over to the kitchen. As he waited for the kettle to boil, he felt literal strings tug on him to look at the calendar. It was a daily necessity, a habit Daichi had formed. But this time, he wished he didn’t look.

Kuroo was always very precise with how he colored the blocks, never a single stroke to venture outsides it’s lines. But the bloody, flaring red was scribbled in a frantic like state, overlapping the borders by at least an inch and messing up the dates around it. _A red day._ The click of the kettle finishing startled Daichi more than it should had, but his mind remained fixed on calendar. _Shit._  

An overwhelming desire to make this cup of tea perfect ruled over Daichi, watching the clock like a hawk for how long he brewed it, pouring the milk in a little more than very attentively. So much for making all the days green, and he was fearing a yellow day at most to ruin his plans. Kuroo had a few red days while Daichi was there, but those days Kuroo was always shut in his room by the time Daichi got home, and he assumed him to be asleep. 

He stepped carefully back into the living room, steadily clutching on the handles of both of their mugs. Kuroo was stood up now, faced away from Daichi and holding the dreamcatcher in front of him, seemingly just staring at it. “Oh— yeah I just saw a stall selling them and felt like getting you one…” 

Kuroo remained silent for a long while, enough time for Daichi to make it over to the table and place the cups down. He didn’t feel Kuroo approach him, and his heart almost stopped when he felt the taller man lean on his bent over form, an arm looped over his shoulder and dangling on his chest. “It’s awesome, thanks Daichi.” The sincerity was there, but his voice was still painfully bland and dull.

“You know, the lady selling it was on about those stones on it having calming properties or something,” Daichi started, bringing a hand up to hold onto Kuroo’s still hanging over his chest. They’ve never actually properly held hands like this, but at this moment Daichi didn’t feel embarrassed or shy. He turned under Kuroo’s arm to face him, looking into those sunny jeweled eyes of his. They might have been lost at sea, but they never failed to emit the warmest hues. 

“I don’t think I need stones to stay calm,” he smirked. “This loving, chocolate gaze is enough to melt me.” 

“Loving, huh? Quite poetic with your words.” 

He hummed and dropped himself back down on the sofa, that chilling blank look masking the usual bright features Daichi was familiar with. He knew there was probably nothing much he could do, but he couldn’t help but feel frustrated with himself at how utterly useless he was. The flick of a lighter drew Daichi’s attention to Kuroo, watching him light the cigarette between his cracked lips. He glanced down at the table where an overflowing ashtray sat, surrounded by ash and straying cigarettes butts. Kuroo smoked a lot anyway, but Daichi cleaned that ashtray out only this morning. “‘Sup with you?” Kuroo asked abruptly, Daichi realizing he was still stood up and hovering. 

“Still want everyone to come over tonight?” 

Kuroo looked Daichi dead in the eye, the urge to hold eye contact stopping the former from rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine—” 

“You can tell me if you’re not you know.” 

“It’s normal, so it’s fine.” 

“What’s _normal_ about this? I don’t know what’s going on with you right now but it’s not normal.”

“Okay then, honesty,” Kuroo paused to take a long drag out of the cigarette and looked back up at Daichi with a dark glare. “This whole getting clean bullshit? I don’t even wanna do it. I am fucking dying for a hit and I’m only sticking my head in the shitter for that fucking asshole Bokuto who will literally fucking ditch me if I don’t so then I’ll have no one.” The former spite reduced to hurt, his eyes glassing over with welling tears and lips pursing to hold back a sob. “It’s too loud… I just need _one_ hit.” 

Daichi held his ground against Kuroo’s sudden outburst, but his defenses wavered a bit when the person in front of him resembled more of a stranger and less like Kuroo. _What does he mean by too loud?_ “You don’t need, Kuroo. You _want._ You’re not doing this for Bokuto you’re doing it for yourself, and only yourself. Besides, you’ve got me. I won’t leave you.” 

“I need one—”

“Why? Why are you so convinced you need one right now that you’ll throw away months of hard work to stay clean?” 

_It’s so fucking easy for him to slip up…_ The words repeated in Daichi’s head like a chant, now he understood what Bokuto was getting at. Daichi felt rather ignorant towards drug addiction and assumed once the dreaded physical withdrawal symptoms were long passed, it _should_ be easy. How wrong he was. 

“Sorry,” Kuroo finally mumbled past the cigarette, looking towards his lap as he picked at the corners of his sore nails. “I dunno what I’m saying.” 

Daichi softened up in posture and in features and knelt down in front of Kuroo. “But I’m serious. This is for you and no one else. Just think, would you have gotten this far if it was all for Bokuto?” 

Kuroo hesitated before shaking his head slightly. “Please don’t tell Bo I said any of that, he’ll get so mad—” 

“I won’t,” Daichi reassured, heaving himself up to sit on the sofa with Kuroo. “Final time, still up for that party?” 

The bed head snorted loudly and leaned his head back on the back of the sofa. “I think I really need a drink now.”

* * *

 This was most definitely not even a housewarming, the specification only an excuse to piss off neighbours and vaguely pretend to welcome Daichi into his new home. Frankly, no one cared too much. It was a typical house— _apartment_ party thrown by crazy students who only ever live through university to get completely and utterly wasted. Apparently this was the prime time in life, and missing out on this was equal to not living at all. 

Daichi more or less recognized everyone, the majority from university or friends of Bokuto’s he briefly met in the nightclub that one time. Kuroo encouraged he invited some of his closer friends and Daichi was sure glad he did. Sugawara and Azumane, along with his old school friends always made Daichi feel right at home, even if he was on a completely different continent or planet. If they were there, it was home. 

The medium sized apartment appeared to massively reduce in size as it filled up with guests, the usually hazy air from Kuroo borderline chain smoking now a literal pale blanket of smoke. Daichi was quite certain he even caught a whiff of cannabis. “This is going to be a nightmare to tidy up tomorrow,” Daichi groaned to no one in particular, Kuroo’s pudding head friend happening to catch his words. He resembled a cat almost, and his outgrown blond locks indicated he wasn’t exactly the type of person for frequent upkeep. He also didn’t seem like one to be in a place like this, Daichi often catching him retreating to corners of the room to mess around on his phone. 

“This place has surprisingly survived loads of parties,” he responded, brushing a few strands out of his face. 

“Sawamura Daichi by the way,” Daichi said as he held out a hand towards the smaller boy, who lightly held it in a halfhearted shake. 

“Kozume Kenma, Kenma’s fine.” 

“Been friends with Kuroo for a while then?” 

“Long enough that I’m unfazed by 99% of the stupid shit he does.”

Daichi snickered slightly and felt a heavy body plonk down beside him on the sofa, Bokuto. “Hey, hey wanna know how I met Kuroo and Kenma?!” 

Kenma’s groan wasn’t heard over the music but Daichi still caught it. Kuroo climbed over the back of the sofa and sat with his knees drawn up to his chest between Daichi and Kenma. “This damn story again.” 

“Right so… sometime at the start of elementary school I was running around ‘cause yeah I was a kid, kids do that shit and so I fucking run straight into Kenma. Dude, he went flying I legit thought I killed him like he was so tiny and frail oh god,” the horror in Bokuto’s eyes was amusing yet it was clearly something that shook him to the core. “And Kuroo— Oh shit Kuroo. He took one look at me when I tried checking if Kenma was alive and no fucking words— He just fuckin’ booted me in the face! I lost all my teeth. For real.” 

Kuroo already had his head thrown back mid-way through Bokuto’s story and his chest convulsed with his overwhelming cackles. It took Daichi a moment to realize he was laughing too. “Jesus Christ, how are you guys even friends after that?” 

Bokuto and Kuroo shared a look before grinning at each other. “Well after we both got detention and forced to say sorry— even though I did literally nothing but anyway he calmed down by like 100 levels and said I could hit him in the face to make up for it. Then we fell in love.” 

Who knew such a friendship could be born out of violence, Daichi thought it must have just been a Bokuto and Kuroo thing. He spotted from the corner of his eye Kenma somewhat snuggle into Kuroo, it was quite cute. They were having a quiet conversation between them, and Daichi unable to restrain his inner nosy he focussed his hearing as hard as he could. 

“You’re being kinda weird, what’s wrong?” 

Daichi would salut Kenma that moment if he could, because Kuroo sure had a more than convincing facade held up, yet this guy saw right past it in an instant. _Observant._  

“Pfff, what?” 

“Kuro.” 

_“Daichi!”_  

Daichi snapped his attention back to his surroundings and away from Kenma and Kuroo, noticing Sugawara was stood before him. “Oh you’re back—”

“So… that’s the famous Kuroo?” Sugawara lingered his gaze on the bed head, a smirk creeping across his lips. Daichi felt his heart stop. 

“Famous, huh? Does Daichi obsess that much over me?” Kuroo questioned with much added mockery. 

“You don’t wanna know… Hey Daichi, you’re right. He’s cute.”

“Okay shut up.” 

“Daichi thinks I’m cute?!” 

He had just about enough of this drowning embarrassment and held up his hands to hush both Sugawara and Kuroo, raising from his seat with a groan. “I’m going to piss.”

Sugawara’s eyes followed Daichi as far as he had him in vision before returning them to Kuroo who was shooting him a toothy grin. “Isn’t he fun to mess with?” 

“Too fun, I literally found my new favorite hobby,” Kuroo agreed. “Y’know with the way he goes on about you I was expecting some monstrous devil. He’s been hiding an angel from me!” 

He gasped in an overdramatic shocked expression with a hand up his chest. “Devil— Monstrous—!” He squawked. “The nerve of that guy.” 

“Mmm, I was scared to meet you… Guessing you’re the strict mom in his life huh?” 

“Totally! Someone’s gotta keep a leash on these lost puppies.” He smiled and looked towards his familiar group of friends. A small ginger, some angry looking fish, an evil looking skinhead, some middle aged looking dude, a tiny guy with a big voice— and confidence for that matter, a salty blond four-eyes and freckled puppy yapping around him. That was Sawamura Daichi’s family, and Kuroo had come to appreciate them.  “So, I’m curious how the two of you met?”

Kuroo cleared his throat and followed up with a nervous laugh as he attempted to recall the events of that night. “Bokuto introduced us after he dragged him out to a nightclub, and stuff in the middle happened and then… He wakes up here!” Kuroo noted Sugawara’s growing concerned gaze. “Wait— no, no we didn’t fuck or whatever I mean like he just crashed here. Then I mentioned I was looking for a roomie and here we are.” 

“Whew, Daichi must seriously have the hots for you to just up and move in with a stranger like that,” he laughed gleefully and took a sip out of his cup. “I mean what if you were a serial killer?” 

“Whoops for Daichi then,” he smirked. “I’m sure Bokuto would have informed him if I was crazy—” 

“Dude, you are crazy,” Bokuto chipped in. 

“Okay, killer level crazy.” 

Sugawara’s laugh was comparable to an angel’s, the soft, soothing sound to it being music to Kuroo’s ears. “I’m sure you’ll both take care of each other well,” he leaned down close to Kuroo’s ear, his warm breath tickling the surface, “but if you fuck around with him or hurt him in anyway I’ll make you regret living.” 

There was the devil Kuroo was expecting, but not amount of preparation could stop his heart from falling out his ass from those calmly spoken words. “Right, got it,” he choked out, his grin only briefly faltering. 

He stood back up with that innocent smile waltzing back onto his features. “Kuroo, how are you not too warm in that? It’s furnace in here.” 

Kuroo glanced down at his long sleeved t-shirt, shrugging in response. “Thin material!” He noticed the angelic figure being joined by a particularly gorgeous woman. Her silky midnight locks framed her fair skin and her features graced by perfection itself. “Hey pretty~” 

“Hello,” she bowed her head down politely with a subtle smile. “My name’s Shimizu Kiyoko, pleasure to meet you Kuroo-san.”

If he was honest with himself, he was sure his soul was touched by the gods realizing she already knew his name. This girl was definitely his woman crush of the year; at least on equal grounds with Haiba Alisa. “Pleasure is all mine! You two together?” 

“Yep! Been so for 2 years now,” Sugawara answered, bowing his head to plant a kiss on Kiyoko’s cheek.

“Adorable, two angles perfect for each other.” 

It was an unofficial mission for Daichi to weave past these drunken idiots and avoid having his shirt ruined by spilt alcohol. He very nearly made it back towards the sofa, but his path was obstructed by a tall beautiful woman whom he recognized from somewhere. Right, the Russian dancer. 

“Ah~ It’s Sawamura!” She grinned and was joined by a significantly shorter girl, her hair dyed a strawberry blonde and pulled into two fluffy pigtails. “Tetsu-chan loves to talk about you, I want to see why he’s so in love with you.” 

“In love—?” Daichi’s confusion was swiftly ignored and the girls were already snickering either side of him. 

“How old are you?” 

“How’d you meet our Tetsu?” 

“Are you gay?” 

“Have you and Tetsu had sex yet?” 

“Oooh, have you kissed?” 

“Do you play hard to get?” 

“Gone on any dates yet?” 

“Do you fancy Tetsu—” 

“You brats, please don’t suffocate my roomie 10 seconds into meeting him,” Kuroo’s voice, for once, was a heavens sent for Daichi at that moment. These girls in contrast to their appearances, were demons.   

“Awww, Tetsu! We’re just getting to know your future boyfriend is all~” 

“Boyfriend, huh?” Kuroo smirked and glanced towards Daichi. “Not quite yet.” 

“Duh, that’s why she said future!” 

“Alisa, Akane… Please get lost,” he deadpanned, watching the two girls deflate and pout before finally being pried away from the rather terrified looking Daichi. “Sorry about them, they’re actually nuts.” 

“I can tell… They like to look out for you though I’ll give them that,” Daichi managed out after regaining his senses. 

“Pffff, yeah nah. They’re greedy shits that don’t like me giving attention to other people. In other words, they’re just jealous of you.” 

“Me?”

“You’re my favorite topic, I’ve already managed to get you on their hit list!” 

Daichi groaned into his hand as he pondered whether or not he should write his will by tomorrow morning. “That’s terrifying…” _Favorite topic?_ Daichi was rather warmed at the thought of Kuroo enjoying talking about him— at least he hoped it was nice things he was saying.

“Your friends are quite cool by the way,” Kuroo mentioned as he nodded in their direction. “Angel guy is quite scary though.” 

“Told you, don’t be fooled by his looks.” 

“Always the most unsuspected!” He exhaled a cloud of milky smoke in Daichi’s face and tilted his head towards him. “Wanna smoke?” 

“Nope, smoking is gross. And not to mention bad for you.” 

“You’re too clean it’s scary,” he snorted. “Are you even drunk yet?” 

Daichi spotted the typical glazed over look of those who were leaning into the more than a little tipsy category, and Kuroo was deep in it. “Getting there, but please don’t get too drunk.” 

“Aw man, don’t be such a bore!” 

“I’m serious, your hangover tomorrow is not going to stop you from helping me clean this all up.” 

Those whiskey orbs rolled in a huff and Kuroo grabbed onto Daichi’s hand, pulling him through and past all the obstacles over to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of shot glasses from a cabinet. “Fireball?” 

“And I agreed to this when?” 

“Fireball,” Kuroo repeated as more of a confirmation and proceeded to pour the shots. Bokuto and Akaashi were soon to join them and added their shot glasses to the row. This was very similar— if not _exactly_ what led to Daichi’s downfall last time. Or was getting into bed with Kuroo and kissing him all night really classed as a downfall? Whatever it was, that history was about to repeat itself.

**.**

 

“Kuroo,” the broad man slurred, head lolled to the side facing Kuroo on the sofa. “You’re really hot.” 

“Why must you be shit-faced to say that,” he huffed out a laugh, holding his glassy gaze into Daichi’s cinnamon eyes. 

“I’ve probably said it sober, shut up.” 

“I dunno, I think I’d remember if you did,” Kuroo hummed, reaching a hand to touch Daichi’s cheek. 

“Feel any better?” Daichi was purposely restraining himself from asking that in fear of triggering Kuroo’s mood again but with his filter out the window there was no stopping the curiosity. 

“I’ll be better if you treat me, Dai-chi~” He heaved himself over to sit facing Daichi on his lap, holding their foreheads close together. The whistling surrounding them was barely heard past the drunken haze. “Or maybe I’ll just have to give you another treat to motivate you.”

“Oh yeah… what more tricks do you have up your sleeve?” Daichi taunted, disbelief Kuroo would have anything that mind blowing that would be suited for a public display.

That shit-eating grin sent chills along Daichi’s spine, and it was then he realized he fucked up. Kuroo pushed himself off Daichi to stand up, pulling his up along with him and shouted for a chair from the kitchen. The sudden excitement emitting off bystanders confused Daichi to the next level. 

“Ooo, Daichi’s gonna get it now!” 

“No fair, I’ve been waiting for one all night.”

“Here we go again.” 

No, no way. Kuroo was absolutely _not_ about to do what Daichi had suspected. He pushed him down onto the chair and took a few long strides back away from him, locking that stern, predatory gaze onto him. He spun elegantly on his heel, swiftly shooting out an outstretched arm with a pointed finger towards Daichi. He had no damn clue what song was playing in the background but Kuroo’s movements brought the sound to life. If Daichi had to describe it, it was most definitely a lap dance song. Bokuto’s dumb grinning by the speakers screaming out to Daichi he had that song prepared all night for this moment. 

The tips of Kuroo’s slender fingers brushed lightly on the back of Daichi’s head and nape, soon morphing into a possessive grab, pulling his head close to his chest. He felt the heat radiate off his slim body, felt the lust drip off him when he rolled his hips before him, those sharp hip bones brushing against him occasionally as he was careful not to feed Daichi too hard. More performance, minimal touch. Daichi was _craving_ the touch, this whole event was giving him a serious case of blue balls. Kuroo was a damn natural at this, did all dancers just know how to lapdance as a mandatory skill? Kuroo’s lips brushed the tip of Daichi’s burning ear, his teeth clamping around the delicate skin ever so gently.     

“Careful Sawamura, you’re starting to show,” he whispered, voice dripping with seduction and power. Kuroo’s warning barely fazed Daichi, he didn’t give two shits about everyone seeing his oncoming boner. He just wanted to _fuck_ Kuroo. _Wait, wouldn’t that be anal?_ Daichi tried to get his head around how him and Kuroo would actually ever have sex, his lack of same gender sexual knowledge growing nerves within him. 

Daichi briefly caught Sugawara’s rather horrified expression and was brought back to reality, his face steaming up that typical rosy color and the tingling burning sensation erupting from under his skin. “Oh— fuck.” 

“Fucking hell bro, that was so hot,” Bokuto slow clapped from the sofa, golden eyes wider than an actual owl’s. 

Bokuto took the words right out of Daichi’s gaped mouth, any form of understandable language long lost in the depths of the stupefied haze. “I think I killed him,” Kuroo chuckled, cupping Daichi’s face between his hands to kiss him on the lips. Like that was going to help his case anymore. 

Kuroo finished off with sitting on Daichi’s lap, face him and slouched himself down a bit so he could be face to face. Daichi was short-circuited all the way over to hell and didn’t know how to react or move or even blink. “Shut your eyes, Daichi,” he whispered against his lips, the man promptly obeying. He felt Kuroo’s fingers secure onto his chin, pulling his bottom lip down with his thumb to prompt him to open up a little. 

He smirked cheekily before opening his own mouth, slipping his pierced tongue out as he approached Daichi’s face. The poor guy sure wasn’t expecting the sloppiest of sloppy kisses, and his dark eyes shot back open at the slimy sensation. “Eugh, Kuroo!” 

The party was eventually beginning to die down into the early morning of the next day, the darkness still consuming the skies yet the early birds sang their daily morning tweets. The music had settled down to something the total opposite of the usual headbanging shit someone decided to play most of the night, and drunken bodies were sprawled across various furniture. Those who were left were either too drunk to drive home or too drunk to even move. The ones who lived close by were the lucky ones.

Daichi had taken his drinking down a notch somewhere throughout the night, but the buzz was still hitting him hard. Kuroo however, was a total mess. Daichi doesn’t even remember him being so pathetic the last time they drank together. His sloppy, lazy grin was fixated permanently it seemed, at least while he was somewhat conscious otherwise he’d be drooling on himself. _God damn it._  

“Kuroo, c’mon get up. You’re going to bed.” 

“But Daaaaiiichiiii,” he drawled in protest, clinging desperately onto an equally as wasted Bokuto on the sofa. 

“Let go of each other,” Daichi groaned, struggling to untangle the two men away from each other even with Akaashi’s aid. 

“Only— _hic,_ if we get to smooch and cuddle,” Kuroo slurred, wiggling his brows. Daichi would under normal circumstances said no, but he agreed to get the guy to move. It worked after all.

“Nooo bro I’ll give you smooches and cuddles,” Bokuto whined, flopping on his face without Kuroo’s presence beside him to hold him up straight. 

Kuroo was falling all over the place, even Daichi attempting to hold onto him only faltering his own balance. He sighed and bent down to hook an arm under Kuro’s knees, lifting his weight with ease. “Don’t throw up on me or anything,” 

“This is too cute,” Kuroo grinned, pressing his forehead against Daichi’s face. “Pl— _hic,_ please carry me like this more.” 

Daichi kicked the door open to Kuroo’s room with his foot lightly, dropping him down on the bed before heading over to the door again.

“Nooo—oo, don’t leave please.” 

“Go to sleep Kuroo, I’ll get you water—” 

“Stay!” Kuroo’s voice resembled the tone of a begging child or something, his puppy eyes to match. Now _that_ was the face Daichi couldn’t bare to say no to. He released a lengthy sigh and gently shut the door, stepping over to join Kuroo on the bed. 

“Hmp, look at you… your face is all flushed,” Daichi commented, cupping a hand around Kuroo’s face and tracing circling with his thumb on his reddened cheeks, the silkiness felt under his touch. _So soft._ Kuroo smiled as his eyes fell shut, leaning into Daichi’s soothing touch.   

Kuroo finally woke up a little and pushed himself up to meet nose to nose with Daichi, hot breath ghosting upon his skin. They shared a long, intense gaze before Kuroo pressed his lips against Daichi’s. The texture to Kuroo’s lips was more dry and cracked than what he remembered, but he still held a soft touch. Daichi let his mouth open and welcome Kuroo’s approach, letting their lips do the work and his mind travel to that new found world of lust and love. 

“Daichi,” he whispered against his face, breathing heavily from his lack of air. “I want…” 

“I want to fuck you,” Daichi spoke for him, clutching Kuroo’s longer strands hanging over his undercut. He felt Kuroo nod and proceeded to push him back onto the bed, running the light nibbles and soft kissed down his jaw and neck, the man below him moaning softly and the travelling sensation. “But… not tonight.” 

He drew back and watched Kuroo raise a brow, his droopy eyes droopier than usual and very nearly all the way shut. “Huuuuh…” 

“You’re too drunk, Tetsurou,” Daichi laughed, stroking Kuroo’s face. He could tell Kuroo internally melts when he calls him by his first name, and it in turn gave Daichi his own set of butterflies fluttering within himself. 

Kuroo looked genuinely confused. “Whaat, so what?”

“Come on now, even last time you knew when to draw the line from being too drunk.” 

“For yooour sake, just met you and all... are _you_ too drunk right now?”

“I’m drunk enough, and you’re about to pass out. I’m not taking advantage like that.” 

The exasperation oozed from his drawled out groan, his brows pulling together along with a pout. “Yo— _hic,_ you’re an asshole…” 

“Thank you,” Daichi smirked, watching Kuroo’s features slowly drift into a lax state. His breathing softened and he looked very much at peace, and _very_ cute. His peachy lips parted slightly as he fell deeper into a sleep and Daichi ran a thumb along the delicate surface. He took this moment to just appreciate the man’s beauty, taking in every detail the naked eye could possibly gather. He had a very faint dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose, adding to that so innocent and adorable appearance Kuroo seems to hide. Daichi didn’t feel himself smiling down at him as he got lost and captivated with such a pure face such as his. Was he in love or something? It was too soon to be, at least that’s what he convinced himself up until now. _It’s never too soon._

He eventually managed to pry his exploring eyes away from Kuroo’s face and searched for a distraction to put a halt to those confusing thoughts, catching a bundle of feathers at the corner of his vision. Daichi looked up to see Kuroo had already hung the dreamcatcher above his headboard. He smiled and narrowed his attention down to Kuroo’s hands. Bright red crescent shaped marks broke the skin across his palms, Daichi frowned and figured he must have done that last night. He then shifted his gaze towards his bracelets. Daichi had a few similar bracelets somewhere buried in his belongings, maybe if he dug them out it’d be a nice gift to Kuroo, since he seemed so in love with bracelets. He pinched a few between his fingers and analysed them, noting every wearing detail to them and wondered how long Kuroo must have had them for them to be on the verge of snapping like that. Or maybe he just got them like that, the whole broken and worn out material being a trend these days. Then, Daichi felt his heart stop dead in it’s rhythm. He swallowed hard as he tried to avert his thoughts and mind to somehow explain that glimpse was something completely different and not what he was thinking. Beneath the leather material was a raised texture to Kuroo’s otherwise smooth skin, the vertical line rimmed a bruised reddish purple colour and the centre paling faintly. Daichi took a deep breath before tenderly tugging Kuroo’s sleeve up, his bracelets following the jagged stroke relatively far up his wrist. He hovered a trembling finger over what he assumed— _knew,_ to be a scar before setting it down lightly and running it along the rough texture contrasting against the silkiness. Daichi flicked his eyes over to Kuroo’s other wrist, peeking under his sleeve and bracelets to spot a similarly placed scar.   

“Why…” he whispered more to himself rather than to the asleep man under his weight, more a question to why he didn’t notice these before. They were certainly too thick to be something to only hurt himself, they were violent and desperate, a clear attempt to _end it._ It might have been the past, but Daichi couldn’t help but feel an excruciatingly heavy dread weigh down on his chest. Was it the past? Or is this still the present? He didn’t know, he would never know unless Kuroo opened up to him, but why should he? Why was Daichi suddenly so interested and concerned for someone else? Simply put, he had fallen hard for this boy, maybe too hard. And now he was afraid— _terrified_ to lose him. 

“Dai...chi?” His voice was distant enough that Daichi almost thought he might had hallucinated it, but when two concerned honeyed orbs looked up at him curiously he realized his own eyes stung with the warmth of tears, threatening to spill at any given moment. 

“Fuck— sorry, I’ll leave you to sleep,” he stammered out hastily, pushing himself off Kuroo and the bed and reached for the door. He needed to get out of there, he couldn’t let Kuroo see him break down over something he wasn’t suppose to be intruding on. 

“W— _hic,_ wait what’s uuup?” Kuroo was barely speaking their language anymore, his words combined and slurred into one incoherent line. “Please stay…” 

Daichi halted by the door, afraid to look back until he got his tears under control. “Sorry Kuroo, go back to sleep.” 

“‘M not sleepin’ ‘till you come back,” he mumbled, sitting up in a struggle. “I’m cold now, you were keeping me warm.”    

“Your _wrists_ Kuroo,” Daichi blurted, hearing Kuroo’s breath hitch behind him. “Please don’t tell me you still feel like that.” What was he doing, asking a barely conscious or lucid Kuroo about his emotional state. What gave him any right to knowing Kuroo’s life? He had realized how insensitive he might have sounded, but the fear swirling in his chest spoke before he could even process the words logically.    

“I did that… ‘cause it was the easy way out,” Kuroo finally said, his voice slowed so he could speak a little more clearly. 

“...And now?” 

“And now I fancy you a bit too much to opt for any shortcuts,” he said honestly, leaning back on his elbows and looking up towards the ceiling. “I swear you’re not wasting your time on me.” 

Daichi turned around fast enough that his mind was still facing the door, his feet almost losing its footing from the thrown off balance. “That’s _not_ what I’m worried about! This isn’t about— ugh, _wasting_ time because I think you’re gonna do something like that again or something… I’m just scared.” 

“I’m fi— _hic,_ fine now,” he said, not meeting Daichi’s stern glare. “Sorry, I didn’t want you to see…” 

Daichi relaxed his gaze and his brows curved in concern. He stepped back over to the bed and climbed up on it, pushing down on Kuroo’s shoulders until his back rested against the mattress again. He held their faces close, no words spoken for a long time. Daichi reached his hands over to Kuroo’s wrists, wrapping his large hands around each one. “I’m _scared,_ because I fancy you a bit too much to lose you.” 

Kuroo smiled softly, lifting his hands up with Daichi’s hands still holding on up to Daichi’s cheeks, cupping them gently. “We just sticking with _fancy?”_  

He pressed into Kuroo’s touch, sighing at the peace and tranquility he felt from it. “How about… like, like?” 

“That’s go— _hic,_ good enough, for now.” 

Daichi let his weight fall completely on Kuroo, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat drum from the depths of his chest and feeling the warmth radiate through his thin shirt. He felt Kuroo’s hands brush through his short hair, the sensation of his tender touch sending waves of pleasure down his spine. Daichi had his own arms wrapped protectively around Kuroo, his fingers getting tangled in Kuroo’s unruly nest; he held him as though to make sure he couldn’t disappear, as though to confirm this past month had been real and _Kuroo_ was real. He didn’t want this kind of happiness to disappear, he didn’t want his new found safe haven to be crushed by the time he woke up. But feeling Kuroo’s touch, feeling his body there within his embrace, was just enough to put his mind at ease. It was just enough to convince him Kuroo wasn’t going anywhere. 

Another hiccup hitched Kuroo’s chest and Daichi was snapped back awake in an instant. “My god, please just drink some water.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, are they in love yet? Thanks for stopping by to read this, I appreciate it so much!  
> Find me on [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early-ish chapter! This was meant to have so much more stuff going on but me being me I get a bit too lost in writing and end up going way over the word count I was aiming for, _sighs_. So I had to push a few things into the next chapter. Oh and just want to thank you all for your lovely comments on previous chapters, they literally make me so happy! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Oh and rating has changed to **EXPLICIT** , for this chapters smut hue hue.

Sawamura Daichi, some typically ordinary and hot as hell student at first glance, a total dad on closer inspection, and the warmest, most cuddly bear in the whole world upon getting the know the guy. Sawamura Daichi, the kind of guy Kuroo didn’t expect his heart to have room for, and also the kind of guy Kuroo never expected to let a person like himself in. A person who loves to lie, a person who strives off manipulation, a person who feeds off other people, a fucking parasite in other words. But here that typically ordinary hot as hell student, total dad and warm cuddly bear was, leaving himself vulnerable and wrapped unsuspectedly around that very parasite. 

Kuroo would laugh under other circumstances about how Daichi was quite comfortably clinging onto Kuroo like no tomorrow, and Kuroo had no chance in moving without waking him up, but the brain destroying headache and dwelling guilt eating away at his mind prevented him from doing so. Why wasn’t he more careful? How could he let him see what a total pathetic, weak loser he actually was? He wished he just drank himself next to death so then he’d have a higher chance at forgetting everything. Maybe Daichi forgot? Unlikely, he wasn’t even that drunk. _Fuck!_  

He ran his hand along the bed sheets blindly in search for his phone, eventually finding it after many wasted minutes. Kuroo attempted to make the most minimal movement in fear of waking Daichi, mainly for a sole reason; taking a selfie. His instagram page had been rather neglected the past couple of weeks outside his dance routines or stray cats, so what better come back than to reveal his _almost_ boyfriend? Kuroo breathed out his typical mischievous snicker, keeping it restrained to stay quiet as he flicked his thumb on his phone screen, tapping on the camera button. He almost gagged at how he looked, skin sallow and reddening around the nose, bruised to death eye bags, lips cracking like he was dying in a desert— Kuroo hates the morning after drinking. Perhaps he always looked some level of exhausted but the hangover state was a freak show in the mirror. 

He stole a few moments to chew the hell out of his lips in a habitual attempt to rid the flaking skin before holding his phone over him, Daichi still breathing evenly and peacefully on his chest. Pout mockingly? Do the asshole smirk? Neither, Kuroo just grinned wide and brightly, his eyes squinted shut from the excessive smiling. _Click._ He brought the phone back down and pondered whether or not to take 50 more, but to be honest even if he looked terrible he still found Daichi incredibly cute on that first shot. And he was certain no amount of retakes would hide the fact he was hungover as fuck, so he rolled with the first try. He whacked on his usual subtle light leak filter to stick with the theme going on. Kuroo never tended to use actual filters that enhance the skin or anything but unlike those literally flawless not-so-human humans, he couldn’t tag something cringey like ‘no filter needed’, because with the way his eye bags were displaying like this year's trending designer handbags he needed about 20 filters. 

Kuroo locked his phone and let it drop beside his head on the bed, the screen illuminating from darkness again with hundreds of likes painting the lock screen within the first few seconds of posting. He should really turn off notifications, but he often liked responding to his followers and seeing who’s commenting what. The power social media has over someone’s confidence and self-esteem, it’s damn scary. The weight on his chest shifted briefly, leaving Kuroo to freeze momentarily until Daichi settled back to stillness again. Kuroo hovered his hand over the sleeping man’s head before finally setting it down, stroking the short chocolate hair that grew only slightly longer on the top. Daichi’s hair was soft, really soft even, Kuroo could honestly stroke it all day. And with the way the guy let indistinct moans sound behind his closed lips, he was definitely enjoying it too. 

There was only the sound of the occasional high pitched tweet from behind the windows, the sound of Daichi’s deep breathing, and the sound of Kuroo’s ravaging thoughts screaming loud and clearly in the small confined space. They were _so loud,_ so _unbearable,_ and Kuroo knew there was one way to quieten everything down— 

“Mm...” Daichi began to stir gradually, a groan in response to the throbbing ache behind his eyes and in his temples accompanied with that grossly unsettled feeling in his stomach. It took him a little while to realize where he was, and even longer to realize he was on top of Kuroo. “Kuroo… Kuroo? Wh—” 

“Morning, sleeping beauty~” Kuroo grinned down at the very confused Daichi struggling to lift his weight off Kuroo, eventually giving up and rested his chin on his chest. “You were too cute to wake so I left you to it, had a nice sleep?” 

He looked entirely dumbfounded, round eyes staring widely at Kuroo and mouth parted in his moment of gawking. “Shit sorry, I must be heavy,” he grumbled out, voice hoarse and thick with sleep. He rolled off Kuroo who laughed lightly. 

“Not really, I mean I can’t feel my body anymore but that’s all cool.”

“Moron, should have woke me!” 

“All those muscles huh. Hey what’s your insta? I need to tag you in something.” 

Daichi cocked an eyebrow up and turned his head to look at Kuroo. “Insta?” 

“You know, instagram.” 

“Oh uh,” Daichi frowned at he tried to think what the hell his username even was. He did use it occasionally, but he just wasn’t aware of his own username. “Wait I remember now, _daichicrow_ or something dumb like that. The crow part was from my high school volleyball team— wait tag me in what?”  The concern grew in his chest as Kuroo was wordlessly grinning and typing something on his phone, his own phone lighting up moments later. 

 

_[catnippy tagged you in a post.]_  

 

“Who th— Kuroo… what post?” He asked as he tapped on the notification, feeling his heart drop about 20 stories down as he realized what Kuroo did. “Kuroo!” 

“Come on, it’s cute!”

Daichi tore his mind away from the embarrassment of having a photo taken of him while he was practically drooling all over Kuroo, and focussed his attention on that warming grin in the photo. He had thought he had seen all of Kuroo’s pure, innocent, endearing sides, but now a whole new door had been open to the world of winsome. He had never seen the guy look so precious. “Only cute one is you to be honest…” The hundreds of comments corresponded with his thoughts, many reading _‘Kuroo-senpai is so cuuuute!!! ♥’, ‘omg!!! We finally get to see kuros face again, ur always so hot’, ‘NOO TETSU HAS FOUND LOVE THATS NOT ME’;_ that last comment tore a laugh out of Daichi’s throat. It only just hit him that he had a ridiculous amount of likes and comments, and he only posted the photo barely even 15 minutes ago. “Damn, you famous or something?” 

“Barely, I guess I’m just well known-ish,” he said, lolling his head over on Daichi’s shoulder to watch him scroll through his feed. “Some of my fangirls have the hots for you now, thanks for stealing my fans.” 

“Fangirls huh,” Daichi repeated after him, shifting his eyes to look at the intimidating amount of followers. That’s totally fine that Kuroo just exposed him to about 400 and something _thousand_ people, and now Daichi’s normal follower base of 500 was rising rapidly after being tagged and followed by Kuroo. He hit the follow button and hurried to set his profile to private before things got too out of hand. “How do you even deal with so many people knowing your life…” 

“Pfff, no one knows my life! All these people know is that I dance… take pictures of cats all the time and that’s about it.” 

Daichi hummed and found himself being mesmerized by Kuroo’s feed, pausing on about every selfie he took. They looked effortless yet he always looked so perfectly natural; there was a sort of light leak film appearance theme throughout the entire feed, it was rather satisfying to look at for some reason. Some pictures were straight up motion blurred yet still caught the emotion and gist of what was actually going on. A particular picture caught his attention and he landed a thumb on it, a picture of Kuroo with [eerie smoky eye makeup](https://orig00.deviantart.net/42fb/f/2017/279/6/6/kowth_juuvio_by_sapchi-dbpp3uc.png) messily smeared and dripping down his face. The chilling smile was what made the picture so fascinating and dark, drawing Daichi in like a singing siren. The photo didn’t look like a selfie but rather a photo taken by a professional photographer. “This is kind of creepy but so… I don’t know. I love it,” he admitted, reading over the caption that simply read _‘facade your way through hell.’_ That did not sound depressing _at all._  

“Oh that, for when me and Alisa were doing a shoot before some performance a while back.” Daichi noticed Kuroo’s gaze desperately avoiding looking too hard at the photo, diverting his eyes promptly after a quick glance. 

He took that as a signal to move on and carried on scrolling through his feed, also looking over the fact he mentioned ‘shoot’. As in, photoshoot? There was a certain point in when he could tell Kuroo was having troubles, the photos where there was no light behind his eyes, where he looked strung out and exhausted, gaunt and done with about everything. Yet, he _mostly_ always put up a convincing smile. It was painful to look at. 

Daichi stole a glance towards Kuroo who was occupied with his own phone, and continued on to stalk his page. There were quite a few photos which were professionally taken, as well as _MEN’S NON-NO_ magazine cover photos with him on it. Hold on— magazine covers? It wasn’t that he would question Kuroo’s modelling abilities because he knew better than anyone how attractive Kuroo is, along with the fact these photos were more than a good example of his modelling, but he thought he was already settled on a dancing career. “Are you a model as well or something?” Daichi questioned. 

“Eh, that’s a side job! How’d you think I afford this place?” 

It took a moment to realize Kuroo actually just confirmed to being a model. “You— you’re a model… You’re basically famous what the hell?!”

“Quit saying famous! Just well known...ish.”

So Daichi was working on a relationship with a godlike dancer who also happens to be a model who is _also_ borderline famous— or _well known-ish_ in Kuroo’s words. On top of it all, he was just an endearingly dorky marshmallow who Daichi was head over heels for. _He’s so out of my league, what the hell am I doing._  

After what seemed like endless scrolling of cats, tea, cigarettes and whatever ordinary everyday thing that Kuroo somehow managed to make look aesthetically pleasing, he finally reached  Kuroo’s more personal photos. The photos where he was still in school. There were lots with him and Bokuto, Kenma, Akaashi, a few people he recognized from the party last night such as the short strawberry blonde and mature looking guy with a buzz cut. Yaku and Kai was it? But there were other figures Daichi didn’t recognize, particularly one person who uncanningly resembled a snake. With the amount of photos him and this snake like person had they appeared to be close friends, if not best friends. There was also a certain girl often in those pictures, with light auburn hair and side parted blunt bangs. It reminded Daichi of all the friendships that were left behind in high school, and a sick feeling began to brew in his stomach. He never liked changed, and with time passing so quickly these days change was inevitable. 

“Ouch, I need to delete those,” Kuroo commented out of the blue. 

“Huh, why? Aren’t they friends?” 

“Ex friends you could say, that asshole’s appearance totally reflects what he is on the inside,” he chuckled. Daichi was glad it wasn’t just him that thought he looked like a snake, or at least he was hoping that was what he was referring to. “A fucking snake.” _Yep._  

He couldn’t deny that he was curious of what led Kuroo’s voice to turn into pure venom when referring to these ‘old friends’, however he decided he’ll leave it for time to reveal stories, if Kuroo was to ever reveal them. Daichi’s heart unexpectedly tripped on a beat as a certain thought invaded his mind, the memory of what he accidentally uncovered before Kuroo was even ready to mention it. Although, _would_ Kuroo ever mention something like that? He flicked his eyes over to Kuroo’s wrist as he held up his phone, now seeing the mark clear as day like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was now at least, he couldn’t unsee the evidence of… “Hey Kuroo—” 

_“Bro! Brooooo—”_  

“Bokuto be quiet please, there are other people living on this floor.” 

“If they haven’t come to the door crying about the noise from last night I doubt they’d give two shits about me yelling. KUROO?!” 

“Shhhh! He’s probably in his room, stop shouting.” 

“Great, the owls are up,” Kuroo chuckled, sitting himself up on the edge of the bed with a groan. “Oh man this headache… Hey this picture is wallpaper worthy.”     

Daichi forced himself to sit up as well, peeking his head over Kuroo’s shoulder to see a picture on his instagram of Daichi surrounded by puppies. “That was the best day of my life, seriously.” 

“Awww, look how happy you look! My heart is melted into a pool of shit right now.” 

“Sounds lovely,” Daichi snorted, watching Kuroo screenshot the picture. “Wait, wait—”

“I’m keeping this forever, you’re too cute.” 

“Fine, I’m screenshotting every picture of you I find.” Which was a lot at this rate. 

Kuroo giggled and shrugged his shoulders. “Go ahead, makes me think you’re in love with me.” 

“Getting there,” _if not already there,_ is what Daichi wanted to say, but he didn’t want to scare off Kuroo. After all, love is a powerful word. 

That seemed just about more than enough to get Kuroo smiling however, the warmth emitting from his softened gaze as he lingered his eyes in Daichi’s direction for a long moment. Despite the fact Kuroo looked like he needed a hell of a lot of sleep, and more than healthy meal in his life, he seemed to be glowing today. In fact, this sudden luminosity behind his eyes only started when Daichi said ‘getting there’. Was he really that happy over that? 

The door handle shot downwards with a loud jolt, startling the two men, and following the swinging door was a rather energized Bokuto. Daichi took a double take at the fact his hair had drooped down and fell over his eyes. He almost looked like a completely different guy if it wasn’t for the two-tone dead giveaway and those golden eyes of his. “BRO— oh… Oh? You guys—” 

“No we didn’t,” Daichi quickly interrupted, catching Bokuto deflate a little. Kuroo snorted and reached a hand out towards Bokuto. 

“Carry me, bro. I’m dying.” 

Bokuto took a few brisk steps towards Kuroo and scooped him up bridal style, making the motion as dramatic as he possibly could. The second-hand embarrassment was almost unbearable, but whatever floats their boat. “I have finally found you, my darling princess! Sorry I forgot to kill the troll over there,” Bokuto said as he motioned his head towards Daichi. 

“I’m sorry, my prince… there’s a bit of a plot twist. I’m in love with that troll.” 

“W—what?! But how?! Why? THIS GOES AGAINST EVERY FAIRYTALE!” 

“Monster dicks just drive me crazy!” Daichi wished he didn’t notice Kuroo shoot a subtle wink in his direction. 

“Oh shit this is like one of those monster hentai things.” 

Daichi did not, under any circumstances, want to know about this so called _monster hentai._ There was no living in Japan without the occasional mention of hentai, but it didn’t mean you sure as hell couldn’t avoid it. 

“Show Daichi, he’ll love it,” Kuroo smirked before before dropped back on the bed. Bokuto quickly whipped out his phone and sat close to Daichi. 

“It’s so fucked up it’s like—” 

“Nope! I don’t want to see it, nope, not a chance,” Daichi made haste towards the door to escape the two lunatics and also retain the innocence of his eyes. At least for now. He could hear the two cackle menacingly as he left the room, groaning at the taunting sound that would most definitely give him nightmares. He was glad to run into Akaashi, the only other sane person in the whole apartment. 

“Don’t let them show you, it’s plain disturbing,” Akaashi commented with that everlasting levelness his voice he always seemed to carry. He had one of those voices that could be talking all day but instead of a headache it would give sweet dreams and more of a calming effect than that dreamcatcher apparently does. 

“Wasn’t intending to…”

* * *

 Kuroo’s dancing was enticing and entrancing as usual, even though this particular routine was quite unnerving with the bone cringing bending and movements, the whole thing emitting a rather sinister atmosphere yet retaining an elegant feel on the side. Daichi couldn’t cleanse his mind from the invasive thoughts of snapping bones at every disturbingly flexible motion, wondering how the hell Kuroo hadn’t broken any bones yet. Maybe he had, but with the way his movements just flowed and weaved fluidly like he was born to just twist and turn around like that, it was unlikely. 

It almost looked like a horror movie about demonic possession, and for once Kuroo didn’t look like he was in control. It looked more like he was being controlled. Like a marionette on strings, pulling and tugging, jerking his movements at someone else’s will. It was _scary._ To think this was only the beginning stages of how he choreographed dance routines, and he already hit the nail on it from Daichi’s point of view. He had repeated the process over and over again, his body eventually remembering more than his mind did. His expression was blank like he didn’t even need to think of the steps anymore, he just had to _move._  

The room fell silent as the song came to an end for the 20th time. Daichi wasn’t even bored yet, he could watch him dance through it another 80 times if he had to. But Kuroo was worn to the bone, and didn’t look like he could carry on. 

“Take a break, Kuroo,” Daichi called over from the side of the room, watching Kuroo rest his hands on his knees as he took a moment to catch his breath. “But seriously… wow.” 

“It’s lacking in something, I can’t think of what though,” Kuroo groaned. He sounded quite irritated, his struggle to breath adding to the exasperation. 

Daichi was tempted to try and convince him it looked perfect already, but his minimal knowledge of how dance choreography works would likely set a few sparks off in Kuroo’s head. “Maybe you’ll figure it out if you just sit and rest for a while. You didn’t even have breakfast, come on.”

“I did—” 

“So a tiny bite then throwing it in the bin is breakfast?” Daichi challenged, watching Kuroo’s shoulders sink at the realization he was caught in the act. “Sit. Now.” 

Daichi ignored the scowl aimed in his direction and waited for Kuroo to surrender, which he did so moments later. He dropped himself down onto the floor next to Daichi, leaning his back on wall behind them as he focussed on levelling his breathing. “Haven’t you got class?” 

“Nope, it’s Tuesday remember? But we need to go find somewhere to eat soon,” Daichi said. “And yes, _we_ not just me.” 

“But Daichiiiiii, I’m not hungry!” 

He rolled his eyes at the same line he’s heard just about every day. “I don’t care, you’re never hungry but that doesn’t mean you can survive without any damn food.” 

“Wanna bet?” Kuroo grinned widely at Daichi, slowly dropping it as Daichi’s expression remained firm and lacked any amusement. Now he realized why Bokuto is so fussy with him, because he would literally not eat if no one makes him. “Fine, panini.”    

“That’s more like it,” he said, relaxing his features.

Kuroo went to change out of his soaked through clothes before they made their way into the shopping centre, the walk rather quiet yet in a comforting way. The increasing amount of time the two spent together since Friday it was just okay if they sat in a room together for hours not even doing anything, it was just the presence needed. For Daichi, it was soothing. For Kuroo, it felt safe. 

As the seasons stepped further into the cooler spectrum, thinner clothing was prepared to go at the back of the wardrobe. Although Daichi wore a zip up hoodie over his shirt, it wasn’t enough to fend off the chills creeping through and travelling down to his bones. Kuroo on the other hand was always prepared with about 3 layers. He glanced towards Daichi and chuckled. “Is someone finally feeling the cold?” 

“Ha, says the one who’s about to break their teeth,” he shot back. 

“Pffff, I’m always cold though.” 

A true fact, there wasn’t a day Daichi hadn’t heard the guy complain about it being too cold, even at regular temperatures. “I’d give you some of my body heat, but I’m not sure how.” 

“Strip naked and hug me?” 

Daichi groaned and shoved Kuroo’s lightly, who swayed at the little amount of force. They continued on the conversation, bouncing from subject to subject, mainly about how no pets were allowed in the building and Kuroo being beyond peeved about that. It wasn’t long before Daichi began to feel Kuroo’s subtle poking and brushing with his fingers against his own hand. He pretended to not notice just to see where Kuroo was going with it, low key hoping he’d just grab his hand already. Eventually, he slipped his hand into Daichi’s, interlinking their fingers with each other. Kuroo was clearly shy about it, Daichi catching how he stumbled over his words and forgot what he was even talking about upon realizing they were holding hands. 

“The… the um… You know. That one place in America?” 

“America has like 50 states, Kuroo,” Daichi said, a laugh winding in with his tone. 

“Fuck, yeah I know I mean like uh… That city— New York!” Kuroo bit down on his lower lip and whipped his head away so Daichi wouldn’t catch him blushing. “But yeah when she comes back she’s gonna want to know all about you.” 

“So you do have neighbours after all!” 

“Yeah, and she makes the best brownies ever, you have to try them.” 

“A food you will willingly eat? Must be good.” 

Kuroo snorted and dug his pockets for his cigarette pack. “Speaking of food, where even is this place?” 

“Mm,” Daichi glanced around quickly to determine if they were close or not. “Almost there, they have the best paninis.” 

“Better have, my legs are aching for this!” 

“Like you’re complaining about having a nice long walk with your favorite person.” 

A smirk graced Kuroo’s lips as he side glanced Daichi, but that smirk quickly morphed into an appreciative soft smile. Daichi was not a particularly palpable person, unless you looked at him for hours on end like Kuroo shamelessly did. He may have had average height, a sturdy and athletic build that was typical in students, dark short hair that was something out of the damn military, but Kuroo saw so much more. He saw that glaze of caramel dancing in those bright chocolate eyes of his, he noticed the rich golden tones gleaming from under his tan skin, he most definitely struggled with averting his hungry gaze away from those deadly thighs. Kuroo knew this guy caught his heart good, and not just with his gorgeous looks. Why was this seemingly perfect human welcoming someone like Kuroo so willingly? Someone so _dirty, shameful, pathetic, weak, horrible—_  

“Uh— Kuroo you’re kind of breaking my hand,” Daichi said warily, noticing how Kuroo’s eyes weren’t really looking anywhere anymore and past the blank space in front of him. “Hidden strength or what?” He breathed out a tense laugh to try and lift whatever mud Kuroo just seemed to get stuck on but to no avail. 

He finally loosened his grip and Daichi exhaled with relief, stretching his hand out a little to check if it was still working. Kuroo turned his head towards Daichi and raised a brow. “What?” 

“Nothing— don’t worry about it,” he choked out, taken aback by how Kuroo just completely left the world for a moment. “Oh wait, here it is!” 

Kuroo followed Daichi’s hand gesture to a café, windows steamed up and furnished cutely. Rather than cramped, Kuroo would describe it more as cozy. “Literally the cutest place I’ve seen… Total date material!”

“This a date now?”

“Everything we do together is a date,” Kuroo clarified proudly, pulling Daichi along with him as he eagerly headed into the café. Kuroo was practically gleaming with excitement as his eyes fell on the hand written menu on the chalkboard behind the counter, winsome little drawings of the items of food plotted around in various pastel colors. “How the hell can someone’s handwriting be that neat…” 

“What panini do you want? Or like there’s cake too, and pancakes.” 

“I’ll save pancakes for another day, I’ll take the Italian panini— wait I’m paying go away.” 

“Nope, I’m treating you.”

“You always treat me and I’m the one with the jobs!” 

“Pfff, student loan covers everything!” 

“Ugh whatever, I’m still paying. What you having?” 

Daichi was ready to argue with him for the next 5 hours but with the growing rumbling in his stomach he just wanted to get straight to it. “Pancakes with syrup for me then.” 

He found a nice spot in the corner of the café, detached from the rest of the world. It was cozy and perfect to converse within without having anyone else intrude. Kuroo soon arrived at the table with a number on some sort of spring stand. “Got us tea as well by the way.” 

“Of course you did,” Daichi chuckled. “I’m thinking about getting a part time job soon, just to get that little extra spending money.” 

“Oh yeah? What you thinking of going for?” 

“Akaashi was telling me there’s a few open vacancies for bartending in that club. May as well go for it huh.” 

“Sick, another hot bartender.” Kuroo wiggled his brows, drawing out a laugh from the other. “I’ll be sure to come by to buy drinks made by you the nights you work.” 

“Right, and I won’t be paying off your remaining debts with your no amount of money left.” Daichi watched Kuroo rest his chin on his hands as he chuckled at him. “So question, when did you get that apartment? Recently?” 

“Well when I finished school my mom kinda just wanted me out. She didn’t want me there at all with all the shit I was pulling off so yeah… But my— uh dad,” Kuroo paused to chew on the skin around his thumb, a habit Daichi noticed when Kuroo got nervous or uncomfortable. “My dad spoiled me dirty. He gave me everything. So you know what he did? Just went and rented out an apartment, all for me. He was perfectly content with just paying rent for the rest of his life.” 

“What?” Daichi’s mouth gaped as he recited that over in his head. How rich was the guy to just throw an apartment like that out there? 

“He’s filthy rich, owns a company and all. But I couldn’t stay there with him still giving me everything so I told him to back off it and let me pay it myself. My god, it was a struggle at first but I didn’t want to stay there knowing I‘m basically leeching off someone.” 

“Kudos to you,” Daichi said. “Not so close with your mom?” He instantly regretted asking that, but yet again his curiosity got the better of him. “Fuck— ignore that—” 

“Nah don’t worry. She’s a workaholic basically, couldn’t give me any attention. But it’s no biggie, I got used to it.” 

“I’m sorry…” Daichi dropped his gaze at the table and fiddled with his fingers. “Guess your dad filled that space then?” 

The silence was stretched out to an unnerving amount of time that Daichi had to look back up. Kuroo just stared blankly at him, and he couldn’t read his expression at all. “Yeah, I guess,” he finally said, shoulders dropping as he released the tension held there. 

_Shit, did I say something wrong?_ Daichi rummaged desperately through his mind to go over what he just said, knowing he must have hit a nerve. He cleared his throat and reached out to Kuroo’s lax hands, squeezing them between his own. “Hey, what’s your favorite food?” 

Kuroo’s features softened gradually, his eyes wandering as he mused about the question. Daichi was half expecting him to just say air or something dumb. “Grilled salted mackerel pike! I haven’t had it in years but my taste buds haven’t forgotten that god sent.”   

Grilled salted mackerel pike. Daichi made a mental note of that and smiled at Kuroo. His thumbs subconsciously travelled to the rough site of those _marks_ tainting Kuroo’s wrists and felt himself wince at the feeling. Now he knew that they were there, there was no ridding the thoughts about it. They haven’t spoken about it since Friday night, and Daichi was quite afraid to in all honesty. Kuroo glanced down as he realized what Daichi’s mind was occupied with and turned his hands so he was holding onto Daichi. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” He asked, shooting a pearly smile towards Daichi. 

“I don’t know if you remember… you were pretty drunk. On Friday—” 

“Oh I remember,” he interrupted. “And I’m gonna say the same thing as I said then, know what it is?” 

“Might have to remind me,” Daichi smirked. He knew what he said, but he wanted to hear it again from _sober_ Kuroo. 

He took a deep breath and readied himself. “I fancy you a bit too much… to opt for any shortcuts.” 

Daichi felt himself melt into his seat hearing Kuroo’s admission for interest in him. But his gut was still filled with sludge and darkness. “Kuroo… You promise me you’ll tell me if things ever get that bad again?” 

“Well, not if it’s over a breakup between us—” Kuroo stopped himself promptly upon seeing the horror wash over Daichi’s expression. “Kidding! Bad joke, sorry. But I promise.”   

Now that totally didn’t scare the wits out of Daichi to ever attempt to breakup with Kuroo— breakup? “Wait, we’re together?” 

“Huh— oh… Hey Daichi. Wanna be my boyfriend?” 

Was his alarm moments away from blaring infuriatingly in his ear and it’s actually 5AM? Was he sat in class and got lost in some vivid drug level hallucination from the uttermost boredom? There had to be _something_ going on to explain this, Kuroo Tetsurou absolutely did not just officially ask Daichi out. 

“Shit, remember to breath—” 

“Yes. Yeah. I want to be your boyfriend,” Daichi blurted, face stinging with the lava like burn sizzling under his skin. _Boyfriend._ They were boyfriends now? 

The waitress finally came round and placed their food and tea between them on the wooden table, wishing them to enjoy their food before leaving them to it. While Daichi was still stunned into another dimension, Kuroo began to resemble the sun; beaming, shining, golden, bright. That alone was enough to tug Daichi back into reality as he finally got his head around it. Kuroo was his boyfriend. 

“WikiHow made it seem so much harder…” Kuroo mumbled, taking a sip from his cup. 

_WikiHow? This dork._ “Please don’t tell me you googled how to ask me out.” 

“Oh my god, what was I meant to do?! I’ve never done this shit before!” 

Daichi vaguely remembered Kuroo mentioning he ‘doesn’t know how to relationship’. Did that mean he literally had never been _in_ one? This goddamn model, professional dancer, guy with thousands of fans hasn’t been in a relationship? “You… you’ve had a partner before, right?” 

He choked on his tea and glanced around nervously. “I mean not really… Kinda? No wait I dunno we weren’t together it was just… you know. Love for skag kinda thing. I haven’t actually dated someone properly.” 

Daichi was honestly sat here witnessing the ever so seemingly smooth Kuroo Tetsurou crumble and stumble over the idea of having a proper boyfriend. But he felt sad for him, his only form of love literally being for that devil’s drug. _I’m going to change that._ “Geez, so we’re both each other’s first boyfriend?” 

“Well, _your_ first sexual relationship with a boy at least,” he smirked. “But technically, yeah!” 

“This other guy… you didn’t love him at all?” 

“Mmm… not really. He wanted sex I wanted drugs, both got what we wanted.” He spoke about it so nonchalantly, but it left an unnerving ache deep within Daichi’s chest. It was always a horror story hearing someone give up their body to feed such a soul eating habit. Although come to think of it, this was probably the first time Kuroo was being so open with Daichi, he wasn’t dodging questions like he usually did. There was the first barrier Daichi broke through, and he gave himself a mental pat on the back for it.

 

_[catnippy tagged you in a post.]_

 

Daichi raised a brow and finished chewing before reaching for his phone, opening the notification. Of course Kuroo managed to snag a photo of him eating, but it wasn’t the photo that caught his attention, it was the caption.

_‘He said yes!!!! … to being my bf ♥ husband chapter coming soon x #daddy’_

“Jesus Christ Kuroo,” he laughed, throwing a hand up to his own face. “Stop with the daddy crap.” 

“You’re total daddy material,” he said in a sultry voice. Daichi was lost within that mellow tone of his, the hairs on the back of his neck attempting to make a break for it. _Do not get turned on in the middle of a damn café._  

Kuroo held his phone in both hands, looking down at the picture so lovingly. _Click._ His eyes shot up at the sound of the photo capture, seeing Daichi holding his phone up at him and grinning. “Gotcha.” 

“Nooo, wait lemme see that— I don’t look bad right?” 

“When the hell do you ever look bad,” Daichi asked honestly, typing out a caption before posting the picture on instagram. Kuroo’s phone buzzed with the notification upon being tagged. 

“Look at the best boyfriend ever,” Kuroo quoted, with much divergence to what it actually said. “Look at this _relatively cute vermin_ slash boyfriend.” He smirked as he read through it again, glancing up at Daichi with glimmering eyes. He looked so happy, and Daichi felt like he’s finally succeeded in something meaningful. They were such cringy, sappy shits. 

“Put your phone down before your food gets cold,” Daichi instructed, watching Kuroo reluctantly put his phone away to get back to his panini. It seemed for once nothing in the world could possibly pull Kuroo down from his beaming exuberance. Now Daichi only wished things would stay like this, _hoped_ things would stay like this.

* * *

 The apartment was dimly lit with the various lounge lamps plotted around, a warm yellow hue given off by them. The television silently played The Aristocats in the background as Daichi sat on the sofa with his laptop on his lap. Since getting a social life, mainly just consisting of Kuroo, his habit of getting assignments done the moment he received them went out the window. In fact, it had gotten to the point where his stress levels were comparable to Bokuto’s who only did his assignments the night before they were due. 

The harsh brightness emitted from his screen left a piercing pain behind his eyes and he had to routinely shut them to give himself a break. He reached into the potato chip packet that rested on the arm of the sofa, the crumpling and crackling sounding noisily throughout the quiet room. The only other sound was the scribbling of the copic markers Kuroo was coloring with. Yes, Kuroo was sprawled across the floor on his belly with a superhero coloring book. It was beyond adorable, and Daichi quite frankly wanted to laugh at him, but he realized it was stuff like that which kept him calm and content. His foot waved around in the air very much like how a cat’s tail would, Daichi finding it quite amusing. He stopped frequently to wince at his wrists, rubbing them to soothe the pain building up. Kuroo revealed they’ve always been painful to move since bringing a knife to them, not so surprisingly. He must have literally sawed through them. Daichi shivered at the thought and focussed his mind more on what he was coloring in. It was the hulk, Daichi has guessed. Even with his minimal knowledge about the whole marvel universe Kuroo was ever so indulged in, the hulk was part of everyone’s childhood.

He watched Kuroo consistently brush his bangs out the way, eventually resorting to just holding them up. “Hey Kuroo, I think you should trim your bangs.” 

Kuroo halted his coloring and looked up towards Daichi with a rather perplexed expression. “Why?” 

He chuckled quietly and dropped his gaze to his half done assignment, shutting the laptop to join Kuroo on the floor. “Look at you, you can’t even see past them!” He dropped a hand on Kuroo’s head to ruffle the mess on top. Despite the common assumption a bed head like his must be full of knots, it was surprisingly soft and silky all throughout.

Kuroo leaned into Daichi’s touch and his eyes fell shut, Daichi could compare him to a cat being fussed over right now. He stopped momentarily and as if on queue, Kuroo’s eyes flew open to glare at Daichi. “Mmmm, carry on!” He whined, pushing his head against Daichi’s hand again. Kuroo couldn’t possibly be full human. 

They shuffled closer to each other and Kuroo dropped his head in Daichi’s lap, who continued to stroke his hair. So needy. He let his other hand travel along the olive zip-hem hoodie Kuroo was wearing, the material soft to touch. It looked a size or so too big for Kuroo, but the oversized look made him look cute. “Wait— isn’t this my hoodie?” Daichi asked, familiarity of the item of clothing slowly hitting him. He was wondering where that hoodie disappeared off to.

“Mmm,” he hummed, not paying much notice to Daichi. Even before their relationship was made official as such, Kuroo had a tendency to just wear Daichi’s clothes whenever he pleased. _Cheeky shit._ Kuroo finally turned his head and looked up at Daichi, eyes weary and drooped. His bangs had fallen back, revealing his entire face. This was probably the first time Daichi had got a good look at Kuroo’s right eye, if not a confirmation he does in fact have a right eye. If it wasn’t for the hair, Kuroo would definitely look about 12. 

Daichi hunched forwards to press their lips together, the kiss soft and steady, a slow start that worked into something more passionate before they barely pulled away from each other. Their faces were mere inches away, and Daichi’s heart wasn’t racing with embarrassment or anxiety as it usually did, it was racing because it was so deeply in love it had no other damn response. There was a tenuous whiff of cigarette smoke blended with the raspberry gum Kuroo had just been chewing moments ago. 

The space between them had closed again, this time on Kuroo’s move. Daichi place a hand under his head so he didn’t need to strain his neck too hard on keeping it up, and also so he couldn’t pull away too quick. Daichi loved kissing him, their lips felt perfectly moulded together and just clicked upon the small brush against each other. It felt natural, like it was just meant to be. 

“Daichi,” Kuroo breathed between them, running his fingers along Daichi’s neck. “Can we…” 

He nodded before even needing to hear what he had to say, although his heart picked up in pace. “I uh— I don’t know what to do though…” 

Daichi felt Kuroo smile against his lips before they pulled away again. “Come on, you’ve had sex before.” 

“Well yeah, with a girl.” 

“Same thing… Just with a shit hole. And a guy. Unless you wanna bottom— ” 

“Nope! Not… ready for that,” Daichi laughed nervously. “Last time me and Yui tried anal she nearly cried at the tip.” 

Kuroo widened his eyes before clearing his throat. “You used lube, right?” 

“Loads, does it really hurt that bad?” 

“It’s not _that_ bad, I mean it can be but I’m used to it. Kinda. I haven’t done anything in awhile so probably need to prepare me a bit. I mean, you are kinda huge to be honest,” Kuroo chuckled at the memory of seeing Daichi’s cock for the first time. 

Kuroo sat up and looked at Daichi’s ever so rosy face, the heat building up in the apples of his cheeks. He excused himself and hauled himself up off the floor, briskly making his way towards his room to grab a bottle of lube. “Hey wait, where do you wanna do this?” He called, but there was no answer. He drew his brows together and made his way back into the living room, seeing Daichi was stood up. “In here?” 

“Isn’t the sofa your sweet spot?” 

Kuroo almost questioned, but the memory hit him and he giggled. He stepped over towards the sofa only to be abruptly tackled to the floor by Daichi. The motion startled the words out his throat, forgetting Daichi’s strength. They stared long and hard at each other, Daichi’s hands planted firmly at either side of Kuroo’s head. “You call this the sof—” Kuroo’s breath caught as Daichi pressed his lips against Kuroo’s throat, baring his teeth and nipping at the soft surface. A soft moan hummed at the back of his throat as he let his eyes slide shut, moving his hands up Daichi’s shirt to run his blunt nails against his hot skin. He moved his hips into Kuroo, the latter straddling his legs around Daichi and hooking his feet together at the back. Daichi worked his way up to Kuroo’s pierced and gauged ear, along his jawline, finally reaching his lips. It was far more heated and aggressive than their earlier kisses, Kuroo not being as gentle with his teeth as he bit down on Daichi’s lips. 

Daichi sat up and forced his way past Kuroo’s leg lock going on around him, still holding his legs either side of him. He moved his hands up his thighs, squeezing and rubbed at certain points before hooking his fingers over the waistband of his sweatpants. They were easy to slide off with minimal tugging, and Daichi pulled it off over one leg that was stretched up and resting against his shoulder. He placed a hand under Kuroo’s knee and leaned down to kiss his thighs, they were perfectly smooth and toned, long and slim. Total model legs. All that was left was his black boxer briefs. “Calvin Klein huh?” 

“Pfff, don’t tell me you’ve never got Calvin Klein boxers for Christmas,” Kuroo snorted below him, nudging his leg on Daichi’s shoulder to prompt him to carry on.

“Good point,” he mumbled back, slipping and hand under Kuroo’s ass and squeezing down on a toned cheek. “All that dancing does wonders to your ass…”

“I wanna touch yours too,” he whined, reaching forwards only to be pushed back down on his back by Daichi. 

“Wait your turn!” He loved making Kuroo pout, that ever so bratty, childlike pout.   

Daichi pulled down the boxers as his massaged around Kuroo’s buttocks, slipping is other hand under to fully appreciate the moment. Kuroo chucked over the bottle of lube and gave him to all clear nod to proceed. He squirted a little more than a pea sized amount, only to add onto it as he thought it might not be enough. Kuroo chuckled at his internal suffering of actually not knowing what to do, despite having sex with lube before. Does Kuroo like a lot of lube or a little? Maybe he should just ask, but his stubbornness prevented him from doing so. 

“Don’t worry, that’s plenty. At least for fingers,” Kuroo responded to Daichi’s silent question, who grinned awkwardly at him. He rubbed his fingers together as he pushed Kuroo’s legs further up, reminding himself that Kuroo was _very_ flexible so he shouldn’t hold back as such. Despite the dim lighting, Daichi gathered the tidiness of Kuroo’s behind area, smooth and hairless. Daichi felt his member twitch a little upon staring not even that long at it, only to look down and realize he had a nice rock hard boner bulging beneath his pants. Meanwhile, Kuroo was shifting around impatiently and Daichi only just remembered he had his fingers up close to the entrance for a reason. 

Although Kuroo mentioned being experienced, he was still worried to go straight in with two fingers, so he settled at one. The lube gave easy access and allowed his index finger to slip in with no trouble, Daichi taking his time to explore the walls of Kuroo’s asshole. It felt smoother than he expected, not too much different than a vagina yet it was not exactly the same. He worked his middle finger in slowly, again finding no trouble and began to push in deeper, curling his fingers into the upper walls. As he did that for a while, he began to notice Kuroo squirm around more, his soft moaning gradually more audible and the reddening of his cheeks brighter than before. “Did I find the nice spot or something?” 

“The— uh… Prostate…” He could barely speak, often biting down on his lips or leaning his head back as Daichi used more strength to push into that one spot that was doing a clear thing for Kuroo. “You know— ah shit. Just fuck me.” 

Daichi raised his brows and felt a sense of superiority over Kuroo, watching him squirm and crave a little more than simple rubbing and touching. He leaned down and pressed his lips onto Kuroo’s, not bothered by the sloppiness or amount of tongues used in that one. He pulled away heavily winded, Kuroo’s own hot breath faltering and ghosting over Daichi’s face. “Why so eager? I can do this for a little longer—” 

“P—please, I can’t wait.” 

He removed his fingers a little quicker than what Kuroo’s was expecting, who flinched slightly. Daichi fumbled around with the zip on his jeans and pulled out his uncomfortably hard cock which felt like it was literally throbbing with excitement. The heat was felt against Kuroo’s thighs, although it wasn’t even touching him yet. He propped his head up to glance at it, pulling a face. 

“Use a lot of lube for that,” he said before dropped his head back again. “And hurry up and fuck me,” he demanded, his voice breaking as he grew more desperate. 

Daichi was tempted to go on and tease him, torture this hungry man half to death, but he himself was growing impatient. Kuroo was just so beautiful, he couldn’t hold back his desires anymore. “Wait, condom?” 

Kuroo groaned and lifted his head again. “Carry any in your wallet?” He flicked his eyes to the bulge in Daichi’s pocket. 

“I think so?” 

“Nice, now just get on with it.” 

“So demanding, shall I remind you who’s fucking who?” Daichi taunted, feel a smirk curl his lips when Kuroo started whining again. He dug his tight pockets to draw out his wallet, opening it find there was indeed a few condoms. How lucky. Daichi tore one open not so carefully and held the tip, rolling it down his cock smoothly. He was generous with the amount of lube however not enough to completely drown himself before he began to press at the entrance. Kuroo’s voiced out some breathy moans, pushing himself onto Daichi’s cock subconsciously. Daichi lifted Kuroo’s legs some more and pushed them onto his chest, legs straddling either side of his head. “Okay… can I go in?”

Kuroo nodded hastily and Daichi wasted no more time in pushing himself in. Kuroo arched his back and threw his head back, a moan ripping through his throat, toes curling and clenching within his socks. Although he looked pleasured, there was also a hint of pain twisted in his features. 

“Am I hurting you?” 

“N— no, carry on,” he prompted. 

Kuroo hissed as Daichi pushed himself past the head, the wider lump before the shaft being an obstacle that was finally passed, and the rest of the length went in with a little more ease. He was _so tight,_ it was even borderline painful for even Daichi for a moment before he stilled himself and let his cock settle in with the hugging walls that gradually eased up. Kuroo was also nervous, clearly. 

“You’re… really big— shit…” he breathed out a chuckle that quickly died out, taking a moment to level out his breathing as he looked on towards the ceiling. Kuroo finally moved his fierce gaze towards Daichi and nodded, prompting him to continue. 

Daichi began to move, slow and steady for a minute to find his rhythm. He almost couldn’t control himself, even Kuroo just breathing a little heavy sent blinding sensations through his cock and through to his stomach, and he didn’t want to explode in the first 5 minutes of fucking Kuroo. He cleared his mind and focussed on the sensational pleasure coursing through his body at every thrust instead of just cumming. He gradually fell into a faster, harder pace, thrusting deep and aggressively into Kuroo, pressing his hands onto Kuroo’s shoulders and clenching a hand full of the material of the hoodie he was wearing. Daichi leaned back down and buried his face into the crook of Kuroo’s neck, suckling and biting down on his skin until it bruised.   

Kuroo’s moans grew and his head was thrown back, nails clawing and breaking the skin on Daichi’s back. His breaths trembled and he brought his head back to look at Daichi, clenching his jaw as he began hitting and rubbing against his sweet spot. Daichi watched how his brows drew together, and his eyes welled and glazed over with tears that held their ground against spilling. Was he hurting him? He’d tell him to stop if he was, right? He almost asked, but his voice was long lost and he couldn’t focus on forming a sentence at that point. Daichi felt the sweat trailing along his face, clinging onto the tip of his nose and chin, Kuroo’s face also sheened with a layer of sweat. He began to lose track of time, the act feeling like they’ve been at it for a while yet at the same time it felt like a mere 5 minutes, but Daichi was fast approaching to his climax. He began to notice the distance in Kuroo’s eyes, the way his face went more lax like he just wasn’t feeling anything like he was earlier. “You okay?” Daichi forced out between his pants, slowing a little when Kuroo didn’t answer. “Kuroo?” 

Daichi recognized that look, similar to how to seemed to zone out when they were walking to the café, also a look that was actually quite frequent on Kuroo. His eyes held a glassy film over them, as though there a was barrier separating them from this world and his own. His movements came a complete stop and his cupped a hand around Kuroo’s face.

“Kuroo? Hey, what’s wrong? Is it hurting?” 

“...What?” 

Daichi bit down on his tongue and furrowed his brows. “Are you okay?” 

He blinked a few times and briefly smiled. “I’m fine. Don’t stop please.” 

The crease between Daichi’s brows deepened and he sighed. “You don’t seem okay… We should stop.” 

“Fuck,” Kuroo groaned and raised his hands to cover his face. “I’m sorry, I ruined it.”

“No you didn’t, honestly,” he reassured, pulling out of Kuroo. “You don’t have to force yourself if you’re not comfor—” 

“I was fine,” he bit back a little too quick, widening his eyes as he realized his outburst. “I— uh… I dunno what happened, sorry. It did feel great though, we don’t even have to stop—”   

“Kuroo. I won’t force anything on you, we’ll just do it when you’re completely okay with it.” 

He raised a brow as though that was the strangest thing someone had ever said to him. “Pfff, hello. I’m the one who initiated it,” he scowled, sitting himself up and leaning towards Daichi. “If you won’t finish with my ass then let me do something else, please?”

Daichi hesitated, really determined on not letting Kuroo do anything in fear he was uncomfortable, but his cock practically craved Kuroo. He groaned and leaned back on his hands, motioning his head towards his crotch. “Fine.” 

A wide grin stretched across Kuroo’s face, however that _barrier_ over his eyes still unnerved Daichi to no end. His thoughts were caught off guard as Kuroo pulled the condom off and kissed the tip of his cock, running a tongue along the slit and working the metal ball into the head. Daichi threw his head back and groaned, clenching his fists up on the floor.

“Wasn’t— ah, that _just_ in you’re ass?”

“Mmm,” he hummed around his cock, pulling off to smile up at Daichi. “My ass is very clean, thank you.” 

He rolled his eyes and grabbed onto Kuroo’s hair, pushing his head back down onto his cock as he felt the fluttering and pleasant buzzing rising in the pits of his lower region. The sensation grew rapidly as Kuroo completely engulfed Daichi’s cock down his throat, his teeth brushing lightly around it as he withdrew and sucked on it. “Almost— shit… there…” Daichi clenched his eyes shut, his darkened vision lighting up with various colorful lights as he approached the summit of heaven’s staircase. The feeling finally erupted like an overdue volcano, Kuroo collecting the substance in his mouth. Daichi looked down, panting and smirking. “Go on, swallow it.” 

Kuroo scrunched the bridge of his nose and obeyed, Daichi not exactly expecting him to but nevertheless it was hot as hell. “Salty, just how I like it.” 

“Gross,” Daichi laughed, suddenly feeling an overwhelming guilt wash over him. “Fuck… You didn’t get to enjoy yourself.” 

“You kidding? Your dick was great— and I like giving head.” 

“Want me to give you some? Inexperience as I am...” 

He smirked and considered the offer for a moment. “You’d be there for a while… I can’t cum that easily even if you’re hot as fuck.” 

Daichi let the words sink in before running them over again. “You— what?” 

“I dunno, I can rarely… Like dinosaur level rare. Doesn’t bother me too much though…” 

“Maybe you should try going to the doctors,” Daichi suggested, recieving a look off Kuroo. 

“And say what? Hey I can’t cum?” 

“It’s more common than you think… Definitely not something doctors haven’t heard before,” he chuckled. “Might not even be a physical problem, might be that it’s in the head like something’s holding you back—” 

“There’s not a problem,” Kuroo snapped, catching Daichi off guard.   

Daichi quickly leaned forwards to grab onto Kuroo’s arm before he can make a break for it. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to upset you.” Daichi still didn’t completely understand Kuroo’s defensiveness over the subject, but it was clear it was distressing him. “You’re beautiful… by the way.” 

Kuroo raised his gaze from his lap, feeling Daichi brush his fingers along his cheek and down his neck where certain areas reddened from the love bites Daichi managed to land on him. He sighed deeply and pressed his forehead into Daichi’s shoulder, leaving himself there for a long while. He wasn’t so much up for speaking anymore, and Daichi respected his silence. He simply brushed his hands through his hair in a hope to comfort him, which seemed to be working. Kuroo sure was a cat.

* * *

“Since fucking when were you two dating?!” It was surprising Iwaizumi was last to know about Kuroo’s and Daichi’s newly formed relationship, considering Oikawa somehow knows everything and never shuts up about anything, and also Bokuto had quite the running mouth himself and sits by him. 

“2 weeks or so now,” Daichi elaborated, mentally counting back the days since Kuroo had asked him out. His mind however, was still fixated on last night’s events. He was fully prepared to have a hard morning with Kuroo but he was strangely happy and acted as though nothing went wrong. He should be glad, but there was still a certain something tugging on his worry strings. 

Hanamaki snorted behind them, peeking past the screen of his laptop. “Either you’re deaf or dumb, Oikawa only ever goes on about other people’s relationships.” 

“Iwaizumi has the mute button pressed on Oikawa permanently, if you’re forgetting,” Matsukawa remarked.

“So, Sawamura… You slept with him yet?” Hanamaki asked, his face straight indicating he wasn’t joking around like Daichi hoped so he’d be able to dodge the question. 

“Sleep— how?” As in same bed or sex sleep together? 

Chuckles erupted from the pair. “Share a bed! And the other stuff, you know—”

“We don’t share a bed, actually.” 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki looked at each other before back at Daichi. Hanamaki cleared his throat before speaking. “Seriously? Sounds great…” 

He hadn’t exactly thought too hard about not sharing a bed with Kuroo, but upon mentioning it he did feel a bit odd realizing not even Kuroo had brought up the subject or initiated they share a bed apart from that one time when he was drunk. 

Bokuto approached them from his toilet break, his sharp ears catching the end of the conversation before setting himself down next to Daichi. He leaned in close to the other man and lowered his voice. “Ignore them, Kuroo just doesn’t like sharing beds.” 

Now that was news Daichi felt an overwhelming urge to push on. “Really?”

“I mean I was pretty surprised when he let you sleep on him all night!” He breathed out a laugh before continuing. “He was probably too drunk, but usually he will have the worst night even if he’s sharing a bed. He just won’t sleep, and if he does fall asleep he has a 80% chance of decking you in the face.” 

Daichi swallowed hard and felt sweat bead up at his nape. “Sounds like you got experience…” 

“Too much! He’s been like that since school when he used to crash at mine, it was impossible to share a bed with him. He has pretty bad nightmares.”

Nightmares. That subject flashed his mind back to being torn awake with his screaming. So it _was_ a frequent occurrence. Although he might have had pretty silent nights since then, Daichi never knew what was going on behind the walls that separated them at night. “So he always gets nightmares?” 

Bokuto opened his mouth only to snap it back shut immediately, his eyes widening as though he said something he shouldn’t have. “Well— shit. I mean you must have figured that out yourself you totally didn’t get that from me—” 

“Bokuto.” 

“Yes! He does— I mean not as bad as before I think... He's probably a little more bed shareable now, you should convince him to like… Tell someone. He keeps his mouth zipped about the wrong shit.” 

“Wait, he’s not getting help for that?” 

“He denies anything is wrong, dumb right?” 

“Isn’t the rehab thing helping him with like… other problems?” 

“He gets therapy, but he avoids it. They even told him his chances of staying clean is higher if he sorts out all the shit underneath the actual addiction but he doesn’t think there’s anything to sort out.” 

Daichi groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. It didn’t even take a psychology expert to determine Kuroo had a few twists upstairs, regardless of his best efforts to hide it. Although it ultimately took discovering his _attempt_ to top it off he had a few things going on, it was the addiction that sparked the thought initially. 

“So… totally not from me because anything from me he’s put mute on, just try push him a little?” 

He nodded firmly and made a mental note to bring it up somehow without it being too out of the blue to scare Kuroo off. This would take a lot of precise planning and Daichi wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. He could practically visualize Kuroo’s scrunched up face if he dares try to tell him he has issues he needs to sort out. The screen of Daichi’s phone lit up moments before it rattled on it’s spot on the table. He took a quick glance and frowned when it was his auntie ringing him, an unusual occurrence at the very least. Daichi excused himself from class to answer the call. 

“Hello, Masumi?” 

_“Daichi! Hey uhm… How are you? Everything okay?”_

Daichi knew she wasn’t just ringing to ask how he was doing, so he bit down on his lip at the strangeness of this call. “Yeah I’m good thanks, and you?” 

_“Ah I’m fine too thank you… I’m sorry if this is a bad time but your mother…”_  

He didn’t want to hear it, and neither did his body. The icy chills embedded itself deep within his spine and his heartbeat drummed in his ears. 

_“She’s been admitted to hospital again, she’s not doing so well Daichi… She’s asking for you, would it be possible if you come back down for the weekend?”_  

There was a distant sound of voices, whether it was Masumi’s or someone else nearby him, he couldn’t tell. His name was repeated several times before he managed to muster his words up. “Sorry, yeah I’m here… I’ll come by tomorrow, I’ll just explain the situation to my lecturer, he’ll understand.”

_“Don’t put off your studies! You know your mother will scold you for that,”_ she teased, although there was a sadness lingering in her tone. _“I’ll see you soon then, take care.”_  

“Bye…” The line went dead, but Daichi left the phone pushed against his ear. As much as he wanted to believe he wasn’t expecting this, it was just an impending doom that was far beyond inevitable. His mother’s health had been deteriorating rapidly in the recent year and Daichi foolishly believe that hope alone would give her a little more time. 

“Yo, you good?” Bokuto asked at the door frame, other students brushing past him as the class was already over. “I grabbed your stuff by the way.” He drew his brows together upon noticing the sullen look plastered across Daichi’s features, and the extended silence tied a knot in his stomach. “You okay?” 

“Sorry, just thinking about something,” he said, forcing a smile towards Bokuto. 

Bokuto wasn’t convinced, but he shot him a tight smile anyway, determining he shouldn’t push. “So, food with me and ‘Kaashi?” He waited for a nod before throwing an arm over Daichi, half dragging him out the building and continued on with his chatty nature. Daichi however, couldn’t focus on a single word the owl was saying, so he only hoped nodding would be enough to not raise any questions.

* * *

 It was a surprise to catch Kuroo lingering outside the apartment complex, suspiciously looking lost as ever. It would ring a few alarms if it wasn’t even his apartment complex, so Daichi was honestly confused as to what he was doing. He could get in just fine, right? 

“Kuroo?” He asked, watching the poor guy jump half way out of his skin before he finally caught Daichi in his field of vision. 

“Shhh! She’s here somewhere…” He hissed, eyes wandering past Daichi and dipping his head down to look under cars. “I forgot to feed her yesterday…” 

Daichi was baffled to what he was on about for a moment before guessing he was on about a stray cat with the way he was peeking under cars. “Strays always find food somehow, who knows, maybe she’s cheating on you,” he teased, watching Kuroo’s expression turn genuinely hurt. 

“Aw maaan— wait, wait don’t move.” 

Daichi wanted to question, but the high pitched meow caught him off guard. He slowly turned his head to see a tiny black cat, looking like it was still in it’s youthful years of life, trotting over towards him and Kuroo. The way the creature practically leaped into Kuroo’s open arms was enough to melt even the coldest hearts. Clearly Kuroo had been feeding that cat for a while for it to behave that way towards him. It rubbed it’s little head so affectionately against Kuroo and was quite the chatty little one with it’s constant meowing. “Cat whisperer or what?” 

“The only things that appreciates me in this world,” he mumbled as he fussed over the cat. 

Daichi cleared his throat and waited for Kuroo to correct himself. 

“I mean, the only _other_ thing that appreciates me in this world,” Kuroo smirked, tearing the packet of cat food open and opening it wide enough for the cat to eat straight from the pack. 

“It got a name?”

“Her name’s Fuku— basically good luck.” 

Funny, considering the superstition hovering over black cats and their _bad_ luck. Although that’s probably exactly why Kuroo named her that, because fuck the norms and discrimination. “That’s cute…” Daichi crouched down beside them and warily moved his hand towards the tiny ball of fur, easing himself into the motion before he finally connected a finger to her head. She paused from her meal to meow and purr against Daichi’s touch before returning to eating. “She’s so sweet, unlike most cats.” 

“I know right, most cats are total ass holes,” Kuroo laughed, his gaze not leaving Fuku, and Daichi’s gaze was glued to Kuroo and his adoring eyes. He really did love that cat. Now he just had to find a way to somehow tell Kuroo he’s going away for a week. Although he doubted Kuroo would suffer that greatly from his lack of presence, considering he did in fact live alone for all the time anyway, but it still pained him to up and leave like that. Maybe it was his need for Kuroo rather than Kuroo’s need for him that was causing the pain. 

Kuroo stood from his crouch and Daichi followed after, Fuku whining and meowing loud as ever at Kuroo’s feet, head butting his ankles.

“Sorry, there’s no more food... I’ll see you tomorrow Fuku~” 

“Please don’t cry Kuroo,” Daichi snorted, seeing that ever so depressed expression pulling his face down. 

“I wanna bring her inside but security keeps catching me,” he groaned, crouching down again to give Fuku one last kiss on the head before he stood up and walked towards the doors. She tried to follow for a little of the way but stopped at a certain point and sat on the ground watching them walk away. “I’m actually heartbroken, look at her.” 

“Get a tent and stay out here with her then,” Daichi suggested, concerned that Kuroo actually looked like he was considering it. “Please don’t—” 

“It’s a great idea!” 

“Oh my god no, I’m not looking after you if you get sick,” Daichi felt his heartbeat falter at the word. He wanted to see his mom more than anything, just did not see her so frail and weak, so unlike the strong women who raised him. He couldn’t lose her, she’s all he had left. The space in his chest from his father’s abrupt passing was only held together by her. 

“What’s up?” Kuroo asked, Daichi getting pulled out of his thoughts. “You look sad.”

How observant, Daichi was sure he was putting on a convincing brave face. “Oh I’m fine, don’t worry.” 

“Mmm, really?” He stood in Daichi’s path and halted them both, pushing both his index fingers on the middle of Daichi’s brows. “Your eyebrows do a thing when you’re thinking hard, and your eyes are always down when you’re sad. What’s up?” 

He was quite stunned by Kuroo’s analytic skills, how the hell did he gather those tiny details and associate it with being upset? “The hell, are you a robot?” 

“Answer meeeee!” 

“Kuroo?” A soft, gentle voice sounded ahead of them and they simultaneously looked up towards the source. There stood a short girl— woman in fact, with a backpack bigger than herself and a bulky suitcase at her feet. She had dark chocolate hair that fell just below her shoulders and middle parted bangs that framed her face nicely. She had a youthful face, yet at the same time she still looked quite mature. Older than Daichi and Kuroo at least. 

Daichi almost didn’t notice Kuroo dash past him until he saw the two embrace, Kuroo lifted her far off the ground as he stood up straight and her face was buried in the crook of his neck. “Ari! I was starting to think you moved to America or something, ditcher,” He complained, gently placing her back on the floor. She held her hands on his arms before moving them up to cup his face, reaching up on her tiptoes until Kuroo leaned down a bit to make it easier for her. 

“I couldn’t leave you my dear, ah you look so well! Are you getting enough sleep?” 

“You just said I look well!” 

“Minus the eyebags! You need more barley tea— Aw I’ve just missed you.” 

“Missed you too. Oh hey this is my new boyfriend, Sawamura Daichi. Daichi this is Ariyasu Kana!” He gestured eagerly between them and Ariyasu’s eyes widened as she glanced between the two men. 

“Oh my, you’ve caught a handsome one huh,” she commented, making her way towards Daichi to give him a warming hug. Although Daichi wasn’t exactly one to hug strangers, her hug felt comforting and loving. “I do hope you treat each other well.” 

“Haha, don’t worry we do,” Daichi confirmed, smiling down at her. He had just met her and he was already totally in love with her. Now he sees why Kuroo was raving so hard about his mystery neighbour this whole time. 

“Actually he just started as my roomie, I’ve got skills right?” 

“Are you sure he’s not holding you captive?” She asked Daichi, who laughed in response. 

“If that’s the case I’ve got Stockholm Syndrome by now…” 

The three spoke for a little while before Daichi excused himself, leaving the two to catch up between themselves. Ariyasu seemed to genuinely care about Kuroo, acting motherlike towards him. Daichi felt a little more at ease with leaving Kuroo for a week now. 

Kuroo eventually came through and sprawled himself over the sofa where Daichi sat reading the paper. “So, tell me. What’s up.” 

Unfortunately for Daichi, Kuroo hadn’t forgotten what his quest was prior to running into Ariyasu. He sighed and folded the paper, keeping his gaze down in a sort of way to hold himself together. “I have to go back to Miyagi for a week.” 

“Miyagi? Isn’t that like the countryside?” 

Daichi chuckled and nodded. “That’s where I lived before coming over here for uni… But my mother, she sick. Has been for a while but she’s been admitted to hospital again. Guessing she’s taken a bad turn…” 

Kuroo’s features softened and he looked over Daichi, searching for words to say but nothing left past his lips. He reached a hand up to run it down Daichi’s face, pulling on it to face himself and smiled sympathetically. “Sorry… Will you be alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine. Just need to spend some time with her and see what’s going on with her recovery… Just hope it’s nothing too serious.” He sighed and glanced towards Kuroo. “Will you… you know, be okay here for a week?” 

Kuroo raised his eyebrows before laughing. “Aw come on, worry more about you and your mom rather than me! I won’t die being alone for a week… Maybe at 8 days I’ll have a foot in a grave but it’s all good,” he joked, pulling a genuine smile out of Daichi. “That’s more like it!” 

“We’ll facetime everyday, okay?” 

“I think it’s you who’s going to suffer most without me to be honest,” he taunted, curling his lips into a sly smirk. Daichi’s eyes caught the red and purple bruising making a grand entrance down Kuroo’s neck, stopping himself from laughing.

“Oh yeah? Okay no facetime—” 

“No, no! I’m kidding I love yooou,” he whined, pushing his head into Daichi’s chest. He halted to a deathly still stop and Daichi almost thought he died, until he realized what he just said. “Oh fuck—”

“I love you too,” Daichi interjected, watching the surprise on Kuroo’s face morph into a soft, lazy smile before he buried his face back into Daichi’s chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boyfriends, I love you's, and cuddles, woo! And I do love bottom Kuroo in this ship.  
> Thought Daichi was safe from the angst huh? *evil laughter*  
> Want to say a big thank you to [sapchi](https://sapchi.deviantart.com/), whom I've made a lovely friend in, with bringing my image of Kuroo's makeup photo to life !  
> Find me on [tumblr](http://juuvio.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just a heads up there may be a few dark implications in this chapter. And also a little more angst for both of these poor boys than the last ones, I'm sorry. I think Sundays have turned into my update days, but I probably won't stick to it because I'm hopeless (and if anything I may just get impatient and just update sooner whoops)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Daichi always disliked travelling long distances, at least while he was alone. It was boring, tedious, and a hell of a lot of effort to share with no one but himself. Although on this occasion, the effort was excusable. 

The announcer voiced they were fast approaching Sendai station, and Daichi readied himself with much struggle to stretch his limbs out from being so immobile for such a long time. Though it was indeed satisfying to be met with the cool, crisp air outside the station, Daichi could only groan at the thought of having to catch a cab. He wished he just drove here, but quite a number of hours would have added to his travel time, not to mention he would be 5 times as exhausted as he was now. 

A faint rumble was felt in his jean pocket, Daichi’s pace slowing to a stop. 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:24 PM**

_Is there actually a diff between 4k and 5k??? In imacs i mean._

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:28 PM**  

_Kuroo you’re not getting a new imac. You can’t afford it._

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:31 PM**  

_Who said I was???_

_I mean I am BUT HEY I’VE BEEN SAVING SO WELL ＼(★^∀^★)／_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:34 PM**

_You’ve already got a macbook, why do you need a desktop?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:36 PM**  

_Cuz it’s pretty? ﾟ*｡(･∀･)ﾟ*｡_

 

Daichi curled his lips in as he held back a long string of incoherent obscenities. He hadn’t even left Kuroo alone for a day and he was already being stupidly impulsive. He wouldn’t believe anyone else if they said they wanted to buy an imac that very day because it was _pretty,_ Kuroo on the other hand brought several lava lamps with nowhere to put them. Why? Because he was _bored_ and he liked them _._

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:38 PM**

_Kuroo I swear if I come home and there’s ANY form of new furniture, electronics, anything, you’re in trouble._

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 14:40 PM**  

_Really (ﾉ≧ڡ≦) what’s my punishment daddy ♥ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)_

 

He shoved his phone back into his pocket with much aggression, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. His dark eyes scanned the street for the cab he called for a little while ago now, mentally noting they would have rang if they were here. 

Daichi felt like a sitting duck, just stood there ignoring the distracting buzzing from his phone which he knew for a fact was Kuroo whining at him. Cabs after cabs passed him, picking up other people and so on. He began to question if he just imagined calling a cab for himself and considered just grabbing the greasy, sweaty seated cabs with rather disgruntled looking drivers. 

Finally, a buzz shook through his pocket and it wasn’t the familiar text buzz he had been feeling for the past half an hour. Now he only prayed Kuroo hadn’t switched up to calling him but to relief, it was the taxi cab company. A black cab pulled up not far away from him and he answered the phone to confirm he was there. He didn’t expect the cab to be any more luxurious than the ones he had been actively avoiding but it was a step up at least. The seats were relatively clean and the interior had a tenuous scent of some sort of car freshener. Smelled cheap, but cheap car freshener beat cheap cigarette smoke by a mile.

The driver left the volume to the radio at a not too distracting level yet not low enough to for it be uncomfortably silent. He made small talk occasionally and Daichi quite enjoyed the driver’s company from his lack of much socializing the past few hours, and thankfully the driver wasn’t a weird creep, he was just that regular guy who prides over his pet dog and talks to everyone about it. It was quite warming actually. Daichi could imagine Kuroo doing the same thing, but over a cat. When Kuroo came to mind, Daichi realized he forgot to reply back to him. He unlocked his phone to be met with walls of messages— not even words, they were just gibberish letters stringed together. Someone was clearly bored. 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:08 PM**  

_Lol, are you ok?_   

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:11 PM**  

_ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ QUIT IGNORING ME I THOUGHT U DIED_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:13 PM**  

_How on earth did you manage this whole time before I came along?_

 

Daichi knew Kuroo was clingy, but he didn’t expect him to be so excessively attached as soon as he left him for a few hours. Perhaps he was just acting like that to annoy Daichi or just having a little fun, but what on earth could Kuroo be doing all day to have time to send Daichi a load of spam each and every minute of the day?

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:11 PM**

_:(_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:13 PM**  

_Have you left the apartment today?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:15 PM**  

_Yes._

 

That was a no.

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:16 PM**  

_What have you done today?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:18 PM**

_The usualllllll_

_Like_

_u know._

_Usual shit._

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:20 PM**  

_Gone to the pharmacy?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:22 PM**  

_You know i’d die if I dont so haaa I have left_

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:23 PM**  

_Not die but good point. But what else have you done? Have you eaten?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:24 PM**  

_Toast, and studio! and stuff_

 

Daichi glanced up towards the driver for a moment before hitting the call button on Kuroo’s contact. The ring went on for a while, too long considering Kuroo was holding his phone not even a moment ago to be able to text him. Eventually, he picked up. 

“Kuroo?” 

He cleared his throat before speaking. _“Why’d you call?”_  

He sounded like he just woke up or something, which wasn't true because he’d just been texting him the whole time. Kuroo’s voice was scratchy and hoarse, almost as though he hadn’t done any form of speaking all day to warm up his vocal cords. “Wow, someone sounds cheery.” 

_“Mmmm, yeah go back to texting I can’t be bothered to talk.”_

“Now I was expecting a little more love when I called you,” Daichi chuckled, but it died out quickly. “What’s got you in a mood?”

_“Sorry, love you.”_

Dodged the question, of course. “Love you too… I’m nearly there now so we can facetime soon, that sound good to you?” 

Kuroo stayed quiet for a little while, but Daichi heard him exhale. _“Sounds good.”_

He cut off the call before Daichi had a chance to fit anything else in, which only concerned him further. He pondered whether or not to call Kuroo again but he figured Kuroo would straight up let it ring forever or the conversation would escalate and he didn’t exactly want the driver to know their love life. _Love life._ It felt strange to think of it that way, Daichi still hadn’t let it sink in all the way that him and Kuroo were together.

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:39 PM**

_Jackass, I wasn’t done talking to you._

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 15:24 PM**  

_I’m gonna go nap, love youuu ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡_

_Call me later ♥_

 

As usual, Kuroo’s texting voice diverged very much so from his actual voice. If he didn’t ring he wouldn’t have guessed Kuroo was in a foul mood. Daichi sighed and dropped his phone in his lap. He allowed his head to fall back on the seat and his eyes only grew heavier with each passing moment, the day’s activities finally settling the exhaustion into his bones and muscles. Soon, the music was fished out from Daichi’s hearing, and there was only the sound of the muted hum the cab gave off. 

**.**

 

_“...ir.”_  

_“—ived now…”_  

“Sir?” 

The rough voice coaxed Daichi out of his deep slumber, gentle so considering the not so soft vocals. He awakened to weary eyes looking at him, a small smile tugging the corners of the man’s lips behind the grey stubble. It took him a few moments to gather where he was and who the man was before his mind fully crawled out of the haze. 

“Oh— damn sorry,” Daichi hurried out, clearing his throat and sitting up out of his cramped slouch. 

“No problem, travelling does that to you ey,” the driver said, turning back to face the wheel.

Daichi thanked and paid the driver before exiting with his bags, letting his eyes travel the familiar area and let the nostalgia settle in. His old neighbourhood pushed a weight down on his chest, not in a way he was afraid to be here, but more in a way he missed the old days so much that it almost hurt. The days where life was simple, the days he and his friends would be up to no good and laugh about it for weeks on end, the days where his family was all there and well. 

It was a short walk from the street he was dropped off at to his old home, the front porch and garden looking worse for the wear and neglected. Once upon a time it was well cared for and glowed with vibrant flowers his mother loved to upkeep. He bit down on his worried lower lip and proceeded forwards, the wooden slats beneath his feet creaking ever so slightly. The keys clanked and sang noisily as he shook them out to get his many keys out of a tangle, holding up the house key to the keyhole before unlocking the door. 

The hallways were dull and lacked any form of life, contrast to the past warm hues and lighting that made the house feel ever so homely. A steel film seemed to coat the premises now, a cold edge given off by the bland interior. The air felt thick and musty, having been unattended for a while now. Daichi could only scarcely associate this very familiar place with his old home now, regardless that it held old memories. 

Daichi made his way to his old room, which his mother apparently hadn’t touched since he left. He placed his bags down on the cream carpet beside the bed and set himself down, inhaling a deep breath as his eyes explored this distant memory. Posters of famous volleyball players were still flat on those grey walls, the brilliant reds of the uniform bringing life to the otherwise monochrome of the walls. His old orange and black volleyball uniform still hung like a trophy on the far end wall next to the dozens of group photos of his high school volleyball team. _Karasuno._ Daichi smiled as his mind took a trip down memory lane at the hardships him and his team faced together to bring the team back up to greatness again, to _fly_ again. The nostalgia was almost unbearable, strong enough to pull the corners of his mouth back down. It never did do anyone good by dwelling in the past, but Daichi’s constant fear of change held him back with chains.

He reached into his pockets for his phone to glance at the time, silently cursing to himself as he let himself get sidetracked. He hurriedly scrolled down to his Aunt's contact number before tapping on the call button.

Masumi’s voice had always been on the louder side, everlastingly chatty and enthusiastic about whatever subject she happened to be talking about. She felt more like a big sister or close cousin to Daichi rather than an aunt, her youthful appearance giving others the wrong assumption that she was indeed his sister. One day, she decided to just roll with that wrong assumption. Besides, who wouldn’t strive off being mistaken for being considerably younger than they actually were?

Daichi’s mother was clearly enjoying her sister’s playful charms and talkativeness, even more so that Daichi was joining in and trying his best to keep the air light and cheery, pushing past the fact his mother looked drastically different than he remembered not even a few months ago. The pounds were dropping off her already frail frame, her once spirited chocolate long locks were now dull and lifeless barely reaching past her ears, her usually full cheeks now hollowed and gaunt. However, behind the clear decay in her physical appearance, her eyes never failed to glimmer brightly past the suffering. 

“Hooooo, hello… Now this one I’m liking a lot,” Masumi commented, appearing to be ogling at a magazine cover in her lap with her mouth gaping widely. 

“Think you got a bit of drool… like just here,” Daichi said as he pointed to the corners of his own mouth. She glanced up and stuck her tongue out before turning the magazine towards him. 

“Look at this guy, he’s gonna lead on other guys to think they can pull off the ‘woke up like this’ look!”

Daichi almost choked on his own saliva as his brought his eyes up to a familiar looking bed head on the MEN’S NON-NO issue. No, not just familiar, he straight up _knew_ that bed head. _Well known-ish,_ _my ass._ He sat backwards on a worn, wooden chair with his legs straddling it in an all white room, head tilted as it rested on a propped up arm while he stared uninterestedly towards the camera. He wore the seasonal attire which was deemed trending according to the cover which consisted of a loose grey knit sweater layered with an oversized fur hooded parka and ripped black skinnies. If anything, it looked like an outfit Kuroo would wear anyway. “I— uh…” 

“He’s hot right?! I mean, I know you’re a guy but guys can find other guys hot too… Like I find loads of girls hot and there’s no shame in it.” 

He had almost forgotten the nightmare of having to explain to his family he was _gay._ And for that very guy his aunt was gawking at in awe.

“Oooh, dashing young man isn’t he…” Mrs Sawamura remarked, head turned weakly towards Daichi and Masumi. “My dear sister should try snag one like that… maybe one with more manageable hair however…”

“I’m totally up for the full on bed head look! Damn how does he pull off such a style like that? How much gel does he use?” 

Daichi almost answered that he didn’t need any gel, but quickly silenced his words before they even reached his vocal cords. It was clear the two women were catching on to his sudden bizarre behaviour and uncomfortable shifting, so he trekked through his mind to find some sort of explanation before they began to beat down on him. “I actually… have some news—” 

“Oh! How’s Yui by the way, I forgot to ask,” Masumi interrupted, plastering a horrified look across Daichi’s features. “...What’s wrong?”

“Well we— uh… We broke up actually…” He mumbled almost below hearing level, but Masumi caught it and a gasp rippled through her throat. 

“Oh crap I’m sorry, I had no idea...”

Mrs Sawamura curved her brows and smiled sympathetically before reaching over to hold onto her son’s hand which rested on the side of his hospital bed. “It’s all part of growing up love, don’t let it bring your spirits down too hard.” 

He gave a tight lipped smile before glancing between the two of them, readying himself to proceed. “Well it happened a while ago, and I actually got a new partner.” _Partner. Why couldn’t I just say boyfriend?_  

“Why am I _just_ hearing about this?!” Masumi questioned, voice raised in an almost panic. “Damn look at you go, your good looks and charm is sure to guarantee you wouldn’t be single for long! What’s her name?”   

_Her. It’s a he, how the hell do I say this?! What if they disown me, judge me, be disgusted with me?_ “It’s… a he.” 

There was the stretched out silence Daichi feared, and each passing moment with nothing but the sounds of their own breathing and the beeping machine sent fire through Daichi’s veins. He considered playing it off as a joke to save himself, but his mother’s laughter caught him off guard.

“It’s time for a bit of change in this family!” She exclaimed gleefully, lips stretched into a wide grin. “When do we get to meet him?” 

“Woah— I mean like wow! Why the hell didn’t you bring him with you silly, I wanna meet him! What’s his name? What does he look like? Do you have any pictures—” 

“Actually,” Daichi cut off Masumi’s apparently never ending excited rambling and proceeded to direct his gaze to the magazine in her lap. “Kuroo Tetsurou… He’s actually that guy on the magazine.”

The silence this time stretched out further than the last period of the shock moment, Masumi not holding back her mocking cackle soon after. “Shut up.” 

Now this was the prideful moment Daichi had lived for, and Kuroo changing his phone’s lock screen wallpaper to a picture of them both pulling dumb faces finally had more of a use than making Daichi grin at it every now and then. He pressed down on the home button to light the screen up and held it towards Masumi and his mother’s direction, feeling nothing but victory as their jaws seemingly broke and hung open catching flies. “And by the way, he doesn’t use gel, his hair is naturally a nightmare.” 

“Oh... My freaking god,” Masumi gawked, widened eyes fixated onto his phone and reaching over to light it up again when the screen dimmed. “Damn, why don’t I have as good as game as you?”    

“You didn’t answer my question… When do we get to meet him?” Mrs Sawamura repeated, a smirk curling her lips. 

“We’ve only been going out for a little over a couple of weeks… So I’m not sure.” 

“Nonsense! Bring him over soon, I want to meet the person who makes my darling son so happy… The way you look at that photo is heart melting you know.” 

Daichi felt a familiar heat crawl across his face and his bowed his head down in an attempt to hide it. He had to survive another hour or so of the two women pestering to see more photos and knowing more about Kuroo. Eventually it felt easy to talk about Kuroo, and it was only then he realized how much he loved to talk about him, how much he loved to even think about him, and how much he _missed_ him. He glanced routinely at his phone to check for any missed calls or a text saying that he was awake now, but there was nothing.

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 19:11 PM**  

_My aunt has a crush on you. And so much for not being famous._

_[IMG. ATTACHMENT]_

 

He eagerly awaited for a text back in the usual 2 to 5 minutes Kuroo usually took, but after a tedious 15 minutes he sighed and tore his gaze away from the black screen.

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 19:29 PM**  

_Daaaamn whos that guy (／≧ω＼)_

_Tell ur aunt i fancy her too!!!_

_Can we facetime now? I miss ur face._

 

Kuroo was like a lightswitch, maybe a nap was really all he needed. Daichi couldn’t let himself complain and took this opportunity to make the most of Kuroo’s now upped mood.

 

**> > > To: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 19:31 PM**  

_Still with my aunt and mom, but since they want to see you so bad do you mind?_

 

**< < < From: Relatively Cute Vermin**

**Thur. 19:33 PM**  

_Sure. ill make sure to embarrass you good._

 

**Relatively Cute Vermin**

**FaceTime video…**

 

**Slide to answer**

 

For the first few seconds, the video was so badly pixelated Daichi could only make out the yellow hues of the lighting in what appeared to be the kitchen. Eventually, the video warmed up to the WiFi and was of decent enough quality. Kuroo wore a grey, off white and beige peruvian bobble hat and had a cigarette between his lips before he withdrew it with a quick inhale and released a cloud of faint smoke. He grinned at the camera and waved a hand. 

_“Heeeey!”_ He sounded far more enthusiastic and elated than what he did earlier that day and Daichi found himself smiling at his phone. 

“Hey, what’s with the hat?” 

“Ears are cold, I usually have your arm to stick my head through,” he said. Now Daichi finally understood why Kuroo frequently pushed his head between the crook of his arm while he sat down or something, because his damn ears were cold.   

He laughed before Masumi cleared her throat at the door, holding two steaming cups before she made her way towards Daichi. “Oh, Kuroo… This is my aunt, Masumi.” He turned his phone around and he could have sworn he saw Masumi’s soul leave her body. He never saw that woman nervous, but at that moment she was blubbering mess. 

_“Hey Masumi!”_ Kuroo’s voice crackled through the device and Masumi barely managed to muster the words to respond to him. 

“H-hi!”

“And this is my beautiful mom,” Daichi announced, moving his phone in his mother’s direction. She smiled brightly and waved at the phone. 

“Beautiful for sure, hey Mrs Sawamura,” he said in a softer tone, Daichi could practically visualize that gentle smile on Kuroo’s face without even looking at his phone. “Your son’s awesome by the way.” 

“Hello Kuroo! Ah stop it you, you’re the lovely looking one. I’m glad you’re making my sweet Daichi so happy!” 

Daichi let the three converse between themselves while he just sat back and held Kuroo up— well his phone technically but even so, he was starting to feel a bit impatient seeing as it was mostly him who wanted to speak to his own boyfriend. However, he could barely process past the fact how accepting his mother and aunt were of him having a _boyfriend._ They didn’t even stop to question it. “Okay my turn,” he groaned, a unison of whines escaping from the two women before him, and even a subtle whine from Kuroo himself. 

“Go away you’re boring, I think I may date those two instead,” Kuroo pouted while he spun a pom-pom that was attached to the string on his hat around. Daichi swiftly ignored the snickering of the other two and shuffled his chair further away from them until they began to talk between each other.

“Have you eaten today?” Daichi asked, watching that familiar nose scrunch bundle up on the bridge of Kuroo’s nose.

“Yeah, toast.” 

“Only toast?” 

“Lots of toast?” 

“Spoken to Bokuto today?”

“Yeah a bit— oh hey so I didn’t get the imac…” 

“Good—”

“Ordered a new 3DS though because lost my old one and wanted to play pokémon again! Want me to get you one so was can play together?” 

Daichi opened his mouth a few times but only to be met with a croak in the back of his throat. His voice finally came back to him, but he didn’t plan on using it gently. “What the hell did I say about buying stuff?!” 

“I’ll get a nice punish—” 

“Shh!” He hissed, flicking his eyes towards his now drifting mother who was moments away from falling asleep. “Hey Kuroo I have to leave the hospital now, can I call you when I get back to the house?”

“Sure, see ya soon.” 

“See you soon.”

* * *

Red was a vibrant color, a color that meant a lot of things. Danger, anger, pain, love. Funnily enough only one of those listed seemed relatively desirable, but even love was a pain in it’s own glory. The world might have been so much more simpler without that cursed emotion. A curse that damned too many souls to count, betrayed those who threw their vulnerable hearts into the fray, twisted the minds of those who let such a thing take more control than their brains. Stupid really, who needs love? Why was love such an irresistible feeling that Kuroo couldn’t sway himself away from it? 

The bloody colors of the wall Kuroo had been staring at for god knows how long had saturated to a bland grey. He wasn’t sure if he blinked yet, or if he fell asleep with his eyes open maybe. The hazy fog blocked his senses to even draw awareness of the real world around him, so much so that the wall he had only stared at for hours at a time each day had become only vaguely familiar. 

How pathetic, he was already at the end of his tether after a mere 4 days away from Daichi, the first day being a form of torture on it’s own. He couldn’t comprehend why however, he was fine alone before he came along— maybe not particularly _fine_ , but fine enough to move his limbs. Perhaps Daichi wouldn’t come back, maybe he was already deathly sick of Kuroo and decided to use the opportunity of his sick mother to move back over to Miyagi— _The fuck, Kuroo. His mom is sick of course he has to go and see her._ He groaned and acknowledged his selfish mindset and concerning clinginess for a brief moment before he was battered down with another violent wave of intrusive dark thoughts. 

There was always that one way to forget, to relax, to go back to those days of not caring. It was so easy, just a simple call away, just a 5 minute drive. He could go right now, _it was too easy._ And he _missed_ it. Kuroo barely caught the obscured buzzing of his phone that laid behind him on the bed, but not a single muscle wanted to wake up to see who it was. He didn’t care. If he could continue staring for a few hours longer maybe he’d have a dreamless sleep where there was nothing more to scare him other that the darkness itself. 

The buzzing came again, and again, and it was seemingly never ending. Maybe it was Daichi? Why would it be, he’s already bored of Kuroo’s obsessiveness over him. He just wanted to be alone— _not alone, never alone, please don’t leave me alone…_

Kuroo’s eyes zoned back into focus at the distracting banging sourcing from somewhere distant yet seemingly so close. Maybe it was next door fixing furniture, or someone knocking rather desperately on Ariyasu’s door; whatever it was it was brewing a throbbing ache in his temples. _Shut up, shut up, shut up—_  

“Kuroo! I’m coming in asshole and if you’re in there and ignoring me I’m gonna be pissed,” a familiar voice boomed, vaguely muffled behind the door and distance.

Who else was annoyingly loud, _painfully_ loud even, the level of loud Kuroo previously couldn’t bare to be around due to his sensitivity to loud noises. Bokuto, of course. It was fine, he couldn’t get in anyway without breaking the door down and if he did he’d be paying for it. That should be a good enough reason to prevent him from doing much damage, right? 

Apparently none of that was necessary as Kuroo heard the click of the door lock and rattling of the door handle. It was followed up by the bang of the shutting door and fast paced heavy steps approaching closer and closer. This was just another bad dream and Bokuto was not just storming in right now. 

“Oi! What’s up with you?!” Bokuto sounded a little more than pissed off, and his firm grip on Kuroo’s shoulder sent his senses into absolute freeze mode. 

_“It’s fine Tetsurou, you don’t have to be so shy about it…”_  

The very voice he tries to desperately to run away from, to vanquish hopelessly from his mind. It’s won’t go away, it never goes away, it only resides there to taunt him day after day. _It didn’t happen, it never happened—_  

_“...kay? Bro?”_

“Bro… You good? Hey, hey come on look at me!” 

Red. Such a vigorous color looking unusually dreary and dull. “What,” he almost growled, slowly turning his dried out gaze towards the concerned looking owl hovering above him. 

Bokuto pulled on his shoulder and rolled him onto his back, sitting himself down crossed legged beside Kuroo. “You weren’t answering my calls… And Daichi told me you were being weird with him too so I know something’s up,” he declared, watching Kuroo huff and attempt to roll back to face the wall only to be stopped by Bokuto’s firm hand pinning his shoulder down. “You eaten today?” 

“Go away, I was sleeping,” Kuroo groaned, pushing himself on the headboard to sit up. 

“Dude, have you seen your face? Doesn’t look like you’ve slept at all.” He shuffled a little in his space and reached a hand towards Kuroo’s, hesitantly curling his fingers around it. “You can tell me to go away all night but I ain’t budging, but I know you’re not gonna after you find out what I brought over.”

He really didn’t care, he knew Bokuto would grow bored of him eventually and leave so maybe he should lay there and give him the silent treatment. What a joke, of course that wouldn’t work with Bokuto. He’d just talk Kuroo to death if he didn’t respond. If he was going down a death route, he’d opt for something a little quicker. Kuroo glanced towards Bokuto who was only inches away from his own face, a stupid smirk curling his lips as he knew he was on the path to winning this one. “...What?” 

“Cup noodles and Harry Potter movies!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms up in one of his over excited gestures he usually does. “You said you wanted to rewatch the series, right? Because dude me too, so get up.” 

This time, Kuroo couldn’t stop his lips from twitching. Bokuto knew him too well it was impossible to curl up into an indestructible ball around him. But it wasn’t enough, he was still considering throwing himself out the window. 

“Hey… wanna talk about it?” He asked softly, a strange tone considering it was coming from Bokuto’s usually boisterous mouth. 

Kuroo shook his head and forced a smile. “No, don’t worry… sorry.” 

He looked like he wanted to push, but he pursed his lips and nodded. “I’ll go set everything up… you go shower.” 

“What—” 

“I’m not letting you fall to tramp level now get off this damn bed and sort yourself out! Want me to help?”

“Shut up, man.” 

“Come on! Remember how was always used to share showers—” 

“When we were _single.”_  

“Pfffff it’s cool bro! Brother love!”

“Ha-ha, explain that to Akaashi and Daichi.” 

“We could always go poly…” 

“Oh fuck off, just go sort the T.V out I’ll get in the shower,” Kuroo groaned as he pushed passed Bokuto and rolled off the bed. His muscles cried at the sudden movement after many hours of being immobile, but he managed down the hall nevertheless. He could hear Bokuto cackling behind him and singing quite terribly as he prepared the cup noodles. 

Kuroo emerged from the bathroom, hair flat and dripping after a reasonable amount of time. He stepped over to the living room with a towel draped around his shoulders with a certain question that was pestering him in his entire duration spent in the shower. 

“Bo… How did you get a key?” 

The drooping, two-toned hair turned to reveal Bokuto’s smug expression. “I convinced Ari to let me get her key cut. She agreed without much persuasion actually!” 

Ariyasu, of course. That women didn't dare to let Kuroo lock himself in his apartment, especially after a certain incident that might have terrified her half to death. “Right…” 

He set himself down on the soft rug beside Bokuto and in front of the coffee table where the cup noodles were still steaming heavily. Kuroo knew he was good at putting up facades, but apparently never convincing enough for Bokuto.

“Hey listen, you know nothing does you any good if you just keep it locked up like that.”

Kuroo furrowed his brows as he glanced towards his friend. “Huh?” 

“Something’s bothering you— well something’s always bothering you but it’s really bothering you right now.” 

“No there isn’t—” 

“You did that last time,” he almost snapped, gentle features sharpened at the edges and firm glare glazing over with a sheen. “You keep saying you’re fine, that there’s nothing to worry about, yarda, yarda and then look. I was a fucking moron for believing you then and it’s my fault you—” 

“Fucks sake Bokuto no it isn’t,” Kuroo quickly interjected. He didn’t have the energy to survive this frequent conversation, nor did he want to bare through it even if he did have any form of energy for it. 

“Oh yeah? Would you have done it if I just fucking stayed on the phone with you instead of staying mad and practically telling you to fuck off?”

“Ugh— you kinda had every right to be mad at me but that didn’t even make a difference in what I was gonna do anyway.”

“You called _me_ though… and I let you down.” Bokuto dropped his head down into his propped up arms on the table, groaning into them. “You’re acting just like you did then… and I don’t want to not be there for you like last time.”

Kuroo was honestly lost on how the hell Bokuto managed to bring up this subject, but each time he did it was always him piling the blame on himself; Kuroo couldn’t bare seeing him like that and in turn blamed himself for upsetting Bokuto in the first place, it was just a never ending cycle of blame games. Truth be told, it was only Kuroo who put a knife to his wrists, no one else. He sighed and nudged Bokuto’s arm with his knuckles. “You are here for me, always were. But you’re not responsible for everything I happen to do… You’d _really_ be here for me if you just shut the fuck up and watch Harry Potter with me.” 

Reluctantly, Bokuto raised his head from his cupped hands, face red like he was desperately holding back his sobs. “Can you at least talk to me?”

“You’re the one being sulky here—”

“Kuroo.”

“There’s nothing to talk about! I’m just… I dunno. I’m kinda just too used to Daichi being here and I miss you as well and fuck, I’m just being clinging and can’t handle being alone. That’s all.”

He bit down on his lower lip and his golden gaze flicked all over Kuroo’s face. “You know I’ll always keep you company.”

“You’re busy—”

“You never even ask, I’ll make time bro! Stop ignoring my texts and calls for a start and just fucking say ‘hey bro I’m bored and lonely come hang out with me today’ and I’ll be right fucking there. That’s all it takes…” Bokuto shuffled closer to Kuroo and grabbed his hand. “Is that all… that’s bothering you?” 

“Yeah, nothing else.” 

Bokuto’s glare almost felt like a crushing pressure, borderline unbearable and increasingly discomforting to stare into. “Mmkay, but you know you can tell me anything right?”

“Pfff, you know everything anyway.” 

“True,” he mumbled, as though not convinced. Bokuto opened his arms and grinned at Kuroo expectedly, however Kuroo was quite puzzled for a moment as to what Bokuto was doing. _Oh wait_ , he was prompting for a hug. Kuroo let himself fall into Bokuto’s arms, letting the beefier man almost crush him in that warm embrace of his. Bokuto was basically a furnace, very much like Daichi actually. “Harry Potter now?” 

“Yeah.”

* * *

 Daichi hung up his jacket on the coat rack upon walking through the door. As usual, the house was dark, quiet, and vacant. His eyes shifted towards the living room where the television was still playing, and he cursed to himself quietly as he forgot to turn it off earlier that day, however there wasn’t any point to turning it off now since he was just going to go watch it soon enough once he’s made something to eat.

He mulled over what he could eat, not feeling particularly motivated to cook anything. His mind sparked at the memory of leaving instant ramen on the counter the other day. _Eugh, I’m turning into Kuroo._ Daichi snickered to himself briefly before looking down at his phone. The communication between the two of them appeared normal and ordinary on the surface, but it felt distant. It wasn’t even the physical distance Daichi was feeling, it was a distance in his chest. Maybe it was completely normal to feel that way, after all Kuroo was all the way in Tokyo. They were both missing each other, it was only natural their conversations would be overrun by the darkening of their moods from being away from each other, and perhaps Daichi hadn’t noticed his own intentional distancing from Kuroo through his feelings associated with his mother. She wasn’t getting any better; of course she wasn’t it was terminal, the cancer having spread to multiple sites now. However the medical staff declared she was unfit for another round of chemotherapy to slow down the progression. She was coming home soon was the good news, however this home would only be turned into another hospital room. With the state she was in, Daichi had a high chance of dropping university to look after her. Masumi couldn’t do it all, she had her own life. However, Daichi couldn’t see her making it to even Christmas— _stop it._  

The thoughts posed as a sort a smog that barely lifted to reveal Daichi had somehow already made it to the kitchen. With his doubts consuming him, he never even knew what he was doing these days. He was _terrified,_ and didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t anything he could do really, apart from sit back and watch the world spiral out of control before him. Although parents were suppose to be the ones to leave their children first, Daichi never felt ready. He wasn’t ready when his father left, and now he wasn’t even close to being able to face the world on his own without the guidance of his mother. It physically pained him to see some people not appreciate the support from their parents, to take them for granted. What a common mistake, a mistake many people come to regret some day.

Steam from the bowl left the surface of Daichi’s face damp and sheened while he carried it over to the living room on a tray. He sat in the centre of the sofa and reached for the remote, proceeding to flick through channel after channel. Nothing looked interesting, and Daichi wasn’t entirely sure on what he was looking for. Anything maybe, but nothing caught his attention, nothing blocked out taunting reminders of his deteriorating mother who was still in a hospital bed all alone.

The phone came to life with the standard apple ringtone, luring Daichi’s attention to it. It was Kuroo, a surprise as Daichi was usually the one making a call first. 

“Hey Kuroo.” 

A distant cough sounded, as though Kuroo held the phone away from his face before he cleared his throat to speak. _“Hey, have you watched Train to Busan?”_  

“That a Korean movie?”

_“Huh— how’d you know, you seen it then?”_  

“Kuroo, Busan is in Korea,” Daichi laughed. Kuroo was smart, really smart actually, but sometimes he was just _a bit_ dim. 

_“Fuck. Wanna watch it when you get back? It’s a really cool zombie movie.”_

“Every zombie movie is cool to you.”

_“Well duh they’re zombies but I swear this one is like 11 out of 10 shit it’s awesome and I wanna rewatch it.”_ Daichi listened to Kuroo rave on about it and almost give away the whole movie in the space of 5 minutes before he had to shush him and agree to watching it. _“Daichi… What’s up?”_

“What? Nothing—”

_“Your voice is all low and mopey like this,”_ Kuroo spoke in an over dramatic impersonation of how Daichi’s voice apparently sounded.

“So you’re analytic on sounds too, great.”

_“I’m analytic on everything so you can’t hide shit from me.”_  

Daichi snorted and rolled his eyes, taking a noisy slurp from his noodles. He mumbled as a way to signal he was eating and couldn’t speak that moment. 

_“Is it about your mom?”_

Although Daichi had finished chewing, it still felt like there was a barrier to prevent him from speaking. “I— Well…” 

_“...How is she?”_  

“To be honest… Bad. It’s terminal, and she isn’t strong enough for anymore chemo…” 

“Terminal,” Kuroo echoed quietly, the line going deathly silent.

“She’s going to die, Kuroo… I— I don’t know… I can’t—” The words coming out were not longer cooperating with Daichi’s brain, and the broken sobs hindered his ability to carry on forming an understandable sentence as his body was racked by them. 

_“Shhhh… Hey Daichi… wanna come on FaceTime?”_

“No I— I’m ugly like this…” he barely stammered out, the sniffling and hiccuping breaking up his sentence.

 

**Relatively Cute Vermin**

**FaceTime video…**

 

**Slide to answer**

 

Of course he ignored him, and he would only carry on calling if Daichi declined. Kuroo’s side was dark, almost too dark to see much but the luminous lighting from what Daichi assumed to be the television put Kuroo’s weary face on display. 

_“Daichi, you’re never ugly,” Kuroo said, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “I know where you get your good looks from now, you’ve got a MILF!”_

“My god Kuroo, not now,” Daichi attempted to get out seriously, but he only ended up snickering.

Kuroo laughed lightly and shifted around to get comfortable. _“For what it’s worth… you won’t be alone in the world. You have Suga… Jesus guy… and me of course.”_

Daichi smiled past the tears, only barely able to see. “Never leave me, got it?” _Because I think I might just shatter._  

_“If you don’t leave me… and even then. I won’t leave you alone even if you hate me, so have fun with that.”_ Kuroo drew in a breath before coughing, bringing up a wet rattling sound. _“Speaking of Suga, what’s his number?”_

“Are you ill?” 

_“I dunno— what’s Suga’s number?”_

“You are aren’t you, and why? Going to go hit on him next? Can’t blame you, he’s got quite the charms.” Daichi pulled his sleeve over his hand to wipe his reddening face down, the dampness making its way through the thin material. 

_“Ha-ha, yes that’s totally what I’m gonna do.”_  

“No really, why?”

_“Just trust me on this one!”_

Daichi raised a brow and sighed. “Okay, whatever. I’ll text it— only! If you go to the doctors.” 

_“Oh my god why I feel fine, everyone gets a bit of a cough in autumn.”_

“That cough doesn’t sound kind, promise me or no number.”

Kuroo scowled at his phone for a while before his shoulders sank. _“Fine, fine.”_

“Better not break that promise Tetsurou.” Daichi almost didn’t realize what name left his mouth until he noticed Kuroo pull quite the delighted expression.

“I love it when you call me that.”

* * *

 The hospital caféteria was crowded to a level where the hum was a pleasant background noise, however not overwhelmingly distracting. Daichi grabbed the usual ham sandwich and tea before heading back towards the room where his mother stayed in. He passed by several familiar nurses, all in which greeted him like a friend. Not surprised seeing as Daichi had been there all day everyday, almost like he lived there.

Mrs Sawamura looked towards the door frame, a weak smile stretching across her face though it held all the light in the room. Her smiles always left a warm feeling in Daichi’s chest, and it was a painful thought to know that soon enough he wouldn’t be seeing that smile. He could barely manage out a smile himself, but he tried his best. 

“Mr grumpy huh,” she croaked, her voice not being used all day from sleeping for most of it. “Quit frowning! You don’t want any wrinkles this early on in life now do you?” 

“I’m not frowning,” he argued, happenly be with a frown. 

He stepped over to the seat, lifting it from the floor to place it down closer to the bedside. He reached for the remote his mother appeared to be neglecting and flicked through the channels. 

“Want to watch one of those cooking programmes you used to be so obsessed with?” He asked, side glancing her with a smirk. 

“They’re still great to watch, and I was not obsessed it was just entertaining and educating!” 

“Obsessed.” 

A gentle knock came at the door, almost inaudible it was nearly missable. Daichi turned to check who it was and squinted his eyes as he couldn’t tell for a moment, but he felt his heart soar upon recognizing those sleepy amber eyes anywhere. The bed head that was suppose to come with the package however was unusually flat. 

He cleared his throat and pulled down the face mask, shaking his drenched hair with his free hand that wasn’t holding the bouquet of roses. “It’s uh— raining… Hey Mrs Sawamura! Oh, and Daichi.” 

“Kuroo?!” 

“This is Kuroo? Oh my, oh you lovely soul! Daichi said you were in Tokyo, what are you doing here?” Mrs Sawamura asked, holding a hand to her chest as though the shock of seeing her son’s boyfriend stood there all romantically physically touched her heart. 

Kuroo snickered and took a few hesitant steps into the room, gesturing to his face. “I’d come closer but I’ve got a cold… Don’t want to give you anything… more… you know…” He scowled to himself and threw a hand to his face to stop himself from talking more, Mrs Sawamura’s ringing laugh filling the room. “Got you flowers! And Daichi, chocolate for you because neither of us can look after flowers…” He placed the flowers on the far end table in the room, and dumped a large chocolate bar on Daichi’s lap, who stood up and grinned at him. 

“Those are lovely, Kuroo. Thank you so much…” Her eyes shimmered with gratitude, gaze lingering on the brilliant red of the roses for a long while. 

Daichi looped his arms around Kuroo’s neck and a hand on the back of his head, drawing him into a crushing hug. “What the hell… What are you even doing here?” 

“Asked Suga what hospital you guys would be in and… well here I am! Do I win most romantic award?” 

“Dork,” Daichi snickered, breathing in the fresh petrichor scent lingering on Kuroo. “I guess you do… you’re really wet.” 

“Like I said, rain—” He was briskly cut off with a series of coughs into Daichi’s shoulder, arms still locked around his back and holding him close to him. 

“Dumbass, what the hell are you doing running around in the rain when you’re ill?” 

“Barely! Oh wait I shouldn’t even be in here...” Kuroo looked towards Mrs Sawamura worryingly. 

“Don’t be silly, I can’t get any worse than I am now,” Mrs Sawamura said honestly, smiling up at the two boys. “Have a hot drink to soothe that throat of yours, Kuroo. It sounds painful!” 

He laughed briefly and smiled at her. “Yeah, will do.” 

**.**

 

The house Daichi had been hovering around like a ghost the past week felt like _home._ They say home is a person, not a place, which only meant Kuroo was Daichi’s home this whole time. They both sat curled up into each other on the sofa with their cup noodles watching Train to Busan. It was indeed an engaging zombie movie that caught Daichi’s attention within the first 10 minutes, unusual as he tends to dislike zombie movies. 

Daichi’s lounge clothes hung loosely on Kuroo’s slimmer frame, Daichi’s bulky muscles filling the spaces in them usually. Although Kuroo’s own clothes were on the larger side for him, there was just something about him wearing Daichi’s. Of course he couldn’t leave the poor guy in his soaked through clothes, but Kuroo was still a fool for coming all that way with nothing but a toothbrush.   

“My mom was really happy you know… to see you. Guess she was assuming she’d never get to meet my boyfriend seeing as…” _she hasn’t got much time life._  

Kuroo tore his intrigued gaze away from the television screen to look at Daichi before he grinned. “She’s awesome, I don’t think I could ever live with myself if I never got to meet her… Wish she was my mom.” 

Daichi raised a brow at his last comment, but Kuroo said it so freely and naturally as he looked back towards the screen. Right, he didn’t get much attention from his own mother. Daichi couldn’t bare to imagine what that was like, he personally couldn’t live without the affection and love his mother showered him in. 

“Can I ask you something?” Kuroo asked abruptly, eyes still fixed on the screen. 

“Sure?” 

He looked nervous, shifting his toes and biting his lip. “Do you— where’s your… dad?” 

Daichi knew that question was coming, but he still wasn’t prepared for it. Nevertheless, he took a deep breath and put his words in order. “He died when I was 16. Car accident.”

Kuroo’s expression was unreadable then, almost like he wanted to show sympathy but his features remained hardened like ice. “Oh— I mean… Fuck, sorry.” He coughed into his sleeve before turning to face Daichi properly. “...Sorry… You ok?” 

“Yeah, it’s been a long time now… Still miss him.” 

“What was he like?” 

“Great actually… I’d say perfect, perfect to me at least. Then again, everyone’s dad is kinda perfect to just them,” Daichi watched Kuroo’s face twist up into something he couldn’t quite put a finger on. _What’s with him?_ “I mean… most dads?”

“Mm,” he hummed, letting his gaze wander around the room. 

“He always gave me all he could, which was more than enough really… He made my childhood a dream, building treehouses, spaceships, whatever the hell I wanted, he always made it happen one way or another,” Daichi said, voice trailing slightly. It felt nice for once, often when he thought of his father he was only met with the anguish he felt when the police showed up at his doorstep in the dead of the night. But right now, his memories were being kind. He focused his attention back on Kuroo, his gaze glassy as he stared at Daichi. “What’s yours like? You mentioned he spoils you huh? Must love you a lot.” He let out a light laugh, but Kuroo’s expression barely budged passed the ice. 

“Yeah— He… uh…” Kuroo dropped his gaze while he chewed on the skin around his thumb nail, however this time he was doing more damage than usual. 

“Kuroo stop that before you make it bleed,” Daichi pulled Kuroo’s hand away from his mouth only to realize how much he was trembling. “Kuroo? Hey—” 

“I’ve been holding this piss in for ages,” he interrupted as he stood up hastily. “I’ll be right back, pause the movie.”   

Kuroo’s sudden switch up in behaviour startled and fazed Daichi, watching Kuroo out the room and waited for the sound of the shutting door before he looked back down at the sofa in search of the remote to pause the movie. Daichi picked up his phone to scroll around on facebook and instagram to pass the time, but Kuroo was taking longer than expected. He considered going up to check on him, but he wasn’t sure if he should. _It’s not that hard, just do it._  

Daichi sighed before heaving himself off the sofa, taking soft, careful steps over to the bathroom where the light leaked from under the door. There wasn’t any sounds behind the door, only the faint sound of Kuroo’s breathing. 

“Kuroo, you okay?”

There wasn’t anything for a long while, until Daichi heard Kuroo clear his throat. “Yeah I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec…” 

Daichi pursed his lips to stop himself from pushing. Should he push? _Kuroo would only keep saying he’s fine._ But that never stopped Kuroo from prying something out of Daichi when he knew something was bothering him and he said he was fine. “You’re not fine, come on… Let me in.” 

“I am so get lost,” he snapped, Daichi flinching a little at the exasperation in his tone. “Uh— fuck… sorry.”

“Now ‘ _fine’_ Kuroo wouldn’t dare to snap at his beloved,” Daichi teased, listening in for the quiet snicker Kuroo released. “Open the door, please?”

Daichi silently counted the seconds passing before he finally heard Kuroo shift to walk up to the door. 17 seconds, not so bad. The dishealved nest on Kuroo’s head was first to peak past the door, followed by his narrowed, fatigued eyes. Kuroo had been looking tired all day, more tired than usual. 

“Fully, let me see that dumb face of yours.” 

Kuroo groaned and furrowed his thin brows, slender fingers curling around the edge of the door to pull it open more. He hadn’t been crying or anything like Daichi had expected, but he did look somewhat _off._ “Happy?” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong, maybe I was just having a shit.” 

“Right, like anyone is blessed with odorless shit,” Daichi smirked up at him. He was sure glad to have grown that extra two inches since leaving school or he would have been _really_ craning to look at Kuroo. This guy had to be a little over 6’, while Daichi was barely hitting 5’11’’. Well, one thing that was keeping Daichi’s pride up was his clear strength advantage against Kuroo. His lanky ass didn’t stand a chance against him in arm wrestling. Daichi was interrupted from his arbitrary thought train when Kuroo started giggling. “What now?” 

“Are you thinking about our heights?” 

“What the fuck—” _Mind reading is impossible, right?_  

“How adorable, cute little Daichi has to look up to me!” 

“Barely, don’t get your head too far up your ass,” he scowled, watching that sly grin plaster itself across Kuroo’s face. 

“Let's see who gets the neck pain first then huh? You who has to look up all the time or me who has to suffer with looking down— although it’s feelin’ pretty damn good for now.” 

Daichi kicked Kuroo lightly in the shin, but hard enough to get him to double over. “Who’s looking up now?” 

Kuroo snorted at he looked up at Daichi from the floor, smirking before he tackled him into a hug and they both crashed onto the carpeted floor with Kuroo on top of Daichi. “Boo hoo~” He pulled a bottom eyelid down and stuck his tongue out, the metal ball glinting dimly. Daichi locked his hands behind Kuroo’s head and forced him down towards his face, pulling him into a disgusting sloppy kiss in which Kuroo was whining and squirming at against Daichi’s grip. Such a Kuroo move, what had Daichi turned into? He finally released Kuroo and they both took a greedy gasp for air. “Damn, that was hot,” Kuroo panted, covering his mouth to shield Daichi away from his rattling coughs. 

“You mean gross,” Daichi corrected, frowning at wheeze like sound he caught coming from Kuroo between his coughs. 

“I’ll drink your spit any day babe,” he said with a smile, eyes squinted shut. 

“Nasty shit,” Daichi reached up to land a kiss, a proper kiss, on Kuroo’s peachy smile. Although Kuroo was kissing back, Daichi could still feeling his lips stretching uncontrollably. _So cute._ He pulled away so he didn’t miss the valuable evidence of Kuroo’s happiness. “I love your smile.” 

“I love _you.”_  

The way he says it, the way the word _love_ rolls gracefully out of his mouth, it felt so perfect, so much like home. “I love you too… Tetsu.” 

Kuroo raised a brow with the corners of his mouth curling upwards. “Tetsu… I like it.” 

“Want to go have some tea? Soothe that cough a bit...”

“Sure.”

* * *

The room was filled with the sound of Daichi’s soft, gentle snoring. Kuroo had never heard Daichi snore at all through the walls back at home, perhaps it was because he was on the sofa here and not an actual bed. He held back a snicker as he could already see Daichi complaining about a neck ache all day, but he did feel somewhat guilty for trying to make him stay him all night so he never made it to a bed. 

Kuroo had noticed Daichi asked Kuroo to come to bed _with_ him, but he only danced around it and pushed on more movies or T.V shows to dodge the need to explain he’s rubbish at sharing beds. It might have been fine last night, seeing as Kuroo hadn’t been able to sleep at all recently so there was minimal risk of hitting Daichi in the face if he was in control of his limbs. But he didn’t want him to see what he was like just in case, especially considering he’s already witnessed a bad night, and that one time was already too much. 

Birds sang shrill melodies outside the windows, the sky inked in a royal blue blanket. Kuroo brought his phone up to his face, squinting at the illuminated screen while his eyes adjusted. 5AM. He shifted his eyes towards the end of the sofa where Daichi was quite comfortably hugging his legs, tugging the corners of Kuroo’s lips as he quickly snapped a picture of it before coughing into the crook of his arm, attempting to restrain it to not wake Daichi.

The burning behind Kuroo’s eyes and under his skin unwelcomely reminded Kuroo how damn tired he was. His bones felt like they were filled with lead, his eyelids fought to stay open yet didn’t weigh enough to stay shut. He just wanted to drift off so desperately, the edges of his mind deteriorating in the weariness and his raging thought process burnt out and jumbled into something incoherent and mushy. Kuroo focussed all his remaining energy on just switching off the noises upstairs, proven a difficult task for a while long enough for Kuroo to consider giving up, but eventually, everything began to fade. It wasn’t so gradual, the darkness seeping into the gaps rapidly through the desperation of just needing to switch off. It felt nice, for as long as Kuroo was even aware. 

_“Don’t tell anyone, it’s only a bit of fun… I know you’re the best at keeping secrets.”_  

“Tetsurou!” 

He didn’t realize his eyes were already open, staring into the depths of Daichi’s terrified gaze before him. They swam with concern, and Kuroo couldn’t figure where he was. It was Daichi, right there, but a barrier blocked him from even thinking that, like he couldn’t recognize him. He attempted to back away desperately to get away from him, and he would had very much so have gone straight off the sofa but Daichi’s firm grip held him in place. 

“Hey! Hey it’s fine, you’re okay— Look, look it’s just me, okay?” He coaxed, loosening his grip a little when he felt Kuroo relax a bit and soothingly ran his hands down his shoulders. “Bad dream?”

“Wh—” He glanced around the room, none of it looking familiar in the first few seconds but it finally started to come back to him that he was at Mrs Sawamura’s house. Kuroo flicked his gaze back to Daichi and his heart dropped at his bloody nose. “The fuck happened to your face?” 

“You uh… might have kicked me,” he murmured reluctantly, already seeing the horror on Kuroo’s face before it made an official appearance. 

“Fuck, fuck, I’m sorry—” 

“Shhh, shut up. It’s fine, really.” Daichi sat up straighter and wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. “Was going to yell at you but you were thrashing around a lot, figured you were having a nightmare or something… You okay? You’re really pale…” 

Kuroo had no words, his eyebrows curved in worry as he looked over Daichi. “I should have slept somewhere else…”

“Or maybe I just shouldn’t sleep by your legs…” Daichi said, laughing a little. He leaned forwards towards Kuroo and placed a hand on his knee, moving his thumb in a circular motion. “Seriously, you okay though?” 

The feeling felt painfully familiar, familiar to a different Kuroo. Just as familiar as any contact with Daichi felt. He wasn’t sure how long he must have been looking down, only vaguely catching the distanced deep voice calling his name, but he wasn’t seeing Daichi’s hand anymore. “Is it wrong…” He mumbled hollowly, Daichi furrowing his brows in confusion. 

“Is what wrong?” When Kuroo didn’t respond, Daichi couldn’t stop the concern simmering in his chest from rising. He brought up his hand from Kuroo’s knee to touch his face, gently pushing it up to look at him. “Tetsu… _what’s_ wrong?”

_It’s a secret._

The glass film glazed over his amber gaze couldn’t be ignored, neither could the stretching distance in them. Daichi could tell Kuroo was looking somewhere else, matter not his eyes were theoretically looking straight at him. Kuroo finally blinked and turned his eyes away. “Nothing.” He stood from the sofa and retreated to the bathroom, which Daichi was sure he was going to go lock himself in, however he returned moments later with a hand full of toilet paper.

Kuroo plopped himself back down on the sofa and crossed his legs, cupping Daichi’s face in one trembling hand while he dabbed away the blood around his nose with the toilet paper. Daichi watched Kuroo’s face intently, seeing how he used every ounce of his energy to just stay concentrated on cleaning his nose, but the truth always laid in the eyes. “Tetsu, you can talk to me you know.”

“I just kicked you in the face, let me be pissed for a while,” he mumbled, gaze unmoving from Daichi’s nose.

The corners of Daichi’s lips turned up and the apples of his cheeks rose as he restrained a laugh. “Funny, I thought you’d be happy with kicking me in the face.”

He shifted his eyes up to Daichi’s briefly, looking entirely unimpressed. Daichi doesn’t think he’s ever seen Kuroo look so terrifyingly serious.

“Is that why you don’t want to share a bed with me?” Daichi asked, feeling Kuroo freeze in his actions. “Bokuto already mentioned… you have trouble sleeping. But I really don’t mind if you hit me another 80 times I just need to make sure you’re okay.” 

“It’ll only look like you’re in an abusive relationship,” Kuroo snorted humorlessly.

“I can keep you safe,” Daichi declared, Kuroo glancing up into his eyes again. “I mean it, if something’s stopping you from sleeping I’ll kick it’s ass for you.” 

Kuroo stopped again, and this time a howl ripped through his throat. He knew Daichi had to have some form of hidden immaturity somewhere deep down.

“Shut the hell up, I’m serious!” 

“You’re so cute, Daichi,” Kuroo managed between his laughs which triggered a string of coughs. When he caught his breath again he sat up straight and inhaled deeply through his nose. “Trust me, you don’t want to share a bed with me.”

“Please Tetsu, just try, maybe it’ll do you good—”

“It won’t Daichi.”

“With _me_ I mean. Forget about everyone else you’ve shared a bed with, just think of me.” 

Kuroo opened his mouth to protest, but Daichi’s words caught on a heart string. Kuroo wanted more than anything to sleep with Daichi, to just curl up in his warm arms, but how could he do that when he was always running away from his own shadow? 

“Alright? When we get home tonight… Sleep with me, just give it a try. Please?” 

Kuroo pursed his lips and groaned, scrunching his nose as he looked back at Daichi to nod. Maybe it was worth it to agree, because the beaming sun itself was a beautiful look on Daichi.

**.**

 

Mrs Sawamura warmed up exceptionally quickly towards Kuroo, treating him almost like a second son in that manner. It was peculiar, Daichi had been convinced this whole time it would take a bit of getting used to for his mother to accept her son would never have kids— at least kids that weren’t adopted, or maybe just the fact he was in a homosexual relationship which wasn’t exactly widely accepted back in her time. It just didn’t appear to faze the woman one bit. 

Soon enough, she began to wear out and fell into a deep sleep, leaving Daichi and Kuroo to go about their day together. Daichi took this opportunity to drag Kuroo over to the Sendai Uminomori Aquarium.

“Seeing as you love fish and all,” Daichi smirked up at Kuroo, who was looking pretty enraptured since walking through the entrance.

“I like _eating_ fish, Daichi,” he said while gawking at every tank there was in sight. “Looking at them is cool too...”

Daichi was certain he just succeeded in releasing Kuroo’s inner child— or the more childlike side to him than he already displays. Apparently penguins were comparable to aliens with the way Kuroo was going off about them. “My god, you poor soul… did no one ever take you to an aquarium when you were little?” 

Kuroo had his face pressed up against the glass with a hilariously jubilant expression plastered across his features. “No one had time when I was a kid! And now… well it never crossed my mind.” 

The aquarium wasn’t a particularly large one, but there was plenty to see and it was vastly entertaining, especially the dolphin and sea lion show. Kuroo just about lost his shit at that part, and with the way he was acting Daichi only feared how someone like Bokuto would act. _Like an utter disaster._

Their day mellowed out in a nearby coffee shop, the two resting their aching muscles from the constant walking around with a steaming cup of tea each and various snacks, most of which Daichi picked out since a certain someone is too picky to choose for himself. 

“Eat. We’re not leaving until you finish that whole toastie,” Daichi instructed, waiting for that familiar nose scrunchie. “You can do that face all day but expressions alone won’t clean the plate for you.” 

“Ass,” he growled, taking a hesitant bite out of the toasted sandwich. Daichi was positive his eating habits were of something to be concerned about, it obviously wasn’t normal to have such little appetite. Then again, Kuroo _clearly_ had a lot of underlying problems he chooses to ignore and push under the rug, and what happened that morning was just one of them. 

Daichi distracted himself with watching the steam waft up from their cups. He needed to say something, maybe do something, but _what_ exactly he needed to do he didn’t know. He cleared his throat and temporarily pushed those thoughts to the side. “We’ll head back to the hospital first, say bye to my mom, grab our stuff from the house then head to the train station.” 

Kuroo looked up towards Daichi, his eyes saying one thing but his lips unmoving for a while. “Are you… Like— You gonna be okay?”

“I need to get back to uni… Masumi’s here to take care of Mom, and I’ll still come every other weekend I guess.” 

The somber tone was easily caught in his voice, at least for Kuroo’s sharp senses. He hummed past the food in his mouth and reached a hand across the table, wrapping his fingers around Daichi’s. “I’d like to come with, if you don’t mind.”

Daichi’s smile brought fine creases to the corners of his eyes, and left a soft glow in the chocolate gaze. “I’d love that… and so would my mom.”

* * *

Saying goodbye felt far more painful than it had to be, after all Daichi was coming back in a couple of weeks. _Hopefully_ at least. However he couldn’t even trust time with how weak his mother was getting, and it was getting increasingly more difficult to stay optimistic and cheery over the situation.

The journey back to Tokyo felt immensely different compared to when he was travelling to Miyagi. Having Kuroo turn him into a pillow regardless that he wasn’t even sleeping wasn’t so bad, in fact Daichi had never felt more comfortable and safe. Kuroo wasn’t talkative on the journey back, but it still felt completely fine. Having the company of each other was more than enough. 

Upon arriving at Tokyo Station, Kuroo had to coax Daichi out of his slumber, who somehow switched up the positions and he was the one leaning on Kuroo. The world around him came forth gradually, soft chuckling sourcing from the elderly couple sat opposite them.

“Nice drool,” Kuroo smirked, running a hand through Daichi’s short hair. “Time to get up, train’s stopping in a sec.” 

“Mmm—” was all Daichi could manage out, his mind still a ball of scrambled fuzz not prepared to be met with the waking world. 

The railway tracks shrieked as the train halted, the two making their way— however sloppily— off the train and out of the station in search of the cab. Daichi really didn’t care what taxicab they grabbed, he only wanted to get home and curl up on the sofa watching one of Kuroo’s dumb shows with him. The one they got in was fair enough, nothing impressive but as long as it did the job. Daichi watched Kuroo exchange a few words with the driver, the mind fog still failing to lift for him to understand much that was going on around him.

Kuroo pulled Daichi’s head onto his shoulder and stroked his hair. “Go back to sleep babe.”

He tried to respond, but nothing much came out other than a mumble of some unintelligible sound. Daichi weakly squeezed his his hand on Kuroo’s interlinked grip, feeling the cold off his skin combine with the heat off his own to create that pleasant warmth that travelled through all his senses. It wasn’t too long before he was lulled into a dreamless sleep to the sound of Kuroo’s soft breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just a dash of angst, _*spills entire pot*_  
>  Thanks so much for reading ♥  
> [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! This week flew by faster than I expected and I only started writing this chapter properly like 3 days ago, and even so I was procrastinating like hell whoops. Not to mention my sleeping pattern is beyond ruined and I can only write when it's 4AM apparently, someone save me. 
> 
> Bit of smut again in this chapter just fyi.

“Niseko?” 

“Niseko,” Oikawa repeated, holding himself up proudly against the bewildered expressions directed towards him. 

“Oikawa, do you even know how to ski?” Ushijima questioned, looking over the stylist who was fixing up his outfit. 

“Of course I do, ass! Anyway, after the new year we should all go— Oh and Kuroo bring your new boyfriend ~”

Kuroo raised a brow in the mirror, shifting his gaze in the reflection to look at Oikawa. “Who else is going?” 

“Well I kinda just planned this 10 minutes ago, but like all of us! You, Ushiwaka, Bokuto, Akaashi, Iwa-chan, Matsu and Makki— Y’know just the usual guys! Even more fun with Sawamura-kun added to the mix, those thighs have gotta know how to ski!” 

“Hopefully they’ll know how to choke your annoying ass out too,” Kuroo mumbled from his seat, pulling out a sarcastic laugh from Oikawa. He turned his eyes up as the makeup artist applied concealer to his under eyes. 

“Kuroo-san, are you getting enough sleep?” She asked, voice flat and almost bored while she focussed on vanquishing those purple hues.

“As much as I always do,” he replied, very much struggling to restrain a smirk at her brief death glare. 

Ushijima seated himself before the light rimmed mirrors beside Kuroo, propping an elbow on the desk to rest his chin in his hand. “Isn’t it Bokuto’s birthday today?”

“Mm, yeah. Read the group chat about going out this Friday,” Kuroo said as he waved his phone around to prompt Ushijima to look at his own. 

“I was first to post happy birthday on his wall,” Oikawa called from the far end of the room. 

“Oh, well congratulations,” Kuroo snorted while Ushijima rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll go drop my present off to him this evening then,” Ushijima confirmed to more himself rather than anyone else in the room. 

A short woman strutted into the room, head full of tight ringlet curls bouncing off her shoulders before she halted and glanced around quickly. “You three hurry up— where’s Lev?”

“With Alisa somewhere back there,” Kuroo waved his hand in any direction while the makeup artist held his head in a fixed position.

The woman groaned and exited hastily, heels clanking noisily against the smooth flooring. “Someone get Lev! I need him and Kuroo right now!”

**.**

 

The camera clicked repeatedly, the blinding flashes leaving dark spots consuming Lev and Kuroo’s vision. Kuroo curled his hand against the opulent leather of the chesterfield sofa before leaving it to go lax again, letting his posture fall somewhat natural as he gazed fiercely into the camera from his seat on the arm rest. Lev caught on with Kuroo’s posture and shifted himself to compliment the both of them. 

“Good Lev, Kuroo— keep those eyes trained like that! Oh Kuroo fall back now, like have your head on Lev’s lap but keep looking this way.”

Kuroo let himself slip backwards down the armrest of the sofa, arching his back momentarily as he tried to fit into the position comfortably.

“Lev, put that arm— yeah that one, on the back on the sofa, and then that one use your hand to sort of wrap around Kuroo’s jaw, keep it relaxed boys. Aw yes hold it there, that’s perfect.” 

The way the photographer was becoming increasingly more exhilarated was nothing new to the models who posed before him, but it was always a sight to struggle to not chuckle at little at.

“Ah yes Kuroo put your arm up like that— perfect! Lev look down at him like that sorta feisty look, like a quick glance.” 

“Imagine being in a threesome with Lev and Kuroo…” Oikawa mumbled close to Ushijima, who only huffed in response. “Men in suits do a thing for me, doesn’t it excite you even a little?”

“It’s strange.”

“Uh, Ushiwaka. You’re kinda gay too.”

“Bisexual, and no not that. Kuroo has a boyfriend?”

“Only just caught on huh?”

“Nothing against him, but isn’t he… you know. A bit of a frequent switcher—”

“A slut you mean.”   

“No— Well yes, I mean no.”

Oikawa snickered under his breath before his visage fell. “It’s no secret he was a _little_ fucked up. But to be on the safe side, let’s not let it slip to Sawamura-kun. He might bail, and who knows what Kuroo would do then.”

He tightened his lips at the last part, drawing his brows together. “My point is, Lev would.” Ushijima caught the way Oikawa bit down on his lip and fiddle with his collar. “He’s a bit blunt.” 

Oikawa ran a hand through his chestnut hair, pinching the end of some strands and pinching the wisps between his fingertips. “Mmm, hopefully Alisa will shut him up. This is all on assumption Kuroo hasn’t already told Sawamura-kun himself, so who knows. Besides, Lev hasn’t said anything so far! Impressive considering they were… frequents.”

“What’s frequent?”

Oikawa startled to the point of half attempting to run away, only to trip on Ushijima’s foot and stumble over. He whipped his head around and laughed nervously. “The rain!”

Lev’s emerald glare bore down on Oikawa, the man who never shrank under another’s gaze—  however Lev might have been an exception. When Kuroo came into view, the Russian’s features switched up faster than Oikawa could get a girl’s number. “Kuroo! We were good today, right? How was I?”

He sure was praise dependant, constantly yapping and prancing around Kuroo for his attention and approval. Very contradictory to his predatory and intimidating appearance and height.

Kuroo raised an arm to flick Lev in the face before smiling briefly. “Well you didn’t look like a piece of trash like Oiks at least.”

“Trash?! Look at your hair!”

“Oh no, the trash is speaking,” Kuroo jeered with a chuckle.

Oikawa stood sheepishly behind Ushijima, almost in a way that he was using him as a shield. He waited for Lev to trail off after Kuroo, as he usually did, before he exhaled a sigh of relief. “Russian fucker is scary.”

“He’s comparable to a child, why are you so scared?”

“One day I insulted Kuroo in front of him and he legit looked like he was going to slit my throat with a nugget.”

“You’re over exaggerating.” Ushijima raised his arms above his head to stretch out his limbs. “So what was that about _frequents?”_

“Who knew you were into gossip,” Oikawa snickered, dropping the smirk off his face upon Ushijima’s stern glare. “Well they’ve always been flirty with each other— even someone as thick skulled as you should be able to catch that.”

“Perhaps.”

“Yeah well anyway, Lev blabs. Of course he’d go on about sleeping with Kuroo— on multiple occasions! And so one day me being me I was curious as hell so of course I go sliding the question into Kuroo and he didn’t deny it.”  

“Are you saying they still—”

“No way! This was back when Kuroo was all sorts of twisted and fucked up on whatever drugs—” Oikawa snapped his mouth shut and glanced around to confirm that there was no one eavesdropping before lowering his voice. “...I think he’s better now. And apparently he’s really into that Sawamura-kun, so I don’t think he’d ruin anything.”

“Mmm,” Ushijima hummed at the back of his throat, gaze hard and stern as ever. “I hope he doesn't, for his sake.”

* * *

 The dampened bench seeped moisture through Daichi’s jeans after a mere minute of sitting on it, however he didn’t particularly fancy giving up his coat to sit on in fear of ruining it. Thankfully, the darkened clouds had parted to only few wisps to reveal the brilliant blue of the midday sky, a translucent arc that was resplendent trailing gracefully across it. Daichi supposed that was nature's way of celebrating a certain owl’s birthday. 

The park bench was surrounded by Bokuto, Akaashi, Kenma, Yaku, Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, Matsukawa and Daichi himself. They were _suppose_ to be in class, but who wants to spend their birthday in a lecture? 

“I can’t believe we’re lighting the cake in the middle of a park. What if it rains again?”

“Not yet, still waiting on shittykawa and the others.”

“How long they gonna be? I’m hungry!” 

“Who said you’re getting any cake?”

“Kuroo texted me earlier sayin’ they’ve finished now, so they won’t be long.” Bokuto locked his phone and shuffled closer to Daichi while the others conversed between themselves. “Hey man, I forgot to ask… How’s your mom?”

He opened his mouth only for nothing to leave it. “She’s— Uh, fine!” Daichi figured telling the truth would only bring the mood down, and it was Bokuto’s day today.

Bokuto's brows flew up and he slapped Daichi on the back. “Good to hear! Heard Kuroo went down to Miyagi too?” 

“Yeah he did, quite the romantic,” he laughed. “Oh, I managed to get him to share a bed with me actually.”

Now that was a look unfamiliar on Bokuto. It was a strange mix of shock, curiosity, and concern. “You— how’d that go?” 

“How’d you think, he didn’t dare even shut his eyes. I know that because I stayed awake just to check.”

“Fucking hell, was thinking you look a little worn!” Bokuto shuffled around on his seat again. “I mean, that’s a start though? It’s good! Really— if he didn’t trust you he wouldn’t get in the same bed as you in the first place.” 

“I know,” Daichi said with a soft smile, looking down at his hands. Although it was a sleepless night, it still felt content and serene having Kuroo in his arms. He glanced back towards Bokuto who was staring hearts at Akaashi, as usual. “How you finding your day?”

“Awesome! Oh yeah your present is sick! I’m so gonna play it all night, thanks a bunch man.”

“Had a little help from Kuroo,” he admitted, but Bokuto’s grin never faltered. 

It wasn’t too long before Oikawa and Ushijima turned up, soon to be followed by Kuroo and Lev. Daichi couldn’t help but notice how Lev hovered around Kuroo like a magnet, it almost felt like a one sided competition with how damn flawless the Russian looked. _I’m not jealous._

The group made quite the scene in the middle of the park, ensuring the whole of Tokyo heard their appalling birthday singing. At least Bokuto was having a good time; Daichi had never seen the usually ecstatic guy… so _ecstatic._

Hacking coughs ripped through Kuroo distractingly— no surprise considering he was smoking with a chest infection. Daichi shot him a concerned look before speaking up. “Smoking, really?”

“Haven’t had one all day,” he whined with a pout.

“Liar, he had like 100 this morning,” Oikawa called out from the bench, a devilish smirk twisting his lips.

“Oh shut up.” 

Daichi shook his head and sighed, standing from the bench to walk over to Kuroo. He draped his arms over his shoulders, having to reach up a little, and interlinked his hands at the back of Kuroo’s neck. “You look nice today.”

Kuroo grinned and bowed his head a little to plant a kiss and Daichi’s lips. “You look nice every day.”

“Ha— no really, something's different…”

“Getting the impression I’m ugly every other day.”

The shorter man smirked before looking Kuroo over. Was it the outfit? Although nicely put together, he didn’t think that was it. He drew his dark eyes back up towards Kuroo’s face. Dewy, pretty glowy, no bruised under eyes. He didn’t look as exhausted as he was _suppose_ to be. “Your face…” 

“Makeup from the shoot,” Kuroo clarified, giving Daichi a lazy smile. “Powerful shit, right?”

“It doesn’t even look like you’re even wearing any.” 

“Mm, it’s not meant to.” He pressed his forehead against Daichi’s, shutting his eyes momentarily.

Daichi reached to touch Kuroo’s face, who opened his eyes to look at Daichi. “You’re always beautiful, Tetsu.” 

If the word soft was a person, it’d be Kuroo melting under Daichi’s words.  

“Aw, sappy fucks or what,” Oikawa snickered in Iwaizumi’s ear, who only elbowed him in the ribs.

The pair glanced briefly towards Oikawa before pulling each other into lengthy, amorous kiss. It was initially supposed to be a show for Oikawa to annoy him, but it ended up being a little over the passion line that either Kuroo and Daichi intended on stepping over. All outside noises were silenced and the cool air around them warmed rapidly like a hot summer’s day.

Yaku felt the larger figure beside him tense even before he had to look; Lev’s eyes _dripped_ with venom. He reached up to speak in Lev’s ear. “The hell’s up with you?”

“Why does he like him so much?”

The strawberry blond was taken aback by the upfront question, but regained himself quickly. “Because he can? Seems pretty happy with him, leave them be.”

Lev whipped his gaze to glare at Yaku, eyes wide and glassy as though he was deeply offended. Before he could argue however, Yaku only had to give him _the look._

“Don’t be selfish. Leave it.” Despite Yaku’s much smaller build, he certainly held a sort of superiority with his attitude alone. This was proven by Lev— however reluctantly— standing down.

“So, I gotta triple check— you all up for coming out Friday?” Bokuto asked past the cake filling his mouth. There was a series of nods and yes’, the odd no from probably Kenma, however each confirmation brightened the grin on Bokuto’s face. “Can’t fuckin’ wait.”

* * *

Kuroo shuffled around on the soft shower mat, curling his toes into the material and doing a sort of dance on it to aid him in drying his feet. However, he had yet again made the mistake of attempting to put on his boxers after not drying his legs properly, resulting in far more struggle than was needed just to pull them up past his knees.

He threw the towel over himself, pulling either side rhythmically to dry his back before slipping on his shirt. Kuroo ran his hand back and forth over the steamed up bathroom mirror to get that daily pleasure of seeing his hair relatively flat; it never did him any good to dwell in the fantasy of his hair remaining like that throughout the day. Tough luck he supposed. He curled his fists up and brought them up to his chin, forearms facing the mirror. A brief sigh was released as he looked over the faded paling streaks of raised skin that stopped a little below the elbow, but there were far more on his upper arms he didn’t want to remind himself of. Kuroo only hoped Daichi wouldn’t notice how many there actually were, but there was no denying he had already noticed a few more other than the main attraction on his wrists. Daichi was likely keeping quiet to not upset Kuroo, but Kuroo never missed that pained looked twisting his expression. 

A sudden knock sounded at the door, startling Kuroo not so gently out of his thoughts and he dropped his arms. “Tetsurou?” Daichi called, voice muffled behind the door. 

“I’m nearly done— sorry.”

“No, no I don’t need the bathroom, you’ve just been in there for a while…” 

Kuroo snorted. “Lost in a daydream! I’ll be out in a sec.”

Within not even 5 minutes, Kuroo came hopping out as he tried to put on his socks but was clearly having a hard time with it. It was questionable how he prioritized his socks over any pants, not that Daichi was complaining. 

“Interesting choice in boxers,” Daichi commented, noting the _cats._ “And your ass looks great in them.” 

Kuroo shot him a smirk and turned to face him, almost losing his balance on the one foot holding him up. “Daichi is flirting with me? Aw shit ~”

“I need no excuse to share my thoughts about my hot boyfriend.”

Now Kuroo was really starting to get suspicious. Daichi would often be too shy to be coming out with those words. “...What are you up to?”

He leaned back on the wall behind him and smirked, crossing his arms across his chest. “Oh nothing, just making you a pile of mush so you can’t deny my upcoming request.” 

“I— huh?” 

“Cook with me.”

“No way,” he groaned, attempting to make a break for it down the hall but Daichi caught him by the arm. “I’ll get an allergic reaction from touching a pan—”

“Oh shut up,” Daichi interjected, dragging a struggling Kuroo by the arm over to the kitchen. “See, I already got everything set out!”

Kuroo scanned his eyes over the counter and table where various cooking ingredients laid, his brows furrowing upon laying his eyes upon the fish that was already fillet into two pieces. “There’s… a fish?”

“I’ll deal with the fish, you just cut up the veg for a salad. Or is that too hard for you?” He taunted, watching Kuroo scowl at him. 

“I hate veg, why do you get the fish— Wait, what are you making?”

“Guess.”

Kuroo had the word in the tip of his tongue, but it was likely the denial that stopped it from slipping out. “G—g…”   

“Yes, grilled mackerel! I’m sick of seeing you eat a few grains of rice or something dumb so I thought we’ll try something you said you liked…”

The way Kuroo hung his mouth open and his eyes barely staying in it’s sockets was amusing to witness, Daichi had almost thought he killed the poor guy. “Daichi… I fucking love you.”

“I love you too, now put some pants on and cut those vegetables.”

Kuroo grinned before his face sparked with realization abruptly. “Oh! Shit I forgot— wait here.”

Not like Daichi was going anywhere, but he nodded regardless and watched Kuroo make haste out of the kitchen and disappeared somewhere into the apartment. A few moment of waiting, Daichi busied himself with organizing the food they were about to prepare in a neater way and reached to open drawers for what tools he could think of that they’d be needing. It wasn’t too long after that Kuroo made an appearance again holding a red key tag that hung off his index finger.

“Made 90 days… _Could_ have been 6 months but I slipped up straight after getting out of rehab so had to start over a bunch of times...”

“Holy shit— No Tetsu, 90 days is still amazing! That’s so good!” Daichi reached for the key tag and rested it in his palm, gazing down at it in complete awe. _Clean & serene for 90 days _ it read. Kuroo watched him with a benevolent smile, feeling a warmth brew in his chest. Daichi looked back up to Kuroo and Kuroo could have sworn his eyes looked a bit welled up. “I’m so, _so_ proud of you, seriously.”

When Kuroo wasn’t pulling his vast amount of sly and unpleasant expressions, he truly looked like an angel while he grinned from his heart. “Thanks, Daichi.”

 _90 days._ It came as a slight shock to Daichi realizing a little over a month before meeting Kuroo, he actually _slipped up._ It was inspiring to see him pull himself back on his feet so quickly, and he left his full trust in Kuroo to do so again if it were to ever come to that again. But for now, he’d like to believe it wouldn’t happen again.

**.**

 

Daichi was— fairly put it— stunned into another dimension. Kuroo’s plate was empty and Daichi was positive he didn’t throw any food across the room or anything crazy. It was _empty,_ because he actually ate it all.

“What the hell.”

He glanced up as he blew his bangs out of his face, which was rather futile as it remained hindering his vision. “What?”

“There’s no food in your lap, right?”

Kuroo stood up and gestured to his crotch area. “My dick is hungry but I’m not sharing my fish with it.”

“Oh my god—”

“Anyone told you that you’re a great cook?”

There was only the sound of Daichi’s words getting choked up at the back of his throat from both the shock of getting Kuroo to eat a full meal combined with his compliment. With the familiar curl approaching on Kuroo’s lips, Daichi knew he was already a tomato.

“Aw, Daichi you’re so cute! No seriously, it was really nice though.”

Daichi could only release some half assed laugh mixed with a snort and yelp at the same time. There were people in the world celebrating getting their dream jobs, crying over a promotion, and here Daichi was like the proudest damn guy in the world that Kuroo ate all his food. He didn’t care that it seemed silly to make a big deal out of it, it still felt good. “I— I’m really glad… you liked it.”

The obsidian hair flopped slightly as Kuroo tilted his head a bit, the sides of his mouth gently turned up and his amber gaze soft and endearing while they settled for a good while on Daichi. “Can you make it again sometime?”

That request alone was enough to melt Daichi down into a blob, but pulled himself together with a wonky, cheesy grin. “Anytime you want.”

For some strange reason, Daichi found himself sat in front of the television making no move to change the channel from Kuroo’s dumb cartoons. In fact, it wasn’t even the first time he sat through an episode of Tom & Jerry, and moreover he was actually chuckling at some scenes, and even feeling an almost overwhelming wave of nostalgia.

Kuroo was curled up beside him with his head resting on his lap, all while being _concerningly_ still because Daichi highly doubted he fell asleep. _Did_ he fall asleep? He carefully leaned forwards to get a look at Kuroo’s face; tranquil, eyes shut, and lips barely parted. Kuroo looked completely at peace, maybe the fish knocked him out.

All hopes and dreams, unfortunately for Daichi, when Kuroo shifted around and his eyelids drew open. His feline eyes shifted towards Daichi before Kuroo turned fully so he was facing upwards.

“What’s up?”

“Thought you were sleeping,” Daichi chuckled halfheartedly.

Kuroo crooned past his lips and turned to face the television again, placing the drawstring of the grey hoodie he was wearing in his mouth to chew it. Of course, it was Daichi’s hoodie. He was beginning to notice just about every hoodie he owned _mysteriously_ gained chewed up drawstrings and sleeves. _So mysterious._

Daichi ran his eyes along Kuroo, along with his hand too apparently. His desires weren’t helped with the fact Kuroo was only wearing boxers along with the hoodie, giving Daichi all sorts of obscene thoughts. He stopped short on Kuroo’s hip where he felt the bone jut out and he traced the bulge for a while before continuing on to Kuroo’s thigh. Kuroo felt like he hitched, ever so slightly, but enough to startled Daichi to withdraw his hand. “Sorry—”

Cat like reflexes were an understatement to describe Kuroo. Before Daichi could even process what was going on, Kuroo had already sat up and pressed his lips against Daichi’s, toned and slender legs tucked while on either side of Daichi’s lap. He was sure he didn’t even blink before he noticed Kuroo actually move up into that position, but having him sit on him like that was exciting a certain something down below.

“Oho? I think it wants some air,” Kuroo teased, dropping his hands on Daichi’s crotch to squeeze his twitching cock.

“T—Tetsu…” Daichi forgot what he wanted to even say, voice lost in his delight of seeing Kuroo look so utterly divine.

Kuroo bend backwards— which quite frankly scared Daichi for a moment before he remembered he was far more flexible than himself and realized he was reaching for the shelf under the coffee table, bringing himself back up with…

“You did not leave the lube there,” Daichi gawked, eyes also catching the wrapped condom between his fingers too.

“My prediction was right huh? Look where we are, the _sweet_ spot.”

Daichi honestly wondered if they were actually ever going to do anything on an actual bed. His thoughts were swiftly cut off with Kuroo fumbling with Daichi’s sweatpants to pull out his uncomfortably hard cock. They shared a quick glance before each of them began to chuckle.

“Oh man, should have told me your balls were getting heavy,” Kuroo said with guilty smirk. “Don’t even deny they’re not… Look how quick you got that boner.”

He was right, as shameful as it was. However Daichi was still worried over the last time they did something. Maybe Kuroo was just having an off day, but it still felt like a knot in the stomach thinking about how he just zoned out all of a sudden. Did he do something wrong? Was he not enjoying it? Did he not want to have sex—

“Oi, stop whatever face that is,” Kuroo instructed, successfully snapping Daichi out of his thoughts. Kuroo held the tip of the condom before rolling it down the shaft with ease in a matter of seconds. For some reason, Daichi thought of Yui and how she was hopeless with putting condoms on him. Kuroo must have had a lot of practice. He internally scowled at himself upon realizing how bad that sounded.

The cold substance left a cool chill travelling down his length for a brief moment before it was warmed by Kuroo’s hand jerking it off a little. Kuroo shifted positions and hovered over his cock, not removing his gaze from Daichi’s before he descended slowly. “W—wait, don’t you want me to… you know?”

“Finger?”

“Yeah— I mean won’t it hurt?”

“Maybe uncomfortable, not hurt really— but I’m kinda really horny right now so fuck it.”

Daichi didn’t have time to argue before Kuroo dropped— literally, dropped himself on him. From an outside view, it might have looked like it went in easy, but from Kuroo’s expression and the tightness around Daichi’s cock told a completely different story. A short, honed gasp ripped past the small space between Daichi’s teeth in a mix of surprise and arousal. “Ah— fuck! Tetsurou what—”

The oncoming ramble was briskly cut off with a rough, libidinous kiss as Kuroo began to move himself around on Daichi’s cock, the generous amount of lube letting him move more or less freely. With Daichi being on the extra sensitive side, even the slightest movement— even a tiny tense up from inside Kuroo sent electric through his abdomen. “Who knew… we’d be fucking to Tom & Jerry…”

 _Did he really just say that._ Daichi pulled his head back away from a grinning Kuroo, feeling his entire childhood crumble on top of him. “Oh my fucking god— ah, okay… okay this is— really conflicted— shit.”

With Kuroo grinding and pretty much bouncing on him it found it hard to focus on Tom & Jerry anymore. He could sulk about it later, but for now, he craved Kuroo.

Kuroo felt a strong grip wrap around his waist, fingers digging firmly into his warm skin, soon to be followed on by Daichi’s own movements against his own. He thrusted his hips up, reaching deeper inside Kuroo as he threw his head back and parted his lips, a soft moan slipping past them. Pre-ejaculation leaked lightly from the tip of Kuroo’s sprouted boner and Daichi clasped a hand around it, Kuroo’s movements faltering for a moment at the added sensation before he got back into pace. Daichi used his thumb with his free hand to push Kuroo’s boxers down a little more so they wouldn’t get so much in the way— briefly questioning to himself why the hell Kuroo couldn’t just take them off before jumping on him, but that was the least of his worries. Right now, he was focussing on not blowing too quickly. It was the same case each time with Kuroo, just something about him drives Daichi to the point of not being able to control himself.

“Daichi… you’re so fucking huge,” Kuroo gasped, eyes rolled up before his eyelids slid shut over them. Daichi watched how Kuroo’s throat was fully exposed with him craning his neck up, feeling his fingers clasp at his hair, hearing those sultry moans escaping him. It was a dangerous mix of lust and love that was gradually blinding Daichi into oblivion. He reached up and brushed his teeth against the delicate skin of Kuroo’s neck, working himself into a gentle bite. Kuroo’s subtle yelp made Daichi grin against his neck before he continued on with the nibbling around.

Kuroo’s pace began to slow down a little, and Daichi took it upon himself to tip him over the side so he face planted the sofa. His cock slipped out with a loud _slop_ and Kuroo’s breath hitched at the sudden emptiness before giving him quite the disapproving glare. “Shhh, you’ll get your toy back in a sec,” Daichi smirked. Kuroo was _really_ greedy for his cock, and Daichi loved to play with Kuroo like this.

“What the fu— mmf!”

Daichi pushed Kuroo’s face into the cushion beneath him before pushing his way back into him, skipping the steady paces for a full blown aggressive pounding. His fingers curled into the dark hair, pulling at it to lift Kuroo’s face from the cushion so he didn’t suffocate or anything— not to mention Daichi _lived_ off hearing those lewd sounds rattling his vocal cords. “Fuck Tetsu, you s— ah— sound so hot…”

Apparently Kuroo lost his ability to speak, the only response being some incoherent whines mixed in with his panting, grunting and moaning. “H— har…”

Daichi leaned down, not slowing his thrusting, to listen to Kuroo.

“Harder…”

He moved his hand out of his hair and onto his nape, gripping slightly on the soft material of the hoodie while he pinned his upper half down again with one hand while he used the other to gain leverage on Kuroo’s hip. Daichi took a longer withdraw this time before ramming his entire length back inside, feeling Kuroo jolt and jerk under him, his breaths ragged and inhales sloppy past the drool.

The hoodie had raised up Kuroo’s back a little, revealing his jutting spine and glowing, soft skin. Daichi really loved Kuroo’s skin, he was like a jewel. Golden, gleaming, stunning. Kuroo’s back arched a little more inwards, his toned ass being heavily complimented with this position. Daichi glanced further down to witness his cock being swallowed up by Kuroo’s ass— _whole._ The sight was enough to add that one last twinge inside of him to trigger the climax.

“Tet— I’m cumming—”

Daichi pulled Kuroo into him while he made his final thrust, his load being emptied heavily into the thin rubber that was wrapped around him while his vision was consumed with colorful splodges that took its time in subsiding for Daichi to realize he was still quite regrettably on earth. Kuroo’s fists were clenched to the point his knuckles were paper white, and his face was hidden into the cushion. His back raised as fell along with his erratic breaths, body slightly trembling.

“Hey… Tetsu?” Daichi asked past his panting, clasping a wavering hand around Kuroo’s shoulder. He literally could not stop shaking, he doesn’t even think he’s ever had such a mindblowing orgasm. He worked on re-ordering his thought process before he began to notice Kuroo still hadn’t moved. “You alright?” He shook him again but to no avail, the fear in the form of bile rising in his throat. He stood up off the sofa faster than his brain was ready, and was hit by a nauseating wave of dizziness before he quickly regained himself to kneel by Kuroo. “Tetsurou?”

He reached a hand over to touch his head, but he only recoiled away— however ultimately lifting his head from the cushion. His nose was deepened to a red, eyes puffy and holding similar hues, and cheeks stained with tears.

“Tetsurou...” Daichi’s voice came out quiet, yet louder than he expected. He almost thought his voice would crackle to nothing before it reached the fresh air. His jaw remained slack for a while before he was plummeted in a pool of guilt. “Fuck— fuck, I’m sorry, did I hurt you—”

“No you didn’t—”

“Shit, why didn’t you tell me to stop?!”

“Daichi! It’s fine.” Kuroo voice came a little more back to him, but not quite to it’s full capacity. “It— like… really felt good.”

“You—” Daichi snapped his mouth shut as he mulled over what Kuroo just said. “Tetsurou. You were crying.”

“Fuck, I dunno! Some people fucking cry when shit sends them to another word—”

“Please don’t lie to me,” Daichi whispered, voice harsh and trembling. “I did something wrong, just tell me.”

“Seriously… You were great, it’s just… me, pretty much…” 

His dark eyes were wide and pleading, searching Kuroo’s face for some sort of answer to what went wrong. “Tetsurou… What happened?” 

“What?” Kuroo sounded almost defensive, eyes falling sharp towards Daichi. 

“Like… Just earlier— come on you just can’t cry for no reason…” 

Kuroo glanced around the room and chewed on his thumb. Now that was the telltale sign there _was_ something wrong. “I don’t know, just happened… I guess. It’s normal.” His gaze landed back on Daichi after avoiding that direction for a solid minute. “I promise it wasn’t you, I’ve literally never felt that great.” 

 _Normal?_  Daichi was painfully torn, he _sounded_ convincing, but Daichi couldn’t help but wonder what did make Kuroo cry if it wasn’t him. _It was definitely me, I‘m fucking horrible._ “Did you… not want it?”

He tilted his head and squinted his eyes, bridge of his nose crinkling. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“What else am I supposed to think— I just had the greatest orgasm to you fucking crying and I didn’t even realize anything was wrong I was being so fucking selfish—” 

“Daichi!” He grabbed two fist fulls of Daichi’s shirt, bundling it up at the front as he pulled Daichi up towards him with. “Shut the fuck up! Would I lie to you?” 

Those eyes sent Daichi on a road trip pathed in guilt itself. He didn’t want to call Kuroo a liar, but he couldn’t deny he would suspect Kuroo of lying just to make him not worry. However, there was an unmissable hint of sincerity, and Daichi chose to trust him. “You promise… If I ever hurt you, you’d tell me?” 

He smiled tenderly and cupped the side of Daichi’s face with a hand. “You could never hurt me.”

* * *

 Kuroo’s luck had just about ran out dry when he crushed the empty cigarette pack in his hand, a low whine sounding from deep within his throat. A pack a day was normality for Kuroo to smoke, but it was barely hitting midday when Kuroo smoked the last one in there. Smoking felt quite relaxing, not particularly a way to forget his problems, but rather to just chill out and _attempt_ to focus on the dancing wisps curling up off the end of the cigarette. Fascinating to watch really, and a good way to get lost in a vivid day dream. However, nothing could tame the raging waves crashing around in Kuroo’s skull since the night before, and with Daichi hovering around him so cautiously that morning before he left for class was not helping either. 

It wasn’t the first time he’s cried during sex, in fact he did it a lot without even realizing, so much it became ordinary. He didn’t realize a lot of things during sex actually, sometimes even forgetting where he was to begin with, or even _who’s_ touching him. _But it’s all normal._  

 _“Come on, like we’ve always done… It’s always been normal.”_  

 _I can’t do it._  

 _“If you loved me you’d do it, and you won’t tell anyone.”_  

 _I’m scared— so dirty— vile, it’s so wrong— is he a bad person? (No, you are.)_  

“Kuroo?” 

Bench. He was on a bench? When did he walk to one? It was cold, damp, likely ruining his clothes with bird shit. Sharp, blue eyes, almost metallic. 

 _(You’re going to ruin everything if you say tell anyone. It's your fault, your fault, your fault.)_  

“Kuroo, just take deep breaths, want me to go grab you a drink?” He spoke calmly, though the hint of concern glossed over his words. 

It took a while before Kuroo could associate the familiar face before him with a name. “Akaashi…” 

 _“You know I love you so much.”_  

 _He gives me everything, what’s there to be ungrateful about? (So selfish, selfish, selfish.)_  

 _“Don’t be so selfish, Tetsurou.”_  

 _But it’s so disgusting. It’s wrong, isn’t it? But maybe I wanted it— (how else would you get attention? You don’t get it from anyone else, be grateful.) It’s my fault, I did something wrong. (You’ll ruin the family, and then you’ll have no one.)_  

A dark room, a ticking bedside clock, a night lamp, broken action figures as a result from playing too violently with them, fingers intertwined with his unruly locks painfully. _It hurts. But it’s okay, because he loves me._ It started as a faded image, a ghosted feeling vaguely brushing against his skin, but it all soon solidified too much for it _not_ to be reality. 

 _“You'll be in trouble if you don't listen to me. You don't want to get in trouble, do you? Be good.”_  

The uneasiness was gradually beginning to overrun the usual nonchalant conduct Akaashi held, and he reached towards Kuroo before stopping short over his forearm. “Kuroo? Kuroo listen, you’re with me and Bokuto— can you hear me?” After no response, he glanced back towards Bokuto who was quite literally snarling at a few intrusive noses poking into their business. Kuroo couldn’t figure out what was so interesting to see, until his senses focused in enough to reveal the immense trembling along with the newly added wetness to his face. Bokuto stepped forward but Akaashi shooed him away. “Can I touch you?” 

“What…” Kuroo choked out, feeling genuinely perplexed by the question. Why would anyone ever ask that, _no one has before._  

 _“It’s always been okay for me to touch.”_  

He cleared his throat and sniffled his nose. “W— yeah…” Akaashi tightened his lips before curling his hand around the crook of Kuroo’s arm, tugging it lightly to prompt him to stand up. 

 _“You can’t say you don’t want this, you enjoy it too. We’re just having a little fun. I wouldn’t hurt you if I loved you. You know I do.”_  

“Keiji… His hands—” 

“Shh— I know, just… where’s your car?” 

“Like… 10 minutes away?” 

 _“You don’t get to say no to me.”_  

 _(You don’t get to say no to anyone.)_  

“Alright fuck— Hey bro, you stay with ‘Kaashi I’m gonna grab my car, okay?” 

_“Cry all you want, no one’s coming.”_

_(Who’s going to listen?) No one._  

Hands. They were always there, always the same kind of touch. Was there a difference between the wrong kind the the right kind? It was so warm, warm like the tears bleeding from his eyes. This touch, as much as it felt like a blanket of safety, was still the _same._  

The same embrace after all the pain. 

The same one that came with the reoccurring _I love you._  

Bokuto never managed to go to get his car, instead he held Kuroo close to him and ran his hand around his back in a soothing motion. The ground was damp from the fallen rain where Kuroo crumbled down on it, clutching his head between his clenched fists to somehow hide away from everything, his hair very nearly being ripped out. The blood from his nails sinking into his palms seeped past the clenching, his breathing heavy and erratic as though his lungs were drowning in it’s own body. 

The words that left Kuroo’s mouth was nothing new to Bokuto, but still pained him all the same. _“I don’t want to do it anymore...”_ It came in a sharp whisper, desperate in a way to convince himself. The words uncovered specks of dirt from the secrets buried underneath his own skin, but Bokuto knew better than to request elaboration. 

“Shhh… It’s okay Kuroo, I’m here…” Bokuto leaned his head on Kuroo’s where his face was burried into the crook of Bokuto’s shoulder.

**.**

 

“So! Sawamura-kun, I wanna know all about you,” Oikawa announced, grinning ear to ear with a steaming cup raising to his lips. As much as he looked friendly, Daichi knew better.

Sugawara and Daichi shared a look before they both huffed out a laugh, catching Iwaizumi beside Oikawa shooting daggers towards the cheery man. “Like what?” 

“Well I already know everything but I wanna know… What do you think of Kuroo?” 

“I—” He glanced around for an answer. “I’m dating him?”

“Duh, I mean how are you finding him? He a good boyfriend? Obviously not as good as me but— Ow!” Oikawa held the back of his head where Iwaizumi smacked him and straightened himself up again, gazing towards Daichi expectantly. 

“Well, yeah of course.” 

“I’m sorry I brought him,” Iwaizumi groaned, ignoring the look of betrayal in Oikawa’s expression. 

Daichi’s phone rumbled in his pocket, which he patted down for a moment in search for it before drawing it out. It was Bokuto ringing, likely going to ask about something to do with going out tonight. 

“Hello?” 

 _“Daichi, sorry to bother you,”_ the voice came. First of all, it was far too polite to belong to Bokuto, secondly, he was sure he’s heard it somewhere else before. _“It’s Akaashi.”_  

“Oh— hey, what’s up?” 

 _“Are you busy right now? I don’t want to alarm you or anything…”_  

Daichi furrowed his brows before glancing around the table at the curious faces watching him. “No, no just having some mocha, everything alright?” 

 _“Ye— well not really… Uhm, Kuroo is in a really bad spot right now, do you mind coming over to us?”_  

“Kuroo? What happened?” 

_“It’s hard to explain over the phone— me and Bokuto already got him home but it’s going on a little longer than usual…”_

Daichi had long pushed the chair back noisily and made it out of the coffee shop, not much notice to the confused expressions stalking him on the way out. “Usual? What’s going on—- he’s okay right?” 

 _“He may or may not be any better with you here but it’s worth a shot, I’m sorry to bother yo—”_  

“No it’s fine, thanks for telling me. I’m coming now— be there soon.” The call came to an end and Daichi hurried down various streets, ignoring the strange looks directed at him and briefly apologizing to those he bumped into.   

Adrenaline kept his legs going even while his muscles burned and ached with exhaustion and lungs feeling as though they were filled with smoldering gas. Despite his regularities to the gym, the fear alone demolished all and any tolerance to physical exercise, a tormenting drumming rattling his chest cavity and a harrowing haze clouding both his thoughts and vision. Akaashi’s vague explanation over the phone only provoked the running scenarios to what could have happened and he could only pray his imagination was worse than it actually was. 

Daichi finally made it to the apartment complex, profusely sweating and greedily gasping for his breath back. He hadn’t even the patience to wait for the 1 minute the elevator took to get back to the ground floor and opted for the staircase, eating up whatever remained of his energy. 

Upon reaching his and Kuroo’s floor, he semi focused on levelling his breathing as he took long, hasty strides up the hallway and up to the door, tugging on the door handle to reveal it was already opened. _Please be okay, please be okay, please…_  

Akaashi was stood in the hallway close to the front door, hands linked behind him while he rested back on the wall behind him. He glanced towards Daichi and his equable demeanor quickly shifted to surprise upon seeing the state Daichi was in. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to worry you,” he said in a hushed manner, slate gaze shifting up the hall before focusing back on Daichi. “Relax, he’s okay. Bokuto’s working his charms as usual… But he’s not really with it yet so don’t be alarmed.”

Daichi was a little more than lost, Bokuto’s levelled and deep tone barely was heard in the distance— sourcing from the kitchen. “What happened?” 

“It happens often… not as often as before but it’s creeping up on him a bit more lately,” he started, eyes down casted while he searched for words to explain. “He sometimes… doesn’t know where he is? Like he’s half here half somewhere else. I’m no doctor or anything but I’m guessing they’re flashbacks of some sort.” 

Flashbacks— a term often brought up in movies or television shows to give insight to the past; a memory. _“Bad_ flashbacks?” A silly question really, but Akaashi remained patient with him. 

“Mm,” he hummed in confirmation. “I’m guessing so anyway, he’s always so distressed during them. He obviously had a bad past— he won’t tell us what exactly, not even Bokuto, but you can sort of grab bits and pieces if you sit with him through enough of these… episodes.” His tone was doleful and strained while he bit down on his lip.   

Daichi wanted to question what exactly Akaashi meant by _bits and pieces,_ and he was even more curious in Kuroo’s mystery past that he appeared to dodge talking much about. However, it was something that shouldn’t be shared around by third-parties, so he could only hope Kuroo would open up eventually. He nodded briefly before he focused his senses onto Bokuto’s distant voice, grabbing onto any strings that laid before him to get some sort of understanding— _anything_ at all that he could use to help Kuroo. He was still learning about Kuroo, but it only just dawned on him he was barely even skimming the surface on him. 

“See? It’s just me, Akaashi is somewhere out there— and y’know what? Your next favorite person after me should be here soon! Wait— not sure if I already heard him come in but…” 

Bokuto’s voice was uncharacteristically soothing and gentle, especially when he repeated Kuroo’s name multiple times to gain his attention and when he assured him they’re in the safety of his home. It was a pretty one sided conversation, but Bokuto managed to push on without any difficulty. Kuroo would occasionally mumbled something inaudible but that was the extent of his responses. 

Daichi wanted to go in there and comfort Kuroo himself— he _believed_ it should have been his job— however he was still ignorant towards the situation. He vaguely understood what was going on with Kuroo and it was best to leave it with someone who’s dealt with this before and was clearly handling it well right now, Bokuto. 

Soon he pulled around more or less. He masked the fear tainting his visage with a charming smile that barely graced his eyes, he waved off Daichi’s concerns with the painful lie that he was fine— all while appearing miles away in distance, his gaze washed over with a misty film over the vacancy and apathy. Daichi knew he couldn’t pressure Kuroo to talk about it, so he trusted that in time, he’d open up on his own.  

* * *

Kuroo seemed cut off from the world for the rest of the day, locking himself up in his own head and dancing it out. It had been a while since Daichi had seen their apartment be transformed into a dance room with a singular figure bringing life to the otherwise emptiness. 

It wasn’t entirely clear whether Kuroo just didn’t notice Daichi hovering at the edge of the room watching him or he was simply ignoring him. He appeared to be pretty lost in his free style, and there was not a single moment of falter in his movements that blended flawlessly with the tune. It was almost addicting to watch him, Daichi finding he couldn’t pass up a single opportunity to watch Kuroo dance. Daichi was only excited further upon remembering they were suppose to be going out for Bokuto’s birthday that night, so Kuroo would more than likely dance his soul out then— _if_ they were still going.

The song came to an end, and Kuroo stilled from his otherwise panting. He knelt by the speakers and scrolled through his phone for another song, not sensing Daichi approach him and startled at the clearing of his throat. 

“Sorry, forgot you were still there,” he mumbled almost below hearing level. 

“I’m not exactly the kind of guy to stand out,” Daichi snickered, sitting himself down next to Kuroo. “You hungry?”

“No.” A stunted and limited response, not so surprisingly. 

Daichi pursed his lips and let his eyes wander the room while he searched for something else to say. “You still want to go out tonight?” 

Kuroo shifted his eyes to Daichi and raised a brow. “Yeah, Bokuto would go mad if I bail.”

“But do you _want_ to go? And I’m pretty sure he’d understand—” 

“I’m fine, Daichi. There’s no reason I shouldn’t go.” 

“The fact alone you sound like a rotten apple is enough reason…” 

“Apples don’t speak…” 

“They do now.” 

He snorted out a laugh and gave the beautiful smile Daichi was aiming for. Kuroo dropped his head on Daichi’s shoulder, his dishevelled hair tickling his jaw a little. “Just a red day, I suppose. Half a red day maybe, your handsome face helps actually.” 

The greens on the calendar had been gradually descending back down to yellows and reds, almost like water slipping through Daichi’s hands, but he knew best of all that he was no hero. He’d be a fool to believe getting with Kuroo meant fixing everything wrong in his life, that wasn’t how easy life was meant to be. And unfortunately, that’s not how love worked either. “If you want to stay, I’ll stay with you. We could watch cartoons, animal documentaries, zombie movies— hell I don’t care. Just anything you want.” 

“That sounds nice…” Kuroo hummed, glazed eyes drifting off past reality. “But I just really want to get wasted.” 

 _To drown your problems,_ Daichi almost let slip out. It wasn’t a crime, because who didn’t drown their sorrows in alcohol. Even Daichi himself sure liked to do that. But it didn’t mean that was the correct way in dealing with everything. Nevertheless, he couldn’t change Kuroo’s mind. Maybe loosening up a little could be a semi cure for Kuroo for now, at least to untie those stress knots. 

They were soon hounded by Bokuto to hurry up regardless that it was still an hour before the official meetup time at his and Akaashi’s place. Daichi could see things not ending well if Bokuto decided to start pre-drinking so soon and be fast asleep in the club. 

Daichi finished showering long ago, the bathroom now occupied by Kuroo, but the real time consuming task was finding something to wear. He never felt too bothered before, seeing as most of his clothes are somewhat smart-casual. However, now with a certain set of cat-like eyes he was desperate to please, he felt the crushing pressure to look good. He threw on and took off at least 5 different shirts, glad Kuroo was taking his sweet time in the shower. The only comfort he had with Kuroo spending so long in there was his dumb singing. At least he wasn’t entirely tone deaf, he sounded quite nice actually— to some extent. Upon impossible to reach notes it sounded like Kuroo was aiming for the dying cat sound. 

Finally, there was a shirt Daichi was relatively pleased with. A black button up long-sleeved shirt with a black watch tartan pattern on the inside paired with blue black jeans that complimented his leg muscles. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and left a couple of buttons undone at the top so he could actually breath and took a final, long look into the mirror. He felt… _Confident._ A rare feeling for him in all honesty, although he hid it he was very self critical. _Too heavy, too bulky, too ordinary, too plain._ But it was Kuroo whispering in his ear all night how beautiful he thought he was that gave him a secret boost. 

“Daaaaaichi?” Kuroo called from down the hall, only his head popped out around the door. 

“Yeah?” 

“Is my shirt out there?”

Daichi glanced around the bedroom before shaking his head. “Can’t see it… Why don’t you just come out?” Surprisingly, he hadn’t actually seen Kuroo with his shirt off. What was more surprising however, was Kuroo turning 50 shades red at the suggestion.

He shuffled out of the bathroom, towel completely wrapped around himself. “Go awaaaay!”

“Since when are you shy, huh…” Daichi huffed before turning on his heel.

“I’m ugly,” he snorted, which blew a few fuses under Daichi’s skin. 

“Say that again and I’ll kill you.” He listened to Kuroo cackling behind him before it really did settle in his stomach that he wanted to _see_ Kuroo. “Tetsurou… Can I please look?”

There was a bit of stumbling behind him— Kuroo must have been attempting to put on his boxers— but otherwise silence, for a little while. “...Fine.”

He turned back around, almost warily, seeing Kuroo slip back on his bracelets. _Ugly_ was non-existent; he was gorgeous. His Adonis-kissed skin was only a portion of what made up his beauty, being just Kuroo was enough to make him beautiful. He was bony, unhealthily so, but that didn’t subtract anything. And neither did the thick, paling, pink toned scars trailed across his hip bones, stomach, ribs. Daichi didn’t realize himself reach to run his fingers, gently as though he wasn’t touching at all, over the marks. There was _so many,_ each one carrying painful memories that stuck with Kuroo very much like how those scars did. Daichi tore his mind away from them, tracking his eyes to a certain glint that caught his attention. “Oh my god… You did not.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t notice them through my shirts actually,” Kuroo beamed, glancing down at his pierced nipples. “Cute, right?”

“Don’t make me feel traumatized off using the word cute, Tetsurou,” he mumbled, touching one of the barbell jewelry with his finger. That single touch however, sent Kuroo in a frenzy.

“Fuuuck— eww they’re sensitive, don’t touch,” he whined, cupping his hands over his nipples.

Daichi gaped at him before cracking out into a howl. “That was the best reaction I’ve ever come across.”

“Sorry Daichi, I’m not one of those crazy pornstars that love their nipples played with— ugh I feel weird now ew, ew.” He trotted off to the wardrobe where he pulled out a shirt, still holding the nipple Daichi poked. 

He giggled to himself before turning back on to work on himself while Kuroo was getting ready. Daichi sprayed on some aftershave around his neck and wrists before neatening up his shirt again in the mirror. There was a heavy darkness weighing above his head; _was this outfit okay? Does Kuroo even like it?_

“Hey Daichiiiii,” Kuroo drawled, voice muffled under his shirt he was pulling over his head. Daichi turned to face him as he popped his head through. “You look so fucking hot.” His wandering eyes that travelled down Daichi felt predatory, even _hungry._ And it made Daichi feel amazing.

“Thank you,” he smiled. Kuroo looked just about finished getting changed himself, wearing a loose wine red shirt layered over an earl grey shirt that was hanging out from the bottom and peeking at the crewneck— or perhaps it was just one shirt with the layered part just being added to the bottom and collar, but whatever it was it looked good on him. Beneath it he wore the usual black ripped skinnies, which did some godly unsaid things to his legs. “As usual, you look gorgeous.” 

“You flatter me so,” he shot the typical charming smirk he manages to play off so well. He stepped over to Daichi and pulling him in from the back of his head, kissing him sweetly. The moment was cut short however with Kuroo’s phone buzzing and rattling maniacally on the table. Of course, it was none other than Bokuto. “We better go before he starts crying.”

“Now that’d be quite the sight.”

**.**

 

Pre-drinks went swimmingly, even so they all drank the apartment dry and even ran out to grab more drinks to save buying much while they were out. The buzz was beginning to hit hard and fast, and the clouded judgement stemming from that state only urged them all to drink more. The typical process of getting drunk, at least it was fun while it lasted. 

Drunk Kuroo was clingy Kuroo— he was clingy anyway but add a few shots to the mix and he was glued to Daichi, poking, hugging, kissing, anything that involved touching him really. He didn’t mind at all, he loved it in fact. And on top of it all, Kuroo looked _happy._

Daichi hadn’t a problem with bonding with the not so well known faces, regardless that he’s met most of them before— only drunk. And now yet again, he was meeting them again while drunk. Apart from Oikawa which he had the displeasure of meeting earlier that day. He was a little more tolerable while Daichi was a few drinks down the line however.

There was a certain someone that made Daichi feel undeniably _uneasy._ Haiba Lev. It wasn’t that he disliked him as such, even though he was exceedingly loud, blunt, speaks his mind at the wrong times, but he wasn’t particularly _unlikable._ It was just his relationship with Kuroo that tipped Daichi on the edge. He hadn’t a problem with any of Kuroo’s other friends, but Lev was another story. He was childlike, but a clear dominator of the food chain. He watched Kuroo like _his_ prey, and Daichi even more so. It was as though Daichi himself was hunting another predator's meal and stepping into it’s off limits territory. So far, he only knew Lev danced with Kuroo and looked up to him. If anything, Kuroo was a _senpai_ to him. But other than that, he didn’t really know what their relationship was beyond dancing. He could only assume far more than was revealed to the blind eye with the way Lev was reacting to Kuroo’s relationship with Daichi. _Ex boyfriends? Kuroo said he’s never had a proper relationship though— maybe he was the sex partner? Wait, Lev was into drugs?_ The whole idea seemed absurd in his head, but there wasn’t much more explanation. 

When the group made their way into the lively city, specifically the centre of the night life, Daichi felt he couldn’t hold back the curiosity any longer. “Tetsu… Can I ask you something?” 

“Mmmm, ‘course!” He shot Daichi a toothy grin while he lit a cigarette. 

“You and Lev, like is there something… You know. Between you two?” 

Kuroo stared on ahead for a while before he smiled again. “Nope, just friends. He’s a bit strange though so don’t mind him.” 

“Strange…” He echoed back, waving away the smoke clouding up around him. 

They finally arrived at a club, one which Kuroo visibly recoiled at upon realizing which it was. “What the fuck, why this one?”

“Raise your hand if you’re straight,” Bokuto slurred, glancing around to see that no one raised their hand and there was only the odd snicker floating around between them. “There’s your answer!” 

Kuroo leaned into Daichi and murmured in his ear. “There’s a bunch of creeps in this one, and they’re crap at ID checks.” 

“Not like that last point would matter, we’re all of age.” 

“I got in here when I was like 16,” he snickered, gaining that much expected gawp from Daichi. 

“What the hell were you doing going to nightclubs at 16? You _were_ a delinquent!” 

“Oh come on I never went around the city vandalizing the walls or screaming at old women, I just liked to get shit faced!” 

“You were no innocent child either,” Daichi said with a grin.

“I totally was, shut up.” 

The queue was neither lengthy nor a quick entrance, and the bitter air forced chills down to the bone with either gentle breeze. The goose-bumps rising on Kuroo’s arms was visible, alongside his clattering teeth and frame rattling shivering. Daichi stood before him and wrapped his arms around Kuroo, the taller man shrinking and almost curling up in Daichi’s embrace. There were conversations from the rest of the group passing over them, sometimes to them that was briefly responded to, but all Daichi could think about was getting inside. The damn cold itself was beginning to sober him up, or at least it felt like it.

When they finally got past the doormen, they were hit by a wave of heat and deafening music. It was lively, borderline havoc, but definitely the kind of spirits to party in. The party goers weren’t shy to be eating faces off in them drunken lust filled haze. 

“That’s us later,” Kuroo shouted in Daichi’s ear, and even with him straining his voice over the music the words were still barely caught.

The group split up to do whatever the hell they wanted, a few ordering the drinks and some going off to dance. Bokuto, Akaashi, Daichi and Kuroo gathered the drinks and managed to find a seating area close to the dance floor. 

Daichi always found it annoying how in nightclubs he literally couldn’t hear a single word being spoken to him, but while drunk no one cared and they all communicated with crappy sign language which consisted of pointing, pulling faces, and flailing their arms about— mostly in Bokuto’s case. 

Kuroo went off to dance, and of course drew quite a bit of attention. How could he not? Instead of feeling uneasy that all these hungry wolves were staring down his boyfriend, Daichi felt rather proud. Because after all, it was _his_ boyfriend and not theirs. He excused himself to go to the toilets, not surprising as Daichi’s bladder always had a bit of problem while he drank. The journey down the slippery, sticky steps to the seedy bottom floor was more of an effort than it had to be. Empty and spilled cups lay in the way as a hazard, in which Daichi almost slipped on about three of them. On top of the unappealing interior, were the so called creeps Kuroo was on about. Now he finally knew what it felt like to get catcalled, and it wasn’t along the lines of flattered. He felt nervous, anxiety building up in his throat like acidic bile burning the insides of his throat. They were saying something to him, but the combination of the music upstairs and his own heartbeat pounding in his ears he couldn’t quite catch what they said.

“Hey man, why you ignoring us?” 

“Fuckin’ hell, not often we get beef like this one.” 

“‘Scuse me…” He mumbled, likely not audible to the two men. But he persisted through to the bathroom only to be stopped by an arm. 

“We’re just havin’ a chat, don’t be shy!” 

He’d believe them, _if_ they weren’t licking around their lips and glaring at him like they were about to rip his clothes off. “I just need the toilet, please move.” 

“You heard him, get lost! Besides, he’s taken.”

All three glanced back to the towering man, limbs long and graceful, but all around powerful. It was Lev. Daichi never thought he’d be glad to see him, and even more so when the men grumbled and left them be. 

“You’ll only find the worst in this place,” he said nonchalantly, grinning quite innocently.

“Ahah… Thank you.” 

“New to gay clubs?” 

“Oh, is it that obvious?” 

“Yeah, learn not to be so afraid, you just gotta say fuck off!” 

He gave a nod and smiled before remembering he actually needed a leak. “I’m just going for a— yeah one sec,” 

When Daichi thought public toilets were unsightly, these ones were absolutely filthy. He was sure there was even a few semen puddles around, previously convinced that people having sex in club toilets was a total myth. _Apparently not._  

After thoroughly washing his hands he exiting the toilets to find Lev still waiting for him. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. “Oh, thanks for waiting.” 

“No problem! Actually… I need to ask you something.”

He tilted his head before nodding, prompting Lev to continue. 

“Are you and Kuroo like... serious?” 

The question came blunt and sudden, catching Daichi off guard. “I— Well, I think so? We’re just starting out, but I do hope for it to last.”

“Ah… Well it’s weird ‘cause I never really imagined Kuroo to be the serious type…” 

“What do you mean?”

“Hah, you don’t know?” Lev watched Daichi’s features morph further and further into bewilderment before he elaborated. “He, y’know, sleeps around. Or like, used to? Did you meet him that way?”

Daichi opened his mouth, but there was only a dull rasp. _Sleep around? Wasn’t there just one guy?_ “Sleeps around…” 

“You know, fuck everyone. Even me! He’s always been sexually active, just never really dedicated to one guy. I mean, I always thought that Iwasaki guy was his boyfriend or something but he’d still fuck other people. I’m really surprised he’s with you— do you have sex a lot?”

“I… I’m gonna go back up—”

“I didn’t upset you, right?  

It came as more of a taunt rather than a question, and the former innocence in Lev’s gaze was washed away with malice. “No, nothing like that.”

He excused himself and jogged up the steps, Lev’s words still not sinking in completely. It didn’t matter though, right? He used to sleep around, not anymore. _Then why did he lie?_

_“Nope, just friends.”_

The memory felt like an glacial stab in the backside, and as much as Daichi attempted to convince himself otherwise, he only further questioned why Kuroo couldn’t just tell him himself. _Because he had something to hide._ He searched the dance floor— not for so long considering Kuroo was still the centre of attention and easily spotted. Only just dancing with other people, letting them _touch_ his lithe body, leaning into him too close for comfort. _Just dancing._  

Daichi’s insecurities got the better of him, and he felt his mind a few moments away from bursting in his skull. Bokuto noticed Daichi’s hurried attempt to leave and moved hastily to stop him. “Hey dude! Where ya going?”

“How many people has Kuroo slept with?”

It looked like Bokuto was slapped in the face at the question, mouth open but no words leaving it.

“Great— everyone knew but me. Perfect.”

“Wh— Hey! He doesn’t anymore I mean— fuck, you need to talk to him! Don’t just run out…”

“Talking about me?” Kuroo questioned out the blue, much like his abrupt appearance beside them. 

Bokuto glanced back and forth between the two and backed away. “He’s mad, bro. Sort it out.”

They watched Bokuto hurry off towards where he was sitting before focussing their attention back on each other. “Huh? Why you mad?”

“Because finding out from a third-party that my boyfriend used to sleep around isn’t so settling on the nerves,” he almost hissed, dark eyes sharp and trained onto Kuroo who only strinked under them. 

“Fuck— Come with me.” He grabbed Daichi by the elbow and weaved past various people before making it to the quieter smoking area. There wasn’t so many people to intrude on their conversation, and anyone that was there was likely too drunk to care. “Who the fuck told you?” The placid tone was long gone and replaced with a honed sharpness to the bitter snap. 

“Why does that matter, why didn’t _you_ tell me?” 

Kuroo was appearing increasingly more uncomfortable, but Daichi was not going to let him escape this one. “Because it doesn’t matter! Does it?” 

“It wouldn’t have if you just told me instead of saying you had only one sexual partner—”

“I never said he was the only person,” he said simply, sounding almost indifferent. 

“Whatever, and then you went and said Lev was _just a friend_ when he was one of them, why did you even have to lie about that? Do you have something to hide or what?” 

“So Lev told you, of course,” he said curtly, glancing away seethingly. “Starting to sound like you’re accusing me of still being like that— fuck, I can’t change the past.” Kuroo laughed humorlessly with a hint of sullenness tangled with his vocals. 

“I’m not. But why would you hide it from me?” 

“Because of _this!_ And now I doubt you’d ever trust me.” 

The hurt was clear as day in his gaze, and Daichi realized maybe he was overreacting. He wanted to blame the alcohol, but that was only a coward’s escape. “I trust you, Tetsurou. Always have and won’t stop now. I’d just like for you to be honest with me…” 

Kuroo glanced towards him gingerly before groaning. “Mm, whatever.” 

“What now?” Daichi’s voice almost cracked in hysterics, the previously buried anger erupting and distorting his tone. 

“Nice knowing my boyfriend thinks I’m a whore, real nice—” 

“I fucking don’t— why the hell did you sleep with so many people if you think that’s how everyone else is gonna view you?!” It came out far harsher than Daichi intended, but there was no taking back those words now.

The recoil from the upfront question wasn’t missed, and neither was the glint of shame in Kuroo’s tight stare. “Because that’s the only way anyone’s going to want me.” 

Music drummed hollowly around them, the air going dry, lamented and lifeless like a graveyard. 

“Tetsu… Why do you think that? You don’t need sex for someone to want you—” 

“You wouldn’t have liked me unless we hooked up when we met.” 

“Oh shut up— We didn’t even do anything and I would have liked you anyway!”

“Didn’t do anything? We kissed, touched a little more than newly met buddies would. Nearly fucked even but someone’s head was still up their ex’s ass. Tell me you would have still loved me if none of that ever happened, you wouldn’t have even been at my apartment, you wouldn’t have moved in. Everyone just wants a _fuck_ and you’re not any fucking different, asshole. You’re nothing special from the rest.” 

“Kuroo.” He flinched at the formalities returning, but Daichi disregarded it and pushed forwards. “This conversation is over.” 

Maybe he half wanted Kuroo to stop him that could explain why he moved slowly, maybe he was expecting the warmth and security from Kuroo’s arms wrapping around him, maybe he was desperate to hear Kuroo’s voice apologize or _anything_ , but there was only cold silence between them.

Kuroo’s stare after Daichi was unwavering and deadened, countenance void of anything and skin ashen like the cracked bones dusting up in a coffin. Not a single muscle responded to his screaming mind, and so regrettably there wasn’t a single word uttered.

Daichi apologized to Bokuto for leaving on his birthday night, but he needed to be alone. He grabbed a taxi cab back to the apartment, the buzz from the alcohol completely vanquished from his system from the dread and misery alone. It was only the first major fight him and Kuroo had, but it killed his soul, punching him through the chest and threw him down in a ditch to rot for all eternity. The feeling was familiar— Yui. The very feeling he felt on a milder scale on a day to day basis while with her. He never imagined it to be able to escalate to this level. He felt hollow and dry, as though his insides had been etched out clean. He could only hope him and Kuroo would be able to sort this out sometime soon, but tonight wasn’t the night. 

Daichi had almost habitually made his way to Kuroo’s room before halting himself halfway down the hall. Going back in his bed could equal one of two situations. Kuroo will still be bitter and tell him to get out or he gets into bed as normal. Not going back into his bed could result in either Kuroo being crushed and being dramatic thinking they’re over or be relieved to be away from Daichi. Chances were, with Kuroo being the painfully stubborn type, Daichi would be safe just going back to his room. 

It felt desolated, cold, and lonely to just curl up with himself and facing the vapid walls rather than Kuroo’s face. And though his mind was exhausted, there was still a part of him twisting the gears noisily. _What if Kuroo came home? Or would he stay out all night and ignore the problem?_ His eyelids grew heavier with each passing second, eventually coming to a total close with a warm beading at the corners, his mind dimming along with the lights.

* * *

 Daichi blinked wearily, the room still engulfed in darkness as though his eyes were still shut, although it felt like he never shut his eyes in the first place. Why was he awake again?

A dim light gleamed in the murkiness, a source unbeknownst to Daichi for a long while until his wandering eyes found it before his mind did. His phone was lit up, but strangely not vibrating. Perhaps it was playing up. He reached for it and blearily squinted at the screen, vision impaired with sleep and lack of adjustment until the sight before him finally became readable to some extent.

 

**< < < From: Bokuto Koutarou**

**Sat. 01:47 AM**  

_Hey dude soru bout tonight u ok?_

_is kuro with u? He bailed after u left i dunno if he went after u_

_let me kno pls when u wake up xxxxxx_

 

**< < < From: Bokuto Koutarou**

**Sat. 02:34 AM**

_U gothom safe rite?!???_

_u asleep?_

_Am so drunk lol_

_Miss u n kuroo wish u 2 were here_

_Ur nto gonna brek u rte?_

_up*_

_Break up ****_

_Pls dont u 2 r cute_

_I swear kuroo dont sleep around anymore_

_he probs dnt tell u cuz hes scared u’d judge him_

_hes not a bad guy pls giv him a chance_

 

Daichi hummed as his eyes briskly skimmed the almost incoherent texts, the sound coming off as more like a groan, voice raw and rusty from the lack of usage for the last few hours. If he was honest with himself, he was expecting— _hoping_ for a text from Kuroo. And seeing as he apparently left after Daichi did, he wondered if he already came home.

He balanced himself on the edge of the bed, balling his fists up against his eyes to wake himself up a little before glancing back at his phone. 5AM. The apartment sounded deathly silent, as though no life other than Daichi was inhabiting it. His footsteps pattered softly against the laminate flooring, hand brushing against the smooth walls as he stepped down the hallway, blindly in search for the light switch.

The sudden luminosity left Daichi sightless for more than more seconds than was expected and he quickly dimmed the intensity down so it was just enough to see. The dark spots eventually subsided and he focussed back on the living room ahead of him. A few wary steps in, he had already spotted the familiar chaotic bed head peeking from the sofa and Daichi reached for his phone.

 

**> > > To: Bokuto Koutarou**

**Sat. 05:08 AM**

_Sorry didn’t answer, was sleeping._

_Kuroo’s at home. Hope you had a good night, and I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly. I’ll make it up to you somehow._

 

A lengthy sigh left Daichi before he hesitantly forced his legs to take him to Kuroo. His mind ran through 100 different scenarios; only one in about all of them having a small chance in coming true but it was always sensible to prepare. A lot of the played out conversations resulted in a bad end— of course they would, because Daichi was only believing in the worst right now. However, none of them scenarios covered what to do if he found Kuroo asleep, which he most certainly, and strangely was so. And even moreover, he was so still and tranquil. At least from how it looked on the outside, Kuroo being wrapped up in the faux fur blanket that was pulled over his face, only a foot sticking out and an arm balanced straight on the edge of the sofa with his hand hanging limply.

He set himself down quietly beside the sofa, knees rolling almost uncomfortably on the hard surface beneath the shaggy rug before Daichi switched up to sitting crossed legged. Kuroo’s hand was cold and a little clammy, but Daichi wasn’t put off holding it although holding off the majority of the pressure he could have applied to it in fear of waking Kuroo up. Besides, this was probably the first time he’s ever seen him sleep so contently. He felt the rough texture of the scabbing built up in the palm of his hand, prompting him to turn it and look at the damage and only knowing it would feel like a bullet in his chest upon seeing Kuroo hurt himself in any way.

Daichi reached towards the blanket that hid Kuroo’s face, carefully pulling it down just below his nose. Endearing as usual, but with the scars of tears painting his pallor skin, his eye area inflamed with rosy tints that travelled down to his nostrils. It only cracked Daichi’s heart further, and he wished that night had never happened. They both said things that should have permanently been locked away in the dark, but now there was only room for mending rather than dwelling in the past.

Another deep breath was released, exhaled into the otherwise silent night that slept around them. Daichi let his eyes wander along with his mind, chocolate gaze landing on the tiny clear baggie which contained a little amount of pale powder; an off white color, even somewhat tanned. Alongside it was a spoon, a glass of water and various lighters plotted around the table as usual. It didn’t all hit Daichi at first, the initial denial acting as a steel barrier to not allow the information to process past his eyes. He steadily shifted his gaze back towards Kuroo, now noticing the buckle like strap hanging off the end of the sofa under his arm, and finally, the syringe dropped onto the thick rug.

Maybe he forgot to breath, the ringing blaring deafeningly in the depths of his ears while he stared down at the syringe. Daichi moved his hand from Kuroo’s and up his arm, pushing the blanket further up while the tips of his fingers brushed over the changing textures on the surface of his skin. Daichi felt himself choke up at seeing the small trickle of blood dried against the new bruising skin.

His trembling hand travelled down his dampened face, the realization he was crying not yet caught on. He clasped his hands around Kuroo’s arm, bowing his head into it as the despair took ahold of every one of his senses.

“Tetsu,” he croaked out, voice bunged up from the building mucus from his racked sobbing. “Tetsu… I’m so sorry— Fuck… Dammit!”

Kuroo jolted at Daichi’s sudden out burst; weary, glassy eyes barely able to open further than a  squint. His brows furrowed while he analysed the scene before him. “—chi…?” His voice came out tiny, almost like a squeak, vocals dry and neglected.

“I… I probably made your day so much worse than it had to be… I’m so sorry—”

“Whu— no you didn’t… I feel fine,” he said lazily, looking quite dopey. He slid his eyes shut again, breathing in before exhaling deeply. “Fuck— I didn't think you'd wake up before I got rid of this… I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean…”

“Just forget it for now,” Daichi sighed, running his hand through Kuroo’s hair. “But this… Tetsu why didn’t you speak to me first?”

“You were mad.”

“And? Even if you attempted murder on me I’d still be here to talk to you.”

Kuroo breathed out a benign chuckle, half-lidded amber gaze in view again while he stared off into an vacant space. “‘M sorry… I didn’t mean to… I fucked up—”

“No, no, it’s okay. Don’t worry, it’ll be okay soon…”

“I just ruined my 90 days…”

Daichi tightened his lips before gripping onto Kuroo’s hand a little tighter. “You don’t need to count the days, Tetsurou. You just need to know how well you’ve done— you’re _still_ doing well. This isn’t a failure.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“Who could ever stay mad at you?”

“The one shouting at me earlier.”

“We both made a mistake, but that’s in the past…” He cupped a hand around Kuroo’s face, reaching over to plant a kiss on his forehead despite the subtle stickiness from the faint sheen of sweat clinging to his skin. “I need to know, why do you think sex is the only way to love?” It was such a damaging mindset, and Daichi couldn’t just settle on believing Kuroo got that idea out of thin air; it had to come from _someone._

“That’s just how it’s always been… I never got anything without it,” he murmured, eyes downcast and shrouded in shame. “I didn’t mean… what I said about you. You’re so much different, I’m starting to believe you’re just a figure of my imagination…”

Daichi’s breath hitched at Kuroo’s explanation, his thoughts trailing onto the suspicion that it had something to do with his past. In a grip of denial, selfish self-defence from any horrible truth, he attempted to push any thoughts he had about it into the depths of his mind. _Attempted._

Regardless, Kuroo was clearly discomforted at the mere mention about it, so Daichi swayed away from questions for now. Daichi smiled delicately, corners barely upturned though the radiance lining the fine creases stemming from the corners of his eyes upon his handsome profile. “Quite the vivid imagination to bring my cock plowing your ass to reality, huh?” He watched Kuroo laugh heartily before bringing himself up to his face again, brushing his lips against Kuroo’s face. “And this… is this real?” He whispered, breath ghosting upon the surface beneath it.

“I’d like to believe so,” he responded with a hint of playfulness to his tone, but the gleam behind his eyes was quickly buried beneath a somber blanket. “Please don’t leave me— I swear I won’t touch it again—”

“Shhh, I won’t. I’m not going to up and leave because you slip up a little you dummy,” Daichi assured. He knew, as painful as it was, those words were only empty promises; a lie more to himself rather than Daichi. Kuroo’s hedonistic mindset wouldn’t be shaken off so easily, as proven by tonight. “Even if you fell into a pool of crap, I’m always going to be here to pull you back out.”

Daichi has only ever seen tears of despair, misery, hopelessness. It had become a belief that tears of happiness was nothing more than a wishful myth. However, his evidence was right in front of him.

“You’re like a dream, Daichi… And I don’t want to wake up from it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just pushed Kuroo into a pile of crap I'm really sorry.  
> P.S: Niseko = Ski resort in Hokkaido (north of Japan), I'd love to imagine all these dorks skiing.  
> Hopefully next chapter I can fit a few Halloween themed stuff, because THIS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR! And maybe lay off the angst a little perhaps, we all need a break here. (Also me: *throws in a few dead bodies*)  
> [tumblr](https://juuvio.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'M SO SORRY FOR MISSING LAST WEEKS UPDATE, I was super busy and only had half the chapter done ugh. I feel like this chapter is a bit of a mess so I apologize for that too _*facepalm*_ . Also, I hope you all had a nice Halloween (that is if you celebrate it but if not I hope you had a nice week anyway!) 
> 
> I'll definitely try to update on time next week, enjoy!
> 
> Oh and just a note, there’s around a month gap between this chapter and the last.

It was that time of month where the sky was somber and weeping, the dreary blanket over head churlish and subtly hostile. Nature wilted under the unkind circumstances, crisping into browns and reds that made their new home on the graves that were walked upon and crunched beneath the weight laid above them. It was called beautiful by some, but since when was death beautiful? But it didn’t matter, like a phoenix from the ashes, the fallen rose again glimmering with the life it lost. 

Kuroo wasn’t wilting, he didn’t see himself to be, and didn’t feel it. Despite the hollowness inside his chest that grew with each lie that brushed past his lips, he still felt fine. Even when Daichi smiled and told Kuroo how proud his was of him for making an effort, the crushing guilt withering his petals off into dust was disregarded. 

_“Did you go to your NA meeting today?”_  

_“Of course, it’s all going well,”_ Kuroo assured with confidence. Confidence in his own poisonous lie. 

_But it’s okay, because I can stop easy. I’ll go back to my meetings, it’ll be as though I was never using._

The vague wisp of red curled up into the pale liquid, dark and contrasting to heaven’s door itself before he pushed down on the plunger; gradually, steadily, a sigh escaping at the wave of relief and freedom washing over his senses. 

_I can still stop._  

Like he told himself the day before, and the day before that. Maybe even weeks ago but who knew; no one did, no one does. So it doesn’t matter.

_Do I have to stop?_  

His head fell back onto the edge of the bathtub where he rested his back against, the bitter cold from the bathroom tiles mistaken for a warm pool of glistening gold. It was 6AM in the murky month of October where Kuroo felt a tropical warmth wrap him in soothing arms that convinced him even the blandest object was beautiful.

Kuroo didn’t need it, he was fine without it even though the edges of his mind gnawing to get that fix, shivering violently despite wearing 6 layers to bed and sweating through the sheets. _I’ll stop tomorrow, it’s fine._

_(Because Daichi will fucking hate you.)_  

There was a distant sound, a nebulous whisper Kuroo couldn’t quite figure out. Was it coming from outside? Must have been. Only, it was coming from right beside him. A muffled voice, and knocking maybe? _Definitely coming from down the hall,_ so Kuroo shut his eyes again.

“Tetsurou?”

_Oh crap._ He jerked at the call, despite the voice holding nothing more than a tender tone. “W— yeah, sorry,” he croaked out, voice lost somewhere in that euphoric hell.

“What are you doing? I’ve been calling you for ages— anyway I made you tea, hurry up before it gets cold… want anything to eat?”

Kuroo pulled himself up, limbs heavy and slumbering while he groaned on the way up. “No, I’m good thanks.” He pushed all the evidence into his pockets and ran his hands over his face before reaching for the door. To his dismay, Daichi was still stood outside the door and glaring up at Kuroo rather suspiciously.

“What were you doing?” Daichi asked again, eyes briefly shifting past Kuroo and into the bathroom before looking back up to his face.

“Procrastinating,” he responded, smirking mirthlessly at Daichi before bowing his head down on his shoulder. “What you doing today?”

“Promised Suga and Azumane a coffee date later, want you join us?”

Kuroo waved a hand and shook his head. “Nah, I’ll leave you guys be.”

“While I’m gone, want to look for a movie so we can watch it when I get back?”

“Sure— wait you’re here _all_ day?”

Daichi smiled guiltily before wrapping his arms around Kuroo. “Working tonight, finish at 4AM.”

Kuroo honestly sounded like a cat when he whined. “Why the hell did you have to go apply for a bar job, I have no one to cuddle now…”

“You know it’s not every weekend, next weekend I’ll be here with you!”

“I want you every weekend.”

“Greedy aren’t you,” he snorted. “Don’t forget your tea.”

“Mhm.”

Daichi trailed after Kuroo into the kitchen, sitting himself on the seat on the end of the table closest to Kuroo. “You need to eat something too,” he commented with a deepened crease between his brows. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he saw Kuroo eat a proper meal, and the pounds were dropping off from his face and frame— more so than usual.   

“Not hungry in mornings, you know that,” Kuroo mumbled past the cup while he eyed up the neglected pages of the calendar on the wall beside him. Daichi caught on with his gaze.

“You haven’t filled that in for a while, huh.”

“It’s pointless,” _because I failed._ “My pens are running out anyway.” 

The incredulous hint and concern glazing over those dark eyes was hard to ignore, but Kuroo did so anyway. For a flickering second, he thought maybe Daichi suspected he was using— _he couldn’t know._  

Kuroo cleared his throat and took a noisy sip. “Uh— so how you finding your new job?” 

“Oh, not bad. I’ve gotten the hang of cocktails now at least,” he laughed. “Akaashi’s great too, helps me out a lot. Other people there are nice too so I guess I can stick with this for a while.”

“Mm, that’s nice,” he crooned, barely noticing he had already set down the half full cup while his head that rested upon the ball of his wrist was bowing gradually. The vivid images before his vision drew confusion to whether his eyes were open or shut— what was he just thinking about? Why did it matter, it all felt so serene. 

_“Tetsu…”_  

“Tetsu!”

For a moment, everything felt disconnected. Kuroo wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking at, the dreaming world still tied in with the waking world. “Huh?” 

“You still tired or something?” He asked with furrowed brows. 

Was he tired? He wasn’t too sure though his eyelids threatened to fall routinely. “Mmm, a little?” 

Daichi opened his mouth to speak— most likely question as to why the hell Kuroo is nodding off at the table— however was interrupted with the erupting vibrations of his phone. He glanced towards Kuroo apologetically before he answered. “Hello? …Oh! Hey Mom— yeah, no everything’s good, how are you? …Yeah I’ll come over soon— Huh? Mom! Eugh, seriously don’t think about getting remarried to someone barely a year old than me— no it’s not funny.”

Kuroo snickered gently, getting hints as to what the conversation was about before he let himself gaze off into another daydream.    

“What? …Well Masumi’s a weirdo don’t take advice from her… Yeah Tetsu’s here,” he glanced towards Kuroo with a curl to the corners of his lips, watching Kuroo mouth to tell her he says hello. “He says hey… Mhm, we’re fine— Mom… Yes we’re being safe ugh… You okay?” Daichi’s brows curved and Kuroo could vaguely catch the hacking coughs through the crackled line. “Get some rest… I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye— I love you too.”

“How’s mama Sawamura?” Kuroo asked benevolently, raising a little from his dozing slouch to sit straighter. 

“Same old, I suppose…” His gaze was tight and dimmed to a dirt brown, contrary to his usual glowing chocolate. Daichi coughed dryly and ran a hand down his face. “Want me to come with you to the pharmacy?” 

Kuroo flinched under his skin, praying Daichi didn’t notice the recoil. Pharmacy? He hadn’t turned up in _weeks._ He could only assume he was dropped out of the programme by now, especially after countless ignored any form of communications with him. Those he sat with sharing back and forth their struggles made attempts in asking where he was when he neglected to turn up to his NA meetings— _they all knew._ They must be ashamed, think he’s weak, pathetic— _but I don’t want to stop._  

“Tetsu—”

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll go on my own.” 

_Should I tell him?_  

He couldn’t bare even the solid image invading his mind of Daichi’s face of uttermost disappointment. What would he think? _He’ll leave me._ Kuroo swallowed back what felt like burning bile— he couldn’t afford to lose Daichi. He’d fix this on his own, it was easy, he’d never realize there was a problem. _There’s no problem._

* * *

The dark sheet parted to flood the cozy café with warmth where the three sat in with steaming mugs wafting up the milky heat, toasted sandwiches sitting before them while they conversed with each other. They spoke of casual things; how their jobs are, how university was treating them, random crap that popped to their minds. Daichi hadn’t a problem with keeping up, but the clouded thoughts played a part in missing words and frequently asking his friends to repeat what they said. He didn’t doubt they’d catch on, but he was surprised to feel those hard glares pressuring down on him so soon. 

“Daichi, come on. Spit it out,” Sugawara finally said, eyes trained onto Daichi.

“What?” 

“You’ve been acting weird…” Azumane mumbled, nerves in the form of beading sweat at his temples. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he groaned, stuffing half the sandwich in his mouth so he had an excuse to not speak.

“You’ve been so down lately, you know you can’t hide that from us,” Sugawara admitted, brows turning up in worry for his friend. “Is it your mom?” 

The silence was a firm enough answer, and Sugawara reached to touch Daichi’s hand. He glanced up from his hands to meet with the apprehensive gazes looking at him expectantly. “I saw her last weekend… I only got to speak to her for like an hour— the rest of the weekend she was asleep… Doctor said she’s expected up to a month if she’s _lucky.”_  

There was only the surrounding hum of those conversing around them, and nothing more. The silence seeped through their skin, paralyzed them like poison as the news sank in. 

Azumane spoke first, deep voice coaxing Daichi and Sugawara out of their silence. “We’re here for you, Daichi.” 

“Always,” Sugawara added with much sullenness laced in his tone. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to bring the mood down—”

_“Never_ stuff your feelings in a box like that,” Sugawara hissed from his usually placid voice. “I mean it, we’re always here to talk. You’re not alone in this, Daichi.”

Despite feeling trapped as though he was walking on and endless path that only greeted him with more darkness along the way, there was always people to shine a little light through the keyhole— even if it took drilling the fact into his head. He nodded in acknowledgement to Sugawara’s words and they continued on with their conversation, however a little more dusted over with the greying ashes from deteriorating sky above them.

They gotten onto the subject about _relationships._ Daichi wasn’t sure why he flinched particularly— he loves Kuroo, very much. Their relationship was going on without a hitch, it was healthy, there was nothing to shy away from, even if Kuroo was acting a little more odd recently but when wasn’t he being a bit strange? _Since when was I used to it?_

“Yuu’s been playing this game all week, haven’t seen him so occupied with something that’s not me…”

“You’ve got competition! Kiyo’s got her head stuck in study hell, I think she’s forgotten I exist… Hey Daichi, how are you and Kuroo?”

“Pretty good actually, he’s a good replacement for a pet cat or something.”

The other two giggled at his comment. “How’s the sex— seeing as you’re new to the whole…” Sugawara’s lips curled up as he hardened his gaze, getting across the message.

Daichi was sure he must have been a lobster, and nothing he was doing was helping him reduce the heat beneath his skin. “Uh— well— I mean, it’s… good? Great?” Since the incident where Kuroo cried, Daichi was sure he was frightened off ever touching him again. However, that didn’t play well with someone always so horny and undressing Daichi at every chance he got, not to mention Daichi’s own cravings for Kuroo’s body. There were less tears, same usual blanking out, but otherwise, it was _great._ Maybe it really was just a Kuroo thing— however Daichi couldn’t defeat those unthinkable thoughts raiding his mind. The thought that something must have happened. The way Kuroo clinged to the idea that Daichi wouldn’t love him if they didn’t fuck, the way he desperately sought comfort and affection directly after the act as though he was starved from it, the way he straight up _detached_ at times. Daichi begged to whoever was listening that it was just a Kuroo thing, and not something that dwelled in the dark cracks of his mind. 

_“Did something happen, Tetsurou?”_  

The expression was permanently embedded into Daichi’s memories, a bleeding mix of horror, fear, defensiveness and denial that seeped through his visage, corrupting those amber eyes into something undeniably terrifying.

_“No,”_ he would say hastily, mending the broken cracks threatening the shatter to reveal the face beneath the well trained facade.

Sugawara’s hazel gaze narrowed, pale lashes gently shadowing the warm mix between them. “Why do you sound so uncertain? You are comfortable with having sex with him, right?”

“What— yeah, no of course I am, it’s great.” It really was, however Daichi didn’t feel it was right to share Kuroo’s odd _behaviour_ with even Sugawara and Azumane.

The two didn’t look entirely convinced, but they settled with that answer. For now. It was only a matter of time before they come back to pester him again about it.

* * *

“A uh— pack of Mevius please,” Kuroo mumbled towards to store clerk, pulling out his wallet. The clerk nodded before grabbing the blue colored carton and dropping it down on the counter for Kuroo to pay for it. He passed over a few notes and waited to be given his change before making his way back out of the convenience store, tearing the flimsy plastic off the carton to draw out a cigarette and place it between his lips. It took a few flicks of the lighter to sucessfuly catch the end of the stick. 

The crisp air brushed against Kuroo’s flinching skin, hand tapping down his pocket to pull out his phone and scrolled down to a particular contact. His hovering thumb trembled over the the recent contact— the same contact he’d been calling all month for the same thing. It was funny really, they got back talking just where they left off, as though Kuroo never cut ties in the first place. 

_Hatano Eiji._ Kuroo hadn’t realized he had already dropped his thumb down on the call button until that familiar grating tone crooning through the device. _“Kuroooooo! Y’know, good job you called ‘cause I need you here like right now.”_  

Kuroo’s flat gaze shifted into a roll. “For?” 

_“Come, come! You’ll see—”_  

“Really, I just want the gear.” 

_“Aw come on, you’ll still get it just chill with me for a bit while we shoot.”_  

He couldn’t be bothered, frankly. Kuroo just wanted to get his hit and curl up in the warmth and comfort of his own bed. Not to mention, the more he hangs around Hatano the more chance he had running into a certain someone he was avoiding at all costs. 

_“‘Saki ain’t here if you’re worried about that,”_ he assured Kuroo’s silent doubts. _“C’mon man, let’s catch up, I’m starting to get the feelin’ I pissed you off.”_  

“Nah, I just needed to uh… I can’t stay for long—”

_“That’s fine! Alright I’ll see you in a bit.”_  

The line went dead curtly before Kuroo could fit in a brief farewell, not like it really mattered since he was going to see him in 10 minutes anyway. He scrolled over to Daichi’s contact and tapped in a quick text.

 

**> > > To: daddy ♥♥♥**

**Sat. 13:24 PM**

_babe what time you getting home?_

 

Kuroo’s eyes lingered on the screen in vague hopefulness that Daichi would instantly reply, but it was unlikely. The metal bar of Kuroo’s tongue jewelry rattled along the back of his teeth before he slipped his phone back into his pocket, forcing his dozing legs to move over to his car.

The drive was short and calm, Kuroo far too lost in a day dream to remember the last 10 turns he made and almost forgot where he was even headed to. The bleak sheet above was not helping his lack of attentiveness, instead it was only encouraging the fading of his surroundings into his busy mind exploring a different world.

He parked his car up in the usual spot, heaving himself out of it with a groan before making his way over to the three story apartment building. It held an all grey and white tone to it, neither looking brand new or totally run down like a few tragic buildings were looking along the way.

Kuroo jogged up to the second floor, nodding a greeting towards the usual woman who stood outside smoking almost every time he came by.

“Back again, handsome?” She almost slurred, the cool, icy tones to her gaze on full display from the typical pin-point opiates pupils. Although they were less obvious than blown pupils from something like cocaine or cannabis, if someone knew what they were looking for, it was a pretty dead giveaway to who was a smack-head and who wasn’t.

Kuroo flashed a falsely warm grin towards the woman, noting how her cheeks faintly flushed from the high and her eyes heavily lidded. “Might move in, got a spare bed pretty?”

“Honey, just share mine,” she winked, chapped lips twisting into a smirk as Kuroo snorted.

Hatano’s door, as usual, was swung wide open. Kuroo didn’t actually know if he did that on purpose because he was coming or he was just being a bit dumb and forgot to shut his door.  Either way, it saved Kuroo lingering outside for god knows how long because by chance, Hatano might be too smacked out to hear the knock.

The wooden flooring lightly creaked with Kuroo’s gentle steps upon them; the heavy, musty air provoking his nose to scrunch. He made his way over to the kitchen, where as suspected Hatano was sat weighing up his drugs ready to sell. Hatano glanced up and only appeared briefly surprised before grinning.

“Door was open,” Kuroo mumbled distractedly, attention drawn to the drugs on the table.

“Uh-huh, though it was gettin’ a bit cold in here,” he laughed, focus unfaltering away from the digital scale. “How many caps?”

“3, I’ll do one here,” Kuroo said. “By the way you’re shit at closing the caps, shit fell out in the baggie last time.”

Hatano cackled before waving a hand. “Sorry, sorry. I’m usually rushing.”

The wooden chair legs rattled and scraped noisily against the kitchen tiles as Kuroo pulled it out, dropping himself down and throwing some cash out on the table which Hatano received gratefully.  

“Since when do you always have money?”

“Since I don’t blow off work,” Kuroo snorted.

“Guess you’re not gonna need ‘Saki for a while then huh.” Hatano glanced up when the silence stretched out for a little while longer than he expected. “Geez, what’d he do to make you hate him so much?”

“Nothing much,” he spoke into his cupped hand, shifting his gaze off out the window. “Just moved on I guess.”

“He’s always askin’ for your new number and shit.”

“Please don’t tell him—”

“Chill, I get it. New boyfriend ‘n all. It’d be pretty awks huh?”  

He suppressed a shudder, resisting the invasive scenarios making itself into his mind about what would happen if Daichi ever met Iwasaki Kazunari. “Awkward,” he confirmed at an almost inaudible volume.

“Lucky he doesn’t know where you live, he’d totally be barrelling right through your door!” He slid a clear baggie across the table over to Kuroo which contained two caps filled with an off white powder. Beside the baggie was an already prepared syringe. “There ya go— go slow for a start because I dunno if I put too much or nah, since the whole getting clean crap.”

_The whole getting clean crap_ being total hell, having it disregarded as such was a bullet in the back. “Mmm, it’s back up to my normal dose pretty much.” Kuroo spoke past the prickling guilt irritating the delicate skin of his throat.

“I’m surprised you lasted so long, was it just for the hell of it or…?”

Kuroo stared on towards Hatano, and for a moment Kuroo was taken to another place before he snapped back to the present time. “Had no money, me and Iwasaki weren’t on good terms and he was literally my only way of getting skag so yeah.” Although, if it wasn’t for Bokuto, Kuroo would have willingly sold his ass to another guy if it came down to it.

“Ah, so you did fall out! What happened?” 

“Dunno, why don’t you tell me about your little thing with that girl—”

“Okay, okay I’ll shut up,” he chuckled. “Well actually— her parents found out about her doin’ drugs and like being a skank and went fuckin’ mad y’know? They moved over to… Ikebukuro I think?”

“Isn’t she like… 20?”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s funny!”

Kuroo pulled on the strapped around his bicep and flicking the crook of his arm a little before position the needle against the raised skin of a vein popping up. Strange, he was terrified of needles. He used to cringe each time he went for a new piercing, he used to back away desperately from nurses trying to take blood from him as a kid. And now, he didn’t care. Maybe deep down he was still scared of needles, but the result from this particular needle was a good enough excuse to look past the dreaded pinch.

He lightly pressed on the plunger, feeling the vague warmth before determining it was good and pushing it all the way down. Kuroo’s ears felt like they filled with water, his mind heavy with a thick, blinding fog. He couldn’t think at all for a good few minutes, or even process the fact he just took one of the best hits he had all week.

_“…old you to be carfu…roo… Oi.”_

“Hey asshole, you good?”

Maybe he forgot how to speak Japanese or something, since all he could do was give some half assed mumble before dropping his head back down on his propped up hand. He barely caught the released exhale sourcing from Hatano, who was also following Kuroo’s footsteps into the land of nodding straight off into hell.

They sat in silence for a while, wallowing themselves in the warm summers day created by the beautiful— _ugly—_ drug they surrendered their souls to long ago.

A wet croak sounded as Hatano cleared his throat, sitting himself up after he passed the initial knock out stage of the hit. He glanced over to Kuroo whose forehead was pressed against the wooden table, hand he was previously leaning on lax beside his face. “You’re not dead, are you…” Hatano drawled out, reaching over to tug on Kuroo’s unruly mane.

Kuroo only mumbled out some incoherent string of words that wasn’t understood even a little bit but it was enough to convince Hatano he was fine.  

“‘M curious… ‘bout your new boy toy…” Hatano tugged a couple of cigarettes out of the carton laying on the table, throwing one over to Kuroo who sluggishly reached to grab it and eventually sat himself up to place it between his lips, shifting his glassy gaze towards Hatano. His eyes were glazed over, the warm liquid tones swimming with hints of gold and shimmering antique jewelry yet looking nothing but _cold._ There was always that icy film that came with the cozy high. 

“Huh?” 

“Thought you didn’t stick to one person…? Is he just… y’know, like ‘Sak—” 

“Noooo,” Kuroo drawled, intending to sound a little more sharp but the sloppiness to his tone ruined it. “No I… I’m serious with him.” 

“Good for you, man…” The honed flick of the lighter reached every corner of the hollow kitchen, a distant hiss sounded as he drew in a sharp inhale of the cigarette. “So what happens when you run out of money?”

Kuroo knew what he was referring to, and it left a burning sensation coursing through his veins for a moment. “I work, so that won’t happen…” 

Hatano giggled before releasing a wispy cloud before him. “‘Saki says he’s always around if you get yourself into a money mess again.”

This was enough explanation as to why Kuroo didn’t particularly want to hang out with Hatano. Where there was Hatano, there was Iwasaki. Whether he was there in the flesh or not. 

“Y’know, it’s either ‘Saki or back home to daddy—” 

“I gotta go,” Kuroo briskly interrupted, although his limbs weren’t cooperating with his much needed haste out of this situation. 

The boisterous laughter that soon followed was dimmed behind the Hatano’s dozing vocals. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Aw c’mon don’t leave— I mean that’s not true, right?” 

“What’s not true?”

“‘Saki told me—” For even a dense asshole like Hatano, he could still catch the blood stained expression distorting Kuroo’s visage. “…Ah, nevermind. Drive safe buddy…” 

Hatano’s glassy stare was tight and trained firmly onto Kuroo, a missable glint of sympathy that looked awfully strange against the odious features of a guy like Hatano, but Kuroo turned away before he could say anything else. Iwasaki wasn’t suppose to tell anyone, _Kuroo_ wasn’t suppose to tell Iwasaki— in fact he couldn’t even remember telling him. Did he blurt it out? Did he sleep talk? Drunk talk? 

_(Bad, bad, bad… You let the secret slip. That’s gonna get you in trouble.)_  

_“You’re seriously so screwed up— what’s up Tetsu, get fucked as a kid or something?”_

Why did his vocals freeze up? The way he stared at Kuroo, gaze slowly widening with each passing wordless second. 

_“…Hey… seriously?”_  

_I didn’t say anything, why couldn’t I say anything—_  

_“Explains why you’re such a whore.”_

The wailing of rubber dragging across the concrete cracked through Kuroo’s skull more than an actual rock being flinged at his head would; knuckles whitened, clinging and clasped desperately on to the wheel. _Red light._  

A chill sourcing from his head dripped along his spine, enclosing a burning white heat in the depths of the layers piling up on top of eachother. Was he hot or cold? Maybe the sweat cooled him off too fast for his body to handle, because he honestly felt like he jumped into a semi frozen over lake in the harshest of winters.       

His senses gradually seeped back into his faltering nerves, the first one being the vague rumbling against his thigh. His phone was ringing. Kuroo accelerated as the lights turned yellow then green again, pushing himself up on the seat a little to aid him in grabbing the phone, glancing at the lit up screen to see the picture he set as Daichi’s contact of him laughing at something. Kuroo really loved that picture of Daichi— so much he’d rather stare at it than pick up the phone.

“Daichiiiiii~” Kuroo sang down the line, catching a brief huff of laughter on the other end.

_“Sorry Tetsu, Suga dragged me on a shopping trip— Bokuto told you anything about Halloween?”_

“Probably? He talks so much it’s hard to catch the important shit.”

_“True,”_ Daichi snorted. _“He said to remind you to get an outfit because it ‘mandatory’ to dress up.”_

Kuroo’s memories fished out Oikawa’s pleading for them both to dress up as demons. Cliché, but so far he didn’t have any idea other than a werecat which Oikawa called ugly. _Werecat is cool though._ Or maybe there was just a normal cat. _Still cliché._ “I place this month's entire rent on Bokuto dressing as a fucking owl.”

Why did Daichi have to sound like an actual angel when he laughed? Deep and velvety, heating the apples of Kuroo’s cheeks before even the onset of his laughter started, a solid image of the creases deepening on Daichi’s golden profile, lips stretched into a glowing grin and chocolate eyes squinted shut. _“Deal. Hey where are you now? Just got home, and if you haven’t found a movie yet I got a few Halloween ones you might like.”_

_Fuck,_ Kuroo forgot all about looking for a movie. “Just driving home now, liiiiike, maybe 5 or 10 minutes, traffic is a bit of a bitch right now though.”

_"You’re driving. Kuroo Tetsurou get the hell off your phone.”_

“Ooooh, scary~ You’re the one still talking to m—”

An abrupt cut off from the line halted Kuroo’s words, leaving only the hum of the car and quietened radio sharing today’s news. Kuroo spent hours cussing out drivers for being on their phones in his early days of high school, and here he was doing the very thing he hated. He could run someone over, he could run a _cat_ over. _Idiot, idiot, idiot._   

Traffic wasn’t kind to Kuroo indeed, upping the usual 5 minutes to get back all the way over to 20 minutes to not even be halfway there. It was enough time to provoke an angry text off Daichi asking if he was still alive or if he died for being dumb and using his phone, soon followed by a text telling him _not_ to look at that text if he was still alive. He snickered before willing himself to put his phone away for the final time and actually attempting to focus on the frozen row of cars ahead of him. _Now would be a really good time to go on my phone._  

Kuroo found himself drifting, mind washing away so gently and gradually he didn’t even suspect the vivid dream to be what it was; a dream. Being surrounded by snow wasn’t questionable, despite the on and off downpour all week and the fact it was fall. His eyes— in which he didn’t recall shutting, snapped open at the heart wrenching horn rattling his mind back to reality. How annoying, being beeped at to just move forward less than a few inches, because that was a _huge_ difference. Kuroo was quite enjoying that dream. 

The added time on top of the 20 minutes wasn’t acknowledged, but seeing his apartment building was a sight for sore eyes. Kuroo wanted his bed, he wanted to snuggle against Daichi and wallow in his everlasting emitted heat. He was half tempted to run, but his feet dragged along the ground, legs barely cooperating with the rest of his body. But it was fine, Kuroo felt so composed even if he went and face planted the concrete now it’d probably feel good.

Upon stepping out of the elevator, it was a pleasure to run into Ariyasu; as usual weightlifting with her weeks shopping. “You’re gonna be ripped after tackling those bags, need a hand?” 

She glanced up from her fumbling keys against the keyhole and beamed at Kuroo. “Kuroo! Aw yes please, I can’t feel my fingers.” 

Kuroo stepped over to hook his fingers through the bag handles, his skin brushing against Ariyasu’s who flinched under the icy touch. 

“I’m getting you gloves for your birthday, it’s decided now,” she declared, succeeding in unlocking the door eventually. Kuroo followed her in with the bags, glancing around at her neatly put together apartment. Hearing her apologize for the so called mess left Kuroo mentally questioning if he went blind or if she was just blind herself. “Thank you sweetie— hey would you like a drink or anything? I’m just boiling some water if you fancy something hot?” 

He shook his head briefly and waved a hand. “No it’s fine, thanks. Daichi’s waiting, I’m pretty late anyway.” Kuroo ran a hand down his face as he felt his eyelids threaten to fall, missing the furrow in Ariyasu’s brows. 

“You okay?”

“Yep, just tired— anyway I’ll see you later,” he assured quickly, turning on his heel before she could press.

“Have a nice day Kuroo!” 

“You too,” he replied, waving again before heading towards his own door and unlocking it— attempted to at least. He probably stared at his keys for far longer than necessary but he found the right one eventually.

The door swung open silently on the hinges, and what followed after was a wave of a certain aroma that drew Kuroo right in. It was food, for sure. Kuroo couldn’t tell if he was even hungry or not, feeling the strange mixture of hollowness and completely stuffed, but regardless he wanted to find that source of this scent.

Kuroo followed the warm lighting alongside the aroma filling his nostrils over to the kitchen, no surprise spotting Daichi preparing food. He turned around upon catching the light footsteps up the hallway, meeting with Kuroo’s adoring gaze towards him.

“You like ramen, right?” Daichi asked, giving a sort of lopsided smile as his attention was sidetracked by Kuroo’s endearing grin. 

He gave a quick nod before shuffling closer to Daichi, bowing his head down to bury his face in the crook of his shoulder and felt Daichi’s arms worm their way into his coat and interlink around his waist. Daichi had always been very attentive, even absent mindedly when hugging Kuroo, and as a result he painfully realized the significantly more delicate feeling to Kuroo’s frame.

“If you don’t eat the whole bowl I’m force feeding you because you’re a scrawny shit,” he mumbled against Kuroo shoulder, feeling the slight snicker from the taller man. “Think it’s funny, huh?” 

“Fast metabolism?”

“Ha-ha, I see you eating your thumb nail more than actual food.” He pulled away from Kuroo, hands still clinging to him as he stared up at his face, concern lacing the soft tones in his gaze. “On a serious note, are you okay?” 

“Of course I am,” Kuroo assured, moving a hand to cup the side of Daichi’s face. “Quit worrying about me and my 0 problems when you kinda need to pay attention to yourself.” 

“What—”

“No one _sane_ cleans the place 5 times a day,” he deadpanned, watching the red seep into Daichi’s complexion. “Gotcha.”

“It’s calming!” 

“Oooor maybe you should curl up on the sofa with me and let me sing dumb songs to you.” 

“That’s the opposite of calming.”

“Mean, I’m not that bad!” 

Daichi chuckled with a headshake, reaching up a little to plant a kiss against Kuroo’s peachy lips before turning away to get back to the ramen. “Get your coat off and stuff, it’ll be done in like a minute or so.” 

Kuroo nodded and headed out the kitchen, shrugged off his black parka with his grip lingering a few moments longer on the faux fur rim of the hood. _So soft._ He went on to hang it up on the coat stand near the front door before remembering he left the gear in his coat pockets. Kuroo glanced up the hall to check Daichi wasn’t close to just strolling out of the kitchen before digging the pockets to grab the drugs and syringes, making haste towards his room— at least he thought he was being relatively quick, but he couldn’t really tell.

Hiding things had never been a problem for Kuroo, it was quite shamefully a skill of his. However, for that moment, his thought process flatlined as he some how blew a fuse upstairs from over thinking the scenarios of _‘what if Daichi decided to clean and look in hiding spot A, B, C’._  

_Relax, relax, he never snoops. Does he?_

“Tetsu, it’s ready now!” 

_Shit, think of something!_ His frantic eyes fell beneath his desk, spotting the very old, very neglected PS2. He dived down towards it and fumbled around, turning it around to pull off the expansion bay cover, revealing a very spacious enclosure.

“I’m a fucking genius,” he muttered to himself, half convinced he might have just said that in his head. Kuroo pushed the baggie and syringes into the empty port and clipped the cover back over it to conceal all evidence. 

He placed the PS2 just how he found it, leaning back on his hands to look over the area to ensure nothing looked blaringly out of place. Of course there wasn’t, only a lying junkie would desperately tie up any potential loose ends like that. Kuroo couldn’t even let himself feel the guilt eating him alive, not when he just outsmarted himself. Not even he’d think to look in the back of a damn PS2 for drugs, he’d much more likely tear the sink off the wall or something.

“Tetsurou!”

“Coming!” He stumbled on the way back up, catching his balance back again while he almost skipped over to the kitchen, setting his grinning self down at the table before his appetizing bowl of ramen.

* * *

Daichi had always believed bartenders had some sort of super power with increased hearing abilities to be able to understand what drunken party-goers were shouting at them over the deafening music rattling the air itself. Turns out it really was just practice that had them covered, and although Daichi was still getting the hang of it, it was actually more or less easy to tone out the music and half focus on lip reading.

Tonight Akaashi was off, so he was paired with a colleague he wasn’t particularly familiar with. He sported an undercut with somewhat spiky bleached hair, along with just as many if not more piercings than Kuroo. However, his ears weren’t stretched out like his. 

Terushima Yuuji, quite childish, a little eccentric and energetic to the level that Daichi couldn’t keep up with, but he was pretty fun to be around. Despite his crude jokes and flirty humor, which was something Daichi had been trained to be immune to, Terushima wasn’t a bad guy. Even if he enjoyed labelling Daichi as _boring. He’s not entirely wrong._

“Eyyyy, now you’re getting the hang of this!” He spoke close to Daichi’s ear, feeling his warm breath brush against his skin. “Oh crap I forgot to show you the Bloody Mary— Halloween special.”

“Original name,” Daichi chuckled. 

“Totally! Just about every bar on this street has a Bloody Mary somewhere on their drinks menu.” 

Daichi followed Terushima closely with his gibberish instructions, but filtering out the words and just following what he was actually doing was considerably easier. 

“Perfect! Alright that’s all you need to know… for now, I think. If we missed something Akaashi with sort it out. Hey can I ask you something?”

Daichi raised and brow and nodded. “Sure?”

“Which way you swing?”

He choked on air itself, and Daichi couldn’t understand why the question _still_ startled him. “I— G… Uh…” 

“Gay?”

“Yeah— that,” he managed sheepishly. He prayed that under the dim lighting his lobster skin would go unnoticed.

“Sweet! So that means I can ask you out, right?”

There was _no way_ his lobster skin would go unnoticed. Daichi sort of hoped Terushima would think he just didn’t hear him and forget the question but his sharp gaze was trained on him predatory, and very expectantly. “Ah— Sorry… I have a boyfriend…”

“Awwww fuck!” He threw his head back with his hands soon following after to slap himself in the face, Daichi being taken aback by the action. “You’re so hot as well! Why’s the hot ones always taken?!”

“Thank you?”

“Ugh, if you guys break up any time soon— or anytime _ever,_ I can be great comfort,” he proposed with a wink, a glare feeling ever so crushing upon Daichi.  

He could do nothing more than do some sort of nervous chuckle before getting back to the customers. Terushima wasn’t shy that much was certain, and he definitely didn’t stop with his advances. Maybe that was just him, flirty, a step too pushy; Daichi would get used to it eventually— he _had_ to, since he worked with the guy. He thought how Kuroo would totally laugh at the situation once he told him— or would he? He couldn’t really see Kuroo as the jealous type, who the hell could Kuroo be jealous of anyway?

_Don’t risk it, keep quiet. Yes, perfect idea._ Not like Kuroo needed to know each and every person who flirted with Daichi, he was sure Kuroo gets a lot of flirting on his end too and doesn’t mention it. Like he didn’t mention Lev, like he didn’t mention anything— _it’s over and done with, forget it Daichi, dammit._

A few energy drinks down the line, Daichi finally began to feel the onset of weariness and exhaustion brew behind his eyes as the hours creeped up close to 4AM. Just 10 more minutes and he was free to go and snuggle with Kuroo. He wondered what he was doing; playing games, watching television, coloring in his superheroes? Perhaps even sleeping, since he was looking on the edge of dropping off right to sleep the entire time before Daichi left for work, though he did that a lot recently but never actually slept properly, the culprit clearly being violently awoken by a nightmare.

The worst part of it all, Daichi never had a single opening to bring up the situation. Always being shut down with a _‘I’m fine’,_ always pushing the conversation onto something terribly trivial. Daichi considered actually dropping it and hoping it would go away on it’s own, but it was only getting worse. Maybe Kuroo could go hours lost in a daydream and Daichi would go on having one sided conversations all day, maybe he’d scream and cry at something Daichi couldn’t see, understand or protect him from, and during the entire ordeal Daichi felt like a useless, headless chicken because he didn’t— _doesn’t_ know what to do. Daichi wanted to believe a lot of things, but so far is was impossible to believe something like that could be ignored.

Maybe he could ask Sugawara, but wouldn’t that be betraying Kuroo’s trust? 

Terushima swung a hand in front of Daichi’s face, drawing a flinch out of his rigid form. “‘Sup? You okay?” 

“Whu— yeah sorry spaced out,” Daichi waved off, clearing his throat as he gathered his surroundings again.

“You can bolt now, it’s 4.”

“I can help clear up—”

“Nah don’t sweat it, me and Misaki’s got it, see ya soon!”

He was sceptical at first, but eventually took the opportunity with open arms. “Alright, thanks for the help tonight, see you,” Daichi called out and headed on towards the backroom to grab his things before greeting the bitter, crisp smack to the face of a typical fall’s night. 

The roads weren’t particularly clear but were significantly more tranquil than the daytime car swarm. Daichi left the radio on a low volume, leaving more room for his mind to wander and drift on the smooth trip home. 

It did drift, just not in the right direction. Daichi always paid closed attention to detail, when he went out for jogs, when he looked out the window, he _always_ spotted that speck of detail that was commonly overlooked. But when it came to Kuroo, he subconsciously shut that part of him off, because he knew for a fact if he paid attention he’d suspect Kuroo, doubt his words and promises.

And it killed him inside.

_He’s not using, he would tell me._

Then why does he act sketchy on the subject of going to get his methadone?

_He’s always been uncomfortable about that._

Why does he disappear for hours with no apparent reason?

_Sometimes he likes to be alone._

Why does he lock himself away in the bathroom for 20 minutes at a time?

_Probably admiring his short lived flat hair, totally a Kuroo thing._

Because if Daichi was wrong, Kuroo would be crushed at his little faith in him.

_He’s worked so hard, trust him. He would tell me._

The apartment was dark, eerily silent and lacked presence. Daichi stepped tenuously further in, each step strategically gentle and soundless, almost as though Daichi was afraid to scare something— _someone_ off.

His fingertips ran along the wall for guidance, calling off the idea of just turning on the lights incase he disturbed Kuroo— that was if he was even here. Daichi reached the end of the hall where the bedroom door was slightly ajar, pushing it open with the hinges staying civil and silent.

With his recently adjusted sight in the darkness, he spotted a particular lump under the covers. Turned out Kuroo was there after all and Daichi released the breath he didn’t realize he was even holding. He stepped over softly, placing his belongings down cautiously and shrugged his coat off. Daichi hurried over the bathroom with brisk tiptoes to brush his teeth before returning to the bedroom, leaving the door barely shut and slipping himself under the covers. It was always comforting to feel the vague heat emit from Kuroo’s back, as though it was a confirmation Daichi wasn’t alone in the bed.

“Daichi?” Kuroo’s voice croaked in the darkness, voice dry and neglected.

“I’m here,” he replied, reaching over and hand to trail over Kuroo’s waist and slipping his hand into Kuroo’s in which he could have sworn it was trembling, vaguely along with his whole body when Daichi focussed. “You okay?”

“Mmm,” he hummed, falling silent for a short while. “How was work?”

“The usual, Akaashi wasn’t there to babysit me so had a different guy.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm, he was pretty friendly…” Maybe a bit too friendly. Daichi shuffled closer to Kuroo to spoon him. “Hey, sorry if I woke you…”

“I wasn’t sleeping, don’t worry,” Kuroo assured, however it only dug a deeper pit in Daichi’s chest.  

Daichi’s eyes grew heavier as the silence began to lull him to a deep slumber, however not deep enough to let the weight shift beside him go unnoticed. He drew his eyes open again to stare into darkness, barely catching the figure move off the bed; Daichi’s arm being left cold and alone without a body to hold onto. “Tetsurou?”

“Hmm?”

“Where are you going? Come to sleep—”

“Um— I’m coming back just like… going for a smoke… or something, I dunno.”

Daichi frowned at the space ahead of him, not sure if he was looking at Kuroo or not from his sight being hindered by the darkness. “Don’t you just usually smoke in bed?”

“You hate that,” he snorted.

Come to think of it, Kuroo had been smoking away from Daichi lately. “I’m used to it, just stay here babe.”

“Nah… I’ve been a dick, sorry for always smoking around you…”

“What’s with the sentimental attitude huh? Seriously, I don’t care!”

“I’m just really shitty I really didn’t consider you hate the smell of smoke—”

“Tetsurou.”

“—and watch you get some shit like lung cancer before me because I’m a piece of shit who smokes next to you all day—”

“Tetsurou!”

“What?”

“Jesus, what the hell’s up with you? It’s fine stop stressing so hard I can practically hear the sweat drip off you.”

“Sorry…” Kuroo mumbled, voice small enough it was barely caught.

Daichi sat himself up and pulled on Kuroo’s arm to prompt him to sit back on the bed. “Come here— seriously, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” he said, pitch heightening. “Just acknowledging I’m a horrible person.”

“Don’t say that, you’re one of the best cat-humans I’ve ever met… the _only_ cat-human I’ve ever met but you know.”

Kuroo gave a short humourless laugh before the room fell silent again. Daichi turned to reach for the lamp, tips of his fingers just managing to catch on the switch from the stretch before turning back to facing Kuroo. He looked like a damn kitten or something; gaze soft, wide and _adoring._

“…Tetsu?”

“Huh?”

“You’re just kinda staring all adorably.”

“Uh, I like looking at you?”

Daichi smiled at him tenderly, reaching a hand over to cup Kuroo’s face who leaned into his touch, eyes falling shut for a moment. “Alright weirdo, what’s got you this level of weird?”

“I’m not being weird,” he mumbled, a distant smirk tugging the edges of his mouth. “Can I… ask you something?”

This was likely the moment Daichi should have felt a little more suspicious, however he was too tired to give too much thought into Kuroo’s strange behaviour and nodded towards him.

“What would make you break up with me?”

He _was_ too tired, now only thrown into a state of alarm and confusion. Daichi mostly caught the words break up and took a little while before his mind processed the rest of the sentence, which still did not put him at any ease. “What? I wouldn’t break up with you—”

“Yeah but _if_ you were to, what would it be over?”

“I don’t know, cheating? Well it doesn’t matter because it won’t happen—”

“That’s all?” Kuroo interjected, gaze hard and trained onto Daichi who only shrunk with the passing seconds and brows pulled into perplexity. “So nothing else would make you break up with me?”

“You don’t seem to understand how in love with you I am, dumb ass,” Daichi managed out, voice returning stern and focussed. “Really, cheating is all. I don’t care if you’re secretly a mass murderer I’m staying with you.”

“Well that’s a healthy relationship— wait so even if I try to kill you too?”

“Are you planning that or something?”

“I dunno, not yet at least~”

Daichi gave a hearty laugh, pulling Kuroo into a tight embrace. “I know you wouldn’t do anything break up worthy, so I’m not going to worry about it.” He half expected Kuroo to laugh or say something cheesy, but there was nothing. “Why are _you_ worried?”

“‘Cause you’re too good for me and I don’t deserve you and I’m probably gonna do something dumb and lose you then I’ll have no one and I don’t wanna be alone or live without you so everything sucks and I’m gonna fuck up somehow and you’ll hate me and never want to see me again.”

Cat’s out the bag, more or less all in one go. Kuroo breathed heavily like he had been holding those words back like his own breath, face still squashed into Daichi’s chest and not looking like he was going to raise it anytime soon. Daichi sighed and tugged Kuroo off him, who stuck to him like glue for the first few moments before Daichi finally managed to pry him off and hold his face up between his hands to look at him. “You’re so stupid sometimes, don't think about crap like that because I’m not going to leave you alone and no matter what crazy dumb thing you’re so convinced you're gonna do it’s not going to change my feelings about you. Got it?”

He pursed his lips into an approaching whimper or something, reluctantly nodding after Daichi gave him the terrifying glare that travelled down to Kuroo’s bones. “…Love you, Daichi.”

“Love you too, dummy. Now you’re not gonna cry as soon as I fall asleep or anything, right?”

Finally, a laugh. Short lived, but soft and genuine for that flickering moment. “Not intentionally.”

* * *

“Sawamura-kun should totally be a priest and Kuroo the devil so when you two go home and fuck it’d be some fucked up kinky shit that you both should never own up to in church—”     

“And you should go as a trash can,” Kuroo interrupted, watching that oh so flawless face morph into a mixture of horror and disgust. 

“No really, you two think of something to dress up as!”

Being stuck in the middle of a variety store with Oikawa looking for Halloween costumes was not how Daichi expected to spend his day, and although Kuroo was acting just as uninterested there was the vague glint of excitement behind the bland film over his gaze. 

“You can show a little of that bundled up excitement, Tetsu,” Daichi commented close to Kuroo’s face, who only looked over at Daichi like he suggested laying in the middle of the road— which sounded like a decent idea at that moment. 

“I’m _not_ excited, it’s dumb.” 

“Oh yeah? So all those Halloween inspiration videos you were watching last night meant you weren’t excited?” 

Kuroo opened his mouth several times for nothing but a dying out croak to emerge before whipping his head away with his heated complexion and stomping off down the aisle. “I just thought the makeup was cool!” 

_Cute._ “So what do you want to dress up as?” 

Before Kuroo had even the slightest chance to speak, Oikawa jumped between them again. “I know! Vampires! Literally just need fangs… blood… and contacts! And we’re all pretty enough to pull off vampires.” 

“Throw a bit of glitter on too while you’re at it,” Kuroo suggested, receiving another glare off Oikawa. 

“I know… Sawamura a witch, Kuroo a cat!” 

“Aren’t witches women?” Daichi asked, half to get Oikawa to change his mind and half out of genuine curiosity. 

“Uuuuuuuh— who knows but hey it’s fitting! Kuroo’s a dumb cat anyway.” 

“Meow,” Kuroo mumbled sarcastically, funnily enough messing around with a pair of cat ears.   

“Wait no I wanna be a witch,” Oikawa decided. “Sawamura just go as Santa or something.” 

“Santa…” he echoed after Oikawa, thinking it might not actually be a bad idea. 

Kuroo snorted from his aisle exploring up ahead, turning around with the slyest look of amusement plastered on his face. “Oh _please,_ be Santa!” 

With gleeful hint seeping through the cracks of Kuroo’s facade, how could Daichi possibly reject the idea? “Fine, fine. Lucky they’re selling Christmas stuff already.” 

Bokuto soon barreled around the corner, arms filled with various halloween props and costumes. “Right, I’m sorted! You ladies figured out what you goin’ as?”

“Cat, Santa and witch,” Oikawa explained, pointing each assigned label. 

“Santa,” Bokuto snorted. “Kuroo be a zombie cat— I’m being a zombie owl!” 

For a moment, Daichi didn’t understand why Kuroo’s face lit up instantaneously, a smug, toothy grin creeping across his features and directed straight at Daichi. _Oh wait, the rent._  

They eventually left the store with the costume essentials, Daichi and Kuroo headed straight home to the well needed warmth and comfort they craved all day before being dragged outside in the painfully dreary early hours. Kuroo was first to dump his coat on the floor, practically running off towards to the sofa to dive onto it face first and cocoon himself within the blanket left draped over it.    

Daichi groaned as he was left to pick Kuroo’s coat up and hang it on the coat stand, taking considerably calmer steps to join Kuroo on the sofa. “Move up, asshole. You can’t hog the blanket and the sofa.” 

“Naw,” he whined, voice muffled beneath the thick material of the blanket. “I’m so coooold.” 

“If you let me in under there I’ll warm you up,” Daichi suggested, waiting in the silence as he almost hurt the clockworks shifting in Kuroo’s head. “Hold up— I’ll go make us tea first, then I’ll definitely get blanket privileges.” 

Kuroo nodded vigorously, tufts of dark hair poking out of the top of his huddle before popping up half of his face. The creases deepened at the outer corners of his eyes, displaying a clear smile despite not actually seeing his mouth. 

The kitchen held an uncomfortable chill to it, differing away from how the rest of the apartment felt. Who knew why, but it was annoying. Daichi knew for a fact Kuroo would poke a single toe on the kitchen floor to decide he wasn’t going in there for the rest of the week. 

Daichi carried the steaming cups over into the living room only to spot Kuroo half off the sofa, only the upper half of his torso actually still on it while he legs were stretched all the way out to the table… seemingly reaching for the remote. He considered standing there for a few minutes longers to watch Kuroo suffer horribly, but it really was tragic. 

“You’ve ventured far beyond the point of it being easier to just stand up and get it, you know,” Daichi remarked, Kuroo barely flinching at his return. 

He groaned and pushed himself back up on the sofa as Daichi set the cups down and picked up the remote, raising his knees up to his chest while he still held the blanket around him— including his head. “Closer than you’d ever get with your stubby legs.”

“Okay, lanky shit,” Daichi snickered, seating himself where Kuroo opened an arm to let him in his little blanket fort. “And next time you insult my legs, you’re on a thigh ban for the rest of the year.”

“Whu—” Daichi didn’t know what was funnier, Kuroo’s horrified expression or the fact he’d react like that to the threat. “Your legs are the best, I just want those damn fine thighs wrapped around my fucking face… or my throat all day everyda—” 

“Tetsu!” 

“Daichi! Can we fuck?”

“You were too lazy to get up for the remote earlier.” 

“More like too cold, and I know just the remedy to warm me up~” His lips brushed against Daichi’s face, who resisted a shudder. With Kuroo’s wandering hands and sultry gaze, it was hard _not_ to get turned on. “Pleaaase, I miss your fat dick.” 

“Please not on the sofa again, we need a variety.” 

“We weren’t even on the sofa last time!”   

“ _Next_ to the sofa doesn’t count!”  

Daichi didn’t catch the grumbled words that left Kuroo before he stood up, hand clinging to Daichi’s as he trailed off down the hall and abruptly stopping before they got to the bedroom. “Whatever, I can’t wait—” Kuroo cut himself off by crushing a tongue heavy kiss against Daichi, gripping on his shirt while Daichi moved his hands up Kuroo’s hoodie, fingers tracing along Kuroo’s well revised body Daichi now knew like the back of his own hand.

Kuroo’s back hit the wall, his leg looped around Daichi’s waist as he pushed and grinded his hips into him. Daichi’s fingers curled into a grip around Kuroo’s leg and around his hip, pressing his face greedily into Kuroo’s while he fumbled with the button and zip on Kuroo’s jeans; Kuroo a little more forward with how he was almost ripping apart Daichi’s flyers.

They pulled away from each other, just barely inches apart to still feel the hot breath against their fleeting skin. Kuroo’s lips reddened to something alluring, the gleam of the tongue bar gliding over his upper lip, antique stare enticing as ever. “You’re so hot, Tetsurou.”

“Mmm, I love it when you put on that voice,” he praised, his own voice husky and dripping with desire.

Teeth latched gently over the soft surface of Kuroo’s neck, the motion worked into light sucking that soon ventured into more aggressive territory. He tilted his head up more to allow further exploration for Daichi, who gladly took the opportunity to nibble and nip at every area his teeth caught on. Kuroo smelled so nice, the usual cigarette odor permanently lingering on him was filtered out from Daichi’s senses and was left with the tenuous fruity body wash. Daichi’s hips snapped forward, catching Kuroo off guard before Daichi worked himself into a slow grind, hands still journeying over Kuroo’s lithe figure.  

“I’m laying out a new deal, if you can still walk after this I’ll still pay the whole rent,” Daichi whispered against Kuroo’s face, breath hitching at the sensual groan crooning from Kuroo’s throat.

“Bring it on,” he breathed, that damn cocky smirk heard in his words alone.

* * *

“Right there… is the evidence of some brutal ass fuck,” Hanamaki mumbled towards Matsukawa and Oikawa, who both glanced over at him baffled.

“Who, Kuroo?” Matsukawa asked.

Oikawa stared on towards Kuroo for a long while before raising his brows. “Huh? I can’t tell?”

“Look how he shuffles around,” Hanamaki snorted, the other two gaping their mouths in a _‘oh I get it’._ “Not to mention his neck is now of a different alien race. Jesus, why can no one treat me like that.”

Matsukawa’s scowl was ignored and Oikawa began to cackle. “Sawamura-kun is secretly a monster, woooo.”

“Secretly? Nah, he’s clearly a beast, look at him.”

“I think he looks quite innocent actually.”

“Innocent? Look how ripped he is! Trap me in those thighs daddy~”

“Ugh, where’s Iwaizumi to put a filter on you.”

“Smoking with Kuroo— Oikawa why are you a fucking witch?”

“Why are you two dumb, ugly pirates?”

_Oikawa’s annoying voice._

Not the best thing to zone into after Kuroo’s short lived trance. Then there was Iwaizumi mumbling about something too, but the words were long lost in the haze. Hopefully it didn’t matter too much.

“Bambi over there looks like he’s being problematic,” Kuroo commented around the cigarette, Iwaizumi pulling a face before he even turned around.

“When isn’t he,” he groaned, finally glancing over his shoulder to catch Oikawa borderline bullying Matsukawa and Hanamaki— not like they’re entirely affected by his comments. “The bruises part of the costume too?”

Kuroo looked at Iwaizumi, staring for a little too long before catching on and chuckling. “Bandages fell off, huh?” He glanced down to answer the question for himself, bandages loosened up and draping around his neck to reveal the mess going on down his throat. So much for letting Bokuto dress him up, he was hopeless at times. Kuroo wasn’t even particularly wearing an outfit, just the usual black attire with a few added rips plus his huge parka with that fluffy hood adding to the whole messy look along with simple cat ears and a tail. He received a few questions if he was too warm in the coat, but quite frankly he was still pretty cold despite being in an enclosed apartment stuffed with about 30 people.

Iwaizumi gave a singular nod along with a quick laugh. “Why’s your hand empty, get a drink already!” 

“Mmm, not really fancying drinking tonight,” he said. Although it was around  5 hours since his last hit, drinking with it would probably still result in a damn blackout. Not to mention it’d raise questions if he passed right out after a single shot. 

“Kuroooo!” 

_Great, Bokuto._ Kuroo hadn’t even realized the groan that left his throat before Bokuto squawked at him. 

“Ass, I haven’t said anything yet— but anyway come for shots!” 

“Not drinking tonight, bro.”

“Nah, shut up no excuses, grab Daichi too!” 

Was there any way out of it? If it was Iwaizumi alone, easy. Bokuto? Even if someone was on their deathbed he’d make them drink with him. As Iwaizumi excused himself to go shut Oikawa up, Kuroo reached an arm out to grab Bokuto. “Just tonight, I can’t drink—” 

“Aw why not bro? Come on we always get wasted!” 

_Think, think, think—_ “The methadone— uh, feeling kinda… Shitty you know.”

His features softened almost immediately, however the scepticism still lingered. “Really? But you’ve always drank with methadone.”

“Yeah I dunno not really feeling it today…” 

His large brows furrowed, golden gaze carrying a concerning edge to it. “You okay bro?” 

“What— yeah of course.” 

Bokuto’s lips tightened as he forced out a smile, clasping a strong hand over Kuroo’s shoulder and reaching up to flick one of his cat ears. “Alright— hold on Akaashi wants me.” He bolted off through the crowd and Kuroo was left alone with tormenting voice in his own head.

_(Such a liar. What’s he gonna do when he finds out? Ditch you again?)_

A sensation of something close to agony, his insides being mangled and crushed until there’s nothing left but the numb buzz of nothingness— the hollow gape stretching and reaching out into each corner of Kuroo’s being, leaving not even the tiniest grain of who he is, and all the room possible for the darkness to writhe inside.

_(He didn’t care when you when and slashed open your wrists, he only felt responsible.)_

_(Like you’re a burden.)_

_(Just a whiny brat feeling sorry for yourself all the time.)_

_(Even when you downed those bottles of pills in school he never knew, never cared.)_

The rawness of the outside air washed over Kuroo like dozens of knives, skin being torn and cut off before the onset even grazed his skin.

_(He still doesn’t care.)_

It was _so cold,_ but Kuroo’s out of tune body drenched itself in an irksome sheen of sweat glistening off the street lights from his reflective mask of panic. The darkness brewing in the depths of his chest scolded him like fire, resonating with all the other messed up substances rolling around in there to create something explosive.

_(Everyone’s just better off without you.)_

**.**

 

He looked sorry, definitely sounded sorry, and contrary to his build, he looked utterly tiny and crushed with guilt. Daichi suspected it was because Yaku was stood directly behind him shooting lasers into the back of his head but at least he was apologizing one way or another.

“Lev, honestly I’m over it—”

“I swear I won’t pull anything like that off again— I didn’t think either of you would get that mad and, and, and—”

“Apology accepted, thank you Lev.” 

Daichi glanced over to Sugawara who was grinning the sun at him, and he shot back an equally as gleaming smile back at him. It felt good to mend cracks, not that deep down he totally forgave Lev but this was a good enough start. Besides, there was nothing getting between him and Kuroo, not even Lev.

Speaking of Kuroo, where was he? “Suga, have you seen Kuroo?”

“Back there chugging a bottle of vodka, is he always so irresponsible?”

“Probably,” he mumbled, drawing his brows together as he followed Sugawara’s direction towards the kitchen. Much accuracy to Sugawara’s description— and very much to Daichi’s dismay, Kuroo was literally just drinking straight vodka out of the bottle. He normally only did that if he was already blackout level wasted, but Daichi was sure he’d been avoiding drinking since arriving.

Bokuto, as strange as it was, was looking equally as concerned as Daichi which only raised more questions considering it’s usually Bokuto’s fault Kuroo got into silly states. “I swear 10 minutes ago he said he didn’t wanna drink because of the methadone…”

In other situations, it might have been rather amusing to watch a guy dressed up as a cat line up his shots as he drank out of bottle looking utterly tragic, but that sullen expression distorting his features set off red alarms. Daichi took a few strong strides over to Kuroo to grab the bottle out of his hands, struggling a little but managing eventually with barely a quarter of the alcohol left in there. “No more for you— do you seriously want to spend the weekend in hospital?”

“No, I wanna spend it in the morgue,” he chuckled mirthlessly, but it didn’t lighten up the somber tone in his voice.

Bokuto and Daichi shared a look before confiscating all forms of alcohol. “Give him 10 minutes before he K.O’s,” Bokuto muttered, placing the used shot glasses on the other end of the counter. “Dumb ass, why’d you drink that much in one go?!”

“Well I feel fine,” Kuroo said. “C’mon, you’re the one who wanted to get wasted. I’m one step ahead of you bro.”

The three leered at each other, the silence beyond the music alone crushing their bones into mere ash that was to be lost forever in the pressuring atmosphere. No one had an argument, but there was that little something tug on, something to grab onto for leverage before letting the words do the rest of the work; like egg shells on the floor, threatening to shatter and plummet them down into an endless void. So they stayed quiet to keep the ground level beneath their feet.

“Sooo, what’s up with you poopers?” Kuroo asked, gaze shifting between Bokuto and Daichi. 

“You just said you want to be in the morgue,” Daichi reminded, earning that much expected eyeroll off Kuroo.

“I was kidding, I say that shit all the time!” 

“You usually say it when you’re not literally drinking yourself to the grave, asshole.” 

“Oh what, you’re gonna get mad at me now for having a _little_ drink?”

Bokuto had an almost fearful expression washing over his visage as he flicked his eyes between the two boiling points in the room. “Okay you two, please no fighting—”

“We’re not fighting, we’re having a perfectly civil conversation,” Kuroo bit out with dripping sarcasm; eyes lolling over towards Bokuto to add to the effect. “Daichi’s the one calling names out here.” 

“You’re the one being stupidly reckless.”

“And I’m the one telling you both to shut the fuck up before you draw attention to yourselves,” Bokuto hissed, mellow attitude previously displayed flared up into harsh embers. For Bokuto to be the more mature one than Kuroo and even Daichi was saying something. “Kuroo— just slow down on drinking and Daichi don’t get too mad, you’re both sorry, the end, now kiss and make up!” 

Bokuto’s forced, radiant grin faltered over the dragged out silence paired up with the venomous glares Kuroo and Daichi traded with one another, however it soon eased up as they mumbled their sorry’s. 

“See! Not hard— here Daichi have my drink I haven’t drank it yet, relax a little!” Bokuto shot a fist out to knuckle Kuroo on the head and mumbled something in his ear before jogging off calling someone’s name. 

They dodged eye contact, busying themselves desperately with their own thoughts to avoid touching the ice between them. “Tetsurou…”

“Chill, I’m not drinking anymore.”

“No not that, I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” he shrugged, remaining rather indifferent. “Me too.” His tone lacked the sincerity, but Daichi let it pass. Right now wasn’t the best time to pick a fight out of thin air despite it was Kuroo acting all sorts of odd to begin with.   

**.**

 

So much for not drinking anymore, however Kuroo poured more drinks into his lap rather than the cup in front of him. Daichi had just about given up babysitting him and his self-destruction and ditched him to actually attempt to have some form of a good time that night. However, him and his attempts were only plagued with the poking and jabbing thoughts that he needed to go look after Kuroo— _plenty of people drink themselves silly,_ though Kuroo was definitely a little into his second bottle, _he’s still speaking though,_ was he? Daichi wouldn’t know, because he ditched him in the other room.

He excused himself from whoever he was talking to and reluctantly went off in search for Kuroo. For a guy with such a unique, unruly hair style, cat ears added on top and being probably the only guy sporting a full winter parka in the entire apartment, it theoretically shouldn’t have been so hard. Everyone was either too drunk or too busy conversing to pay much notice to Daichi’s questioning as to where Kuroo was, and the panic raised like bile in his throat. 

Bird costume and a glimpse of silver— Bokuto. Daichi pushed past a few dancers to reach him, and when their eyes met Bokuto couldn’t have looked more relieved. “Eeeey— I’m really drunk and Kuroo’s h— _hic—_ hair went in the toilet water and there’s sick all down his clothes and in his hair and everywhere and I dunno where Akaashi is and— there’s vomit on me too—” 

“Where’s Kuroo?” 

Bokuto did a little spin around before pointing over to where the bathroom was, and Daichi promptly followed on with his directions. Not so surprisingly, though harrowing as can be, Kuroo’s head was all the way in the toilet, Ushijima and Oikawa either side of him. 

“Great…” Daichi grumbled, drawing the attention off the two taking care of Kuroo. 

“Someone needs to go home,” Oikawa suggested, however without the usual playfulness to his tone. 

“Yeah, I’m on it.” 

“Need any help?” Ushijima asked, standing up from his crouch on the floor. 

“No, no we only live like a few blocks down… I’ll just carry him, thanks though.”

“Uuuuuh is he even okay,” Oikawa asked, voice slurred in the peak of his own intoxication and clutching onto Kuroo’s hair to pull his head out of the toilet a little. “Y’know he’s breathing like suuuper slow.”

The words passed over Daichi’s head like air. “Uh-huh, hold on I’m going to grab my stuff I’ll be right back.”

“Sawamuraaaa— seriously he’s really pale I don’t think he’s okay…” 

Again, Daichi waved off Oikawa’s words as him just being dramatic. Of course Kuroo was fine, he’s been fine on every other night of heavy drinking just this time round he took things a bit too fast, and he was _entirely_ at fault for being so stupid. “He’s fine, just wait here I need to get my jacket,” he responded curtly, turning away to avoid Oikawa’s protests. 

As promised, Daichi returned fairly quickly, heaving Kuroo up on his back before making the tedious trip back home. Kuroo wasn’t heavy at all, especially considering his height, but carrying anything for a long period of time eventually begins to pile up on the strain; and with Kuroo being completely limp, Daichi was the one doing all the work. 

He wasn’t annoyed at Kuroo— or maybe he was, who was he kidding. They were having a perfectly good day and Kuroo had to pull this off, on top of avoiding Daichi all night which consisted of barely an hour into the party. The odd stares directed towards a man dressed as Santa piggy-backing a man with cat ears and a tail were swiftly disregarded, age sure does seem to diminish the Halloween spirit. This was _such_ a good night. 

“Thanks dumbass,” Daichi mumbled, knowing full well Kuroo was too drunk to hear him, and apparently too drunk to make much of a sound when he vomited all over Daichi’s shoulder which was only registered with the adding dampness and eventual spillover onto the ground and his shoes. Now _that_ was concerning. Daichi pausing in his tracks, craning his neck over to try to look at Kuroo. “Tetsurou?”

“Huuuuh…” 

Well at least there was a response. “Why’d you have to drink that much… look at yourself.” 

“I wanna _hic—_ dieeeeee.”

Daichi felt his heart stammer on a beat, swallowing his nerves back down. _He doesn’t mean that._ “Please don’t say things like that—” 

“I fuckin’ s—suck,” he slurred, words barely intelligible.

Hearing those unwelcome words leave the mouth of someone who had already attempted suicide was far beyond just unnerving, and it was only now Daichi began to notice the cracks Kuroo failed to seal in his mask recently.

_I don’t understand…_ “Tetsurou… you don’t actually feel like that, right?” 

“Duh… only reason I’m still a— _hic—_ alive is ‘cause I even fuckin’ fail at trying to kill myself. That’s so shiiiit… No one needs me anyway…”

What a fool Daichi had been, not even love can fix the rift torn in Kuroo’s chest. “You’re not going to succeed at that, ever. I won’t let you because _I_ fucking need you. Got it? I need you, and I’m not letting you go so easily.” Daichi felt nothing but _selfish._ Selfish for turning a blind eye against Kuroo’s bad sides so promptly he didn’t get the chance to catch how much he was hurting. 

Albeit being harshly aware of the mental factor to Kuroo, as well as nothing would be easy considering Kuroo and the relationship as a whole, Daichi still made a desperate plea that everything would go _swimmingly._ Driven by that false hope Kuroo would get better like a mere cold, that those horrific scars wouldn’t be reopened before Daichi’s very eyes, the words in the flesh right now shattered Daichi to the core. Because the whole situation was uncharted territory that Daichi didn’t know how to manage. 

Behind the numbing thoughts, Daichi still caught on Kuroo had yet to say anything. “Tetsu?” He shrugged his shoulder a bit and Kuroo barely grumbled. “I love you, you know that right?” 

“You’ll ge’ bored… like everyone else… fed up with such a burden.”

How long had Kuroo being locking those words away, how long had be been probably repeating those thoughts over and over again and Daichi’s only chance of knowing what’s really going on with Kuroo was if he was drunk. “I’ve never thought of you as a burden, dumbass.”

“Probs’ mad we’re goin’ home early… I ruined your night, I’m gonna ruin your life, I should disappear—”

“Kuroo!” Even with Kuroo barely conscious, he still flinched at the snapping formalities. Daichi let Kuroo slip off his back and he crumbled on the floor like a sack of potatoes, almost falling face first into the dampened ground before Daichi caught him. “I swear to god, I will go fucking crazy if you try do anything now— please, _please_ don’t do this to—” _me,_ is what almost slipped out, and what Daichi truly and honestly thought for that flickering moment. _But it’s not me,_ “you… Don’t do this to yourself, you can’t see how damn amazing you are and you’re trying to throw away something so priceless!”

There was the uninvited warmth stinging Daichi’s eyes, a sob catching at the end of his words.

“Tetsu I can’t lose you, and you can’t shut yourself away from me forever so instead of trying to deal with this on your own all the time I’m here— I don’t care how useless I am I just can’t be a fucking bystander anymore. We’re in this together, okay?”

He wasn’t even looking straight, or looking anywhere for that matter, let alone probably understood a single word that poured uncontrollably out of Daichi’s mouth; the metaphor transferred into literal action on Kuroo’s end however, with actual vomit and not words. It was almost like he was just drooling it out, gag reflex long lost in the raging sea of alcohol ravaging around in his body at that point. Daichi didn’t mind the revolting puddle in his lap right now, he focussed more on just soothing Kuroo. _What a mess._

Minutes added up and Daichi had already forgotten they were still sat in the middle of the sidewalk, mind distracted with how much he actually loved Kuroo, who was passed right out and hunched over into Daichi’s lap. He mused whether or not they should just sit outside like this for the rest of the night to save the apartment being transformed by puke, but Kuroo was getting unsettlingly cold, not an ounce of heat felt radiating from his body. Daichi assumed it was because it was the middle of the night in fall, of course it’d be cold.

Daichi pulled Kuroo on his back, resting him on his lap between his legs and he cupped his hands around Kuroo’s face. He was usually elusively pale in the face, however he was almost matching snowy bed sheets this time, even the color of his lips drained out as well as his skin being exceptionally clammy. Daichi called his name out and shook him a little, however rendered futile to rousing him.

He pried open an eye, squinting in the dim lighting given by the flickering street lamp as he waved a hand in front of Kuroo’s face. Still nothing. He considered slapping him but it physically clenched his insides to think about hurting Kuroo, not like he’d feel it but it was the small possibility that he _might._

“Tetsurou,” he shook him again, far more vigorously with little reaction, but there was a little something at least. There was a short wheeze, a hitch in his chest and a frothing of the yellow bile pooling and running at the corner of Kuroo’s mouth before Daichi realized he was almost choking and promptly pushed him on his side, vomit churning past his teeth and lips as the wet sound of it hitting the ground turning Daichi’s own stomach upside down. _And this is how celebrities die._

Daichi twisted his head towards the direction their apartment was, mentally working out how much longer it’d take to get home. He groaned and hooked his arms under Kuroo’s shoulders to heave him up into a sitting position. For a moment, he couldn’t quite figure out how he was meant to piggy-back him again before it all worked out eventually— the amount of struggle it just took would be going unsaid. 

Though almost a whole bottle of straight vodka was enough to floor anyone, especially being drank all in one go, Daichi was certain Kuroo had done that before though just on top of even more drinks spread out through a single night. However, he never got this level of unresponsive. _What was that Bokuto mentioned about methadone?_

Upon discovering that part of Kuroo’s life, Daichi found himself researching methadone out of pure curiousity. In simple terms, it was a drug that made withdrawals from heroin bearable, if not totally non-existent, but there was also the notices in bold that warned to not mix it with alcohol. _Kuroo’s always done that though, dumbass._ Perhaps he upped his methadone doses— though that would still mean he would be in serious danger right now. _Should I call an ambulance?_

The growing burn working and writhing its way through Daichi’s muscles became more prominent, but he thankfully made it to the building in one piece. He set Kuroo down beside the door while he rattled and fumbled his keys against the door, eventually managing to unlock it.

Daichi stole a glance over his shoulder, spotting a pumpkin bucket left beside the door with a note attached to it. He crouched down and caught his and Kuroo’s names scribbled at the top of the paper.

_Kuroo and Sawamura, hope you both like sweets because the bucket’s all for you two. Happy Halloween! - Ari._

It was completely understandable why Kuroo was so in love with his neighbour, she really was a total sweetheart. Daichi’s lips stretched into a smile before he picked the bucket up alone with Kuroo, dragging the latter in with much care not to drop him or anything.

“Too bad you’re going to be too hungover to have any sweets, more for me,” Daichi taunted, more so to the air rather than Kuroo since he wouldn’t hear him. 

He yanked off Kuroo’s coat, struggling at the sleeves for a while and proceed to carry Kuroo over to the bathroom. If one room was going to be the designated puke site, Daichi rather it be the bathroom than anywhere else. Kuroo was left by the toilet while Daichi hurried over to the kitchen to grab a couple of glasses of water before returning to Kuroo, setting the glasses down beside him. Daichi made himself as comfortable as he could be since it was fact he was going to be there all night.

* * *

The dripping water incessantly plinking and tapping against the sink bowl was almost maddening, but Daichi’s limbs were too bounded to the bathroom tiles like a melted lump of mush to be able to get up and screw the tap completely shut. He managed to count the seconds of 2 hours before his mind went numb and vapid, the only mindless motion he took was to check if Kuroo was still breathing.

There were a few heart stopping moments where there was a concerningly long stretch between each breath he took, but with much coaxing, shaking and light tapping on the face with wet hands, his breathing pattern gradually grew to something deemed normal-ish.  

Not even university assignments were as stressful as this, and Daichi could practically feel the hair on his head greying overnight. His eyes stung with exhaustion, though the anxiety and adrenaline bleeding together ensured they didn’t threaten to shut even once.

In the still dozing hours of the morning where even the sun barely grazed the edges of the sky, Kuroo began to stir— or maybe he was just shifting around but since he hadn’t moved a single muscle all night Daichi automatically assumed he was waking up. “Tetsurou?”

His eyelids cracked open before his actual eyes were lucid and ready to be met with the waking world, gaze flat and lost at the space before him. The bridge of Kuroo’s nose scrunched and his eyes squeezed shut again, a distant squeak sounded at the back of his throat from a most likely attempt to talk.

“I’d say you always look pretty, but you look horrendous right now. No need for Halloween costumes…”

Kuroo mumbled something unintelligible, Daichi just catching an obscenity somewhere in the mess of babbling nonsense as he raised his head off the edge of the toilet seat. “—mmfuck, whu’—”

“Still drunk?”

“Uhhh…” His voice sounded harsh and scratchy like sandpaper against sandpaper, vocals croaking sourly. “I… feel so shit.”

“Your fault for deciding to chug a bottle of vodka, dumb shit.” The words were harsh, but Daichi couldn’t bring his tone above soft. “Water, now.”

With much whining and resisting and protests that he’ll throw up if he drinks water, Daichi finally managed to get the glass to his lips, aiding him in not dropping it. Daichi had seen Kuroo look like a disaster many times, but this honestly made the top spot on the list.

Daichi allowed another half an hour for Kuroo to gather he was actually still alive— distressingly enough that he looked rather disappointed by that— and ease up the pounding in his head a little before Daichi decided to push on a certain subject. “Serious question, on the scale of 1 being last night level unable to talk and 10 more or less able to hold a conversation, how are you feeling?”

“-1.”

“Okay so 8 seeing as you can count,” Daichi determined, vague smile wavering down as he prepped himself for what he was going to say next. “We need to talk.”

After a few disheartening moments, Kuroo finally responded. “You’re not breaking up with me, right?”

“What— no! We just need to talk and it’s something serious so hold off your comments for 5 minutes,” Daichi started, already beginning to feel apprehensive and the tightening his heart muscles. “You know I can’t ignore it forever, and I don’t want to say you’re not well but Tetsurou… you need to see someone about this. You're barely eating, as in less than before, your nightmares have got so bad they’ve been consistent every night, sometimes you’re completely out of it and just disconnected from everything and now you’re talking about killing yourself.”

“Huh—”

“Basically straight up _attempted_ it at an event you’re suppose to have fun at. How the hell am I meant to leave you alone now without thinking you’re just going to down another bottle of alcohol on top of your methadone— you even stopped breathing a couple of times, do you get how serious that is? I was 10 seconds away from just calling the ambulance.”

“I wasn’t trying…”

“Why would behave so recklessly then?”

Kuroo’s whiskey gaze fell lower, shaded by his dark eyelashes that seemingly reached to his cheeks under the lighting. Right there was the _real_ Kuroo peeking past the unravelling, baring his weakest points all in one go like a snarling wolf, allowing himself to be vulnerable before Daichi. The glassy haze blinding his vision for that fleeting moment, the worry of his lower lip that was soon tamed by biting down on it. Like an rockslide, the parting of the rolling boulders piling up around him to leave nothing but the hidden gem, cracked and flawed, but still completely and unimaginably _beautiful._ The pearling at edges of his eyes grew and rolled with the gradual increase in weight, followed by the almost glistening trail staining the hollowing cheeks.

“I’m sorry… sorry, sorry, sorry—”

“I’m not mad Tetsurou, I’m just scared. Because I love you so damn much it actually hurts, it hurts because I don’t know what’s going on with you, all I know is that’s it’s practically eating you inside out and you… you won’t talk to me.”

His eyes seemed to droop a little more than usual, and with them widening like puppy eyes it was impossible for Daichi to raise his voice even a little in fear Kuroo would shatter on the spot. “You weren’t suppose to be dating such an annoying burden— I fixed it before and I’ll fix it again it’s nothing—”

“Right there. Stop that. Burying everything won’t fix jack shit, understand? You need to open up and I’m literally _right_ here. You can cry to me all night I wouldn’t mind one bit and I never will  and never have found you to be a burden so please for the love of God, don’t push me away.”

His jaw clenched, and Kuroo’s voice came out strained. “But I’m fine…”

Daichi really couldn’t understand why he clinged so desperately to that lie, a lie he probably told himself every day unwilling to acknowledge he’s slipping right off a cliff. “You don’t have to lie to me, you don’t have to hide from me because I’m here for you.”

Such a soft expression, so gentle and tender, mellow and incredibly winsome. Arms wide open, reassuring over and over again Kuroo can fall into them. An opportunity Kuroo so desperately wanted to pass up, but those very humanely instincts pushed him towards the warmth, towards the safety and comfort— because maybe there was room for one more person to trust. Though always falling into the wrong arms took it’s consuming toll. “Why do you even care?”

He shifted position, leaning back a little while he surveyed the way Kuroo stared on at him, waiting for that answer that would give a reason to run away. “Because you’re Kuroo Tetsurou. Tetsurou who makes the most awful jokes, Tetsurou who is scarily quick witted, Tetsurou who consumes more tea than air, Tetsurou who’s downright infuriating… And Tetsurou who I’m stupidly and crazily in love with.”      

Now stepping into November, they had just scraped the 3 month mark in their relationship. What a leap Daichi took throwing his feelings out there in one go, but for him it was plenty of time to realize Kuroo was the kind of guy he’d happily pack up and move halfway across the world with if it came down to it. Daichi had definitely felt _love_ before Kuroo, but it was after Kuroo he had discovered love is a totally dynamic thing in the world and he had just reached the most impacting version of it. The kind of love he never reached with Yui in the entire 3 years.   

“So from now on, _we_ are going to manage this. Not just you, we. Because honestly Tetsurou, you’re doing a pretty crappy job on your own.”    

Kuroo backed down against Daichi’s words, but at least it looked like for once he was actually listening. _For once,_ Daichi felt like he was getting through that barrier separating them this whole time. 

“You’re copper and tellurium…” 

With that impassive expression Kuroo held, it almost looked like he had lost all his marbles when he decided to mumbled elements out of nowhere. “What?” 

“Cute. You’re so cute.” 

It took a few moments too long to figure out what the hell copper and tellurium had to do with being cute, but Daichi caught on eventually. “Tetsu… you damn nerd.” 

“At least we know you passed science—” 

“Please tell me you got even a little bit of what I was trying to tell you?” 

He averted his gaze away from Daichi, raising his thumb to his mouth to hide that mischievous smirk shaping his lips. “Yttrium, Einsteinium.” 

“Okay stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, there's like 10% nice stuff and 90% angst because I decided to vent on this chapter whoops. I won't promise but I'll _try_ to fit in more fluff because everyone needs a break.  
>  Oh and if anyone's confused as to why Bokuto and Daichi are saying methadone and not heroin because as far as they're aware, Kuroo hasn't come off the methadone and he hasn't relapsed so it's only assumed Kuroo got so bad is because of the mix with methadone and alcohol (similar effect with heroin and alcohol- really damn dangerous). Kuroo just missed another chance to come clean to Daichi about using as well, silly boy.
> 
> NOTE: Putting this note here just to say sorry for holding this fic back for so long, I'm getting around to getting the next few chapters done there's just been so much going on and I'm awful at sticking with one fic. I promise I will finish this one though!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mending, vending machines, tattoos and birthday getaways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all GUYS I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THIS WAIT, how many months has it been? Oh god, I hate myself for abandoning this fic because I really do enjoy writing it. I've written a few chapters ahead this time, so I'll try and get on top of it again. Reason I had to stop was some personal reasons and some subjects in this fic hit home a little, it was very difficult to continue. But now I feel much better and feel I can start getting back into it. Updates may remain slow, weekly if I'm still ahead but every 2 weeks if I begin to catch up too close to where I've written. If I stop for a hell of a long time again, I PROMISE TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW NEXT TIME. I said I promise (to myself and to anyone reading this) I'll actually finish this one, I'm not going back on it I swear.
> 
> Little notes/warnings regarding this chapter; discussion of mental disorders and therapy.

“Seat taken, handsome?”

That husky drawl Daichi could recognize from anywhere, however brought much surprise as the known source behind that voice was supposedly busy choreographing a dance routine. Daichi met with the warm, autumn gaze he could stare into all day; the cat-like man’s head tilted ever so charmingly.  

“Not sure about the seat, but I know I definitely am,” Daichi responded eventually, edges of his lips tugging into a tender smile. He watched the tall man giggle lightly, pulling the wooden seat out carefully to avoid scraping the legs too hard against the flooring beneath it.

There was a blend of smoke and the scent of Kuroo’s usual cologne that brushed against Daichi’s senses as Kuroo sat down, soon to be gracefully washed in with the background while tenuously remaining. “Really? I’m sure you could do better than whoever that jackass is.”

“Hmmm, how could I do better when I’ve already done the best anyone could?”

“Confident aren’t we.”

“Have every right to be,” Daichi chirped, feeling the familiar warmth swirl in his chest at the feline’s simper. “What you doing out the studio?”

“Well I’m on break and I really craved a hot chocolate and we all know which café does the best hot chocolate,” Kuroo elaborated with a gesturing around himself. “By chance I spot probably the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and couldn’t resist chatting him up.”

Kuroo sure could never lose his flattery skills, and despite turning that almost unnatural shade of red each time, Daichi really did love those comments. “Ha-ha, you need to work on your taste.”

He gave a playful smirk that soon fell into a more neutral expression, eyes hovering over an empty space on the table before bringing it back up towards Daichi. “How’s the assignment going?”

“Honestly, I’m procrastinating more than getting anything done… Bokuto’s rubbing off on me.” He listened to the distant drone sound in the back of Kuroo’s throat softly, like it was a absent minded acknowledgement to what he just said. Kuroo’s eyes lingered on the window beside them, though likely not spotting what was behind it; a hazy, _cold_ film washed over that stare. Daichi could write an essay in under 10 minutes about how beautiful Kuroo’s eyes were, his attention constantly drawn and captivated by that endearing gaze… but there was something different. _What was different?_  “How was therapy this morning?”

Kuroo’s vacuous stare darted back towards Daichi, inexpressive and unreadable for a fair amount of time before he gave a brief smile. “Boring, really.”

“Did it… help at all?”

A quick shrug, eyes failing to meet Daichi’s as they shifted around deliberately. “Dunno, can’t say for now I guess… pretty quick to dish out the drugs again though,” he laughed grimly.

 _Again,_ meaning there was always a problem. “Hey, might be big help though! What’d they give you?”

“Antidepressants… and some crap that could help with nightmares so maybe you’ll get more sleep.”

 _“Me_ get more sleep?” Daichi snorted. Kuroo as usual was disregarding himself. He was almost tempted to ask what he was diagnosed with, considering it had been around a week of him seeing the therapist while not giving any word to Daichi about it. Although, it was pretty clear it’d be along the lines of depression— though Daichi was undeniably curious if it really was depression that could cripple Kuroo down, crying and hyperventilating uncontrollably while not even occupying his present body, or was it something else?  

 _“I’m no doctor or anything but I’m guessing they’re flashbacks of some sort.”_ Flashbacks is what Akaashi referred to those _episodes_ as, and after consuming a crazy amount of research into the matter, Daichi could agree on that assumption. Daichi really hoped Kuroo didn’t miss anything out, but considering his covering habits, there was a good chance he did.

However, bringing the situation up would only make Kuroo more uncomfortable, so Daichi opted for the subject change. “Hey, want to do something tonight?”

“Like what?”

“Anything, everything. Mess around with the vending machines, eat ramen, cram ourselves in a photobooth for hours.”

Kuroo raised his thin brow, a impish smirk shaping his lips. “Asking me out on a date, _Dai-chi?”_ He drew focus to separating his name by the two syllables it consisted of, tone playful and teasing.

“Been practicing keeping yourself together upon hearing a date request? I’m impressed.”

“Nooo way, my heart’s actually fluttering,” Kuroo laughed, however far more heartfelt, smirk stretching out into a winning grin, sharp and cunning aspects to his features softened into innocence and charm paired with the warming across his perky nose and cheeks. “I’ll never keep myself together around you.”

“I hope so, because you’re honestly adorable when you stammer and blush so ridiculously.”

“Leave me alone!”

* * *

 

Kuroo traipsed behind Daichi, likely would have been left far behind if it wasn’t for Daichi clasping tightly onto his trembling hand. Although it was pretty clear Kuroo was attempting to _fix_ things, Daichi was only feeling increasingly further apart from him in a sense. Things changed a little, but nothing huge or impacting. As usual, Kuroo would try to shoulder everything himself, and Daichi began to wonder if he had to get a literal hand drill to get it into Kuroo’s head he was there for him. He understood Kuroo’s behaviour better now at least, but only suspected he was still missing _something,_ and that something wasn’t anything little or insignificant.

A memory washed over Daichi, distant and vague about the time he first moved into Tokyo all the way from Miyagi. He had felt crushed, lost and anxiety ridden in the chaotic swarm in about every area he ventured into, not to mention getting lost countless times and got himself into silly situations which required ringing Sugawara for help. However now, the swarm was nothing but a gentle sea now that Daichi’s mind had cleared. The heart of the city was home to the warming, resplendent glow which filtered past the gaps in curtains and beamed through windows at even the ungodliest hours of the night, all in which Daichi grew to love eventually.

There was so much to do, so much happening, never a bland, quiet day in Daichi’s otherwise ordinary and boring life. Though the city alone wasn’t enough to ignite anything deep within; a particular back alley cat, curling his tail around anything that fed him his so desired love, amber gaze sharp and cunning, smirking ever so flirtatiously yet charmingly, skin graced with lustered golden undertones and his midnight chaotic hair perfectly adorable. Perhaps he was that flare starting the growing embers that grew uncontrolled and fierce into a consuming blaze. It burnt at times, stinging and eating Daichi’s very skin off, but it felt so _right._ When it wasn’t painful, it was secure, warm and comforting. So no matter if it got too hot, Daichi had to keep that flame alive.

“Who needs a restaurant when you get full blown meals from a damn box,” Kuroo chuckled out of the blue, bringing Daichi back into the solid time. “Aw yes, found it!”

“Found wh—” Oh, a _watch_ vending machine. Kuroo sure liked anything that went on his wrists, even if it meant dorky watches like the ones the vending machines offered. “Or wait for your birthday and I’ll get you a proper watch.”

Kuroo fiddled around the buttons, a hand held out with just about all his change— which was surprising a lot. He looked quite exuberant all of a sudden, which was a nice change of scenery from his usual impassive expression he’d been displaying for most of the past few weeks. “Red or camo?”

“Pink.”

“I have a pink one— wait I also have red, camo looks pretty rad huh.”

The most laughable thing was, Kuroo was _genuinely_ excited over those watches. Out of everything to perk up at, it had to be vending machines. _Dork._

Daichi honestly didn’t expect Kuroo to take the messing with vending machines seriously, but seeing Tokyo was literally a magical land of damn vending machines, why the hell not? Kuroo’s loose change pile was gradually running dry while being replaced by figurines, bracelets, other accessories for himself and those damn figurines— although Daichi managed to get a pretty cute one out of the random prize vending machine.

They finally settled down on a nearby bench, hands and pockets full of various items scored from the vending machines. And with the space being filled between them was hearty laughs, ebullient conversations and terrible jokes, Daichi could fairly place this date close to the top.

Kuroo busied himself with adding to his wrist collection, words reduced to mumbles as his focus was elsewhere. Daichi didn’t mind though, he was perfectly content with watching how Kuroo scrunched up his face and scowled at a few troublesome bracelets that were giving him a hard time.

“Here Tetsu,” Daichi finally offered his aid, adjusting the vibrant bracelets around Kuroo’s bony wrists. He felt a hard gaze on himself and glanced up to meet with the sweet whiskey stare. “Having a nice night?”

Kuroo’s skin went off a few shades into the red spectrum, glancing away nervously. “Wh— yeah of course… thanks for taking me out…”

“What’s with you getting all shy?” Daichi laughed, nudging Kuroo on the shoulder with his fist gently. “You know I’d happily go out like this with you all the time, just need to say when you feel like wasting all of your change.”

“Well… I kinda thought you were getting fed up with me,” he mumbled, words almost missed in the surrounding hum. “I want to get back like how we were… but I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me I’m ruining everything—”

His hand swung against Kuroo’s mouth faster than his mind could process the crap he was saying that moment, strong brows pulled together as he glared sternly at him. “Do not let those thoughts cloud your head, I swear to every saint like being who could be listening that you’re _perfect._ You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong Tetsurou, and you’re still the same deceitfully smooth, beautiful, funny guy I met back in that nightclub.”

 _“Deceitfully_ smooth?”

“If I based all my knowledge about you off that one night… I’d think you’re smooth as heck, kind of playboy type who gets whoever the hell he wants with a single wink. Little did I know how much of a dork you actually are.”

Some sort of squawk left Kuroo before words did, apples of his cheeks peaching further alongside the outside chill blushing his complexion. “Well— bleh,” he stuck his tongue out childishly. “I’m embracing my inner dork!”  

“To be honest, dorky you kind of made me fall hard actually,” Daichi said honestly, smiling softly towards their recently interlocked hands. “Really, I almost didn’t want to move in with you plainly because I was crushing a bit and thought the whole thing might end up hectic.” He wasn’t sure why he was spilling everything now, but for that moment he didn’t care. Daichi just felt his mind being enclosed between the sweet early memories of when he met Kuroo.

Daichi looked up again when Kuroo didn’t say anything, noticing he actually short-circuited or something of the sort. His lips slightly parted, reddened from the frequent chewing and bitter air, eyes widened to a degree Daichi was sure he’d never seen grace Kuroo’s diverse amount of expressions. Daichi would have expected Kuroo to have a mocking comeback or something, but he was in fact stunned to silence.

“I mean… I must have been obvious—”

“If it was obvious then I’m dense as hell… because I honestly thought it was one sided for a while— I didn’t mind, I found it fun teasing you and all, just never expected you to crush on me so early… Like, no one likes me like that.”

“How would you know? Maybe you focussed on the wrong people, but I’m sure you’ve definitely won other hearts out there because what’s not to love?” Sure, Kuroo was most definitely a pain in the ass, but alongside that trait he was probably one of the kindest and down to earth guys there was out there. “Besides, _I_ liked you— _love_ you now, like that so what you just said is completely invalid.”

“Oh Daichi,” Kuroo breathed, tilting his head back and exhale a clouded breath. “You’re the best sweet-talker.”

“Hey, I’m being serious!”

Kuroo crooned behind his winsome smile, raising a cigarette to his lips to light it. Their hands remained locked together through their silence, the kind of silence that was more so the appreciation for each other wordlessly. Despite the city still moving around them, blaring and vivid as can be, the two created their own safe space in which not even the wind dancing past them was heard. Kuroo craned his neck over his shoulder, shuddering a little at the crisp breeze before he turned back towards Daichi. “I know how to top off the night.”

“I think just looking at your face is good enough,” Daichi smirked.

“Ha, even better. Let’s get inked!”

Inked, like have ink thrown on them?— _tattoo, Daichi._ He tried to speak, but he only spluttered on his own words and managed only something unintelligible, the heat rapidly consuming his face and ears.

“Nah not like— matching, we’ll save that when we know we're gonna die together or some bull shit but I’m craving a little something new… You should get something too!”

“But, but—”

“Sick, let’s go!”

How could Daichi deny Kuroo of his happiness right now, even if his happiness consisted in a damn life choice and probably a lot of pain. But honestly, Daichi would kill a man if it meant keeping that smile on his face.

He trailed along almost reluctantly, subconsciously pulling back on Kuroo’s grip on him out of fear because— _a tattoo for God's sake._ Kuroo was still babbling on about something, the mention of suggesting Daichi get a piercing instead if he didn’t want to make the tattoo leap, though that too seemed pretty nerve wracking. _Piercing, where?_ He was sure he’d look odd with ear piercings, convinced he most definitely wouldn’t pull it off like Kuroo did.

Kuroo and the tattoo artist whom he appeared familiar with exchanged a rather lengthy conversation before Kuroo was already down in the seat for his tattoo. Did he even mention what he was getting? Daichi didn’t know, because he was too busy sweating and shaking at the vaguest idea about getting a tattoo. Listening to the buzz of the tattoo machine was enough to almost send him into a full blown panic attack and— _oh my god,_ his neck. Kuroo’s getting his _neck_ tattooed?  

The blue stencil over his skin shaped out what appeared to be a rose, and some sort of pattern connecting it with the panther tattoo on his shoulder that Daichi couldn’t quite make out with the quick glance as well as his shirt covering for that moment. However, it was definitely taking up a hefty portion of close to the base of the side of his neck, covering almost half of it.

“You’re looking in more pain than this rock over here,” the tattooist snickered, startling Daichi out of his nerve filled daze.

“Who’d have guessed… Daichi are you scared of needles?” Kuroo taunted, lips curling with his playful tone.

“Needles are fine when they go in once, that’s like… like—”

“Like fucking the shit out my skin.”

Of course he’d put it that way. “Fucking isn’t suppose to be painful.”

“Who knows, I might be a masochist,” he said nonchalantly, drawing out a snort from the artist working on his tattoo. “Guess this has scared you off getting one?”

That damn grin, crooked and cunning. He was definitely _challenging_ Daichi right now, and who was Daichi to back down from a fight? Especially against a certain cocky asshole he happened to be dating. “We’ll see about that— I just don’t know what I want…”

“Hey, I’m free!” A woman called from the other end of the parlor, heavily inked and pierced from head to toe, however her face remained quite innocent and almost youthful. “Wanna mull over some ideas with me?”

Daichi stole a glance back at Kuroo who smiled at him before making his way towards the woman. She had been sketching aimlessly up until this point, and those sketches alone— though regarded as _messy,_ looked pretty damn amazing to Daichi.

They sat and had a warming chat for a while, half about tattoo ideas and half about general subjects. Soon, they made it onto the subjects of animals, expectantly making its way onto birds. _Birds._ The conversation provoked a vivid memory, one of his high school days. Their volleyball team represented _crows,_ their banner simple yet powerful; fly.

“Ah a crow, on your back?”

He hadn’t given much thought to it, but he placed his trust in the artist. “Sure, sounds alright.”

“Awesome, lemme draw something up and we’ll see if you like it.”

Meanwhile, Kuroo’s seemingly painless session took a turn for _agony._ The poor guy’s face was scrunched and twisted, face sheened in sweat as he focussed on keeping himself together. The tattoo was coming together nicely, and Daichi couldn’t help but gawk. The whole _delinquent, bad-boy_ look was so fitting on Kuroo, so irresistibly alluring and sexy. That tattoo definitely sent Daichi over the edge, it suited Kuroo far too well.  

“Boyfriends?” The woman asked, Daichi flinching at her voice interrupting his probably lewd thoughts.

“Huh— Oh yeah,” he responded, laughing nervously as he glanced down at the drawing. “Woah… that’s actually amazing.”

“Ah thanks! I’m done now, how’d you like this at like… the middle of your back? Like at the top?”

The crows wings were outstretched, displayed from an aerial view. It was so simple, yet held so much emotion, giving off an almost powerful vibe. “Definitely!”

“Nice, alright seat yourself down and I’ll set everything up.”

It was then Daichi began to realize what he was getting himself into, and the cocky, toothy grin sourcing from the particular bed head behind him was not spotted in his sudden moment of reflection on his life. “I’m so sorry Mom.”

**.**

 

“Man, that looks so sick,” Kuroo exclaimed, gawking behind Daichi as he watched the tattooist make the finishing touches.

Pain was an understatement when Daichi could feel the damn machine rattle his spine all the way to the core— in fact it was more of less maddening and if it wasn’t for Kuroo’s taunting slash coaxing voice all in one, Daichi might have passed out long ago.

They finished up with paying the artists, adding a generous tip on top and thanking them for their work before they began to properly analyze each other's pieces of work freshing inked beneath their skin.  

Kuroo’s now finished tattoo was most definitely a head turner. The monochrome rose was finely detailed, the smooth petals even holding the finest and most precise details that brought the piece almost to life; a vintage pattern of the sort with blocked in leaf like twists and curls connecting the space between the freshly done rose and his panther tattoo into a smooth, graceful transition. Though Daichi couldn’t say Kuroo got any hotter, since he was already breaching the maximum levels from his view, that new tattoo totally did some wonders.

“You’ve made me change my whole outlook on neck tattoos… it suits you so well,” Daichi mumbled absently, eyes trailing over every inch of the skin on Kuroo’s lithe neck, the inked and the bare.

“Ha, and Mr. clean over here actually got inked! Dude, this so calls for an insta pic— let me see yours again,” Kuroo beamed, tug up Daichi’s shirt to look over the crow. His gaze glimmered with wonder, not only at the tattoo but at those back muscles too. “Tattoos on you… is totally a yes. Ugh why are you so hot.”

Daichi snickered as Kuroo instructed him to hold his shirt up, facing away from whatever picture Kuroo was taking that moment before finally getting the all clear. Kuroo showed the photo to him before posting, and Daichi almost felt his heart in his throat. Their pictures together usually consisted of silly faces and whatnot, here Kuroo was actually pulling probably one of the hottest expressions to date as he showed off his fresh ink beside Daichi’s, his smirk ravishing with his teeth peeking past his coral lips.

“Damn, man crush everyday…” Daichi almost choked, voice lost in the lust. “…I can’t believe I just got a tattoo.”

“Who’s gonna kill you more, your mom or Suga?”

That in fact was a _really_ good question. “Oh my god.”

 

It was almost not surprising they ran into Bokuto and Akaashi soon after leaving the tattoo parlor even though they were in one of the largest cities in the world, and despite Kuroo’s desperate attempts in making a break for it they ended up having somewhat of a double date up until 3 AM. 24 hour arcades were a sure thing to cool out and take out that week’s worth of stress out on. Bokuto managed to go a full hour of staring at Kuroo’s tattoo thinking there was something different— Daichi was beginning to wonder what got the owl so quiet, turns out he was just lost in deep thought.

“Awwww man, now I want a new tattoo! Kuroo looks so badass…”

 _“Looks_ badass, unfortunately that doesn’t cover for his personality,” Akaashi remarked nonchalantly, earning a particularly unsettling glare and sarcastic laugh off Kuroo before he focussed back on the game screen.  

“Daichi has one too,” Kuroo mentioned, eyes trained onto the retro arcade machine playing that one snake game.

Golden eyes flicked rapidly between Kuroo and Daichi, and Daichi internally questioned if it would be doing more harm than good if he decided to speak now. Would Bokuto blow a vessel in his head? Had he _already_ blown a vessel? His mouth is open, but rendered silent. Almost like a fish.

Before Daichi had the chance, Bokuto appeared to combust from the inside out in some sort of animal sound form. “No way?! Kuroo Tetsurou actually managed to get squeaky clean Sawamura Daichi to get inked?! Awesome!”

“Squeaky clean is the wrong word,” Kuroo chuckled before shifting his gaze towards Daichi. “Just a scared little crow who needs to stretch his neglected wings out.”

“Ha-ha,” Daichi voiced derisively.

“C’mon, dude lemme see it!” Bokuto pushed while he was already tugging Daichi’s shirt halfway up his back. “Woooah, that looks so fucking cool— now we’re bird tattoo buddies!” He pushed his sleeve back to display his owl tattoo on his inner bicep, which Daichi had surprisingly never seen it up close like this before though still knowing Bokuto had some sort of a tattoo. It felt fierce and predatory, definitely one hell of a piece of art.

“Look at him flex,” Kuroo snorted beside Akaashi’s face, who only rolled his eyes.

An eventful night, to say the very least. A well needed, and very much appreciated break from life for those short lived hours breezing past that almost felt dream-like, especially considering the increased amount of luxuries Daichi had with looking at Kuroo’s mesmerizing smile, edges soft and natural. A picture perfect image that embedded deep within Daichi’s memories the moment it presented itself to him, the kind of image he’d probably think about if he was about to die. _If looks could kill._

* * *

 

_“Have you ever experienced, or witnessed, or been confronted with a traumatic event?”_

_This ass hole._ Kuroo wasn’t entirely sure how they gotten onto the subject of _trauma,_ he hadn’t even thought about the word let alone an event— _secret, secret, secret._

_“Uh… no?”_

_“These nightmares… it can be a form of re-experiencing, you’ve also dusted over that you have these overwhelming thoughts which may also be a link into your past—”_

_“Nothing happened, they’re just nightmares.”_

_“Do you remember any of the contents of what these nightmares display?”_

_“Don’t remember.”_

There was a pause, a flicker in the therapist’s gaze which Kuroo barely caught, because he was looking _anywhere_ but at him at that moment. He leaned back into the seat and adjusted his glasses without diverting his sight away from Kuroo.

_“Kuroo, for this to work you need to be honest as you can with me. After your initial assessment which you took back when you started rehab, you displayed symptoms which lead on for me to strongly suspect what we’re dealing with here is post-traumatic stress disorder. However, the missing equation here is… the trauma.”_

_“Then it isn’t post— whatever.”_

He chuckled briefly, leaning forwards on the chair with a tenuous creak. _“I’ve ran into plenty of dishonest clients Kuroo, and you’re holding something back, aren’t you?”_

It reminded Kuroo of the velociraptors in Jurassic park, they way they stared down their prey while the rest of the group silently surrounded the victim, closing in tauntingly like gravity itself crushing those within. His heart beat pounded in his ears, his hands trembled and dampened— probably even his face was dripping but he wouldn’t know since everything went _numb._

_(You’ll be in trouble.)_

_“Kuroo? I want to help you, I really do. But if I let you leave here with medication alone you’ll only be burying the problem.”_

_(He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, there’s no trauma. You’re just dramatic.)_

_(It was perfectly normal.)_

_Dirty, dirty, dirty—(You deserved it anyway.)_

_“It is possible you may not remember the event, or it may even be something you look back on now and think it’s not traumatic but your past self was deeply disturbed by it.”_

_(How could you complain about something you wanted?)_

_I didn’t, I didn’t—_

_(You wanted more attention, didn’t you?)_

_(And you got it.)_

_…_

_Warm,_ even a little rough perhaps, however undeniably soothing. Kuroo had touched many people’s hands, yet the ones wrapping around his were the one set Kuroo knew better than his own. The joints in his hands had locked up, the bony frame trembling horrendously around the cap of the medication bottle. Convenient really, having a damn panic attack while clinging onto a bottle of pills that would supposedly _fix_ all those problems.

_(You don’t need them.)_

The warmth moved in soft, circular motions over Kuroo’s hands, a coaxing voice hushing his demons for that flickering tranquil moment.  

“Shhh, Tetsu… I’m here, it’s okay… Try and breath with me, okay?”

He followed Daichi’s breathing rather sloppily, each breath rattling and erratic. _How embarrassing,_ Kuroo couldn’t understand how he got so much in a mess that Daichi had to clean up every time, Daichi wasn’t supposed to be dating _this_ Kuroo.

 _Get yourself together, dammit._ “It’s fine… I’m fine— sorry…” _It’s always been fine, stop being so dramatic._

“Pff, sorry for what? It’s not your fault,” Daichi assured, however the words barely graced Kuroo’s ears.

_(It is your fault.)_

The bottle was no longer in Kuroo’s hands and his eyes shifted blearily towards Daichi who clicked open the cap for him. “How many are you supposed to take…” Daichi mumbled absently, turning around the small bottle to read the sticker. “Once a day huh, you been keeping up with it, right?”

“Mm, they just make me feel sick and shitty though,” Kuroo said, breath gradually stabilizing and tapering off into lenient tremors.

Daichi frowned as he tapped out a pill, placing it in Kuroo’s hand. “I’ve heard of antidepressant side effects… But it’s only been a week, you’re still adjusting to it. Hopefully it’ll mellow out soon and it’ll begin to help.” He stole a quick glance towards the bottle again, noting the name of the medication. _Zoloft._ Perhaps he’d look it up later, because Kuroo wasn’t kidding about feeling _shitty._ He was quite literally throwing his guts up every night and further avoided food in fear it’d make him feel worse. Then again, there were two medications in the row of possible culprits, and the other supposedly _helpful_ one was still futile against his nightmares. Improvement definitely wasn’t expected overnight, but why did everything seemingly come with a _‘gets worse before it gets better’_ criteria?

“Sorry, this must be annoying.”

It was _almost_ annoying how Kuroo was so fixed on the idea he was being annoying. “You have one hell of a thick skull,” Daichi laughed, reaching up to ruffle Kuroo’s fluffed up hair before standing from his seat. The colorless calendar caught Daichi’s attention, being reminded of the date. _10th of November._ “Hey Tetsu… It’s exactly a week until…?”

Kuroo looked up as he gulped down the pill dry, raising his brows questionly.

“My god, you don’t know your own birthday?” Daichi gawked, watching Kuroo’s perplexed expression twist into a smile— however rendering vaguely weak and barely touching his honeyed gaze.

“I’m gonna be legally able to drink in the US!”

“You follow the law now? That’s new,” Daichi snorted.

“Excuse you, I’ve always respected the law.”

“Says the guy getting into clubs at 16.”

“Door men at fault, I was just an innocent child walking into a random building as far as I was concerned,” he proclaimed with a shrug, edges of his lips curling up with a playful glint in his eyes that soon vanished quicker than Daichi could process the smile in the first place.

“Uh-huh… Then there was the drinking and the—” _drugs,_ not the smartest subject to bring up, “smoking, which I’m sure you did a hell of a lot of before 20 years old.” 

“Nooo way!” He denied dishonestly, a pout forming over his features. “I was totally cleaner than my ass hole!”

“Considering it’s just that; an ass hole, I might have to just doubt your words this time.”

“Are you sure? After the amount of times you’ve been in there, there hasn’t been a particularly messy incident, am I right?”

Too right, at it was _very_ questionable. “Serious question, when have you last gone for a shit?”

“Who knows,” he laughed, bringing his gaze back levelled with Daichi’s. “Enema.”

“Huh?”

“Maaan, I go through so much effort for you Daichi…” he drawled, a smile thick in his tone. “Basically stuffing my ass with some water thing to clean it, I’m surprised you didn’t know with the amount of enema kits I’ve left around.”

Daichi almost called the too much information alarm, but then again, this was his boyfriend. “Oh… my god. Wait you literally—”

“Fill my ass hole… hold it in then release!”

“Gross!”

“Hey, hey, be a little more appreciative for the effort,” he scolded lightly. “Ever thought about bottoming?”

The idea quite frankly horrified Daichi to some extent, and the reddening of his cheeks gave away his internal— _external_ panic as Kuroo began to cackle. “I— I mean we could try sometime… I don’t know how— what— uh…”

“Don’t have to— but it’s on the table. By the way, it can feel pretty awesome.”

There was no doubt Daichi did want to try out bottoming some time, though rather than shying away from what it may feel like or if it would hurt, he was more afraid to disappoint Kuroo moreover. The moment the thought flickered through his mind he would immediately grow hot and nervous, skin itching with embarrassment and bashfulness. With the initial assumption, Daichi would have thought ‘getting fucked’ took less effort, however with Kuroo it was another story. Sometimes, Daichi was powering the show, other times Kuroo would be totally dominant, and Daichi hadn’t a clue to how he’d match up to that kind of power at times.  

“Sometime, we’ll try it for sure,” Daichi promised, stretching his lips into a smile. “Because I trust you.”

Kuroo appeared mildly surprised at the last addition, quickly turning his head away in a blushed state. Daichi caught the lovable colors just barely, laughing at how adorable it looked blended smoothly into that endearing expression.

* * *

 

The night pushed into the AM, deplorable as such considering Daichi hadn’t flipped over the page from a particular textbook he had been _‘reading’_ all afternoon in attempt to cram this assignment in the night before it was due. Silly mistake, what had happened to his usual punctuality?

He sighed into the textbook, promptly dropping his head into his propped up hand and squashing his thumb into his weary shut eye. There was a glimmer of hope that a fairy of some sort would appear out of the blue to grant him a wish; that wish being along the lines of writing his assignment up to top grade level.  

There was a weight shift behind him, however Daichi was far too lost in the depths of feeling sorry for himself to give much care to it. The most likely answer to it being Kuroo who was leaning on the back of the sofa to look over his shoulder, though if it was a robber or something Daichi would happily throw his laptop at them and beg them to take it in tears— scrap that, he needed to get that assignment done fast.

“Well the scenery took a turn for the worse… what happened to completing assignments the moment it’s set?” Kuroo asked, voice bordering on the edge of a jeer, however he clearly held back any mockery he had coming, considering Daichi’s current mourning over his likely failed assignment.

It was tragic, and Daichi didn’t even need to look back to memorize the pursed lips, curved brows and overall look of _‘you fucked up’_ at his mere paragraph. “I’m fucked,” Daichi managed past the internal screaming.

A low hum sounded behind Daichi before Kuroo walked around the sofa and tucked himself next to Daichi on the singular sofa seat. “Write how ideas of social justice relate to different notions of what makes society fair— and like add how a misconception is that it revolves around the ideas and beliefs about the freedom of individuals and so forth focusses on their rights and opportunities… Why are you looking at me like that?”

“How the hell do you know anything about criminal justice?” Daichi almost squawked, chin a few inches from reaching the floor.

Kuroo turned his gaze towards the ceiling, rubbing his neck in a habitual nature. “I uh… read your textbooks for fun?”

This damn guy was too smart for his own good, Daichi was sure even if he relied solely on textbooks he wouldn’t be able to take much information in, but with the way Kuroo continued on giving essay advice and practically read out an entire essay from the top of his head with a mere 3 minutes in between topics before he was able to come out with another paragraph just like that.

Daichi basically typed down word for word what Kuroo was saying, because there wasn’t a single flaw in how he presented the answer to the assignment question. The words he used was almost like Daichi’s lecturer himself was talking.

The room went silent with only the clicking of the pen Kuroo held reaching the distant corners of the room. Daichi watched how his small brows drew together in concentration, the way his gaze focussed on the wall of words before him that would usually put anyone else to sleep whether they enjoyed criminal justice or not.  

“Hey, Tetsu?” Daichi waited for the absent croon to source from Kuroo before continuing. “You’re like… crazy smart.”

“Academic wise, I suppose,” he mumbled around the pen that was lodged between his teeth. “I guess I just like learning stuff. And I wanted to be successful and rich like my parents so since I was young I stuck my head in books and obsessively revised for even meaningless exams.”

His whiskey eyes halted in their trailing along the rows of words, and he stared blankly at the textbook for a little while.

“I mean, I still love dancing. Perfectly happy with doing it now… I just always wanted to go to University.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I uh…” his voice trailed, eyes shifting in the new onset of nerves. “Near the end of school I kinda just had a little breakdown. Mom withdrew me from school so I missed finals and had to do them later… And by the time things weren’t so much of a mess I didn’t have time to prep for the entrance exam.”

 _Little_ breakdown. Clearly, there was far more to the story, but it was something not to push on unless Kuroo wanted to peel more of the layers away himself. Daichi’s lips tightened to quell the trembling, and he felt the familiar sense of being crushed from inside out. He curled his hands around Kuroo’s, leaning into his bony shoulder as he reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “Tetsu, it’s not too late to try again. Try for it, once you’ve got on top of everything and you’re on top of your game again, go for that dream again. You don’t have to throw it away yet.”

A mirthless smile barely curled the edges of Kuroo’s paling lips, eyes downcast and shaded by his dark eyelashes while he wandered deep into his thoughts. “Maybe, one day.”

Daichi casted a sidelong glance, biting his lower lip while he searched silently for something to say. _Anything_ to lighten Kuroo’s mood back up. “For now, you’re better than those free essay sites.”

He snorted into the textbook, shifting his attention over to Daichi. “Free? You’re mistaken.”

“Oh great, what do you want?”

“Tea.”

He should have known.

* * *

 

“You seem remarkably…” Akaashi attempted to quickly muse over the word to use, but was a few moments behind when Kuroo spoke before him.

“Happy? Because I am absolutely buzzed right now.”

He raised his brows before letting a gentle smile pull on his lips. Akaashi threaded his slender fingers through his dark waves, ruffling it out a bit before craning his neck back over to Kuroo. “Waiting on elaboration here. What’d you do, win the lottery?”

“I’d be halfway across the world already if that happened,” Kuroo chuckled. “So anyway I was messing around on Daichi’s phone when he was asleep ‘cause mine was dead and all—” he paused as he disregarded the look received off Akaashi with a smirk, clearly assuming he was plainly snooping. “And he had like a 100 tabs open— probably more, and y’know what he was googling?”

“How to kill you?”

“Maybe that somewhere in there— nah, train tickets… For the 16th, a day before my birthday. So he’s either planning an escape or we’re going somewhere.”

“Kuroo you fool, that’s meant to be a surprise!”

“I didn’t look properly! I just saw train tickets then closed it again quickly— wait you know?”

“Daichi’s been on about taking you somewhere all week, it’s hard not to know.”

Akaashi turned on his heel, stealing a brief glance over his shoulder to catch Kuroo practically melting with that stupid toothy grin of his. Akaashi couldn’t resist smiling to himself at Kuroo’s behaviour, seeing as he honestly couldn’t recall the last time Kuroo had look so genuinely delighted.  

“In fact, Bokuto says he only ever talks about you. It’s sweet,” he added, a proven success in almost killing Kuroo right there and then.

“Really?!” Kuroo almost choked, mouth gaping in disbelief. “Like what?”

“You know, just stuff like how to drool when you watch T.V… how annoying you are, how dorky you are—”

“Oh shut up.”

“And how pretty you are, how cute you are…” The distaste gradually morphed back into a dreamy smile, glimmering eyes draw off in wonder. “Heart-struck or what.”

“To~tally,” Kuroo drawled, turning away from Akaashi with a little backwards wave. “Going for a piss, hold on.”

“I’ll just ring Bokuto and see what’s taking him and Daichi so long…”

Kuroo paused by the bathroom door, flicking his gaze towards Akaashi until he saw him busy himself on his phone, promptly locking himself in the bathroom with a noisy click. He lifted the neatly stacked hand towels at the corner of the bathroom, drawing out the syringe he placed there earlier in the morning and flicked the narrow tube a couple of times. The syringe’s orange cap tapped along the cold tiles, disappearing somewhere for Kuroo not to care about for the moment as he tied his bicep with a belt he left in the bathroom, steading the point of the needle where his vein raised past the delicate skin on his inner elbow; bruising and methodically placed bug bite like marks that displayed conspicuously against his paling skin. Nothing long sleeves couldn’t hide, it was fine.   

He was drowned in the euphoria, making no attempt to kick himself back to the surface. The creeping agitation washed away like specks of dirt barely clinging to him and the nerves settled for the time being. Kuroo glanced back towards the syringe and reached for the toilet paper to wrap it around it until it was full concealed and inches of thickness was added onto it. He pushed it down to the bottom on the bin, pulling over rubbish over it so it didn’t look too blaringly suspicious or anything and stood from the shut toilet seat.

Kuroo was beginning to tug down his sweater sleeves as he heard somewhat of a stumble— maybe heavy footsteps just moving really fast— a loud voice sounding anything but placid, perhaps even yelling who knew, who cared— _Kuroo cared,_ because that damn voice belonged to a certain owl.

The bathroom door creaked just barely as Kuroo poked his head around the door warily, spotting Bokuto having some meltdown over he didn’t know what but the familiar hands on either side of his head motion paired with quite the horrified expression was enough to tell maybe a quarter of the story.

“Koutarou, you need to calm down—”

“I’m going to get fired! I didn’t even fucking realize it was her and I laughed for fucks sake— I _laughed_ and, and, and—”

“Maybe she found it amusing?”

“You don’t know her, she straight up looked at me like death!”

“Someone looks like they’re probably in deep shit,” Kuroo snickered as he padded up the hall. Akaashi only threw a hand to his face and Bokuto was a moments away from collapsing on the floor. “Dude, what happened?”

When Bokuto’s attempts to speak failed into a dying goat sound, Akaashi took it upon himself to elaborate. “He ran into his boss in the street and spilled his coffee all over her.”

Was it a bad time to laugh? Probably, but Kuroo’s unholy howl came very unwelcomed and projecting. He cleared his throat, the giggles still laced with his vocals. “Pfff— I mean… Did you at least say sorry?”

“I ran away,” Bokuto choked out, horrified gaze locked onto the floor. “And I left Daichi there, he’s probably dead.”

“Thanks, asshole,” Daichi’s voice came from the door, onset of a smirk tugging the corners of his lips. His dark gaze shifted towards Kuroo, Bokuto’s voice being long lost and disregarded as background noise as their stares connected.

Kuroo motioned his head towards the kitchen, Daichi promptly following after the bedhead. He stopped by the doorway, leaning to the side with his arms crossed against his chest as he watched Kuroo step further into the kitchen.

“You’re dressed nicely,” Daichi remarked, noting Kuroo’s loose-fitting red knit sweater he hadn’t seen before, layered above a grey shirt peeking out at the bottom. “Sweater weather or what.”

“Hey, I _love_ that song,” he declared. “But I overplayed it a bit…”

“Who hasn’t, really.” Daichi looked up at Kuroo who was fiddling with objects off the kitchen counter, for only a moment, before his eyes fell back to the space before him. “So I watched Prometheus in class today— this movie better be good enough to be worth my sacrificed studying time.”

“All alien movies are good, duh,” Kuroo mumbled, voice distant. Daichi glanced back up, watching Kuroo staring blankly at the counter.

“You okay?” He waited, but there was no answer. Daichi reached stepped into the kitchen towards Kuroo, reaching an arm out to clasp his hand on his shoulder. “Tetsurou?”

The shudder would have been felt from a mile away, whether or not Daichi was touching him. It almost felt like Kuroo just retreated away from under his own skin, however his frame barely budged— if not at all. He simply froze.

Daichi withdrew his hand away hastily, moving closer to Kuroo to dip his face in his line of sight. “Hey, Tetsu?”

His jaw unclenched a little, and his gaze shifted slightly in a honed motion towards Daichi. “What?” He asked flatly, a vague tremble venturing through his locked limbs as the air felt unsettlingly tangible.

Before Daichi had the chance to speak, another presence was made known in the kitchen, boisterous voice disturbing the rattling nerves. “This is such bullshit— we’re late guys, we gotta go!”

Daichi whipped his head towards Bokuto in reaction before leaning back in towards Kuroo, who finally jolted back to life. He glanced over to Daichi and gave a brief smile, turning on his heel to follow Bokuto out.

“Ah, hold on I need the toilet…” Daichi said, jogging down the hall ignoring Bokuto’s distant protests. He made it quick, at least as quick as he possibly could. His unfocused eyes however, caught something past the depths of his momentary daydream. It sat barely peeking from under the bathroom vanity, blaringly orange and quite tiny in size. He frowned before finishing off and crouched down to pick up the lid like object. Daichi glanced around on the shelves and counter to see if it fell off from anything, _perhaps it was off one of Kuroo’s pens?_ He was torn away from his search by Bokuto’s impatience. The lid was punched into his pocket mindlessly as he briskly made his way out of the apartment.

**.**

 

Kuroo blinked, and the movie had already moved on from outer space to another… planet? _What just happened? What are they talking about? How is everyone dying?_ He did not want to admit to himself he spaced out for the first quarter of the movie, it was Alien, he couldn’t afford to miss that movie. _Fuck._

There was a persistent crunching, rattling and crackling; Bokuto eating popcorn. Did he get another bag? Kuroo was sure he finished the popcorn during the adverts, as usual. Now wasn’t the best time to be stuck in his personal miserable wormhole of total emptiness, Kuroo really wanted to watch this movie. Now he didn’t understand what the hell was going on.

_Focus, focus, focus…_

_(Why bother? Nothing matters anyway.)_

His vision grew cloudy and distorted, morphing into another place formed from the darkness itself. Kuroo’s hand clenched to the air on the armrest, fingers curled inwards painfully against the abused skin of his palms, nails digging and clawing.

_(Since when do you care?)_

His thoughts travelled far beyond the subject of the movie, stepping further into the black abyss to become more lost in his own head just for the hell of it apparently. A gentle hand touch his wrist, a touch gentle enough to soothe newborn kittens, however Kuroo couldn’t help but initially flinch away from it. Daichi’s eyes locked onto Kuroo, probably since a while ago.

“Let’s get out of here,” Daichi declared more than suggested, voice low and just raised enough to hear, hand reaching back to Kuroo’s to wrap around. That time, Kuroo didn’t run away from his touch.

Where was his mask this time? Had it literally broken into that many pieces it couldn’t be worn again? Akaashi and Bokuto furrowed their brows at Kuroo’s and Daichi’s abrupt departure, but Daichi quickly assured them it was fine and to just watch the movie.

_(He pities you, that's just pathetic.)_

They finally reached the exit past the darkness of the theatre, heavy doors swinging open to the vacant hallways decorated in movie posters and overflowing trash cans, popcorn dotted around the red carpet.

“Daichi—” Kuroo started, but was silenced with a smile alone.

Daichi held onto both of Kuroo’s hands, weaving his fingers in with Kuroo’s gaze lifting from their hands to Kuroo’s face. “You sort of looked like you weren’t having such a hot time… So let's just chill out here for a bit, yeah?”

_(Just feels responsible for you, like Bokuto.)_

“But the movie…” His voice faded, eyes flicking to the shut doors beside them. “Don’t you want to watch it?”

“Well, do you?”

“…I don’t know how it even started, honestly,” Kuroo admitted, voice low and sheepish.

“Figured that much, had that look on your face.”

Kuroo turned his face back to Daichi, cocking a brow up as he awaited elaboration.

“I don’t know how to explain it really… I guess because I see it so much I can tell it apart from your actually attentive face.”  His tone was tenuously laced with a sullen hint, eyes downcasting towards the red carpet beneath them.

Kuroo really needed to get himself together if it was getting to the point Daichi could see right through him. No one could do that before, what the hell is happening now? _Burden, burden, burden—_

“I guess I just love you that much, I now know all your faces,” Daichi said, breaking Kuroo’s train of intrusive self-insults. “And also, I couldn’t sit through that movie without basically itching to tell you something.”

“Tell me what?”

“So… I thought for your birthday we could do like a little get away. You know Shibu Onsen in Yamanouchi? Like it’s super traditional there and like there’s basically a spa street… which we’re staying at.”

Initially, Kuroo had planned on only _acting_ surprised, considering he already knew they were going somewhere. But as of now, he was gawking to no ends.

“Kokuya Ryokan, and since the whole place is pretty serene and relaxing I thought why not go there to blow off some steam for a bit…”    

He felt like crying, honestly. “What the hell… that sounds fucking awesome…”

“Right? And we could run around the street in a yukata— well, maybe not _run_ but I can see us being total morons in them. There’s the snow monkey park too but apparently they’re not there in November… we can still go another time though if you want to see them.”

His ardent rambling continued, and Kuroo listened in on every single detail that graced past Daichi’s beautiful lips. How much thought and effort did he put into this? What the hell did Kuroo do in his life to deserve this level of love to be dragged out to the middle of the mountains to probably one of the most relaxing parts in Japan. Daichi wasn’t just doing it because it was Kuroo’s birthday, it was for so much more, and a sudden sensation of fluttering warmth raided Kuroo’s veins. For once, it wasn’t from a drug.

“So I booked like 3 days, and the ryokan looks so awesome and I got a room with a private outdoor bath so it’s just going to be us two—” Daichi was halted in his words with Kuroo’s lips against his, neither too crushing nor soft, just a perfect molding into each other's shape.

Kuroo pulled away, just barely, noses still brushing against each other. “I really, _really_ love you.”  

“I sure hope so, because you honestly drive me crazy.”  

* * *

 

“Suga, I’m sorry this is really short notice… But could you do me a favor?”

Sugawara raised his eyes blearily from his textbook, the clear look of any medical student dragging themselves around Tokyo; total exhaustion. He reached a hand to his own face, rubbing an eye as he nodded for Daichi to proceed.

“I was wondering… if you could leave cat food outside my apartment block?”

“You want me to leave cat food outside your apartment block,” he echoed, watching Daichi nod vigorously. “And why, may I ask? You haven’t completely lost your mind already, have you?”

“Well you see, there’s this stray Kuroo always feeds— you might not see her but if you leave cat food around she’ll eat it. Kuroo said Bokuto would definitely forget to feed her so I thought… maybe? Oh she eats wet food. Of course if you can’t I can get someone—”

“I may be a med student but I’m sure I can spare a few moments out of my day to feed a cat… Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered,” Sugawara assured, dazzling smile never failing to put Daichi at ease. “How long you gone for?”

“Just 3 days, leaving before Kuroo’s birthday so we don’t have to spend the day travelling.”

He chuckled lightly, not planning on arguing with Daichi’s plan. “I think it’s a sweet idea, you guys are gonna have so much fun… I’m so jealous.”

“I think it’s something he needs, just to get away from everything…” Daichi trailed, eyes absently fallen on the wafting steam from his cup. Sugawara raised an eyebrow at the statement.

“Everything okay with him?”

“Yeah— well, no,” he admitted. “Not really. I mean _we’re_ great he’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m meant to deal with any of it.”

The textbook made a blunt thud as Sugawara shut it, pushing the bulky book to the side and leaning forwards on his elbows. “Deal with what? Whatever you tell me, won’t be repeated out of this mouth, I’ll promise you that much.”

Daichi half heartedly smiled, so brief it evaporated faster than it was caught. He couldn’t muster up any other idea at this point, and he knew Sugawara would have some form of helpful advice, so he put his trust in him. Daichi explained, as thoroughly as he could managed, what had been happening with Kuroo.

This heavy air laid silently upon them once Daichi finished, Sugawara looking more stunned the more information he got. Finally, he was first to speak. “That is… a lot. That’s not at all like the Kuroo I met…”

“Not the Kuroo anyone meets— intentionally at least. Hell, even I’m still being introduced to this side of him… and it’s just so out of my league. I don’t know how I’m supposed to treat this kind of situation. Like, what if I say the wrong thing?”

Sugawara wordlessly acknowledged Daichi’s fear, nodding to himself. “You know what he has?”

“Well he hasn’t mentioned anything…but he has antidepressants so I’m guessing depression.”

“You know what kind of antidepressants?”

“Uhhhhh Zolo… Z-o-l-o-f-t. I can’t pronounce it—”

“Zoloft,” Sugawara corrected. “Sertraline… Usually used to treat panic disorders and PTSD. You did mention… he has _‘freakouts’.”_ Clearly, it was the wrong choice of word, judging by Sugawara’s look of disapproval upon repeating it.

“PTSD?”

“Post-traumatic stress disorder. And from what you described it makes sense… But, talk to him. Get him to tell you himself because once you’re sure about what he’s dealing with you can get to know the illness better. Once you know it better, you’ll know how to manage with Kuroo and help him through it effectively. It’s an illness that can most definitely tear apart relationships if neglected to attend to from both parties…”

Daichi had almost forgotten how damn professional Sugawara could be when he wanted to. “I can’t just go up to him and say ‘oh hey tell me what you were diagnosed with’.”

“Not like that,” he almost growled. “Just when you feel is a good time to address it, simply start off with something like you want to talk with him about his therapy sessions. Hopefully it’d lead on him telling you about it. Maybe uh… not while you’re off celebrating his birthday though.”

“Definitely not,” Daichi agreed briskly, shaking his head along with it. He felt a rumble against his thigh, digging a hand into his jean pocket to draw out his ringing phone. While doing so, the orange cap clipped against the floor. Daichi hit answer and raised the phone to his ear, reaching down to grab the lid and dropping it on the table absentmindedly.

“Tetsurou— wait, what? No I’m not getting you a fish you’ll let the poor thing die… Or straight up eat it. Yes you will, don’t deny it— why do you sound so out of breath? Oh, you’re finishing at the studio? ”

Sugawara watched on with a warm, tender gaze, catching parts of the conversation here and there. Despite discovering Kuroo’s struggles, it never once faltered the idea that Daichi and Kuroo were undeniably adorable and perfect for each other. The love was visible even through a phone call.

His eyes fell to the bright orange cap catching in the corner of his sight, brows drawn together as it looked concerningly familiar. Sugawara reached over to the table to pick the cap up, Daichi disregarding his actions as he conversed with Kuroo. At first glance, it looked like a pen lid. However, for a medical student constantly in a hospital environment came with knowledge on the props used in that environment.

He awaited, not so patiently, for Daichi to finish off the call and when he did so he was already up and off his seat.

“Sorry Suga, I have to go—”

“What is this?” Sugawara almost hissed, and Daichi vaguely flinched at the sudden change in tone. “You’re not diabetic.”

“What? Course I’m not—”

“Where’s this from then?”

Daichi briefly eyed up the orange lid pinched between Sugawara’s fingers. “Oh that, found it in my bathroom— probably fell off something?”

“Daichi—”

“Kuroo locked himself out, I have to go. I’ll call you later!”

Sugawara was rendered silent, mouth barely agape with not a word more uttered as Daichi left the vacant café in the hurry he was in. His tight gaze fell back towards the cap, nodding a few to himself before returning to his studies, though painfully distracted. This wasn’t an issue he would let go so easily.

* * *

 

The several amount of trains needed to be caught was anything short of utterly stressful. However, between the times of figuring out which train to catch, it was fun. The mixture of playing dumb games such as _I Spy_ and _Who Am I?_ along with simply talking over various subjects was more than enough to fill out the gap in the place of boredom. To top it off, Kuroo was in an exceptionally good mood that day. He could talk on for hours, quite literally, and there was never a dull subject.

It was quite the discovery to hear Kuroo does in fact have happy memories, not that Daichi assumed everything was doom and gloom— perhaps he did. He mentally kicked himself for being stupidly close minded, even if the thought was way in the back of his mind.

“ …and then, Kenma would literally set his alarm for 2 AM everyday so he could play his games and not get told off by his parents for staying up all night… because he was _technically_ still going to bed early.”    

“That is actually pretty damn smart, what the hell.”

“Right?! Kenma’s always been smart like that, he was always the brain in volleyball too.”

Daichi vaguely recalled Kuroo mentioned he also played volleyball in school. “Can’t believe you played volleyball though, I’m surprised we never played against each other.”

“I quit in my 2nd year, mostly because they were gonna make me captain after the 3rd years left and I was so not up for that,” he laughed. “I really enjoyed volleyball but then… It just became low priority. There’s no point in being captain if you’re not gonna give it your all, y’know? That’s just unfair for the rest of the team.”

Daichi hummed in distant agreement, eyes briefly shifting too the blurred outside behind the train windows. “I think you would have made a great captain. I was captain of my team, and it sure was a handful.”

“Now _you_ I could totally see as a captain.” Kuroo’s feline gaze sized Daichi up, as though he was analyzing each and every part to him. “Yep, captain look for sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“The broad shoulders, the stern face… Looking like a total dad—”

“Shut it.” There were a few wordless moments where Kuroo rummaged through his bag to pull out a small pack of gum— nicotine gum. Kuroo sure had been getting increasingly fidgety for the past hour or so, it actually came as a surprise he hadn’t snapped at the air or something. “So Kenma… I met him a while back at that housewarming party and Bokuto’s birthday, the uh— one with blonde hair?”

“Pudding head,” Kuroo mumbled past the fresh piece of gum he had yet to chew into. “Yep, that’s him.”

“You still close?”

“I mean, we still text most days… mostly. Not as close as we used to be though,” he spoke almost sullenly. “Well, all the games I play I’m with Kenma on them but we don’t really hang out in person.”

“Why don’t you ask him to just hang out with you or something?”

“He’s busy with his game development stuff, I wouldn’t want to disturb him or anything.”

The cut off from that topic when Kuroo’s posture tensed was clear, eyes in search for anything to lock onto. Daichi suspected there were parts of the story missing, considering the many times his eyes grazed over Kuroo’s phone screen, it was usually a wall of messages from Kenma. Usually image attachments, which Kuroo clarified to be cat pictures, messages often asking Kuroo to play a game with him or just sending a daily greeting. It didn’t make sense that they didn’t spend so much time together in person.

Speaking of wall of messages, Sugawara had most definitely done a number on Daichi’s phone since the previous day. He only peaked briefly to catch the gist of most of them.

**Facebook Messenger**

**[09:35AM] Suga Koushi:** _ Sawamura Daichi do not ign…  _

 

**Facebook Messenger**

**[09:39AM] Suga Koushi:** _ If I do not hear back from yo... _

 

**iMessage**

**[09:51AM] Suga:** _ DAICHI _

**iMessage**

**[09:57AM] Suga:** _ YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM ME SAWAM…  _

 

**iMessage**

**[10:06AM] Suga:** _ I expect you to call me as soon as you get ho... _

 

He honestly couldn’t comprehend what the hell had riled him up so badly. Daichi backtracked through his memories in an attempt to pinpoint the solution to this puzzle. 

That orange cap thing. Didn’t he mention something about diabetes?  _ What the hell…  _

_ “Yudanaka, Yudanaka…” _

Kuroo and Daichi proceeded to heave their bulky backpacks onto themselves and stood close to the exit, initially unsure of which side was to open so they settled with just standing in the middle. 

As they exited the train and made their way out the station while grabbing a few sandwiches on the way, they took a little collection moment of their bearings. 

“And now… we pray I don’t run out of data and we walk for half an hour,” Daichi said, voice sounded incredibly unsure of his own plan. “Or we could see if there’s a bus—”

“Nope! Let’s walk, it’ll be fun!” Some days, Daichi really couldn’t see Kuroo as being adventurous. Lounging on sofas all day and huddling in blankets to hide away from the cold? He was a fussy cat at most. However this trip sure brought out Kuroo’s dauntless side.  

“I think I may have lost Tetsurou somewhere along the way… Might need to go to lost and found services to find him.” 

“What a shame, looks like you’re stuck with me now.” 

“Well, seeing you’re clearly not Tetsurou, eat this sandwich.” 

“What? No way—” 

“If we’re walking I am not having you passing out 5 minutes into it and I refuse to carry you so either I leave you in the middle of the street or eat.”

“Daichi wouldn’t do that to his beloved~”

“Like I said, I lost Tetsu somewhere along the way. I don’t know who the hell you’re supposed to be.”

“Oh fuck you.”

**.**

 

Kuroo spending his entire life in Tokyo had never properly experienced what tranquil actually felt like— the kind of serenity from life itself and not faked from a drug. The quaint town had more or less empty cobbled streets, the odd couple here and there soaking in the peace and simply conversing with one another. 

What a change in scenery; coming from the city lifestyle this sure felt like alien territory. There were several small restaurants dotted along the street, many in which Daichi and Kuroo plan to visit. 

“Those lanterns would look so sick at night,” Kuroo pointed at the red paper lanterns. 

“You’ve already seen plenty in Tokyo!”

“Yeah but these are like— actual paper lamps, in the right damn setting as well!” 

“Oh there’s a ramen restaurant there, want to go there after we find the ryokan?” 

Even if Kuroo denied, Daichi was sure as hell still going and would drag him along even if he was kicking and screaming. However, he thankfully nodded. 

“It’s so quiet…” Kuroo remarked, voice trailing as he scanned over the pretty dead streets. “It feels so nice, not having people around.”

It was almost like a ghost town, though much less sinister. Despite the lack of life moving around, the whole place still felt warm and welcoming. Daichi hadn’t even realized his was holding Kuroo’s hand, fingers weaved in together and clutching tightly. Kuroo would occasionally swing his arm gently, a cute gesture Daichi thought. 

Upon  _ finally  _ finding the ryokan, they were greeted and welcomed very warmly. They were taken up to the  _ Kagaribi  _ room which was exceptionally cozy and traditional, back to futons and sliding paper doors. It felt very nostalgic, despite neither Kuroo nor Daichi lived in traditional circumstances. 

“Hey apparently there’s a ryokan around here that inspired that Spirited Away movie— forgot what it’s called though,” Daichi elucidated as he unpacked his belongings and headed straight to put his phone on charge. He craned his neck to look back at Kuroo who was already exploring— literally exploring every inch of the room. 

“This is so cool— oh shit look at the bath!” Kuroo opened the door to the balcony, revealing the spacious, square wooden bathtub, accompanied by a radio, a shower and chairs. Only the lord knew what the hell Kuroo would have in mind for this place. 

Daichi chuckled, stepping over to Kuroo and wrapping his arms around him from behind. He tensed, just briefly and easily missable, but Daichi still caught it. Daichi almost pulled away but was stopped when Kuroo leaned into him, reaching an arm up to Daichi’s face. 

“We should get our clogs on,” Kuroo mumbled, motioning his head towards the supplied yukatas and clogs with that shit eating grin of his. “Explore this fantasy of a town…” 

“Am I going to have to remind you this is real life?” Daichi taunted, a smirk clinging to his tone.

“Just you try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: okay I don't know if it's just on my side but a little part of the chapter got cut off, (it did it when I uploaded it too but I thought I fixed it, just looked again and it's the same thing skdfjksjdfhs) around where Suga was messaging Daichi. So sorry for the screw up! I think it's fixed now, but if it keeps cutting off at that part let me know.


End file.
